Saving My Submission BN

by Jenna Jacob

  Joshua chuckled. “You’re as easy to read as a novel, sweet girl. Yes. We’re going to discuss this now… then you can sleep.”

  I squared my shoulders and nodded. “I meant it when I told you before that I was sorry for being so rude and hanging up on you. I don’t know what more I can say other than I’ll never do it again.”

  “No, you won’t, because I won’t tolerate it.” His even tone didn’t hold a drop of anger or disappointment. “I denied your orgasm for a reason, but you chose not to accept it. Instead, you slammed up your walls and pushed me away, refusing to accept my Dominance.”

  “I know. I’m sorry, Sir.”

  “You now owe me two punishments, little one.”

  “Two?” I blinked. “So you’re not going to accept my apology?”

  “Oh no, I accept your apology wholeheartedly. The problem I have is that you didn’t communicate with me—well, that and calling me a son of a bitch and hanging up on me. I didn’t like that very much, either.”

  “I supposed asking for a postponement of my sentence to get some sleep is out of the question?”

  “Absolutely.” He smirked then patted his lap. “Climb up here and lay across my lap. Let’s get this over with, so we can both put this behind us and get some sleep.”

  Joshua’s lackadaisical tone confused me. It lacked a level of disappointment, and felt passive in a weird way. Where was the anger… the censure? Punishment was supposed to come with a heavy dose of guilt, a need to make amends for displeasing the Dom. The way Joshua presented it felt almost as undeserving as the spankings I took at Genesis.

  When I didn’t move, Joshua silently shifted on the bed, watching me closely.

  “Do you need to hear that I’m not pleased with you? That I’m annoyed by your lack of respect and that I am disappointed in you?” Using that damn potent Dom voice, dripping with scorn, he narrowed his eyes.

  Bingo. Yes, it was exactly what I needed, because almost instantly a black oily sludge raced through my veins. Contrite and suffused in rejection, I rose from the floor, and positioned myself over his knees.

  “I’m sorry, Master,” I whispered heartily as I glanced at him over my shoulder.

  Joshua leaned over and kissed my cheek. “I know you are, because you’re willing to prove it to me, little one.”

  Straightening, he drew his hand into the air. I dropped my head. Clenching my eyes and squeezing my butt cheeks together, I waited for the pain.

  He landed his hand with a stinging slap.

  “Ouch,” I groused. “That hurts.”

  Joshua chuckled. “Yes, it’s supposed to. That’s why it’s called punishment.”

  “How many of these do I have to take?” I hissed.

  “As many as I think you need. Stop complaining and count for me, girl.”

  Turning up the volume on his Dominant edict, a shiver rippled through me as he slapped my ass again, harder.

  “Two,” I yelped.

  “No, that’s one, sweetheart.”

  “But you already—”

  “I can start from the beginning again if that’s what you’d like?”

  “One,” I shouted.

  Somewhere between swat fourteen or fifteen I’d sailed away. The whispers passing over my lips ceased to be numbers; instead they’d faded into moans and whimpers. With Joshua’s strong arm banded around my waist and a decadent fire melting through my tissue, I lost myself in a buoyant void of peace.

  I realized the spankings had stopped, replaced by the gentle caress of his hand over my blazing backside. I didn’t know how long he’d held me before moving me onto the mattress; time had lost all meaning. Cold sheets fluttered over my skin, followed by his long, lean body pressed against my chest. I could feel the reverberation of his voice, as he threaded his fingers through my hair, but couldn’t link meaning to his words; the synapses in my brain were fried. But I felt the approval in his tone, and that filled my heart with joy as the darkness carried me away.

  The feel of waking in his arms was perfection, and a soft smile curled my lips as I snuggled closer. With my ear pressed to his chest I listened to the strong, steady rhythm of his heartbeat and for a few blissful minutes, forgot all about Davis, his threats, and our friends waiting at the cabin.

  The sound of Joshua’s cell phone ringing from far away in the suite broke my bliss. Remembering we’d abandoned our clothes in the bathroom the night before, I shifted to go get it, but Joshua cinched me tighter, refusing to let me move.

  “Let it go. If it’s important they’ll call back,” he murmured. His eyes stayed closed and his face lax, as it had been in sleep.

  “Mmm,” I purred. “Marvelous idea.”

  Peeking up at him, he opened one eye and smiled. “I could get used to this.”

  “So could I.”

  “Oh really?” He asked, as both eyes popped open in surprise. “What happened to the monoga-phobic woman I knew a few short weeks ago?”

  “You happened to her.”

  “Works every time,” he smirked.

  “Ah,” I gasped, mocking insult. “So that makes me what… Another notch in your bedpost? Another nameless, faceless woman used to stroke your ego?”

  “It’s not my ego I like you stroking, little one. And you’re certainly not a notch in my bedpost. You’re mine, and I’m keeping you. Deal with it,” he replied with a mock scowl.

  “Hrmm,” I pouted. “You make me feel like I’m a stray dog you want to take home.”

  “No, I’m not into puppy play, little one. Are you?”

  “No! I like the way you make me pant, but I refuse to bark.”

  “I’ll not make you bark, but I sure had you howling last night when I spanked your ass,” he laughed. “Speaking of which, how’s it feeling this morning? Sore?”

  “I haven’t rolled over yet. I’m afraid to.”

  A mischievous smile curled on his lips before he repositioned himself, tugging me beneath him. The warm sheet chaffed my tender tissue, but when he settled his strong body over mine and his thick cock nudged my pussy, the discomfort vanished.

  “How about now?” he whispered as he dipped his head and kissed my neck.

  “Now works for me,” I purred spreading my legs open.

  Joshua laughed, nipping his teeth upon my pulse point. “Minx. I was talking about your ass.”

  “You can have that whenever you want it, too, Master,” I moaned.

  Sliding my lips over his chest, I left a trail of soft kisses as I cupped his ass and ground my tingling pussy against his cock. Wedging a knee between my legs, Joshua spread me open farther before gripping his cock and aligning it against my opening. Just as he lifted his hips to slide inside me, his phone started to ring again.

  “Fuck. Don’t move,” he muttered as he climbed off me and sprinted toward the bathroom.

  Seconds later he swaggered back in, phone pressed to his ear, and his hard erection all but begging for my lips. Even though he told me not to move, I couldn’t resist toying with him. Sliding from the bed, I dropped to my knees, flashed him a devilish grin and opened my mouth.

  Joshua narrowed his eyes and shot me an angry glare. Fisting his cock he stepped in front of me, inching closer and closer to my waiting lips. As I leaned forward to gobble him up, he swayed back and shook his head. Dammit, he was going to make me sit and suffer, and wait for permission. I issued an inward growl.

  “That’s no problem. Send it to me, and I’ll have her take a look.”

  I didn’t know whom he was talking to, and at that particular moment I didn’t care. Rocking side to side on my knees, massaging my clit between my weeping folds, I stared at the clear bead of pre-come growing on his cock. Parting my lips, I slid my tongue over my bottom lip with a seductive tease.

  “Sure, of course. I’ll call you back with an answer.”

  His voice remained calm, but the sinful expression lining his face spoke volumes. Joshua’s self-restraint was cracking beneath my brazen enticement. Drawing his lips
together in a tight, angry line, he slapped his cock against my lips, sending the bead of pre-come landing on the tip of my nose. With an impish grin I gathered it up with my finger and slid it over my tongue. Moaning softly, I closed my eyes and savored the taste.

  “You too. I’ll be in touch soon.”

  He didn’t even say good-bye. Joshua simply ended the call, tossed his phone to the bed, then crossed his arms. He glared down at me, his nostrils flaring. “I have a belt, and I’m itching to use it on you, girl.”

  “I’m sorry, Sir, it’s just… I couldn’t help myself. You came back in the room all nice and hard… looking so damn sexy. I caved. A girl can only take so much temptation.” I bit my lips together to stifle a grin.

  “So this is how it’s going to be? You, constantly topping from the bottom, and trying to usurp my authority every chance you get?”

  There it was… that harsh tone of disapproval. The smile fell from my face and I shook my head. “No, Sir. I was just having fun. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  “I’m not upset. I’m disappointed. Your spirit is unique, Mellie, and I never want you to lose it, but I specifically told you not to move. We’re not going to get very far if you insist on challenging me every step of the way, girl.”

  “I know, Sir. I’m sorry.”

  Inundated with remorse, I issued a heavy sigh. Joshua reached down and cupped my chin. Tilting my head back, he stared into my eyes as he brushed his thumb over my lips. A ghost of a smile tugged his lips, and his expression softened.

  “You’re not to beat yourself up over this, sweetheart. I’m simply setting ground rules, but I think I just found the key to unlock that gorgeous submissive inside you.”

  I couldn’t help but notice the gleam of delight dancing in his eyes. Still, it didn’t erase the guilt lingering within or the worry of repercussions to come.

  “That was Pruett on the phone. He’s sent over the surveillance footage from your neighbor. He wants you to look at it and ID Walker. Come on, hop up on the bed.”

  “Okay,” I replied softly.

  Helping me off the floor, Joshua snatched up his phone then sat next to me on the bed as he opened up the mail program. Staring at the screen, we watched a tall heavy-set man in dark clothing, sunglasses, and a baseball cap exit a black sedan. Giving a conspiratorial glance over his shoulder, the camera caught a surprisingly clear view of his face.

  “What the…” I whispered. “That’s not Davis.”

  “No. It’s not. Who is he, Mellie?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve never seen that guy before in my life. Can you go back and pause or something?”

  “Sure.” Joshua rewound the video, stopping the feed and enlarging the image.

  Staring at the man’s round, fat cheeks and a bulbous nose, I shook my head. He looked nothing at all like Davis Walker. “I don’t know who that man is. Why is he stalking me?”

  “You’re sure? He’s not a disgruntled client or something?”

  “I’m positive. I’d eat the cost of a job and start over before I’d let a client down.” Perplexed, I gazed at the stranger’s face, racking my brain for even a hint of recollection. There was none.

  “Maybe Walker hired this guy to do his bidding. Maybe he didn’t want to get his hands dirty.”

  “You mean like a hit man?” I choked.

  “I don’t know. It’s not Walker, and you don’t recognize this guy. I’m just trying to find some logic here. Where’s your purse?”

  “Over there, next to my suitcase.” I pointed across the room. “Why?”

  “I want to see if you have any new message, sweetheart,” Joshua explained as he snagged my handbag before re-joining me on the bed.

  Even with all his hateful and threatening messages, I never truly thought Davis Walker was crazy enough to follow through with any of them. But now, the idea that he might have hired someone to do… god knows what to me, a surge of fear, bigger than ever, careened through me.

  “Joshua, I’m scared.”

  Turning, he pinned me with a sympathetic yet determined look. “No one is going to hurt you. Whoever this nut case is, he’s going to have to kill me before he’ll get to you.”

  Fear was lodged in my throat and I trembled, but I managed to give him a resolute nod. Joshua leaned in and kissed me, then tugged the blanket from the bed and wrapped it around me. Standing, he pulled a pair of jeans from his suitcase and put them on. I numbly watched him as he turned on my phone and started reading my texts. With an angry expression he flipped the device off and tucked it back in my purse.

  “What did he say?”

  “Nothing much, spewing shit about some welcome home torture he’s planning for us.” Joshua scrubbed a hand through his hair. “But since we’re not going home, I’m glad we’ll disappoint the prick.”

  I nodded mutely, questions and fears swirled in my brain.

  “Come on, baby. You’re still shaking. I’m going to fill the tub for you, and I want you to try and relax while I make some more calls, okay?”

  “Will you stay in the bathroom with me?”

  My quivering voice drew a look of alarm to settle over Joshua’s face.

  I couldn’t mask my fear. Riding a seesaw of one emotional high one minute and bottoming out the next, my self-confidence felt shredded. Stripped bare and made vulnerable by Walker’s masterful manipulation, I feared he’d succeed in taking mine and Joshua’s lives and every ounce of sanity before my torturous end.

  With a slow, concerned nod, he took my hand and led me to the bathroom.

  Reclining in the hot bubbling water, my own bewildering emotions frightened me almost as much as Davis’ threats. Grasping for something resembling normalcy, I reached down deep to find strong, capable Mellie beneath the sublime wings of my submission, but I couldn’t find her anywhere. I was too mired in a worried sludge; even the warm water surrounding me couldn’t wash it away.

  No matter how I strived to keep Davis from crafting me a victim, each new disturbing piece of information seemed to thwart my resolve and lock me in a foreign mental prison.

  Joshua paced the room, making one call after the next. As if sensing my despondent mien, he sat on the edge of the tub and frowned.

  “Don’t you dare give that prick the power to steal your spunk, Mellie. If you do... the bastard wins.”

  He wanted me to fight Davis, to be strong and independent. But Joshua also wanted me to be pliant and submissive—for him. He didn’t understand… it didn’t work that way. I couldn’t be both… at least not at the same time. Turning off my submission completely might be a deal breaker, and the thought of losing him through all this shit felt like a knife to the heart. But I couldn’t steel myself and try to win the war with Davis unless I tossed away the sweet serenity Joshua had resurrected inside me. It was a no-win situation.

  Slunk down in the spa tub, I closed my eyes, wishing the bubbling water would leach away my conflicted emotions. Half listening to Joshua’s conversation with Ian and halfway searching for ways to keep both sides of myself intact, I couldn’t relax.

  “Can you run the image I just sent through your face recognition software?”

  Joshua’s question bled through my brooding. Turning, I watched him pace. Tall and lean. Powerful and tender. He was the epitome of Dominance and protection.

  Will you honestly be able to walk away from him? Turn your back on the light he’s brought back to your life?

  A single tear slipped down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away. This wasn’t the time or the place to start mourning his loss. I had to pull up my bootstraps and ready myself to battle Davis. But god, how my heart was shattering to pieces.

  “I understand about the sunglasses. Just see if you can get a bead on him. Okay, call me back if you do. Thanks.” Joshua knelt next to the tub. Concern stamped his face. “What’s wrong?”

  Reaching out, I trailed my wet hand over his cheek. “I’m sorry, Joshua. I can’t do it. I just can’t.”

  “Do wh
at, baby?”

  “I can’t be a submissive to you anymore.”

  He recoiled as if I’d slapped him across the face. “Okay, hold on a second. I need you to explain that that statement to me, little one.”

  “I can’t do both. I can’t be strong and tough and not fall apart, and yield to you like the submissive you want me to be. I can’t do both… I can’t switch those two pieces of me on and off—not without becoming a victim to Davis or failing you. I don’t want to lose you in all this mess, but until it’s all over, I can’t be your submissive.” Even through the tears burring my vision, I saw a tender smile spread over Joshua’s lips.

  “Oh baby. You’re not going to lose me. When it comes to Davis, I’d rather see you spit and fight than see you lost and afraid, like you are now.” Wrapping his hand around my wrist, he placed my palm against his heart. “Let me save your submission for you, Mellie. I’ll keep it right here, safe and sound, okay?”

  “But you said…”

  “I know what I said, but sweetheart, things have changed. I don’t know who we’re dealing with anymore. Ian’s trying to find that out and so is Pruett now. But if getting you through all this, emotionally whole means I have to deal with Mouthy-Mellie—” He shrugged. “So be it. Just call me a son of a bitch again, and everything will be fine.”

  “I won’t,” I sniffed. “I swear I won’t.”

  “At least not out loud, you mean?”

  I chuckled and nodded, then sobered. “I don’t know if I’m really submissive, Joshua.”

  “Excuse me?” He blinked. “Did you not see the same woman I did in the mirror last night?”

  “Yes, but that’s different. I mean, I saw that side of myself, but the other side of me wasn’t even in the same room last night. There are tons of subs out there that are strong and compliant. Why can’t I be more like them?”

  “Because everyone is different. Don’t compare yourself to others, girl. Remember the analogy about the shoes?”

  I nodded, wiping my tears.

  “You still haven’t broken them back in yet. It’s too soon. I told you they were going to feel uncomfortable, remember?” He smiled as I nodded once more. “I’m not going to let you toss them back in the closet and slam the door, Mellie. I’m just letting you go barefoot again so you can feel a firm foundation under your sexy feet. Understand?”