Marjorie Farrel

by Miss Ware's Refusal

  Judith was by now near tears. Simon’s response was almost as bad as she had anticipated. But she felt a stirring of anger. She was being made out a criminal—and for a minor deception, which had, after all, worked out to Simon’s benefit.

  “You are purposely putting things in the worst possible light, your grace. I was a satisfactory employee, was I not? If I did pretend to be a stranger, it was because of your good friends’ care for you, and my own.”

  “And if your background is what you claimed, then why did you refuse my offer?” Simon’s anger was beginning to abate, and since it was, indeed, largely irrational, he was having a hard time finding a logical accusation to hurl at Judith. She was right, and as an objective observer, he would not have faulted her for a small deception that had wrought so much good. For some reason, he could not be objective.

  “I refused for precisely the reasons I gave you. And I was right. You and Lady Diana make a striking couple, and I can see you have regained confidence in yourself. And now, your grace, I think we have said all that we have to say to each other. I wish to speak with the duchess a moment, so I will leave you.”

  And Judith walked away, not caring that she had left Simon stranded in the corner until someone noticed him and came to get him. He heard conversation around him, but did not want to make a fool of himself by attempting to make his way toward someone and perhaps falling over a chair on the way. And so he stood there, with the growing realization that despite Judith’s statement, they had not said all they had to say to each other; in fact, he reflected, they would probably need a whole lifetime to do so.

  Why, I love her, thought Simon. It is as simple as that. And she was right. I never would have known it had she not turned me down. We would have had a calm, companionable marriage and I would have held myself back from her out of insecurity. I would have done my duty as a husband, but never would have believed that I could awaken a passionate response.

  Something dammed up inside him since returning to England was moving again. But did she feel the same? he wondered. He had no doubt she cared for him, but was she attracted to him? She clearly wanted a marriage of mind and body, but with him? She thought, as everyone must, that Diana had captured his heart. Well, he thought, I think after tonight that misconception will be cleared up. Robin and Diana should be able to reach some understanding. And then I will have to convince Judith of my feelings for her.

  When Judith walked away from Simon, she blindly joined the marquess and his wife. The marchioness looked up and smiled, and her husband remarked politely, “I saw you conversing with the duke, Miss Ware. Are you acquainted?”

  “I met him through the Stanleys, my lord.” Judith looked back to where she had left Simon stranded. It serves him right to stand there waiting, she thought angrily, and then immediately was struck with remorse. “I am afraid I left him rather suddenly. Perhaps you could bring him over to Robin, my lord?”

  “Of course,” replied the marquess, and he joined Simon, who was beginning to wonder if he would spend the rest of the evening in the corner.

  Judith was relieved when the party drew to a close. She thanked her hostess and, when the duchess looked at her questioningly, gave a small shrug of her shoulders.

  I will have to invite her shopping with me, thought the duchess, and find out what transpired between them.

  When Simon bade her good night, he said with a trace of irony, “I hope the evening went as you planned, my dear godmama.”

  “Why, yes,” the duchess said shamelessly. “Better than I had planned.”

  Simon smiled a rather tight little smile. On his way home, he wondered what Robin and Diana had said to each other, and if his godmother’s matchmaking scheme had succeeded.

  Chapter 30

  The next day, after Wiggins had read and left, Simon was finishing a light luncheon when he heard footsteps in the front hall. A moment later, Major Stanley was announced, and Robin walked in. Simon could immediately feel the difference in him. For days he had been removed and even slow in his walk, but today his stride was energetic and the hand he placed on Simon’s shoulder was as warm and affectionate as it had ever been.

  “Join me, Robin? I’ll have Cranston bring in more tea.”

  “All right. I am hungry. I ate very little before my ride.”

  “You and Barbara?”

  “No. I rode with Diana.”

  “Unaccompanied?” queried Simon, raising his eyebrows.

  “Unaccompanied.” Robin laughed. “We finished the conversation we began last night and ... Well, wish me happy, Simon.”

  “I do wish you happy,” Simon said, a big smile on his face. “How did you manage to make this come about so soon?”

  “I told you we had almost reached an agreement last spring, but she refused to marry me before I left. I was insulted and hurt—sure she didn’t really love me enough to risk being married to whatever came home to her. She was more frightened of marriage itself, had I but known. She tried to get in touch with me. I sent back her notes and refused to see her, and of course, when I returned, there she was, leading Dev a merry chase.”

  “Whereas the truth was, he was in way over his head and she was using him to show you she didn’t care.”

  “Yes. And then you. I was angry about Dev, but could not see him as a real threat. But you ... How could any woman not prefer you?”

  Simon was surprised. “Whatever do you mean, Robin? Diana cares nothing for rank.”

  “I am not speaking of rank, Simon. I am only a man of action. You are far more intelligent. No, let me finish,” said Robin as Simon began to protest. “I am not saying that I am stupid, just that you are far more serious a person.”

  “I’ll not have my friend insulted, even by himself,” replied Simon.

  “I am only saying we are different. And that I would think Diana would have found you hard to resist.”

  “But indeed she did, you great fool,” said Simon. “Not that she had anything to resist, since I was not courting her. But she loves you precisely because you are a man of action, precisely because you are most happy in the country. She has no interest in politics and would be quite bored with my serious side.”

  “I know that now.”

  “Oh? That I am quite boring?” Simon teased.

  “No, you clunch, that she loves me. I feel wonderful. I can’t describe it.”

  “You sound like an exultant cock, crowing over his supposed rival.”

  “You have no regrets?” asked Robin anxiously.

  “None, my friend. I am only funning you. And I wish to discuss with you another young woman,” Simon said in a more serious tone.

  “Judith?”

  “Yes. Miss Ware. I forgive you all your small deception, for I know why you did it. But last night I lost my temper—she does have a way of provoking me to do that!—and accused Judith of full-scale deception.”

  “But her only lie was not revealing her friendship with us.”

  “I found that out, but not before I’d insulted her and made her furious.” Simon leaned forward. “And now I discover I am in love with her. Have you any helpful suggestions for me?” he asked wryly.

  “I would suggest that the first thing you must do is call upon her and apologize for your anger last night. Perhaps you might ask her to go for a drive with you? It would seem you both need some time to become at ease with each other again.”

  Robin decided not to tell Simon that Judith loved him. It was not his secret to tell. And a little of the normal insecurity of the lover would be good for Simon, he thought, in contrast to the morbid sense of inferiority he had come home with.

  “You give good advice, Robin, I’ll call upon Judith this afternoon.”

  “Do you want me to take you?”

  “No, I will have my groom drive me.”

  “Good luck, then, Simon.”

  “Thank you, Robin. I believe I’ll need it.”

  * * * *

  A few hours later, Simon’s coach dr
ew up in front of the house on Gower Street. “Take me to the door, James.”

  James led Simon up the steps and rapped sharply at the front door. Hannah muttered to herself as she walked down the hall. Some boy playing tricks again, no doubt, and she pulled the door open suddenly, ready to pick up her skirts and take after the imagined urchin. She was completely taken by surprise to see a gentleman dressed in the highest fashion standing on their doorstep.

  “Is this the Ware residence?” James asked solemnly. He had grown tremendously in solemnity and dignity, thought Simon with amusement, since being designated Simon’s guide.

  “Why, yes,” Hannah said. She was taking in Simon’s gleaming boots and tightly fitting trousers and perfectly fitted bottle-green coat, and thinking Stephen would give his eyeteeth to look like that, when she finally looked at Simon’s face and realized, from the way he was staring straight ahead, that this was the Duke of Sutton.

  “Oh, my word,” she exclaimed without thinking.

  “I beg your pardon?” Simon said politely.

  “Nothing. What can I do for your grace?”

  It did not surprise Simon that he had been recognized. This must be the Hannah Judith had told him about, and she, of course, knew about him.

  “I am looking to speak with Miss Ware. Is she at home?”

  “No, she went out a while ago, to the circulating library.”

  Simon’s face reflected his disappointment, and Hannah said quickly, “But she should be back any minute, your grace. Won’t you come in and have a cup of tea? I am sure she will be back in time to join you.”

  “Thank you, um, Hannah, is it not? I am afraid I don’t know you by your surname.”

  “Hannah is fine, your grace. Come in. Do you need my arm?”

  “No, no, James has got me. Just lead the way.”

  Hannah led them to the small room on the right side of the house. It was hardly ever used, since they didn’t entertain much, aside from Stephen’s friends. There was dust on the mantel clock, Hannah noticed in embarrassment, but then realized that the duke could not see it anyway.

  “Now you just sit yourself down and I’ll be back in a moment.”

  James stood awkwardly by the fireplace. Simon had never required invisibility from his servants, like some of the nobility, but James sometimes found it difficult, as the duke’s guide, to be present for Simon’s needs, and not present, at the same time, for the conversation around him. This small house was less intimidating, but he, James, could not sit and have tea with the duke, and so he stood until Hannah returned with the tray. James was hungry immediately upon seeing the fresh scones, and shifted his feet. The sound reminded Simon of his presence, and he felt guilty about his thoughtlessness. He usually tried to be aware of James and let him join the servants whenever possible. Here, of course, there was no belowstairs, so he wasn’t sure what to do when Hannah stepped in.

  “Perhaps your footman would like to come into the kitchen for some tea? I shall settle him in and come right back to pour.”

  “Thank you, Hannah, that is very kind of you,” Simon replied with a smile.

  The duke sat poised on the chair. He could feel himself getting chilled, for of course, he thought, they would have no fire in an unused room. He could smell the tea and carefully reached out his hands to warm them on the teapot when he heard the front door open and Judith call out, “Hannah, I’m home,” and then ask, “Why is the drawing-room door open?”

  Simon heard what sounded like books dropping, as Judith looked in and saw him sitting there. “Your grace!”

  “Miss Ware,” Simon said, standing up.

  “What are you doing here?” Judith asked, sounding annoyed.

  Simon was about to make his carefully thought-out apology when she continued, “This room is freezing. We rarely use it. I suppose Hannah thought it was more suitable for your rank than the parlor. But why you should be chilled to the bone only because you are a duke, I’m sure I don’t know. Thank God, we always keep a fire laid.”

  Simon could hear Judith at the fireplace and smelled sulfur as she lit the fire. She brushed her dress off and came over to him, saying, “Let me move the chairs closer to the heat.” Simon stood up, and she had him wait until she had positioned the chairs and tea table before she led him to his seat.

  The duke was enjoying himself. He was amused and touched by her immediate reaction, which in many a young lady would have been all injured dignity after the other night. Judith reacted in the moment, and her immediate concern was for his comfort.

  “Let me hang up my cloak, your grace, and I will be right back to pour your tea.”

  Judith’s initial reaction was giving way to a feeling of dreadful anticipation as she removed her cloak and smoothed her hair. One part of her wondered what on earth Simon wanted with her after the duchess’s party. Another part of her, of course, was thrilled to see him there and was already spinning fantasies. “ ‘Down, wantons, down,’" she told herself. “You don’t know why he is here, and you won’t find out until you go back in there.”

  Judith sat down opposite Simon and poured his tea. “Would you like me to butter you a scone?”

  “Yes, thank you, Miss Ware.”

  Judith handed Simon a napkin, which he spread on his lap, and then she placed a small china plate on the table in front of him. He was holding his cup in his right hand, wondering, as usual, if he could carry it off without dropping too many crumbs, or, God forbid, his cup, when Judith told him the location of the scone. She watched him carefully locate it, and marveled at the way he managed. There were some crumbs on his trousers, which he was not aware of, and lulled by their quiet absorption in eating and drinking, she almost reached over to brush them off and caught herself just in time. But his closeness made her remember that feeling of intimacy in the library; she could not help wanting the right to do such homely things as brushing off crumbs.

  ‘That way madness lies.’ Goodness, I’m turning into Lear this afternoon,” she told herself. I cannot let myself drift this way.

  Simon finished his tea and was warming up from the fire and his drink. He cleared his throat and said, “Miss Ware, I seem to have spent a large portion of our short acquaintance apologizing, but I do beg your pardon for my anger last night. I know now you were only guilty of that small deception, and I fear I was quite offensive.”

  “You were, your grace,” replied Judith without thinking.

  Simon was amused and relieved. An automatic “Oh, no, your grace” would only have made him feel worse.

  Judith continued, “What hurt the most was that it seemed that you let one lie make you doubt what you came to know of me in all those weeks.”

  “I was very angry.”

  “I know, and I accept your apology. I offer you one for finding it necessary to deceive you. Perhaps you would have hired me anyway, but we all feared not.”

  “No, you were right, I wouldn’t have let anyone in the door who knew me even slightly. But what I have also come to ask is if you would be willing to resume our friendship? You were right to refuse my offer of marriage, I see that now. But I hoped we could put that behind us. Perhaps we could go driving or riding together. If you are not embarrassed to be seen with me on a lead line, that is.”

  Judith’s heart lifted and then fell, in the same moment. He does care, she thought, but only as a friend. Could she stand seeing him, knowing he would be looking for a more passionate attachment elsewhere? She would never know if she had a chance, however, unless she accepted.

  “I would enjoy driving or riding with you, your grace,” she answered quietly.

  “You speak rather unenthusiastically,” said Simon. “Forgive me for being so blunt, but I do not wish you to feel obligated in any way.”

  “Oh, no,” Judith said. “I have missed our conversations and welcome the opportunity to renew our friendship. I am just a bit tired right now.”

  “Of course. And I have stayed far too long,” he said, feeling for the table and p
utting his cup down carefully. He stood up, and at that moment Hannah returned, having timed it so they had had some time to be alone, but so that Judith had not been unchaperoned for too long.

  “You are leaving so soon, your grace? Shall I call your footman?”

  “Please, Hannah.”

  Judith rose and followed Simon into the hall. She watched as James helped him into his greatcoat and gave him her hand when he turned and reached for it.

  “May I call to take you driving on Friday afternoon, then?”

  “Yes, I would like that very much,” Judith answered, feeling his touch all through her body.

  “Until Friday, then. Thank you for the excellent tea, Hannah. James?”

  After the duke left, Hannah looked at Judith questioningly.

  “He came to apologize, Hannah, and as you heard, to invite me to go driving with him.”

  “He is an impressive young man, Judith. Quite confident, despite his blindness.”

  “Yes, it is wonderful to see how he handles himself. And he is very natural about asking for help. I think that it is that realness, if there is such a word, that I care about the most. One feels that he is ultimately trustworthy.”

  “A quality you both have in common, then, my dear.”

  “Thank you, Hannah ... Oh, Hannah, I am so happy that he has called—and so miserable!” Judith laughed through her tears.

  Hannah nodded. “He did not offer for you right this afternoon then,” she teased.

  “Oh, I know I am being ridiculous. But he seems only to want the old friendship back. So do I, but now I want more.”

  “Do not write an ending at the beginning, Judith. Right now, he wants to be with you, that is clear, or he would never have called. Give it some time. Now, I must get back to the kitchen, and you may calm yourself by clearing the dishes out of the small parlor!”

  Chapter 31

  The next morning dragged by for Judith. She was working on a still life of several pieces of fruit, a teapot, and half a loaf of bread. She would work for a while, then go off into a dream where Simon put his arm around her and drew her to him and kissed her ... and she would find herself absent-mindedly picking at the loaf of bread or taking a bite out of an apple, which then necessitated several changes in her composition! She and Barbara were supposed to ride early in the afternoon, and Judith was looking forward to telling her all about Simon’s visit.