Day of Atonement

by Yolonda Tonette Sanders

  “You need to say that to your father.”

  Apologizing to him hadn’t been in Troy’s script, but he wasn’t about to argue with her on the issue. If anything, the man owed him an apology for being such a crappy role model. “Believe it or not, I came down here because I thought you were him. As soon as he gets up, I promise to speak with him.”

  There was a brief glow in her face before it turned solemn again. “You won’t be doin’ it here. He left after all the ruckus last night and said he would stay at the other house until you leave because he did not want his presence to ruin Christmas for everyone. I think it would mean a lot to him if you go over there and talk to him.”

  “I don’t know about that, Mama. I really need to talk to Nate. Plus, I’d planned to spend most of the day working on Elana’s case.” He hadn’t had a chance to look at any of the information B.K. had given him. “Before I forget, would you mind picking up Lilly on Wednesday and taking her to meet the private investigator?”

  “Sure, what time?”

  “I think he wants her there around noon. I’ll get her number from Elvin so you can call and verify.”

  “That’s not necessary. We exchanged numbers when I saw her last summer. I still have hers.”

  “Okay. Elvin and I have another appointment that day and he doesn’t want her to be by herself. Nicole’s here, but I thought it might be good if you went with her since you guys used to be close and you witnessed firsthand what she experienced. I think she would appreciate having you there.”

  “Oh, I definitely don’t mind. But, don’t think that by changin’ the subject, I’m done talkin’ to you about your dad. I know you have a lot on your mind with what’s goin’ on right now. I also think you are makin’ excuses. If you are really serious about talkin’ to him, it shouldn’t matter if you do it here or elsewhere. I’m not goin’ to try and press you, but I will say this: I would like your dad to spend Christmas with us. I think the only one who can make that happen is you. You messed things up, now fix them,” she said before getting up and walking away.

  Troy continued to sit for a few moments, reflecting on the conversation with his mom. After praying for guidance on how to handle the situation with his father, Troy got up and finished putting away the dishes.

  Chapter 13: Sentimental Value

  After the conversation with his mom, Troy took care of his ultimate priority and that was making things right with Nate. Talking with his son wasn’t as awkward as he had anticipated. He did as Natalie had suggested and said that he had had a temper tantrum. Nate made him laugh when he asked if Mommy had spanked him or put him in time-out.

  “No, son. Mommy was very disappointed with me though.”

  “What does disappointed mean?”

  “It means unhappy.” Troy explained how he was disappointed with himself and that he would understand if Nate had been disappointed as well. It jabbed his heart when Nate told Troy that he had scared him. Troy asked for his forgiveness. Nate gave it. The two hugged and began play boxing until Nate ultimately “won.”

  Afterward, Troy was really eager to review the things B.K. had given him, but he knew he would not be able to do so in peace if he did not make the trip to his grandparents’ home to talk to his father. Both Natalie and his mom would be on his case until he did.

  “I’ll be back,” he said and headed out.

  Troy could not remember the last time he was at his grandparents’ house. His mom wasn’t very close to them. Consequently, neither was he. The last time Troy could recall being there was when he was taking karate classes. If his memory served correctly, that was before Tracy was born. It had been so long since Troy had been there that if it weren’t for his father’s pickup in the driveway, he would not have known exactly which house it was.

  Troy pulled up behind the pickup, trying not to talk himself out of it as it could go wrong in so many ways. If Troy were to unleash nearly forty-two years of rage on his father, no one would be there to stop him and either he or his father would end up dead. Troy’s father owned several guns and Troy was carrying a piece himself. Emotions could easily spin the situation out of control. With the two of them being alone, it could get ugly. There was too much baggage…too many bad memories. Troy vividly remembered how his dad had threatened to blow his mom’s brains out with one of his guns. Troy was only about four or five when this happened, maybe even younger. They had gotten into a fight about something, most likely another woman, and his dad pulled the gun out on his mom. She didn’t flinch. She walked right up to him and said that if he shot her, he had better be prepared to kill her because if not, she would surely kill him.

  Abuser? Yes. Killer? No. Troy was sure his father was only using the gun as a scare tactic. It probably wasn’t even loaded. His dad had been unsuccessful in scaring his mom that night, but his mom had surely scared his father. Troy wholeheartedly believed that his mother would have been crazy enough to follow through with her threat if she had been shot. His dad put the gun away and left, getting cursed out by his mom all the way back to his car.

  That was the first and only time a gun had ever been involved, but it still disturbed Troy that his father did such a thing in front of him. He would never do that to Natalie, whether Nate was around or not. Husbands were supposed to love their wives. They were supposed to love and protect them, not beat them. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. Ephesians 5:25.

  Troy turned off the rented car and took several deep breaths. Jesus, please give me strength. He continued to sit with his eyes closed. Praying…breathing…thinking about all the stuff this man had put their family through…getting angry again…praying harder!

  Man, forget this! Troy was about to restart the car and go back to the house. He’d make up something to tell Natalie and his mom. He opened his eyes and was startled by the figure standing next to the driver’s window staring at him. Instinctively, Troy reached for his gun, withdrawing when he realized it was his dad. His heart raced, but surprisingly he wasn’t as angry as he had been earlier.

  The two Evans men stared at each other through the cracked window, neither knowing quite how to initiate a conversation. It was the elder Evans who spoke first.

  “Your mom told me you would be coming by.”

  “Yeah, she seems to think we need to talk.”

  “What do you think?”

  Troy took a deep breath before responding. He wanted to say that he didn’t see any use for them talking. It was too late, but Natalie’s words rang powerfully in his head. The best way to teach your son forgiveness is to demonstrate it for him. “I don’t think one heart-to-heart conversation will undo so many years of hatred, but I guess it’s a start.” Troy nodded for his father to move back so he could open the door and they could go inside to get this talk over with. Elana was waiting on him. The more time he spent here, the less time he was devoting to her.

  “The house is a mess. I’ve been gutting it and redoing everything. I don’t know if your mom told you or not, but I’m going to sell it,” he said a little too excitedly for Troy’s sake. Was he expecting to be congratulated for finally getting rid of the house where he routinely committed acts of adultery? “Let me lock up and maybe we can go get a bite to eat.”

  Troy didn’t have much of an appetite, but he agreed that being in a public place would probably be best. While waiting for his dad, Troy looked on the passenger’s side and noticed that Elvin had left his fast-food bag there yesterday. Troy’s first thought was to simply throw it in the backseat. Instead, he saw the trash can on the side of the house and took it there.

  He immediately regretted the decision as the contents of his father’s cleaning efforts were apparent and contained reminders of how low-down and dirty he had been. There were many items of women’s clothing inside. Troy shuffled through them, finding himself getting angry all over again. Not even the school drawing of Tracy’s or one of her old red-haired dolls could calm him. If anything
, it infuriated him even more. So what that the freckled doll was nearly hairless, or that the picture was torn. Those things should have held sentimental value and not been something that their father discarded with the junk of his whores!

  “What are you doing!” His father came running from around the house in a panic.

  “I’ll be waiting in the car.” Troy angrily dropped his own trash to the ground. He fought every instinct to take off. Instead, he found himself once again calling on Jesus, repeating the prayer that he’d said only moments ago. Please give me strength! Without the help of a supernatural power, Troy knew he would never make it through.

  Chapter 14: The Million Dollar Question

  “I should have gone with him,” a nervous Diane said to Natalie as they were in the kitchen, cleaning up the mess they had made from baking desserts for Christmas.

  “I’m sure everything is okay.” Natalie tried her best to sound confident. Troy had been gone for hours. She, too, was a bit anxious.

  “I have tried Reed’s cell phone at least a half-dozen times and he didn’t answer. Maybe I should ride over to the house.”

  “No. Give it some more time. If you go over there, I’m sure it won’t help the situation.”

  “I’m done, Mommy,” said Nate, who enjoyed licking the cake batter out the bowl.

  “Wow, you’re a mess! C’mon, let’s get cleaned up and then I want you to take a nap.” Chances are, Nate would not go to sleep now that he was filled with the sugar from the cake batter, but she’d give it a shot anyhow.

  “Gigi said I could sweep ‘da floor.”

  Natalie sighed, amused by the naïveté of her three-and-a-half-year-old who still thought chores like washing dishes and sweeping the floor were fun. “Okay, but after you do that, you’re going to take a nap, you hear me?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  As she and Nate headed to the bathroom, she heard Diane’s cell phone ring and wondered, hoped, it would be Troy or Reed letting them know that everything was fine. While Nate was drying off, Natalie took a peek at her cell phone. Nothing. After last night, she did not want to call him and risk interrupting a crucial moment. It was a little after one p.m. now. If Troy wasn’t back by three, four at the latest, then she would give the green light for Diane to go over there!

  “Can I go sweep the floor now?”

  “Yes, Nate.” He ran out the restroom while she waddled behind him. Her body ached from the long day yesterday, particularly her back and feet. Troy’s old bed was comfortable because of the size, but the mattress was a long way from their Tempur-Pedic that Natalie always appreciated a little more after a few days away from it.

  Diane, still on her phone, had stepped out the kitchen when she and Nate returned. Natalie sat at the table and watched her son make a mess of the small pile of trash that Diane had neatly gathered to make sweeping easier for him. Nate did everything with the collection except get it in the dustpan. Natalie let him do it his way. After she put him down for a nap, she would do it correctly.

  “Was that Reed?” she asked when Diane came back into the kitchen, trying to sound casual as not to further worry her.

  “No. That was Lilly returnin’ my call. This mornin’ Troy asked me to go somewhere with her on Wednesday since he and Elvin have an appointment. She was confirmin’ the time with me.”

  “Oh.” Natalie wondered when her husband had planned to fill her in on his appointment.

  Diane sat across from her at the table and they talked a little more about Lilly and tomorrow night’s service. Tracy was planning to ride with them. Al and the kids were staying behind. Diane had been able to talk Reed into coming, but with the latest blowup with Troy, his attendance was now up in the air. While Natalie and Diane were talking, Nate had ventured away from the spot Diane had designated for him to sweep. He was skipping all around the kitchen with the broom. Natalie let him go, figuring he was getting the sugar out of his system and tiring himself for his nap.

  “Even if Reed decides not to come tomorrow, I really hope he spends Christmas with us Tuesday. This will be the first time ever that we will have everyone together. For all we know, it could be the very last time we get the chance.”

  Natalie didn’t think it was that dramatic. “I’m sure as time goes on, we’ll look back several years from now and it will seem like these family gatherings have been a long-time tradition.”

  “I hope you’re right. Natalie, I have what will probably seem like a stupid question, but I feel like I can trust you to tell me the truth.” She’d piqued Natalie’s interest. “Do you think Jesus permanently changes people or is the change temporary?”

  Caught off guard, Natalie took a moment before responding. “I think it depends on the individual,” she said, drawing from her own experience. “If a person really opens his or heart to Him, that person can’t help but to be permanently changed. Does this have something to do with Reed?”

  “No, not really. I mean, of course I wondered about him initially, but the more time goes on, the more I believe he has changed. I have only seen him cry one time and that was last night after Troy’s outburst. He said, ‘Di, there are some mistakes in my past that I will never be able to fix.’ Then he took off and I assumed he was about to relapse and go into one of his drinkin’ binges. I thought for sure it would ruin all the progress we have made in our marriage. But, he called me and told me that he went straight to the other house and would stay there until y’all leave. I asked you about Jesus because I’m curious. I didn’t think much about dyin’ when I was younger. I even foolishly walked right up to the barrel of a gun before, but now that I am gettin’ older, I’m wonderin’ if it’s too late for me.”

  “Why would you think that? Reed’s older than you and look at how he has changed. You said so yourself.”

  “I guess I see Reed and me differently. People say that when children grow up bein’ taught about God, even if they stray away, they come back. Reed’s parents weren’t the most holy examples, but from what I understand his grandparents were and he used to go to church with them all the time. My case is different. I never had a church upbringin’. We didn’t even go on the holidays. I’m guessin’ my parents believed in God, at least my mother, because she did make us say grace and sometimes prayers at night, which is more than I can say I did with my kids. I always thought of God, in general, as bein’ this higher power, but I never really thought much about this whole salvation thing until you and Troy got together. My son doesn’t talk to me about God, but I can tell he has changed.”

  “Why is it that you see change happening with people around you, but you have a hard time believing it can happen for you?”

  “That would be the million-dollar question, wouldn’t it? I honestly don’t know. I’ve never known how to be any other way except what I am. I may be that one person God cannot fix.”

  “Excuse me, Mommy.” Nate, still amusing himself with the broom, began sweeping under Natalie’s side of the table. She lifted her feet to accommodate him while Diane stared into space.

  “Maybe on some level I’m scared of change, even if it’s good.”

  Natalie’s best friend would know exactly what to say to Diane right now. Aneetra was one of the first people to inspire Natalie to seek Christ and she did it without being preachy or judgmental while also not wavering from biblical truths. Natalie understood Diane’s feelings more than she could relate with words. She searched her mind for the right thing to say. Finally, she reached over to hold Diane’s hand and said, “I agree that change can be scary because of the uncertainty that comes along with it. You’re not the only one with a past.” Natalie quickly glanced at Nate, who, at the moment, was a perfect reminder of how far she had come from being a conniving, man-stealing woman who had given her body away more times than she could count. She felt herself tearing as the before and after snapshots of her old self compared to her new creation in Christ flashed through her head. Natalie turned her attention back to Diane. “The one thing I am ce
rtain of is that no one is beyond Jesus’ grasp. All you have to do is let him into your heart.”

  “Excuse me, Gigi.”

  “You make it sound so simple. I—” Their intimate moment was abruptly interrupted when Diane jerked from Natalie and stood up swearing because Nate had swept her feet with the broom. She wasn’t swearing directly at Nate, but in general. Still, he started crying, especially after she snatched the broom from him and spat on it.

  The whole thing happened so fast that Natalie sat frozen for a few moments while she processed the chain of events. A crying Nate running into her arms forced a reaction from her. “What is wrong with you, Diane!”

  Immediately, remorse filled Diane’s expression. “I’m sorry. I did not mean to scare him. It’s bad luck for a person’s feet to get swept.”

  “Oh my gosh, are you for real?” Natalie didn’t wait for a response. She gathered her son and stormed out. Diane tried to stop her by apologizing, but Natalie waved her off. “He needs to take a nap anyhow.” Stomping up the stairs, she coddled Nate, trying to assure him that he didn’t do anything wrong. The last thing her big pregnant butt needed was to be toting a toddler around, especially in light of the aches and pains as a result of yesterday, but she was mad. This was the second time within twenty-four hours that her son had been scared because of someone else’s craziness. “And they think Reed is the one with issues,” she mumbled to herself when she’d finally made it to the room. She lay down with Nate, eventually drifting off to sleep herself.

  Chapter 15: A Happy Medium

  It was around 2:30 when Troy dropped his dad back off at his grandparents’ house. “I guess I’ll see you later tonight. Are you going to the service tomorrow?”

  “I don’t want to. I haven’t seen Elvin or his mom for decades. I would feel awkward because this is such an emotional time for them.”

  Troy understood. As a detective, he’d seen more dead bodies than he cared to recount. He tried to stay away from funerals as much as possible unless it was a fellow officer or someone with whom he had a special connection. In Elana’s case, it was the latter, combined with the drive to help find the person responsible for her circumstances. “All right. I need to get out of here.” His father stared at him for a moment. Troy wasn’t sure if he was expecting a goodbye hug, but Troy extended his hand instead. “See you later.”