Pulse (Collide)

by Gail McHugh

  “Thanks, Pop,” Gavin said, accepting a beer from his father. “Today turned out good.”

  “It sure did.” Chad relaxed in his seat, his eyes landing on Gavin’s. “The older you get, you’ll start to notice the chaos of a big to-do party loses its glitz. This is what it’s all about.”

  Gavin knew his father was correct. Somewhere between becoming successful with Blake Industries and playing the tiresome field with women, Gavin lost touch with what really mattered. Not that he hadn’t held family close to his heart—it was impossible not to considering his parents raised him to treasure it—but the importance of what really counted in life became skewed.

  “So how are you holding up?” Colton questioned. “Mom said you and Emily went for a blood paternity test a few days ago.”

  As Gavin swept his gaze to the house, where he could see Emily through the kitchen window, Gavin knew he wasn’t doing well. Sure. He’d told Emily he wouldn’t give up hope Noah was his son, but as the answer neared, he found it more difficult to hold onto optimism. Gavin shrugged, taking a gulp of beer. “I’m dealing.”

  “There’s a reason behind everything, son,” Chad sighed, clapping Gavin’s shoulder. “Just remember that.”

  “Yeah, Pop? What would be the reason if it’s not my kid?” Gavin hated questioning anything his father said, but Gavin couldn’t find a string of sense if this outcome was about to mind-fuck him. The despondency in his father’s eyes made Gavin feel like an asshole. “I’m sorry,” Gavin somberly admitted, trying not to lose the faith his father had always attempted to instill in him. “I told Emily at the beginning of this we’d go through it scared together. I said that mostly to calm her down, but hell if this isn’t killing me. The thought of having that asshole involved in her or the baby’s life is fucking with me bad.”

  Gavin dragged a hand through his hair, his nerves kicking up with every evil whisper in his mind. Gavin shook his head. “He’s calmed down a bit in the past couple of months, but I’m assuming that’s because I’ve kept him in place. If he’s this baby’s father, it’ll go right to his head, and he’ll take it to a whole new level. The asshole let us know he’s moving to Florida a few months after the baby’s born. Emily’s a mess over it. I’m going to fall in love with this kid and have to watch Dillon take him over the summer and holidays. It’ll break us both.”

  With his hand still on Gavin’s shoulder, Chad looked at Colton who was staring wordlessly at his brother. Bringing his eyes back to his son, Chad shook his head. His voice was soft but resolute. “Gavin, you’re a strong man. You’ve always been. The first time I held you, you told me with your eyes you were going to make your mark in this world, and shit, son, you have. You’ve made your mother and me proud. I know you may feel that strength you were born with slipping from your grasp, but you have it in you to not let it go. Find it again. It’s there. As a man and as a father to this child, whether yours biologically or not, you’ll do whatever it takes to keep you and Emily from breaking. You’re the man who’s going to turn this child into a man. You and Emily need one another and you may need one another more than ever after this. But whatever you do, never question the decisions the heavens make for us. Again, there’s a reason behind everything. All that matters is what you do with those decisions. You can let them break you or mold you.”

  With the words he needed to hear soaking through his mind, Gavin glanced toward the house. Watching his mother and Emily step from the porch, he tried to focus on what his father had said, but as the stars started to blanket the sky, he feared that until he had those results in hand, here and now, he wouldn’t be able to find the strength he needed to walk them through this. As doubt plagued every muscle in his body, Gavin stood and made his was over to Emily. Forcing a smile, he gently pulled her into his arms. He felt as if he was failing. A man who’d continue to fail if Noah wasn’t his.

  “Hey,” she said, smiling. “Everyone’s heading down to the beach to light off the fireworks. I didn’t realize it’d gotten so chilly out here. I’m gonna run back inside and grab my jacket. Do you need anything?”

  Gavin didn’t answer. No. Instead, he bent his head, crushing his lips to hers. Ashamed and riddled with guilt for masking his feelings, he kissed her hard, burying his hands in her soft curls. He wondered if Emily could taste the fear on his tongue or if she could feel the uncertainty in his hold. He didn’t know how long they stood wrapped in one another’s arms, but in that moment, he wished he could stop time. Stop it from moving forward to a wicked place where he wouldn’t be able to take care of her.

  Emily slowly pulled back, her eyes searching Gavin’s. “Are you okay?”

  “Yes,” Gavin lied smoothly. “I can go get your jacket.”

  “It’s all right. I have to use the bathroom.” She touched his cheek and smiled. “I’ll meet you down by the beach.”

  Gavin nodded, and she made her way into the empty house. As she washed her hands after finishing up in the bathroom, Emily worried about the way Gavin looked. God, she just wanted their wait to be over. She wanted her carefree Yankees lover back. The waiting had stripped him of so much, and Emily couldn’t help but hurt for him. On a sigh, she flipped off the light, praying the waiting would be over soon. In the bedroom, she yanked a light, spring jacket from her suitcase. She was glad she’d brought it with her. Emily pulled it on and started for the door, however, she came to a stop, her feet glued to the floor, when her gaze locked onto Gavin’s laptop. A pang shot through her.

  Curiosity leading her, Emily slowly sank onto the mattress. Staring at the laptop, she couldn’t stop her fingers from tapping in Gavin’s passcode. She knew the paternity test results weren’t due for another couple of days, and she chided herself for even looking, yet something pushed her forward. She entered the URL into the proper space. With her heart starting to pound when the website popped up, Emily entered the case number she was given in order to check the results. Though she’d never been a mathematician or English major, this series of numbers and letters was burned into Emily’s head. Her body tensed when the site started to load the information. It wasn’t the same page that’d shown up the past couple of times she’d checked. Instead, a taunting hourglass popped up. Emily stared at it and it stared right back as she waited.

  Breathe…

  The wicked little hourglass disappeared…

  Breathe…

  A blue triangle representing the father showed up…

  Breathe…

  A graph showing probable paternity said hello…

  Breathe…

  Emily’s heart dropped, sinking right down to her feet. Unable to breathe, speak, or think, the only properly functioning body part Emily had left was her tear ducts. Those were working just fine because she broke out into hysterics, gulping for air as she tried to calm herself. In a daze over the results staring her right in the face, Emily slowly stood and made her way downstairs. How would she even begin to tell Gavin? She needed words for this moment and her mind was blank. Completely empty of coherent thoughts, her body trembling, Emily stepped onto the back porch. Her eyes landed on Gavin’s. Sitting in one of the poolside chairs, he cocked his head to the side when he’d saw her. She was glad he didn’t go down to the beach with everyone. She didn’t want to tell him in front of anyone. She needed to tell him in private. She only wished she knew how.

  She stopped in front of the pool, watching Gavin move toward. She could tell he knew she was a mess, and her heart bled from the look in his eyes. Standing before her, Gavin cupped her cheek and gently placed the other hand on her stomach.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, his nervousness palpable.

  Emily swallowed, her words stuttering between her deep breaths for air. “Did you know one year ago tonight you began saving my life?” Gavin went to speak, but Emily continued. “You did, Gavin. I didn’t know it then, but you did. We’ve been through more in this past year than any two people in a new relationship should have to endure. We deserve a break.” She
looked at her watch and quickly back at him. “Kiss me right now. Kiss me the way you kissed me last year on this very night. I promise you I won’t stop it, either.”

  Without thinking, Gavin pulled her to his mouth, sliding his tongue over hers. Though familiar, her kiss would always be new to him, something unexplored with each stroke of her touch. With blazing fireworks going off above them, Gavin kissed her the way he did the first time he was lucky enough to feel her lips, feel her in his arms. Emily didn’t break the kiss this time; Gavin had to stop because of her sobbing. He went to speak, but she beat him to the punch.

  “You said no matter who Noah’s father is, you’d love and raise him as if he were your own.”

  Dropping his arms, Gavin felt the blood drain from his face, felt his heart hammer through his chest.

  “When you told me that, I didn’t know what to think,” Emily cried, bringing her hands to his cheeks. “Do you know how many men would stay? Not many. You took me back after all the pain I caused you, and then you accepted the fact you might not be the father of the child I’m carrying. I would’ve loved you for an eternity before taking on that responsibility. After that, I knew I’d find you in my next life.” She paused, brushing her lips over his. “Gavin Blake, fate fucked with us a little bit in the beginning… but it’s done messing with us. It’s giving us the break we deserved from the start. Noah’s your son.”

  “What?” he breathed, feeling his shoulders sag from the lack of weight they’d been carrying. “I am?”

  Emily nodded, tears falling in a torrent. “Yes, you are. I checked and—”

  It was Gavin’s turn to cut her off. He surged his hands through her hair, pulling her into his mouth again. Mind un-fucked, Gavin spoke between worshipping her lips. “Are you sure? Tell me you’re sure, Emily.”

  “I’m positive,” she cried, holding his face as she kissed him back as feverishly as he was kissing her. “He’s yours, Gavin. He’s yours.”

  “Jesus,” Olivia quipped, making her way over to them. “There’re plenty of bedrooms. I mean, it’s a mansion, Blake. Take her inside.” Emily giggled and wiped away her tears. Brows furrowed, Olivia looked confused as all hell. “Okay. Wait a minute. You’re crying, but you’re kissing him? Did I miss something?”

  Gavin grinned, tossing his arm over Emily’s shoulder. “Yeah. You missed the memo that says I’m Noah’s father.”

  Olivia’s eyes went wide. “Shut the cellar door!” She all but hopped into Gavin’s arms, her squeals pitching above the blasting fireworks. “Are you guys for real? He’s the baby daddy?”

  “Yes,” Emily laughed as Olivia bear hugged her. “He’s the baby daddy.”

  Gavin smacked his smiling lips together. “The swoon-worthy baby daddy.”

  Clapping, Olivia started running toward the stairs to the beach. “I’m going to get everyone!”

  “You go right ahead,” Gavin called out. With his smile as wide as ever, he draped his arm over Emily’s shoulder. Grazing his nose against hers, he pulled her bottom lip between his teeth. “Do you know how happy I’m going to make you?”

  Emily smiled as her body let go of the last bit of tension curling through it. “I’m not sure you can make me any happier than you already have.”

  “Do you doubt my happy making skills?”

  “I guess I just did,” Emily giggled.

  After celebrating the news with their friends and family, Gavin followed Emily upstairs. She had a doctor’s appointment in the city tomorrow at four o’clock, and they planned on leaving relatively early to beat the holiday traffic. Before making the trip, Gavin planned on letting Dillon know not to bother showing up. He more than looked forward to making that call. Actually, he was pretty fucking sure he was going to record it. Still in shock he was no longer in purgatory, and feeling as if he were finally in heaven, Gavin couldn’t help the smile molding his face when Emily crawled into bed next to him. As she lay back against the pillows, he also couldn’t help but slide his body down the bed. He trailed kisses from her neck, down the graceful curve of her shoulder, and ultimately along the side of her stomach. Gavin slowly lifted her silk camisole, his smile widening as he settled his lips over the bare flesh of her belly holding his child. “Noah,” Gavin whispered, kissing just below her navel. “Noah Alexander Blake.”

  Emily let out a satisfied sigh. “I like the way that sounds.”

  “I do too.” Gavin kissed her stomach again and reached for her hand. Intertwining their fingers, he kissed each of hers, and looked at her. “Thank you.”

  Emily buried her free hand in his hair, stroking it away from his forehead. The look in his eyes, gentle tone of his voice, and the smile on his face had her heart bursting with love. “Thank you,” she whispered, a single tear breaking loose. “Thank you so much.”

  Gavin rested his cheek on top of her stomach, chuckling when a little wave rolled across it. “Arm?” he questioned, enjoying the way it felt.

  “Possibly.” Smiling, Emily looked down at the movement. “Maybe his butt?”

  Gavin shrugged, basking in the moment. “I wonder if he’ll suck at bottle caps like his mother.”

  “I wonder if he’ll be a wiseass like his father.”

  Gavin quirked a brow as he drew circles around her belly button. “A blue-eyed, sucky bottle cap playing wiseass. I like it.”

  Emily giggled. “Me, too.”

  Gavin kissed her stomach again, a devious smile tipping his lips. “I wonder if he’ll hate your Birds as much as I do.”

  Emily groaned, tossing her head back onto the pillow. “I wonder if he’ll be a bigger wiseass than his father.”

  “Lame comeback. You just used that one.”

  “It’s fitting for the wiseass it was aimed at.”

  “Can’t say I disagree.” Gavin rained a slew of slow kisses along every inch of Emily’s stomach, watching tiny goose bumps pop up over her flesh. “I wonder if he’ll know just how beautiful his mother is, inside and out.”

  Emily touched Gavin’s cheek, her soul warmed by his words. “I wonder if he’ll be every bit of the man his father is.”

  Eyes softening, Gavin slithered up Emily’s body, kissed the side of her ribs, the swell of her breast, and the slope of her collar bone. Hovering above her, he ran his hand through her silky hair. “I hope he falls in love with a selfless woman like his mother, who risks everything she has by taking a chance on his wiseass.”

  With vibrant flares of colors from fireworks spilling through the window into the darkened room, Emily’s stared into Gavin’s eyes, her breath catching as she tangled her fingers in his hair. “I hope he’s as forgiving, gentle, and kind as his father is if that woman ever hurts him.”

  Gavin settled his lips over Emily’s, whispering as he gently kissed her. “I wonder if he’ll know how much I’m going to love him and his mother until the day I take my last, dying breath.”

  Although she wanted to, Gavin didn’t let Emily speak again. Not only did he continue to leave a trail of sweet word prints in her ears, he entered her lifeblood, caressing her soul in ways he never had before. Heart racing with promise, Emily felt him become one with her and their child, his love unyielding with every delicate touch and sweet embrace through the night.

  When Emily woke the next morning, the smell of bacon flared her senses as she climbed from the empty bed. Puffy clouds, gray as an old headstone, peppered the sky beyond the window. Clearly rain would haunt the day. With a lazy stretch and a yawn creeping up her throat, she scanned the bedroom. Poking her head from the door, she heard Gavin’s and his father’s voices coming from downstairs. She smiled at the way they joked and laughed. Deciding to get a quick shower before they left, Emily rummaged through her suitcase for a soft pair of capri pants and red tank top. Clothing in hand, she made her way into the bathroom and indulged in a long, hot shower. Once finished, she blew her hair dry, got dressed, and headed downstairs. Finding Chad alone in the kitchen, she glanced around, looking for Gavin.

  �
�Good morning,” Emily said, pulling out a chair. “Where’s Gavin?”

  Holding a spatula, Chad faced her. “Good morning to you too,” he replied with a smile. “We ran out of milk. He took a quick ride up to the store.” Chad poured her a tall glass of orange juice and slid it across the black granite counter. “Drink. It’s good for you and my grandson.”

  Emily smiled, his proud tone warming her. “Thank you.” She sipped the juice and glanced around again. “Is everyone still asleep?”

  “Lillian’s getting ready.” Chad opened an egg over a sizzling frying pan. “Fallon and Trevor are awake. He came down and grabbed two cups of coffee. I haven’t seen Olivia or Jude, yet.” He gulped his orange juice. “Eggs and bacon?”

  “Sure,” Emily replied, her stomach growling from the tantalizing smell.

  Chad scooped some eggs and a few slices of bacon onto a plate. Placing it in front of Emily, he smiled, the wrinkles around his blue eyes lifting. “Enjoy.”

  “Thank you.” Emily picked up her fork and dug in. Over the next twenty minutes, she enjoyed listening to Chad talk about Gavin. She learned not only was her Yankees lover a Mets lover at one point, but he also pitched a no hitter in his senior year of high school. Afterward, he walked off the field, never to play again except for fun. Chad said they believed Gavin’s decision to stop playing came from the pressure hounding scouts gave him about taking his talent all the way to the major league. This surprised Emily, considering Gavin’s deep love for baseball. Nevertheless, she chalked it up to him wanting to become an architect. Either way, her curiosity was piqued, and she’d planned on picking his brain a little on the ride home. After she finished eating, Emily checked her watch. He’d been gone for over thirty minutes.