Fractured Paths (Fractured Love Series Book 1)

by Heather Anne

  "Um, I don't know." I study him. Something about his determination gets to me when he grabs my hand and his calloused thumb brushes the inside of my wrist.

  "Do you trust me?"

  "Yes." The word comes out before I can even think and it's the truth. Even though he is closed off, something inside me says I can trust him.

  "Ok, let me draw this out," he says as he sits at a table and starts drawing.

  I get up to stand over him. He looks over his shoulder with a shy smile that plays on his lips that makes my cheeks flush.

  "No peeking, sweet girl," he says and I can tell by the change of the look in his eye that he didn't mean to say that sentiment.

  I fall back in the chair, wondering what the hell is going on. I start playing on my phone, trying to match little candy pieces. I startle when he says my name in a harsher tone than earlier. I look up at him and he motions for me to come to him.

  "Take a look."

  I place my hand on his shoulder and peer over him, hearing his intake of breath at my touch. I smile inside knowing that he is just affected as I am by whatever this is between us. I gasp as I look at the drawing. My hand comes to my mouth and I feel tears start to form in my eyes.

  "Grayson, it's beautiful," I choke out, staring at the drawing. It's a sun and in the middle of it is a semi colon with a heart for the dot, but what gets me is the quote in a simple script that goes around the sun that says, ‘Because you can always find light in the darkness.’

  "You like it?" he asks, looking for my approval.

  I look him in the eyes. "It's perfect. I love it." And I do. I couldn't have thought of anything better than that to not only commemorate Tim, but also this new chapter of my own life. No matter how weighted down by grief and guilt I’ve been over the past year, my heart is still beating. My lungs are still taking in every breath. I am alive.

  "Do you want it on your ankle or maybe even the wrist?" he asks.

  "My wrist. Something this beautiful I want to be able to see every day," I say as he points to the chair.

  "I’m thinking the sun fades out from the center yellow to orange to red. The writing black and the semicolon purple and turquoise."

  "The colors of the suicide prevention ribbon," I say and he nods, not offering any other information.

  I watch his arms as he takes my wrist and places it on a table he has moved in front of me. I notice one of his tattoos are of writing that I can't make out, but it looks like the I is a semicolon in the same colors. I look up at him. "You too?" I ask as he busies himself setting up the machine.

  "Not going there, Skylar,” he warns.

  "It's ok. I know it's tough - trust me - I won't ask you to tell me anything you don't want to." All of a sudden I have diarrhea of the mouth. "I didn't want to talk about Tim for a long time, but I was forced to. I was forced to examine his life, my life, and everything in between. It is so exhausting. The pain. The massive amount of guilt. The self-loathing. The blame. All of it started to crush my spirit," I say.

  The look in his eyes is one of empathy. He gets it. I don't know why, but he does. The machine buzzes and he lets me know it may sting a little. It feels like a constant cat scratching at my skin but it’s more annoying than it is painful.

  "Listen. About last night," he says and my entire body stiffens. "It can't happen again." It sounds like he is trying to convince himself.

  "Yeah, I know." I look at him and the disappointment on his faces matches the tone in my voice.

  "I like you, Skylar. You seem like a cool girl, one that could use a friend," he says and his genuine smile has me smiling right back at him.

  "Well, I think you can use a friend too, Grayson. Someone who gets it and, believe me, I do."

  His eyes widen because he knows I see him. I see him behind the brooding asshole façade he puts on. Beyond the rainbow of ink adorning his skin. Beyond the haunting look that is prominently in his eyes. From the way his body language changes, I’m not sure who is freaked out more, him or me.

  Chapter Eleven

  Friends. How I’ve managed to play the friend card and actually stay in that zone is beyond me. After giving her virgin skin some color two weeks ago and listening to how she felt about her husband’s death - the blame, the guilt, all of it - I wanted to be near her. Even if I couldn't open up and tell her just how much I got it. How I felt like I was looking in a mirror of feelings and regret as she spoke to me. I felt that maybe having her in my life wasn't such a bad thing. We developed an easy friendship even though when it comes to opening up, it’s mostly one sided, but she doesn't seem to mind.

  Just being in her presence helps keep the demons at bay and, if I’m honest, that scares the crap out of me. The sexual tension between us is at an all-time high and as much as I know crossing that line will be detrimental to both of us, I don't think either of us has a choice.

  We’ve settled into an easy routine. We meet up at Beans before group and walk over together. We started going to the diner after each session and I’ve learned so much about her. Skylar is funny and sometimes too honest. She doesn't hide the fact that she thinks I should share in group and I don't hide the fact that it pisses me off whenever she tries to push me. I know she wants to know about Lainey, but I haven't said a word. I only said in group once that I got it because I lost someone to suicide as well, but I refuse to elaborate.

  The subject of my dead wife and son are completely off limits to everyone, even my brothers and sister. All of whom make it known that they adore Skylar, and who can blame them? She is everything I’m not. She is light and love and hope, the epitome of bettering yourself, while I’m still stuck in the pain of my past. A part of me wishes things could be different, and when she looks at me in a way that I know is reserved just for me, I want to kick myself for being the way I am. Skylar makes me feel certain things and I try my best to push them to the side.

  Though it’s been a while since I took a pill, I still drink every day. I keep bottles of whiskey hidden in my house and when I get home at night, I make sure I’m numb. I cannot let things bubble to the surface to the point they explode. I wouldn't survive. The one thing I never want to do is hurt her. I know it’s inevitable. The push and pull that happens between us. The flirting that goes on. The innuendos I make and man, do I want her. I want her so bad I can still taste the strawberry flavor on my lips from that kiss that happened weeks ago. I want to kiss her again. Over and over. I’ve settled for her cheek. Every time I kiss her cheek to say hello or good bye to her, the warmth that I can see spread on them makes my dick want to come out and play.

  My life has gotten much quieter since Skylar came into it. Other than playing with the guys on a regular basis, my nights are usually spent at home with my bottle in one hand and phone in the other. I find it so much easier to talk to her - I mean really talk to her - over text messages. Lainey will forever remain a closed subject, but I find myself opening up to her about my family and asking her advice on how to fix my strained relationship with Hudson.

  Of course, I wasn't completely honest. There were still things I wasn't showing her about myself like the pills or the fact I was in rehab for a month and she thinks that my truck is in the shop.

  Another thing that’s changed is that both Skylar and I have developed a friendship with Luke and his girlfriend Allyson, who is also a best friend of Amy. Luke is a great kid and I have no idea why, but Skylar thinks I’m a great role model for him and that makes me sick.

  She doesn't know who I used to be or who I am deep down. A drug dealer, a pill popper, and the reason why my wife and son are six feet underground. The kid has some issues after losing his brother and his father being locked up, but I look at him and Allyson, and I know as long as he stays on the straight and narrow, he will be fine.

  The love between two kids so young remind me so much of Lainey that sometimes I find myself making excuses as to why I have to leave if they join Skylar and I at the diner. It's painful to watch, not only because I had
that pure love once, but because I know that I can have it again if I would just open myself up fully.

  “FUCK!” I yell as I toss the bottle of whiskey across my living room. I have feelings for her. I probably have since the first time I laid eyes on her and after that one time I got a taste of her, I was addicted. Being around her is unlike any high I have ever experienced and I want it. I crave it, but I don't crave what happens if I let her in. I don't welcome the pain that inevitably will come when we crash and burn, because we will crash and burn.

  I haven't had my cock buried in a pussy or in someone's mouth in far too long and I need it. I need to get the fuck out of here and go find some nameless, faceless person to lose myself in so I can get Skylar out of my head. I cannot feel for her. I cannot allow her to feel for me. No matter how much I know she wants me or how much I want her, what we can give each other is on different ends of the spectrum. I can give her countless orgasms and take her to body to places she never knew. She can give me so much. She can offer me hope, peace, and I know she can offer more love than I ever thought possible, but as selfish as I am, I can’t take that from her.

  If I’m honest with myself, I want her love. I want her light. But how can I expect her to give me all of her when I can't even give her a fraction of myself?

  I decide to head out to Stein’s and am shocked to see her sitting at a table with Lauren, Jeffers, Amy, and Hudson. I had no idea my little brother was back in town and it shouldn’t bother me, but it does. I know the strain on our relationship is my fault but I don't know how to repair it. I don't even think he wants to. I say hello to everyone, giving the girls kisses on the cheeks.

  "What brings you out?" Skylar asks.

  I shrug. "I was bored. Figured I’d come out and see what was going on." Which was partially honest. I didn't want to tell her that I was coming out to find a piece of ass to get under me so I could get her out of my head.

  "Hudson," I say.

  My little brother scowls at me. "Good to see you." He grunts, nodding his head. I turn to walk over to the bar where I spot Camden and Carson.

  I feel Skylar squeeze my hand in sympathy. Her touch gives me comfort and fuck if that tells me a truth I don't think I can ignore - that no one will ever be able to make me forget her. I need to turn up the charm. Fuck being friends. I want her. No, I need her. I will not deny us what we both want. Fuck the consequences and what comes after. I just hope we both survive it.

  Chapter Twelve

  I don't know what was more shocking - finding out his brothers didn't invite him because of the tension with Hudson, or that Grayson didn't react to either the tension or being left out. When I first noticed him walking into the bar, he looked like a man on a mission, then I saw his demeanor change from defeated when he spotted his youngest brother to relief when he noticed me amongst the crowd.

  I felt him physically relax the moment his soft lips touched my cheek and, god, did I want them on my own lips just one more time. As our friendship has grown, so has my attraction to him, which I felt was mutual. He would always find a way to touch me whether it be placing his hand at the small of my back as we walked through the door of the diner or brushing the hair out of my face when we were talking.

  I found ways to touch him as well - a rub of the arm, a shoulder check, anything to give me that physical reassurance that he was with me even if he really wasn't. I know I’m fooling myself into thinking that I can keep my feelings platonic when they are already growing to be so much more.

  My thoughts are gone and my eyes snap open when Hudson says, "Look at him, he hasn't changed a bit. He's still drinking."

  He looks towards the bar in disgust and I see Grayson take a sip of a beer as he talks to the blonde and brunette that are standing in front of him and Carson. Carson is more animated and flirting, like his life depends on it, where Grayson looks more reserved, bored almost, and I smile to myself as I hear the conversation get heated.

  "Now is not the place for this Hudson," Landon warns looking over at me.

  I have always thought they were all keeping something from me, I know now that's the truth. "No, go ahead. Don't hold back on my account," I say as I wave the waitress over and order a round of shots of Soco and lime.

  Yep, if I have to deal with the Davis drama, I sure as hell am going to be drunk when I do it.

  “What do you know about my brother?" Hudson’s eyes narrow at me.

  Ugh, this guy is a dick. I roll my eyes. "More than you do considering you haven't said more than a few words to him in six months."

  The waitress places the tray on the table and I grab two shots. I hear the groans around the table and Hudson eyes me and then the shots.

  "Well, looks like Grayson found his match. She's mouthy and a lush."

  "Hudson, you have no idea what you’re talking about," Camden grits out.

  "I don't? Then tell me, why is the princess double fisting shots?" Hudson asks.

  I scoff at the stupid nickname and down the first one. "That one was because I need something to help me deal with the Davis Drama you so graciously brought with you on this visit." I hear Lauren snicker and Landon choke on a laugh. "And this one is because she brought an extra one and Grayson doesn't drink hard liquor." I raise the shot glass and down it back.

  I cross my arms over my chest and watch Hudson look at Camden.

  “It's true, bro. He is getting better."

  "Better? Was he sick?" My buzzed brain is talking before it thinks and Landon interrupts before Hudson can talk.

  "You know Gray had a tough time a little while ago right?"

  I nod.

  "Has he told you everything?"

  I feel all eyes on me and I shake my head.

  Landon sighs. "He will, just give him time. You’re good for him, Sky." He smiles.

  "Wait a minute, you aren't a groupie?" Hudson asks and I laugh.

  "What?"

  "A Grayson groupie like those chicks over there."

  I turn and see the blonde lean up to whisper something in Gray's ear and look back at Hudson. "No, I’m definitely not like that".

  Ugh, the audacity of this guy - giving me the third degree over a brother he doesn't even seem to like.

  "Hudson, back off. Grayson and Skylar are friends and that's it. Just leave it alone," Lauren defends me.

  He shrugs, downs a shot, and shakes his head. "Whatever."

  Just then, Grayson comes over and eyes the group. I notice Camden shake his head and Grayson shrugs.

  "So, I see the pickings are slim - which one you taking out back tonight?" Hudson asks and Grayson's fists curl at his sides.

  I’m feeling a little drunk and a lot jealous. "What's it going to be tonight, Gray? A brunette with a side of blonde?" I snicker and smirk up at him.

  He bends down, his hazel eyes smoldering. His had comes up and I shiver as his tattooed knuckles graze my cheek. He leans in closer and my heart stops at the feel of his breath against my ear.

  "Nah, babe. The only thing I’m craving is strawberries." He gives my earlobe a nibble, straightens, and walks away, back to his brother. Panties. Soaked.

  There is a definitive shift between Grayson and I. I watch as he shakes Carson's hand and the blonde tries to follow him. She grabs his arm, but he shakes it off as his eyes meet mine. He gives a shy smile and a shrug and then he is out the door.

  The next morning, I groan and hold my head when I wake up. I see two painkillers, a glass of water, and a note.

  Take this and get your hungover ass in the shower. See you later -L

  I do as instructed and take a shower, feeling so much better afterwards. My head is still swimming with the Grayson shift of last night but I decide to shrug it off. It's a beautiful day and I decide on a pale yellow strapless maxi dress and a pair of flip flops. I let my hair dry naturally and add just my strawberry lip-gloss with no other make-up. Work goes by fast and I’m counting down the minutes until Gray shows up to walk over to group with me.

  He shows u
p right on time. I hand him a coffee and we head over to group. It has been going well. The entire group, even the skank Kristy, has become more comfortable in sharing. Well, everyone except Grayson, but that's alright. As long as he shows up and keeps opening up to me outside of group. The fact that he pays no attention to Kristy anymore makes me do a mental happy dance. Watching Grayson offer words of support to Luke warms my heart and I know I am trouble.

  Looking at Gray as he places a hand on the kids shoulder and says, "Whatever you need, you know where to find me," has my chest constricting and those butterflies flying because I know deep down that there is nothing that is going to stop me from falling for Grayson Davis. What a hard fall it will be; I just hope that it's one I can recover from.

  Chapter Thirteen

  The sexual tension between Grayson and I is getting out of hand. After last night, my hormones are out of control. All I want is to crawl over the table at the diner, park myself on his lap, and kiss the hell out of him. But I restrain. The little bit of self-control I have is hanging by a thread and what do I do when I’m nervous? Talk. A lot. Grayson never seems to mind though. He nods and adds things in or asks questions when needed so at least I know he is paying attention.

  "Coming here and getting away from the memories - the pain, the guilt, and the overwhelming sense of regret - was the best thing I could have ever done for myself." I stop my rambling to take a sip of my coffee. “Not to mention being followed around and harassed. I even had someone hide in the bushes outside my house.” I stop when I think I hear a growl come from him and peek my eyes over the top of my cup to steal a look at him. What a sight he is.

  His hair is a dark mess and in the harsh lighting of the diner, his hazel eyes look almost green. He has the sleeves of his black thermal pushed up his arms, which are stretched out over the back of the booth. God, I want to be that thermal. The fabric stretches across his massive chest, his insanely broad shoulders, and those biceps I just want to sink my teeth into. At first, he looks hard and his eyes are so empty, but there is more depth to him than I think even he realizes.