Fractured Paths (Fractured Love Series Book 1)

by Heather Anne

  "Skylar," I beg, for what I don't know. For her to leave me alone, for her to fix me, for her to just assure me everything is going to be ok.

  "Non-negotiable, Grayson Davis," she says, reaching out her hand to me.

  I look down at our hands, which are inches apart, and I hesitate. Rejection clouds her eyes. "I’m filthy." And humiliated but I don't voice that. She clutches my hand anyway.

  "But you’re alive and I need to feel that," she says.

  The drive back to her place is silent. Not the awkward or uncomfortable silence, but a silence filled with the anticipation and the knowledge that whatever happens when we get to her place will change everything.

  When we make the turn onto her street, I brace myself, half expecting to see the entire Davis clan there ready to lynch their black sheep of a brother. When we pull into her driveway and I see no cars, she looks at me.

  "It's just us, Gray. I told them I thought I knew where you were. I did text them to tell them I found you. They will not bother you until one of us tells them it's ok."

  Shit. This girl. How she can be so understanding through everything I have done, I will never get.

  "Thank you."

  “Come on, let's get you cleaned up." I follow her to bathroom, watching her as she pulls out a towel and washcloth from the closet and an extra toothbrush from under the sink. I start to undress and she comes back with a garbage bag and a pair of sweats.

  "Put your clothes in here - shoes, socks, all of it. Here are some sweats that I’m pretty sure will fit you, I think they’re Camden's," she says and I growl.

  "What the fuck are you doing with my brother's sweatpants?" I need to rein it in. I have no idea what she’s been up to since I walked away from her. I have no right to be jealous. I did this to myself.

  "Calm down, caveman.” She laughs. "Lauren left them here one of the times she stayed."

  I let out a sigh of relief.

  "There hasn't been anyone since you." Her eyes glisten with vulnerability.

  "Same here."

  "But what about Kristy and that night?”

  "Nope. I just made it seem that way to get you to leave me alone. Not one of my finest moments," I say, speaking the truth she deserves to know. She doesn’t respond.

  Neither one of us says anything for a moment. Neither one of us wants to talk about that night. The night that broke both of our hearts. The night I went to the point of no return.

  She breaks the silence. "I'll leave you to it," she says, leaving the bathroom. I finish taking off my clothes and wince at the smell. I can't believe I let her see me like this and, even more, I can't believe she still hasn't walked away. I’m sure she knows some of what I have been doing, yet she still welcomes me in her home, which is humbling.

  I turn the water on and let the steam fill the room. As I step into the tub, I can’t help but go back to what I witnessed in this room the day of Camden’s barbecue. That was the hottest thing I have ever seen. So uninhibited and erotic as hell. I step under the scalding spray, groaning at the contact. I see the dirt pooling at my feet. I grab the body wash off the ledge and am inundated by that familiar vanilla smell.

  I look down at my cock, which is hard as fuck, and I am in awe. Not because I have a big dick, which I do, but because I haven't been hard since I walked out on Skylar. She is like a magnet to my dick. The minute I see her or catch a sniff of her delicious scent, he has a mind of his own. I continue to wash myself, telling my dick to calm the fuck down. I don't feel right jacking off in her shower and, as much as I am dreading talking to her, I shouldn't prolong it.

  When I am nice and clean and my breath is minty fresh, I head to her kitchen and just watch her at the stove. She has changed into yoga pants and a tank top, her hair piled into a messy bun on top of her head. She turns to me, giving me a soft smile. She looks tired yet radiant. My stomach growls as the smell of food assaults my nose.

  "Sit." She gestures to the breakfast bar where a glass of orange juice awaits me. “Scrambled eggs and toast. I figured something light. When was the last time you ate?" She places a plate down in front of me.

  "I don't remember. Three or four days, maybe?"

  She blinks back tears. "Go slow, ok?"

  I nod, moaning at the first bite of cheesy eggs. I devour the meal as slow as I can, praising her culinary skills while she laughs. After I’m done, she takes my plate to the sink and starts washing it.

  "So?" Her back is still to me, almost like she’s just as afraid of this conversation that we both know must be had as I am.

  "So what?” I‘m so nervous. I know I shouldn't be because Skylar is the easiest person in the world to talk to.

  "Why?"

  "Why what?"

  “Why are you doing this to yourself?" She turns, crossing her arms around her, giving herself comfort.

  I shrug.

  "Grayson, I know there’s more to the story than what you told me. I know that Lainey is just a part of it. Maybe if you get it out, you can start to heal," she urges and I snap.

  "What the fuck do you want me say? You want me to talk about it? You want the truth? Well here it is, buttercup." I get up from the stool and stalk towards her.

  The seal that held every bit of emotion and pain in for so long, so tightly, finally breaks. Nothing can stop it this time, not even the agony on her face and the big, fat tears falling from her eyes.

  "For the past almost five fucking years, every time I close my damn eyes, you know what I see? Blank, lifeless brown eyes. Skin so gray and lips the color of frost. Pink water pooling around a round belly.”

  Skylar gasps.

  "She was pregnant." Her hand flies to her mouth but I ignore her, continuing the rant. "There was blood, so much blood. Blood so red and so bright, dripping from the side of the tub.”

  I take a heaving breath but I can’t stop the vomit from pooling in my mouth. I lurch forward and spew all over her kitchen floor. I wipe my mouth with the back of the sleeve of my hand and look up at her as she tosses me a towel.

  "If I had gotten that text message sooner, I would have saved her. But no. I was too selfish, too busy drowning in my guilt and grief for the baby that would be born lifeless that I could not be there for her.”

  She chokes on a sob and she is full blown bawling. I feel the heat of the tears falling down my face, tasting their salt on my lips as I continue.

  "I thought that after everything, we would be there for each other. Coping together. Picking up the pieces together. When we found out about Jack, a part of me died along with him, but when I found her, someone so vibrant and full of life, submerged in that tub, my heart shattered. Whatever was left of me stayed in that bathroom with Lainey. I am a broken man, there is no fixing me. There is no redemption for me."

  I rake my hands over my face, succumbing to the truth of my next words. "All I have wanted to do the past few years is die right along with them." My body starts to shake and I crumble to floor, with each broken piece of myself.

  A part of me wants so desperately for her to put me back together, but I am unworthy of someone like her. So strong, so beautiful, so positive, and even after everything she has been through, everything I have put her though, she has a zest for life that almost makes me feel envious.

  "I'm a shell of a man, Skylar. I cannot be fixed," I whisper and then I feel delicate arms wrap around me. I flinch at the contact- so warm, so caring. I look into her eyes and I don't see the pity I thought I would find there. I see understanding and acceptance. I suck in a breath and look at her red rimmed gray eyes, so beautiful even behind the sadness.

  "Are you happy now? Now that I told you? Now that you know how hollow I really am?" She squeezes me gently and shakes her head. From the sound of her jagged breaths, I know she is too distraught to answer, succumbing to the pain I have caused her by finally telling her the truth.

  "What do else do you want from me, Sky?" I ask with an exasperated tone.

  "You, Gray. I just want you in whatever w
ay I can have you," her tone is quiet, yet full of conviction, breaking me again.

  Not in a painful way, no, not at all. I hug her closer, clinging to her. My body shakes so violently from the built up pain that I am finally allowing myself to break free. And that's how I have broken - free. I can feel some of the broken pieces start to fix themselves and I know that the journey is going to be long. I don't know what life after this moment - this one epic and painful moment - has in store for me, but one thing is certain.

  Skylar.

  No, she can't fix me completely - I am convinced no one can - but god she makes me want to try. For Lainey, for Jack, for her, for my brothers, but most of all, for myself.

  If she thinks I am worthy of her, then I better do my damnedest to prove it.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Just feeling his arms around me offers a sense of relief I have never felt. Seeing him break down makes my heart hurt for him, yet at the same time, it offers me hope in a situation that hours ago felt completely hopeless.

  "Skylar?" he pulls back.

  "Yeah?"

  "I stink again." I laugh, giving him an odd look.

  "I know we have a lot to talk about, and we will, but I’m exhausted. Right now, I need to brush my teeth, wash up, then I want nothing more than to get in bed with you and just hold you." He sounds vulnerable.

  "Ok." He heads towards the bathroom and I spray the floor with disinfectant, run the mop over the spot, and grab two bottles of water from the fridge. I don't know why I’m so nervous. I feel like I’m in a dream. It seems like all of life's problems have disappeared just knowing that he’s safe, but that’s far from the truth.

  If Grayson doesn't get some sort of help, he will die, and that is something I would never recover from. I haven't pushed him, only because I honestly didn't know what he was doing to himself. I never had experience being around drug addicts other than the few teenagers I counselled at the high school. This is so different, though. When I got to the cove, I planned on dragging his ass back here and demanding he get treatment. It was his brokenness that stopped me from the hard, tough love.

  For some people, it takes a frying pan to the head to knock some sense into them, some people it takes a shot to the heart to make them see what they are doing, and others need to figure it out on their own.

  I enter my bedroom to see Grayson already there under the covers. I look over at him and he lifts up my comforter in an invitation to join him. I place two water bottles on the side table and climb into my bed.

  "Come here." He opens his arm for me to lay on his chest. I don't hesitate. I place one hand under my head and the other on his chest. He takes that hand, links our fingers together, bends his head down, and gives me a soft kiss on my forehead.

  "Thank you," he says.

  "For what?"

  "For not giving up on me. For not pushing me. For being the one thing that makes sense in my fucked up mind." I swallow the lump in my throat.

  "You need help," I finally say.

  "I know."

  "Are you ready for it, Grayson? It isn't going to be easy."

  "It's going to be so fucking hard but I have to, Skylar. I need to get my shit straight. When Lainey died, I was so pissed off that life went on without her here. Everyone was moving on while I was stuck in that bathroom with her. I have so much guilt, Skylar, and I let it eat at me for so long. When I was laying in that cove the other night, I realized that I had a life, I just refused to live it. I chose not to feel, I chose to try to forget and when whatever I tried didn’t work, I tried harder. I took more. I went into this lonely place and I didn’t think I was going to get through it. I abandoned my business, my brothers, my niece and, most of all, I abandoned you."

  I feel the buildup of the tears. "You can't do it for me. You can't do it for your job, your brothers, or even Amber. You have to do it for you."

  "This time is different." I roll my eyes. He chuckles.

  "I feel different, Sky. I keep thinking, how the fuck did I get here? How have I let myself get like this? How do I fill this void within me? I don’t have the answers, but I know it isn't drugs. All they have done is made that void deeper, turning me into a person so far from who I used to be. I have done some pretty grimy stuff, Skylar. I know it's going to be a long road, I just don’t want to be that person anymore, and I will do whatever I have to do not to be that guy anymore. He's kind of an asshole."

  I laugh and prop myself onto my elbow. I run my hand along his jaw. "Grayson, you aren't an asshole, well not all of the time anyway.”

  He laughs.

  “Seriously though, addiction is a disease, an incurable illness. There is no magic pill to make the shit in your head calm down, but whenever you think you aren't worth it and a life with drugs sounds like the better, easier way out, just remember that there are people who believe in you and know how worth it you really are." There is a look in his eyes that tells me he wants so bad to believe in what I am saying.

  "You got this, Grayson." I laugh as he flips so we are both on our sides facing each other.

  We look in each other’s eyes, not breaking contact, needing this moment. Just us. Nothing between us but the reality that he is here. He is safe and just for right now, we belong to each other. His hand cups my cheek and I lean into his touch. His forehead rests against mine and he inhales.

  "God, I missed you," he says and his lips find mine in a sweet, soft kiss. His mouth moves way to slow against mine and I need more.

  "Skylar," he whispers against my mouth and I take the opportunity to taste him with my tongue. We collide in a frenzy of tongue and teeth, groans and growls. He kisses to the sweet spot behind my ear.

  "I don't want it to be just about this." He kisses down to my pulse point.

  "It’s not. It’s about us," I moan as he gives that spot a little suck.

  "I didn't think there was still an us." He kisses back up to my lips.

  "Less talking, more kissing." We need to get away from the seriousness of tonight. I don’t want anything else but the throbbing in between my legs to be taken care of. He turns me on like nothing else.

  He flips me so I am on my back and hovers over me, resting his weight on his arms and I look at him. I mean really look at him. His eyes have a little bit of the shine back in them, his cheeks are flush, his bottom lip plump from our kisses, and a sheen of sweat coats his face which looks almost blissful. I wiggle to where I can feel him between my legs. He growls at the contact and attacks my neck with nips and sucks.

  "Fuck." He starts pulling my shirt up and I lean up so he can get it over my head. He fondles my breasts, kneading them and pinching my nipples. "Mmm, I missed these tits." He dips his head down and flicks a hardened peak with his tongue.

  "Grayson." He circles it with his tongue before giving it a gentle suck and a startling bite. I moan loudly, arching my back, begging him to take more. His mouth is all over my breasts and the wetness between my legs is starting to stream down my thigh. I grind up into his impressive erection. He grinds back, finding my clit through his sweats and my yoga pants.

  "Yes," I pant and he removes his mouth from my chest and kisses me hard. I feel his hand in the waistband of my pants, his calloused fingers start exploring my folds.

  "Fuck me, Skylar. Always so goddamned wet for me." He pushes my yoga pants down and slides two fingers inside my wet heat and I groan. He starts pumping in and out of me with his fingers at a rapid pace. I grind on his hand meeting his rhythm.

  "I love how greedy this tight pussy is." He kisses my neck and I feel my muscles start to tighten.

  "Does this cunt need relief, baby?" I moan, unable to form coherent words. He slides down my body, spreads and lifts my legs so one is on each side of his head. He leans in and inhales. "Intoxicating," he says before probing my entrance with his tongue.

  "Oh god," I moan as he stiffens it and starts fucking me with it unrestrained. Bucking my hips, I fuck his face right back. I’m a time bomb ready to explode. Basta
rd pulls back just as I am about to combust.

  "Fuck," I complain. Smirking, he pushes his sweats down.

  "I’m clean babe, no one since you, no IV drugs," he says and I nod.

  I want him to hurry the fuck up and get inside but something snaps in me and I remember I have a point to prove when I see his massive cock spring free. God, he has an amazing body, but his cock is a masterpiece. Long and thick, plump head and heavy balls...mouthwatering. I leaned up, making a show of my tongue darting out to get the drop of pre-cum beaded at the tip.

  "Skylar," his voice has a warning to it, but when I look at his face, it has nothing but lust all over it. I lean forward, taking his hard shaft all the way into my mouth.

  "Jesus Christ," he moans; both of his hands fist in the back of my hair. I pull back, the underside of his cock sliding against my tongue, and he lets out a string of curse words. I lean back in and take him all the way down my throat and when the head hits the back, I swallow and Grayson yanks me as gentle as he can by my hair.

  "Fuck, Skylar, I’m about to blow. When I come tonight, it's going to be inside you where my cock belongs.”

  He pushes me back and with one hard thrust, he is in me. He leans down, kissing me as he begins a torturous pace of sliding in and out. He looks in my eyes and kisses me again. Keeping that steady, I have nowhere to be, kind of pace but it's too reminiscent of the last night we were together.

  "Gray, please," I beg, needing to get out of this serious state we’re in. I feel like things between us have changed, but my heart can’t handle it if I’m wrong.

  "Hmm?" he says as he pulls back out and pushes back in.

  "Fuck me." He quirks an eyebrow. "HARD." And that's all he needs.

  Lifting my legs to his shoulders, he pounds me like a jack hammer. Hard. Swift. Deeper than any ocean. I cry out with each thrust. I’m drenched and my pussy starts convulsing. On the verge of exploding harder than I ever have, all it takes is one push of his thumb against my clit and I detonate.

  "Grayson!" I shout, and his thrusts become erratic