Loving Ashe

by Madrid, Liz

  “Your anahata chakra. Right here,” Tessa replied, pointing to the center of Riley’s chest. “It’s the seat of balance within your body, and it’s quite unbalanced right now. It’s also the seat of love and compassion. Are you feeling conflicted about self-love or self-acceptance?”

  Riley shrugged. “You tell me, Tessa. I just got caught kissing a man I don’t love, who turns out to be seeing some gorgeous actress, and I see everyone who comes in here as potential paparazzi, therefore I’m paranoid as hell. What do you think?”

  “I think you should apologize.”

  “To Gareth?” Riley snapped. “Are you kidding me?”

  “No!” Tessa looked at her incredulously. “To Ashe. Tell him what really happened — that it was Gareth who came here and sought you out, not the other way around, the way the gossip sites are making it look like. Ashe is the one you really like, right? If not, I know he likes you, or he wouldn’t have waited hours for you to end your shift that day. Besides, I think he’s a gentleman. He seems to know how to treat a woman right.”

  “Well, I did apologize to him, but he never called me back,” Riley said.

  Tessa’s face fell. “He didn’t?”

  Riley shook her head. “No, and I can’t really blame him, I suppose. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s just written me off and moved on.”

  “I’m surprised he didn’t have the decency to call you back,” Tessa said, frowning. “And I know you’re surprised and heartbroken, too, even though you won’t admit it. I’m so sorry, Riley. I thought better of him.”

  “Well, it was fun while it lasted. I mean, when will something like that happen again? Two Hollywood stars in the same building one day apart, both of them wanting to talk to me,” Riley said, forcing a smile. “But I’ll be fine, Tessa. Really I will.”

  “You ought to take some time off, Riley,” Tessa said. “Even Allen’s getting worried about you, and I know he’s scheduled you with time off tomorrow and the day after that. You’re hardly eating anything as it is.”

  “That’s because I have to fit into Paige’s dress for her charity gala tomorrow night,” Riley said, lining up the last of the chairs even though they didn’t need it, but she needed to be busy. “It already fits, thank God, but all I want to do is stay home.”

  “Then stay home,” Tessa said, following Riley to the back office. “That’s probably one of the reasons your heart chakra is not balanced. You’re doing everything to please everyone else. You hardly do anything for yourself. That’s what the anahata is — your heart, as in ‘follow your heart’ — and you’re definitely not doing that. Unfortunately, everyone else has their own agenda when it comes to their hearts.”

  Allen had gone home for the day and it was Riley’s turn to sit in his cramped office. She turned to face Tessa, meaning to shut her up, but then paused. Why should she do that when Tessa was speaking the truth? The girl was right.

  “Where do you get all this stuff from, Tessa?” Riley asked. “Anahata, chakras, imbalances?”

  “I’m a yoga instructor — or at least I was when I lived in San Francisco. I need to get my certification renewed here if I want to teach again,” Tessa said. “But don’t change the subject, Riley. That’s where the imbalance is coming from, you know, or part of it at least. You can’t do anything about Ashe or Gareth, but the more you beat yourself up over it, the more unbalanced and unhappy you’ll become. There’s nothing you can do about them, so just let it go. But doing things for other people when you don’t want to do them — that’s what’s causing the major imbalance. You’re unhappy because of it.”

  “Tessa, shouldn’t you be at the counter?” Riley asked. She didn’t object to the impromptu counseling session, just to its timing, for a customer was standing by the counter, waiting to be served.

  Tessa sighed. “I’m sorry if I’m butting into something that’s none of my business. But ever since you decided to go to this gala, after the whole hullaballoo with Gareth and Ashe, you’ve been miserable. We can all see it. You’re also cranky as hell.”

  “Tessa, there’s someone needing help at the front,” Riley said, her patience running thin. She appreciated the concern, but this was too much.

  Tessa headed for the door, then stopped and turned to look at her. “You’re not happy, Riley. And I don’t mean, like, really happy-happy to be here. I mean you’re not happy — soul-happy. To be honest, though I’ve only known you for a few months, I’d never seen you glow as much as you did when Ashe was around, even if that was only once. You didn’t glow like that when Mr. Big Shot Gareth Roman came by, not even close.”

  “Tessa,” Riley said again and Tessa stepped out of the office. But she surprised Riley by sticking her head through the door barely five seconds later.

  “Ashe will come through, Riley. I just know he will,” Tessa said.

  “And how the hell do you know that, my new-age counselor?” Riley asked. She couldn’t help but smile at Tessa’s positivity. The girl was indomitable.

  “His anahata chakra was actually quite balanced when I saw him here,” Tessa said, smiling. “He’s the type who follows his heart — his soul-heart.”

  15

  Anahata

  The next morning, Riley made her decision. It was last minute, but she decided not to attend the gala with Paige and Clint, not even if she was supposed to be meeting nice Jesse for the first time. The gown was stunning — last season, but still beautiful — and it fitted her like a glove. It hugged all her curves, accentuated her breasts, and had sequins along the hem of the skirt, which flared enough at the hips to fall with a swishing sound at her feet. It made her look and feel like a princess who had just stepped off the screen into the real world. There was no way Jesse wouldn’t fall for her, Paige reminded her, when she looked fantastic.

  The only caveat was that she had to wear four-inch heels to pull off the princess look, a prospect that scared Riley half to death because she’d never been able to walk straight in them. Three inches had always been her limit, no matter how great the higher-heeled shoes made her legs look.

  But now that she’d made her decision not to go, she wouldn’t have to worry about that four-inch heels or looking fantastic with her stomach pulled in all night. Instead, she’d get to spend her Saturday night the usual way with Miss Bailey purring by her side, possibly reading a book that had belonged to her mother, maybe even with a few of her mother’s handwritten notes along the margins.

  Saying ‘no’ would be easy, Riley thought as she stared at Paige’s number on her phone. But if it was so easy, then why couldn’t she simply dial Paige’s number right now and tell her that she wasn’t going after all? Surely it wouldn’t matter to Paige and Clint. It wasn’t like she was the one invited to the gala. She was just a guest of a guest, so it would be no big loss for Paige if Riley didn’t come along. Paige could focus on her usual socializing and not worry whether her kid sister was getting it on with Jesse, or tripping and falling in her gown.

  The ringing of her phone as Paige’s name popped up on the display interrupted her thoughts. Oh, crap, I spoke too soon.

  “Are you excited yet?” Paige asked as Riley answered the phone.

  “I know that you are,” Riley replied. “But I’ve decided not to go.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I’m not going, Paige,” Riley said, keeping her eyes focused on the small TV set in front of her. “I need a break. I’ve been working a lot lately and I’m tired. I want to stay home and lie low. What if someone there recognizes me?”

  “So?” Paige asked, her voice clipped. “It’s not like you’re still in the news, Ri. Even if anyone recognizes you, so what? You did nothing wrong.”

  “That’s not what they think,” Riley said, remembering the lively conversations in the fan forums about that skank named Riley. “Look, maybe I should just lie low instead of attending some gala where people only go to be seen.”

  “We go because it’s for a good cause, Ri,” Paige said. “It�
�s for disadvantaged children all over the world and each ticket cost at least $1250. It’s being held at the Museum of Natural History.”

  “Jeez, Paige, I’m sorry,” Riley said. Twelve hundred dollars was a lot of money. “I thought I was a guest of a guest. The last thing I wanted was for you and Clint to pay for my ticket. I could have met Jesse at the Library for nothing. I’d have bought him the drink even.”

  “Well, you’re not just a guest of a guest, Ri, you’re an official guest, and you really ought to be there. You agreed to come, and now you’re backing out on me at the last minute. That’s just not cool. But why am I even surprised? It’s so like you.”

  Now Paige was just being mean, but she had a point. Riley had agreed to go. She’d lost weight to fit into the dress, snacked only on carrots, celery and juices to look, well, gaunt, really, if she were being honest.

  “I’m tired, Paige,” Riley said, and at that moment she was tired of everyone telling her what to do.

  “Pull through for me, Ri, please,” Paige said, this time with a slight whine in her voice, another of her tactics. “Jesse paid his own money to be there and meet you. You look stunning in that dress, and you even got lash extensions and a facial to look your best.”

  “You gave me a gift certificate for the lash extensions and the facial, Paige,” Riley said.

  “All the more reason to go, Ri. Don’t worry what other people think. They’re probably not even going to remember. Didn’t Isobel’s father pull down the pictures, anyway? Damage control, I think that’s what Betty told me. So you have nothing to worry about.”

  When Riley didn’t reply, Paige continued. “Come on, Ri, just for tonight, and then I’ll leave you alone, I promise. After tonight, no more galas. I’ll have Bob pick you up at 5:30, and I can do your hair when you get here. How does that sound?”

  “You promise there’ll be no more galas after this? No more meddling into my life?” Riley asked.

  “I promise.”

  She really should grow a spine, Riley thought as she sighed, hating the thought of having to slip her feet into those four-inch heels.

  “All right. One more time, and no more meddling into my business from here on in,” Riley said, pulling herself up from the couch where she had thought she’d settle for the rest of the day, watching the last few videos of her Pride and Prejudice box set. Colin Firth had just emerged from the lake. “I’ll be ready by 5:30, then.”

  *

  Bob arrived early at 5:15, and Riley was in the back seat of the town car by 5:30, her stomach growling after eating nothing but a few baby carrots and five celery sticks all day. She had managed to squeeze herself into her gown and pull her long hair into a loose bun. Since Paige was going to style her hair, there was no point in stressing out about it. She just had to worry about the gown, the shoes and her make-up, not to mention her lack of a spine.

  The spine part would have to wait till tomorrow. Tonight she’d have to play along with Paige and Clint, and be nice to Jesse. Maybe she and Jesse would hit it off and she’d become just like Paige, a Manhattan housewife with three kids, drinking vodka sours at the Polo Lounge and constantly worrying about how her butt looked in her ‘mommy’ jeans.

  The car was a block away from her apartment building when she saw him. He was walking towards her apartment, or what she hoped was her apartment, looking up at the street signs as if he was lost or trying to get his bearings.

  “Stop the car!” Riley exclaimed.

  “What’s wrong? Did you forget something?” asked Bob, double-parking in front of a drugstore. Behind them, cars honked their horns and drivers yelled. Just a normal day in New York, Riley thought as she opened the car door and stepped out.

  “Tell Paige I’m so sorry, but I can’t make it tonight.”

  “What?” Bob exclaimed. “What the hell is going on? Riley!”

  But she was gone. For the length of the first block, it felt good to sprint in her four-inch heels as she hurried back towards her apartment. It felt like she were in some movie, running after the man she loved, complete with some music playing inside her head. But by the second block, the music faded and novelty of seeing herself in a movie felt ridiculous. Suddenly Riley wasn’t so sure anymore whether she’d really seen him, and somewhere along the way, she’d lost the clip to her hair. Still, she was positive it was Ashe and uncomfortably aware that people were looking at her, some of the men whistling at the sight of a woman wearing a gown with a plunging neckline in the middle of the street, held together with discreetly positioned fashion tape. Riley looked around her, scanning the sidewalks, trying to quell the feeling of panic growing deep inside her.

  It had been Ashe, she thought. She would never have mistaken anyone else for him, not in a million years. The dark hair, blue eyes, the stubble that darkened his jaw and that tall frame. Ashe was walking towards her apartment.

  But when she finally arrived at her apartment building, prompting an alarmed Frank to come out and make sure she was okay, Ashe was still nowhere to be seen. Riley wanted to cry, feeling stupid for thinking that Ashe would actually seek her out. She must have dreamt him up, she thought, wishful thinking working overtime, making her see things she wanted to see even if they weren’t there.

  “Best get inside, Miss Eames, before you catch cold in that,” Frank cautioned and Riley realized she’d left her coat in the town car.

  “I’ll be right there, Frank,” she said as Frank returned to the lobby to help elderly Miss Primm make her way to the elevator.

  Riley sighed and folded her arms around her body. She felt so out of place on the sidewalk in her thousand-dollar gown. Unbalanced. Wasn’t that the word that Tessa had used? Well, she’d gone ahead and finally done what she wanted to do for a change — follow her heart and run out of the car to chase a man. But what good had it done her? Shit like that only worked in the movies. And she sure as heck wasn’t in a movie, was she? She was standing in the middle of the sidewalk in the Upper West Side looking ridiculous.

  Was that why she was feeling so unbalanced and foolish now?

  So much for anahata, Riley thought, looking down at her shoes and groaning out loud. She had stepped on a piece of gum and her right shoe was now stuck to the pavement.

  “Crap,” she muttered. There went her $400 shoes, she thought, as she attempted to scrape the gum off the bottom of her shoe the best way she could without leaning too far forward and falling flat on her face. She only hoped her boobs didn’t spill out of her dress at this rate, but she couldn’t move forward either, not with the gum stuck like it was.

  “You’re a sight for sore eyes,” said a voice in front of her and as Riley looked up, she saw his blue eyes first, a shade that reminded her of the sky.

  Suddenly, the shoes — and spilling boobs — were the last things on her mind.

  16

  Bases Loaded

  “Where are you going?” Ashe asked, grabbing hold of Riley’s hand as she teetered on one foot, still trying to dislodge the gum from the bottom of her shoe.

  “Right now, nowhere until I get this piece of gum from my shoe,” Riley stammered. “I mean, I was going to a gala but- ”

  “The one at the Natural History Museum?” Ashe asked, surprised.

  “Well, I was,” Riley said. “Don’t I look presentable enough to be a guest?”

  “You’re stunning.”

  “How do you know about the gala? Are you going?”

  He chuckled. “Not looking like this, no, although I know people who are going to be there. But I’m not.”

  Riley didn’t ask for names, for she really didn’t care who else was going. What if it was Gareth? As she held on to Ashe’s hand, she decided that it was time to give up on the gum and find out what he was doing there. He was dressed in a tight white shirt, equally tight black jeans, and boots that meant business. A dark coat and a long scarf completed the look.

  “What are you doing here?” She asked. “Did you get lost?”

  “I’m her
e to see you, and yes, I did get lost. I took the cab but I was one block off with the address,” Ashe said. “I tried to call you to let you know I was on my way, but you don’t seem to like answering your phone.”

  “I didn’t hear it ring,” Riley said, pulling her phone from her evening bag and realizing it was on Quiet mode. She switched it back to the normal setting.

  “You’re going to be late if you don’t leave now,” he said.

  “I’m not going,” Riley said, frowning. “I was only going because Paige and Clint bought me a ticket, and they wanted to introduce me to Jesse.”

  “Who’s Jesse?”

  “He’s Clint’s assistant,” Riley replied. “They wanted me to meet someone new, someone normal with a regular job, who won’t be flying off at a moment’s notice to film a movie in Africa or promote it in Asia.”

  “Is that what you want, someone normal?”

  “Whether you’re normal or abnormal, I’ll never know, will I, unless I give this getting-to-know-you bit a try?” she said. “You could be normal, for all I know. You could be crazy over video games, salsa dancing or-”

  “As a matter of fact, I do like salsa dancing,” he said, grinning. “Do you?”

  Riley hesitated. How the hell had she come up with salsa dancing? “I don’t know. I’ve never tried it.”

  “If you’re not going to the gala, do you have other plans for the evening?” he asked, pulling her to one side. Though she barely noticed the pedestrians, the sidewalk had filled up with people and they were blocking the way.

  Riley shook her head. “Other than growing a spine, nothing.”

  Ashe narrowed his eyes. “You already have a spine, Riley.”

  “Not when it comes to Paige. I let her run my life, so not attending the gala is an act of defiance on my part,” she said, knowing she was rambling a bit. Ashe was making her nervous and she knew she was blushing. “Heck, maybe it’s seeing you from the car and wondering if you were coming to see me, but whether I’m being flaky or not, this is my way of standing up to her. But maybe not. Maybe it’s just me wanting to see you again so I can at least apologize to you for what happened between me and-”