Loving Ashe

by Madrid, Liz

  They spent that evening at his condo in Waverly Place. Riley discovered that because he was traveling so much, half of his things were still in boxes. So although they had originally planned on visiting some vintage shops, Riley helped Ashe move everything out of the boxes to where it ought to go. By the time they were done, all the boxes were emptied and the place looked like a real home. Best of all, Riley got to see Ashe’s own collection of books that he’d brought with him from London, as well as his vinyl record collection. Then they wasted no time playing the Beatles, David Bowie and the Sex Pistols in all their scratchy-sounding glory.

  The next day, Riley took Ashe on a tour of her version of New York. With Ashe wearing what he called his ‘armor’ which consisted of a baker-boy cap and thick-rimmed glasses, she began with a trip to the Cloisters, along the northern tip of the city. Ashe surprised her by bringing along a lunch that he’d made himself — ham and mustard sandwiches with cucumber slices and salmon, and a thermos of tea with two matching cups — and saucers. It was so English that Riley smiled the whole time till her cheeks hurt.

  They spent the afternoon at the public library, where Riley led Ashe into the Rose Main Reading Room. They sat across from each other between one of the original Carre-and-Hastings lamps that graced each desk, Ashe reading a script he needed to review and Riley reading one of her mother’s favorite books, Ariel by Sylvia Plath. Not that much reading was actually done, as they spent most of that time sparring with their legs underneath the table till a library representative approached them and asked if they’d be interested in a tour of the library’s private collection. One of the staff members had recognized him after all.

  Riley couldn’t remember the last time she had felt like this, giddy as a schoolgirl as they were ushered into private halls and given the opportunity to view exhibits not currently open to the public. And the whole time, Ashe held her hand, or had his arm over her shoulder, always having her close to him. There were brief glances followed by soft kisses and hugs, all of which left her a quivering mess that reminded her being back in high school. It both scared and excited Riley at the same time. But then it saddened her to know that in a few days he’d be halfway around the world and she’d be alone again.

  “Who is Conley Brennan?” Riley asked when they’d left the library, walking past the two stone lions, Patience and Fortitude. She’d seen Brennan’s name on one of the screenplays he took with him, along with the words music rights. “And why is he so important?”

  “Surely you must have heard his songs. Three of them have made the top ten in the country music charts,” he said as he hailed a cab and opened the door for Riley. Two women stopped behind them and called his name but Ashe ignored them, following Riley into the back seat of the cab.

  “Three years ago, after recording the last song for his album, Conley Brennan got into his truck at three in the morning to go home, drove off an embankment into a ditch and he drowned,” he said.

  “That’s so sad,” Riley said, frowning.

  “His songs would have ended up just hidden away if his widow hadn’t gone online a year after he died, asking for financial backers to help her release them. Hazel persuaded me to buy all the rights to his music.”

  “Your sister?”

  He nodded. “She was one of these social media experts, and because she was always getting some type of treatment that required her to be in bed or in a chair, she was online most of the time. She and Cookie Brennan were about the same age and they became good friends. After Hazel asked me to help her acquire the music rights to help Cookie get her husband’s songs released, we set up a production company with two other friends. After that, everything was done through lawyers. Conley’s music is actually quite good. I like them.”

  “That’s so weird.”

  “What is?” he asked.

  “You liking country music.”

  Ashe laughed. “There’s nothing weird about liking country music. It’s actually not bad. There’s Johnny Cash and Dolly Parton. Wait, are you making fun of my musical tastes now?”

  Riley giggled as Ashe put his arm around her. Riley’s phone buzzed from inside her purse, but she reached in and without checking to see who called, she clicked the Mute button. It had rung three times that morning and five the day before, but she was too scared — and guilty — to answer the calls and texts. When they were finally inside the elevator and heading up to her apartment, Ashe asked the question she’d long been expecting.

  “You haven’t talked to Paige yet, have you?”

  “She’s very angry with me,” Riley said, keeping her eyes on the floor. “But I’ve texted her back to tell her that I’m sorry about bailing out on her on Saturday night, and to let her know I’m fine.”

  Ashe said nothing more till they reached her apartment. As she closed the door behind him, she noticed that he didn’t remove his scarf or coat.

  “You need to speak to her, Riley, if not about us, about yourself,” he said.

  “I don’t think I can avoid telling her about us, not after I bailed out on her charity ball,” Riley said. “But what exactly do you mean by about us? What are we?”

  “What do you mean, what are we?” Ashe asked, frowning. “Can’t you see it? Can’t you tell?”

  “Maybe I just want to hear it from you.”

  It was way better than guessing, she thought, or second-guessing.

  “I like you very much, Riley, and I want nothing more right now than to spend the rest of the day with you, and much longer than that,” Ashe said, drawing closer to her. “But there are things you and I need to do on our own before we can focus on the two of us together. There’s my work, for example, and then there’s this thing with you and Paige. I know she doesn’t like me, and that’s something I cannot control. But I’m not about to tell you what you need to do, because you already know what it is.”

  Riley sighed. She wished she didn’t have to face Paige, because she knew that her sister was going to lecture her again about Ashe and how much he would hurt her, mostly because he was an actor, like Gareth, and knew Gareth. But how could she convince Paige that Ashe was so unlike Gareth? She wished she could simply text it all back to Paige, but that wouldn’t be right. Besides, Riley was scheduled to have dinner with her, Clint and the kids that evening. She couldn’t very well renege on that arrangement, too.

  “I’m going to go home and get a few things done,” Ashe said. “I’ve got a few calls to make to my agent and maybe an audition or two over the phone. It will probably take me till about eight or nine tonight to get everything done, or even later, because I’ll be working on LA time. So I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  Riley nodded. Ashe turned towards the door, but she put her hand on his arm.

  “What will happen if Gareth ends up getting the Conley Brennan role instead?”

  He shrugged. “I’d be disappointed, but I’ll just keep moving forward. Why do you ask?”

  “It’s just that ever since we met, it seemed important to you,” Riley said. “You even had a dialect coach.”

  “It is important to me,” he said. “But I’ve also got two movies to shoot next year with different studios, and two other projects that are in development with my production company, so I’m not too worried about it. They’re also working off my screenplay, which means my name remains on the credits. And because my company owns the rights to the songs, I hold the power to release the rights to the movie or not, and for a price. In the film world, nothing is ever certain until you sign on that dotted line, but until then, I try not to put all my eggs in one basket.” He kissed the tip of Riley’s nose. “Are you still worried?”

  “Not after you’ve put it that way.”

  Then Ashe kissed her on the lips, a kiss so soft that Riley sighed. She had fallen for Ashe and there was just no way back up to the surface, no chance of feeling like the same person she’d been before she met him.

  But then, what kind of person had she been before she stepped into that elev
ator with Ashe? She’d been in limbo for three years, still wondering why Gareth had left her the way he did, with a mattress on the floor and $20,000 in one-hundred-dollar bills.

  Riley forced herself back to the present, the price tag she’d carried inside herself for the past three years slowly receding into the distance. His kiss grew deeper with each passing minute, their tongues sparring towards the end. When she felt she couldn’t go any longer without having to rip his clothes off him, her fingers finding the buckle of his belt, Ashe drew back, rested his forehead against hers and sighed.

  “I’ve fallen for you, Riley-I-am,” he whispered. “But if I don’t walk out that door right now, I won’t be able to leave at all, at least not with my clothes still on.”

  “Wouldn’t that be a sight?” She giggled.

  “Yes, it would,” Ashe chuckled, walking towards the door. “But I’d rather reserve that performance for you alone.”

  20

  Where I’ll Be

  Paige was remarkably calm when she answered the door that evening, though Riley was sure that a few glasses of wine had probably helped to mellow her mood. She felt like a defendant entering the courtroom — guilty until proven innocent — as she walked through the door and entered the living room.

  Clint was seated in his armchair, surrounded by the triplets. Trey and Trevor were showing him pieces of construction paper bearing their painted handprints and Thomas was leaning against Clint’s left leg, flipping through a picture book.

  “Riley, you missed an excellent evening!” Clint said, waving at her as the triplets ran to greet her. “Jesse was pretty disappointed that you couldn’t make it, but luckily he ended up charming some fashion model all night. Can you believe that? It could have been you.”

  “No, thank you, Clint, but I owe you for the cost of the ticket. It will take me time but I’ll do it in installments,” Riley replied. The children abandoned Clint and surrounded her, holding up their painted creations and, in Thomas’ case, his book. He was reading Hansel and Gretel.

  “Oh, you don’t have to do that,” Clint said, waving his hand. “It’s a tax write-off for my company, and it’s something we do each year. Paige and I just thought it would be a good experience for you to have. We even found ourselves a new investment! We are now private investors in an upcoming movie about some country western singer. It’s still in development, but considering that Reign Studios just purchased the screenplay from these guys, I’m sure it’s a good investment.”

  “Okay,” Riley said slowly. “This is a bit different from the usual stocks and bonds and mutual funds you’ve put my money into, isn’t it?”

  “Just diversifying your assets, Riley. And it’s not like my company hasn’t invested in movie studios before. But you can’t be a barista forever, you know,” Clint said as Riley felt herself being herded towards the playroom by the triplets, but she held her ground. The playroom would mean she’d be buried in all the toys and probably asked to assemble a new train.

  Paige should have said something by now, Riley thought, even something snarky, but she was quiet, which told Riley that her sister was still pretty mad at her. She watched as Paige disappeared into the kitchen and then became absorbed by her nephews, who were telling her everything they’d done since they last saw her. Ten minutes later, Paige stepped back into the living room to announce that dinner was ready.

  Oh well, whatever Paige ha to say would have to wait till later then, Riley thought as she extricated herself from beneath the pile of identical triplets. But maybe it was for the best. At least they could all enjoy a nice dinner, talking about the usual things, like what the triplets were doing now, who caught a cold and who didn’t, who got into trouble at the preschool or what game they were into now, which usually changed weekly.

  Halfway through dinner, the conversation returned to the gala.

  “Come to think of it, Gareth was there, too, so it would probably have been awkward for you both to be in the same room after that whole fiasco with that photo of you two kissing,” Clint said, glancing at Paige before turning back to Riley.

  “Now I’m really happy that I didn’t go,” Riley said, forcing smile. “That would have been interesting, wouldn’t it?”

  With that, Thomas suddenly announced that he’d eaten all he could and wanted to return to his storybook. Trey and Trevor wholeheartedly agreed, though they had to stay for ten more minutes after Clint reminded them that they had to wait till everyone was finished with dinner before excusing themselves. As soon as the ten minutes was up, they rushed into the playroom and Clint excused himself as well.

  “I’ll leave you ladies to your usual girl talk and I’ll take care of the kids. Thank you so much for dinner, dear. It was delicious, as always,” said Clint, kissing Paige on the cheek before disappearing into the playroom with the boys.

  At least Clint was smart, Riley thought. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to work out that Paige was angry with Riley, and it was probably best for Clint and the boys to be out of earshot when she blew up.

  “You should just come straight out with whatever it is you want to say, Paige. It’s killing you to hold it in,” said Riley as she loaded the dishes into the dishwasher.

  “I’m very disappointed with you, Ri,” Paige said. “You promised to go to the gala and you backed out at the very last minute.”

  “I just didn’t want to go, that’s all,” Riley said. “I never wanted to.”

  “Because of Ashe,” Paige said.

  “Well, partly.”

  “Bob told me that you jumped out of the car in broad daylight. Your coat’s beside the door, by the way, since you left it behind in your rush to run after a man.”

  “I didn’t run after him, Paige. He was already heading for my apartment to visit me,” Riley said. “When I reached my building, he was already there. But this isn’t about Ashe, is it? This is really about us, and the fact that you can no longer control me or the way I live my life.”

  “The way you live your life? I saw how you tried to live your life, Riley, and it almost left me without a sister,” Paige said. “Why can’t you be with someone normal, someone who-”

  “He is normal, Paige,” Riley interrupted. “He’s so normal it’s not even funny. He dances the salsa, he reads Murakami, and he has a vinyl record collection that includes the Sex Pistols and the Beatles. But most of all, he likes me — a lot.”

  “You slept with him, didn’t you?” Paige said, her hands on her hips as she glared at Riley. “Was that what you were doing the entire time that you couldn’t even be bothered to call me back?”

  “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t call you back. But I texted you, didn’t I? And just in case you’ve forgotten, I’m old enough to sleep with whoever I want, and I will sleep with whoever I want, not Jesse or whoever else you and Clint think is right for me,” Riley said. “I remember how you used to think that Gareth was the most amazing thing to happen to me because he was there for me after Mom died-”

  “But you also ended up hurting yourself because of him,” Paige said. “Don’t even talk to me about Gareth, Riley. He’s bad news, more so now than he ever was.”

  “If I ended up hurting myself, it was my own fault, not yours or Gareth’s,” Riley said. “What do you want me to do, Paige, become a nun? Sooner or later, I’m going to fall in love with someone, and guess what? I already have.”

  “Why can’t you fall for some other guy who doesn’t work in the same business as Gareth? Someone who won’t leave you behind while he’s doing promos halfway across the world?” Paige asked. “How are you going to handle the talk about him being with someone else, pictures of him with someone, being a called his beard all because he travels with his two business partners; or when he’s filming, how are you going to handle the kissing scenes, or worse, the sex scenes? How, Riley?”

  “How?” Riley asked. She hadn’t thought about such things – Ashe kissing someone else in front of the camera or being naked with someone else, thoug
h he assured her that these days, he had the power to say no to any nudity on camera. At least gratuitous nudity at that. “I’ll handle it because I trust him,” Riley said. “And he trusts me.”

  “You trusted Gareth,” Paige said coldly. “Look where that got you.”

  Riley exhaled, feeling the foundations of what she’d just built with Ashe waver. But she couldn’t let it happen. Not now. She couldn’t understand why Paige was so hung up over Gareth leaving her the way he did. Sure, she ended up hooked on heroin afterwards, but still, after her overdose, she’d completed rehab, and she’d been clean ever since.

  “Ashe isn’t Gareth,” Riley said. “Besides, Gareth is history. Why are you so hung up on him? Why can’t you let him go? I’m trying my best to move on, Paige, but you keep bringing him up, expecting Ashe to be just like him.”

  “Because he hurt you, that’s why, and I don’t want him — or anyone, Ashe included — to hurt you ever again,” Paige said.

  They stared at each other for what seemed like minutes, neither of them speaking. Riley had run out of things to say, and she knew that anything she said now was simply to defend herself for choosing Ashe over someone else — someone Paige considered normal.

  “But you can’t control that, can you?” Riley asked. “I can’t control it either. I’m always going to be hurt by someone, over something, some time in the future.”

  “What if Ashe decides tomorrow that you two are over? Next week? Next month? Next year?” Paige asked. “What are you going to do then? Go back to your drugs and fool everyone that you’re okay?”