Love Is Overdue

by Natalie Myrie

  “Nothing, I guess…” I watched him for a moment. “I got high with your brother today – near the main stage, with Tasha.”

  Ben looked up, eyeing me suspiciously. “How’d that happen?”

  I sighed. “Tasha,” I explained. “She was scoping out the crowds for a free hit and she saw him smoking.”

  “I see…” Ben pulled the joint to his lips, licking the seal.

  I took a chance. “He asked me to tell you you should come to his wedding. He asked me to come too.”

  Ben looked up at me, narrowing his eyes. Then he pulled out his lighter and lit up slowly, purposefully…stalling. I waited.

  “What you tell him?” he asked me then.

  I thought. “Ummm…I don’t know anymore. I was high.”

  Ben paused a moment, debating my answer silently. “Here,” he said then, passing me the joint.

  I shook my head. “It’s okay, I don’t wanna smoke around your parents, I feel weird.”

  Ben laughed softly. “Why?” He looked amused. “They smoke too.”

  “Yeah, but…” I thought. “It’ll just make me too shy, I’m too nervous already.”

  Ben smiled, taking a deep pull off the joint, his eyes penetrating me in that way that always gave me goose bumps and made my heart race. When was I ever going to stop hyperventilating around this man?

  “Why are you nervous?” he asked slowly. Softly.

  I stared back at him. “You,” I admitted finally.

  “Me?”

  “Yes,” I paused. “I don’t know, I just…I’m aware of every little thing when I’m around you – kind of like I’m constantly high anyway, so…”

  Ben sucked his teeth, his eyes still barrelling through me. “I think you have a crush on me, Gabriela.”

  That made me laugh. “Oh, you’re just determining that fact now, huh?”

  He smiled. Slowly. Still watching me. “No, but…I just thought the novelty would have worn off by now.” He took a deep drag, holding and then exhaling, ever so slowly. Fuck, he was sexy. “Apparently not,” he added then.

  I felt myself flush.

  “Here we are…” Sally was making her way back onto the porch with a couple mugs, some spoons and some honey. “Gabriela, help yourself – Ben, let me grab you an ashtray.”

  “Thanks Sally…” Ben called after her as she dashed back inside.

  I smiled. I sat forward and started to pour some tea for the both of us. “Spoiled…” I teased him, under my breath.

  Sally reappeared with an ashtray for Ben as I passed him his cup and leaned back on the couch again, taking a small sip of my own. “Thanks Sally, this is lovely,” I said then.

  Ben picked up his mug. “So where’s Pops?”

  “Out back,” Sally told him. “In the garden. He wants to move the compost bin to the side of the shed.”

  “Right now?” Ben gave her a look.

  “You know your father…”

  Ben sighed. “Awright, I’m a go check him. Here, kill this for me.” He handed Sally the roach and then turned to me. “You good? I’ll be back.”

  I smiled. “Yeah, of course…”

  Sally sighed, smiling to herself as Ben stepped through the front door. “It’s nice to have Ben come around…we don’t see him as much as we used to.”

  I thought about that. Ben’s family seemed amazing to me. I didn’t understand why he stayed away myself.

  “Why is that?” I decided to ask.

  “Well…” Sally looked to be debating her answer. “Ben had a little falling out with his brother a few years ago and – it’s just put a bit of a strain on the family.”

  I nodded slowly. “Yeah, he told me about it.”

  Sally sighed, a little defeated look on her face. “But what can I do, right? They’re grown men, so…”

  I nodded. “Families can be complicated.” I thought about Laz. My mother... “I’m not close with my brother either.”

  Sally gave me a sympathetic smile. “Do you have a big family?”

  I kind of laughed, shaking my head. “No…it’s basically just me and my mom… My brother lives in Montreal. I have an aunt in the city too and a few cousins.”

  Sally sighed. “Distance always puts a burden on a relationship.”

  I nodded. “True. It’s not really that, though. My…well…my mom is sick. She has MS and…well, I’m the one that decided to stay and take care of her and my brother…he just decided to escape instead.” I caught myself. “I’m sorry…” I shook my head, smiling apologetically. “I think I’m just a little stressed out.” I hated myself for always blurting out my problems like an idiot. The last thing I needed was for Ben’s family to think I was some pathetic depressed chick with some major chip on her shoulder. “My brother’s coming for a visit – I think it’s just stirring up some emotions.” I needed to shut up.

  But Sally had a look of genuine concern on her face. “How is your mother doing?”

  I took a breath. “Well…I guess she’s been better. She’s in the hospital now. She had a fall and…she broke her hip.”

  Sally’s eyes went wide. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, Gabriela.”

  We were both suddenly distracted by a noise on the front walk. Then a familiar voice. “Yow…w’happen…”

  A smile spread across Sally’s face as we both saw Ivan heading up the steps of the front porch. “Ivan! What a coincidence…”

  “Hey, what’s up…” He addressed her casually, but I could sense a hint of discomfort in his voice when he saw me.

  “What you doing here so late?” Sally wanted to know. “Come in, have a seat…”

  Ivan sighed. “Just passin’ through…” He sat down on the chair Ben had been sitting on. “Hey Gabriela,” he addressed me finally.

  “Hi,” I answered politely.

  “Ivan just lives over on Adanac – few blocks down. You walking?” Sally asked him.

  He nodded. “Just reach home from the park…my knee been actin’ up again, thought I walk it off a bit…” His hand reached down and massaged his left knee absentmindedly.

  “Well…” Sally was on her feet. “I’ll go get you a cup for some tea…”

  “Nah, it’s cool, Sally,” Ivan tried to wave her off. “I’m a just rest up my injuries for a minute – not staying.”

  But Sally just rolled her eyes. “Don’t be silly, Ivan. You just sit tight. Be right back.”

  Ivan sucked his teeth as he turned and watched her disappear back inside.

  I smiled. “You have a very hospitable step-mother.”

  Ivan smiled slightly.

  “So what happened to your knee?” I wondered.

  “Old soccer injury,” he explained. “From like ten years back. Twisted it up real bad and it never heal up right.”

  I made a little face. “Ouch.” I paused. “Hey thanks for the weed earlier – knocked me right out.”

  Ivan smiled. “You gotta go easy on that shit if you ain’t used to it.” He had that same slow, deep pull to his voice that Ben did.

  “That’s true,” I agreed. “I’m not a hard-core pothead or anything. At least not anymore. I used to steal it from my mom back in the day.” I smiled, remembering Tony and I stealing from my mom’s stash to get high when we were teenagers.

  Ivan raised his eyebrows at me. Why did they both do that? I wondered.

  “So your mama was a pothead?”

  I laughed. “No…well, I guess…medical marijuana. To help with the pain.”

  “Ahhh…” He nodded slowly. “So she had a prescription. For what?”

  “MS.”

  “Did it help?”

  “I think so. She said it did. But the bureaucracy and hoops she had to jump through just to get it was more trouble than it was worth, so eventually I just hooked her up with a dealer. Much simpler. And I could take my cut too.” I laughed.

  Ivan looked amused. “Smart girl.” He paused, watching me. “So I guess my brother’s here somewhere? Where he at?”

&n
bsp; I smiled. “Yes, I think he’s in the back yard with your dad.”

  He nodded slowly, then ran his hands down both his thighs, sitting up. “I think I’m a bounce, Gabriela. It’s been fun, as usual,” he added casually, just as Sally stepped up behind him with his mug.

  “Sit. Drink.” She ordered him back down.

  Ivan complied reluctantly, taking the tea from her.

  “You know, it’s funny…” Sally started, sitting back down on the couch next to me. “I don’t think I can remember the last time I had you two boys here together at the same time. We should do this more often.”

  She knows just what to say, I thought to myself.

  Ivan sighed, giving Sally a look. “You preachin’ to the converted, you know that, right?

  “That doesn’t matter. One person always needs to offer the olive branch…call the truce…so to speak.”

  Ivan sucked his teeth at that. “You wastin’ ya time, Sally.” He took a long sip of the tea she had poured him. “Tea’s nice though…heal me right up. Think I may go run a couple miles tonight.”

  Sally rolled her eyes at him. “Where’s Angela?”

  “Home,” Ivan answered simply.

  We heard noises coming from inside the house. I braced myself. And then Ben stepped back out onto the porch. If he was at all surprised to see Ivan, he hid it well.

  “Whassup, Ivan…” His tone was casual, but dismissive as he stepped around him and dropped down onto the couch next to me.

  “Not much – just crashin’ your party over here,” Ivan sighed.

  There was an awkward silence that followed. You could have sliced the air around us with a knife. I clasped my mug tightly and held my breath.

  Sally broke the silence. “So y’all move the compost bin? Where’s your father?” she asked Ben.

  “Yeah…he’s still out back.”

  Dead silence again.

  “Oh…Ivan…” Sally piped up again, attempting to move the conversation along. “We booked the flight. Your father and I.”

  Ivan was still massaging his bad knee. “I appreciate it…” His tone was uneasy.

  I had a feeling they were talking about the wedding.

  “So…” Ben’s voice cut through the silence then. “You and Angie gettin’ married.” His eyes were on his brother. I had guessed correctly…

  Ivan met his gaze but stayed silent.

  “So where the wedding at?” Ben wanted to know.

  Ivan hesitated briefly. “Half Moon.”

  Ben’s eyes went wide. He looked to be debating something in his head. “So Mom plannin’ it or what?”

  Ivan nodded slowly. “It just goin’ be real small but she wanted to, so…”

  I glanced back over at Ben and noticed something in his expression change. It almost seemed like the idea of his mother helping Ivan plan his wedding didn’t sit right with him. He looked like he wanted to say something but instead just sucked his teeth and stayed silent.

  Ivan was just staring him down. “What?” he demanded suddenly. “Just say what you haffe say, awright? We all adults here…” His eyes fell on me for a moment. “And it not like your girlfriend here don’t already have the back-story, so may as well just keep shit real.”

  Ben stared back at Ivan for another moment but kept his mouth shut. And something told me he was holding back because of me. I could sense it.

  “I don’t have anything to say, Ivan. Congratulations.” Ben’s words sounded definite. Case closed.

  Sally let out a deep sigh. “Well, there we go. That’s a start.” Her voice sliced the tension in the air. Somewhat.

  But the look on Ivan’s face was growing more and more irritated. “What the fuck is your problem, Benjamin?”

  I flinched slightly and caught my breath.

  “Ivan.” Sally was in mediator mode.

  “Nah, y’know what?” Ivan wasn’t finished though. “This is bullshit, you know, Pops is right, and I know he tell you himself – this gone on long enough and it affectin’ more than just you and I, awright? Time for you to just let this shit go already.”

  Ben just sucked his teeth again. “I have nothin’ to let go, Ivan.” He kept his tone calm. “I told you before – we cool.”

  Ivan’s eyes went wide. “Awright, Ben – we cool. Right. So then if we cool I can assume you gonna come to my wedding, right?”

  Ben sucked his teeth at that. A little bitter laugh. “You can assume whatever you like.”

  “Ben.” Sally’s voice again. Laced with disappointment. “Really?”

  Ben leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. “I’m sorry, I really don’t know what y’all want me to say.” His defense-mode was picking up. “Ivan – I respect your decision, awright? Your relationship, your wedding – whatever the fuck else concerning you and Angela – it’s all good, awright? You want my blessing? Fine. You got it. But that’s not what alla you really want…” He addressed Sally then as well. “What alla you really want is for me and Ivan to be what we once was and that the one thing that can’t happen. You can’t take back what you did.” His eyes rested finally back on his brother.

  Ivan sighed. “Yeah, you right. But that’s where you missin’ the point. Am marrying her, Benjamin – so why the fuck would I want to take back any of it?” He kept his eyes steady. Focused.

  Sally glanced over at Ben. “They love each other very much.”

  Ben’s gaze shifted back and forth between the two of them again. Now he just looked pissed. “I’m happy for you, Ivan. And I’m happy that your mother finally came around and saw shit your way. It’s a beautiful thing…” Ben’s eyes focused over on me then…finally. “You ready to go?”

  I took a breath. “I…guess so.”

  Ω

  Ben took me upstairs to check on Sophie, leaving Sally and Ivan out on the porch behind us. He stopped me at the top of the stairs after peaking in on Sophie and pulled me close, wrapping his arms around me, giving me a nice, long warm hug. My fingers grazed his back, tightening their grip, inhaling his sweet scent. He pulled back, kissing my forehead tenderly.

  “What was that for?” I asked softly.

  “For having to witness all that bullshit downstairs,” he said simply, still sounding somewhat irritated, but his voice was soft now. “You need another one?”

  I sighed. “I think you do.”

  He smiled slightly and wrapped his arms around me once more. Fuck, he felt good. But something was nagging me and had been for a while already. I tightened my grip around him and took a deep breath. “Ben, if you’re really over Angela then why is it you can’t just make up with your brother? I mean, it seems like to me that if you really don’t have feelings for her then…”

  Ben pulled away slowly while I spoke and now was staring back at me. He was mad now. I could tell. Even though I could also tell he was trying not to show it. “That’s what you think?”

  I opened my mouth to respond but Ben just cut me off.

  “Let’s go. Am not talkin’ about this here.”

  Ω

  Ben’s parents were both out on the porch speaking softly when we came down to say our goodbyes but Ivan was already gone. Ben kept the farewell short and sweet.

  When we got back in the car, silence took over again for a good few minutes. I hated it. Why would what I said have affected him so much if it wasn’t true? My heart started sinking.

  We were stopped at a red light and I saw Ben glance over at me. He hesitated slightly and then spoke. “Your place or mine?”

  I shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”

  Ben sucked his teeth softly, my change of mood obviously not lost on him either. “I hate drama, Gabriela. I’m a pretty simple guy.”

  That made me glance over. “You accusing me of something?”

  Ben sighed. “No. Look…this isn’t about Angela…I mean, it is and it isn’t…it’s complicated. And I don’t see what this has to do with me and you. The past is the past.”

  I gave him a shocked stare. “W
ell, I think if you still have feelings for another woman then it has a lot to do with me and you.”

  We were stopped at a light and Ben turned and met my eyes. He didn’t look impressed. “I don’t have feelings for Angela. We been through all this before too.”

  I bit my lip. I didn’t want to make him mad. But I was hurt and I hated how dismissive he was being. So I stayed silent.

  Ben flipped on the stereo system and some Mavado started blasting from the speakers. Then as we headed up Broadway, Ben made a left turn onto Fraser.

  “My place?” I was surprised.

  “Yeah. Your place,” Ben said simply. “Unless you don’t want me to stay.”

  I just shrugged again. “Your choice.”

  Ben pulled up in front of my house and shifted into park. He glanced over at me. “So my choice?”

  I nodded, staring out through the front windshield. “Yup.”

  He let his breath out slowly and then I felt his hand running gently down my thigh and squeezing, ever so lightly. “Well, then I wanna stay…”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Once inside neither of us really said much. I headed straight for the kitchen, clearing up a few dirty dishes from the table and straightening up. I poured myself a glass of water and wandered down the hall. Ben was in the bathroom – door open, tap running – brushing his teeth.

  I lingered in the doorway. “What are you doing?” I asked the obvious, absentmindedly.

  He eyed me briefly. “Using your toothbrush,” he mumbled, his mouth full.

  My mouth dropped open. “Seriously?” But of course it didn’t really bother me at all. I did it secretly all the time at his place.

  Ben rinsed and spit. Everything he did seemed to turn me on…

  “Why you look so surprised?” he wanted to know. “I catch you all the time, you know – I just never say anything.”

  I knew the guilt was plastered all over my face. “I like a clean mouth,” I said innocently.

  He gave me a little smile. “That’s good. Here you go.” He handed me back my toothbrush. “All clean for you.”

  “Hmm. Thank you.” I took the brush from him and moved over to the sink, grabbing the toothpaste.