Love Me, Trust Me

by Barbara Gee

  CHAPTER 32

  “What are you going to wear?” Maddy asked the next day when Libby told her she and Ryan were going out that evening.

  “I don’t know.” Libby thought about it for bit, then smiled across the desk at her friend. “You know what’s awesome? No matter what I wear, Ryan will think I look good.”

  “And vice versa, right?”

  “Oh yeah, that man takes my breath away in dirty jeans and work boots.”

  “Shirt optional,” Maddy said with a laugh, having seen plenty of a shirtless Ryan from the office window.

  “Definitely. It’s going to be a sad day when they finish the roof and he’s not outside in the sun anymore.”

  “Well I suggest you wear that adorable little floral maxi dress you got the last time we were in Fargo. It’s versatile enough for either dressy or casual, and you look spectacular in it. I know this isn’t exactly a typical first date, but there’s no reason not to knock his socks off.”

  “That dress could work,” Libby said. “It’s been so long since I’ve been on a date it didn’t even occur to ask him where he’s going to take me.” She sat back and rubbed her temples. “Man, why do I feel so nervous? I mean, when Ryan and I were in North Carolina, we spent literally days together. And now I’m freaking out over a simple dinner. Tell me to get a grip.”

  “No way, I like that you’re nervous,” Maddy said, going over to perch on the corner of Libby’s desk. “Everything is different now, Lib. No more beating yourself over the head about how you shouldn’t like him so much. No more feeling guilty because you want more. Anything is possible now.”

  “It’s exhilarating, and also terrifying.” Libby clasped her hands and pressed them to her lips. “What if it still doesn’t work?”

  “Do you think that’s possible?”

  “Anything is possible.”

  “You love him. He loves you. It’s going to be fine.”

  Libby shook her head. “You’re at least half right, but I’m not sure he’s as far gone as I am. He hasn’t gotten anywhere close to the ‘L’ word.”

  “He hasn’t said it, but he feels it. I’ve seen him watching you when you don’t know it. It’s all over his face. Honestly, the man is crazy about you.”

  Libby closed her eyes. “I pray you’re right. I don’t know if I could go back to having him be off limits. At the same time, I’m not sure whether it’s totally sunk in. It seems too good to be true.”

  “It’s not though. This is happening, Libby.” Maddy’s grin was from her heart. “So wear your new dress and have a ball tonight. It’s the first of a lifetime of dates, and you guys are going to be as happy and Tuck and I are. I don’t doubt that for a second.”

  ***

  At six o’clock, Libby was still nervous, but happy anticipation topped it. Not only was she going to have Ryan all to herself for a whole evening, but she wouldn’t need to be chiding herself every five minutes for having feelings for him that were decidedly more than friendly.

  She still hadn’t wrapped her mind all the way around that one. It seemed unreal that one heartfelt commitment to God was all it had taken to clear the way for them to envision a future together. And yet that one commitment was the most important one Ryan would ever make.

  Libby smiled as she touched up her mascara. The knowledge that little Hank would be raised by a godly father made her emotional every time she thought about it. Even though he didn’t know it, that little boy’s life had changed drastically when Ryan accepted Christ. He already had a wonderful father, and now he’d get to know his heavenly father as well.

  A soft tap on her door had her heart instantly speeding up. She gave her reflection one last glance and hoped she wasn’t too casual. Her hair was done in an intentionally tousled, loose, side braid, draped over her left shoulder, and her make-up was light with a touch of smokey eye. As Maddy had suggested, she wore the soft knit dress that swished around her ankles, with little navy, yellow and pink flowers tumbling all over the fabric, making it summery and fun. Flat, white strappy sandals completed the outfit. Ryan would tower over her, and she rather liked the idea of that.

  She took time for a couple of deep, calming breaths, then she went to the door and pulled it open. And stopped breathing altogether.

  Ryan wore a pure white button down shirt tucked into tan jeans, a leather belt snug across his flat stomach. His skin was golden brown from his days in the sun, and his hair was now as much blonde as brown. The white of the shirt accented his sun-kissed look and her fingers twitched with the need to reach out and touch him.

  His eyes swept over her, full of hunger and something softer. “You look beautiful,” he said, his voice more gravelly than normal.

  “So do you.” she said. Her voice didn’t sound quite normal either.

  His white teeth flashed in a grin as he held out a hand to her. “Come on. If we stand here any longer I’m going to ruin everything and kiss you.”

  Libby frowned and tilted her head. “And exactly how would that ruin everything?”

  He tugged her out the door. “Because this is our first date, and you don’t kiss at the beginning of the first date. You have to go through the whole evening hoping you get a kiss at the end.”

  “But we’ve already kissed, Ryan.”

  They stopped at his truck and he faced her. “Not as a couple.” He smoothed a loose lock of hair away from her face. “Don’t get me wrong, it was a great kiss. But you only allowed it because you were curious, and you believed it was a one-time thing. Also, you felt guilty about it, which means that as good as it was, it could have been better. Am I right?”

  “Maybe,” Libby said, thinking that if kissing him got any better than that, she would be hard pressed not to jump him every time he was in sight.

  Ryan put his hands on the roof of his truck on either side of her head, leaning in slightly. “So tonight, after a fantastic dinner and conversation, and after I’ve stared at your beautiful face and tempting lips for hours, I’ll bring you back here and we’ll end our first date with our first real kiss.” His voice was low, making her shiver. “You okay with that plan?”

  She swallowed and tried not to stare at his own tempting mouth. “I’m down with that.” She gave him a slow smile and her eyes sparkled teasingly. “After all, I’m starving, and a fantastic dinner is exactly what I was hoping for.”

  “Dinner?” he growled. “I’m talking about kissing, and you’re thinking about dinner?”

  “I skipped lunch,” she said with a playful shrug.

  He gave a low chuckle. “Okay, you win. Let’s go get you fed.” He opened her door and stepped back so she could climb up in the truck.

  “Where are we going?” she asked when he started the truck and pulled away.

  “Loganville.”

  Her face lit up. “Are we going to Pete’s?”

  He nodded. “I guess Tuck does know you pretty well. He said the way to your heart is Pete’s.”

  Libby reached over and took his hand, sliding her fingers through his. “You found the way to my heart a long time ago, Ryan. Even though you weren’t trying and you didn’t know it.”

  He raised their hands and pressed the back of hers to his lips. “And I didn’t even have Sally the GPS lady to help me,” he teased.

  Libby looked out the window and laughed. “You don’t have her now either. If you did, she’d have told you to take a left out of the lane instead of a right.”

  “Ah, crap.” Ryan spun the truck in a perfect u-turn. “You have me distracted. I was heading to Barlow.”

  “The Barlow Diner is fine, but it can’t compare to Pete’s.” Libby settled back in her seat, enjoying the feel of his big hand in hers. “Tell me about the Bible study last night.”

  He did, and then she told him about her evening at the drive-in movie with Hank. They had just pulled into a parking spot at Pete’s when his phone rang. He apologetically told her it was his mom and he really needed to take the call. Libby expected him to ex
cuse himself and get out of the truck to talk privately, but he didn’t seem to mind her overhearing his side of the conversation, which she quickly realized was regarding his parents’ visit to the ranch to meet Hank. It was a short conversation, and then his phone went back into his pocket to stay.

  “Are they coming soon?” Libby asked.

  “Next Wednesday, actually. They were planning to wait until the weekend, but Mom said plane tickets are a lot cheaper in the middle of the week, so they wondered if they could come a few days earlier.” Ryan shook his head. “It’s not that they can’t afford an extra couple hundred dollars for the weekend tickets, but my mom is the thriftiest person I know. If she can save a few bucks, she’s going to do it.”

  “Which is probably why they could afford a higher price if necessary. I like that she saves money when she can. It’s way too easy to live a wasteful life. Maybe not so much for your parents, who have worked for everything they have. But when money is just handed to you, it takes a conscious effort not to let it take control of your life. Especially when you’re really young.”

  “I can tell you’re speaking from experience.”

  She nodded. “It was a bit of a struggle for me for a while. Thank goodness I had a mature older brother whom I respected and adored. And who wasn’t afraid to call me out and make me see how ridiculous I was being.”

  They walked into the restaurant and were soon seated in a cozy booth. They sat across from each other, but both of them leaned in toward the other across the small table, completely focused on each other and unaware of the other diners around them.

  “Tell me about your parents,” Ryan said.

  Libby told him many of the wonderful memories she had, and about the unbearable pain she’d felt at losing them. She didn’t hide the fact that she hadn’t always handled things in a mature manner. The suddenness of their deaths and the subsequent loneliness and insecurity had definitely contributed to the unhealthy relationships she’d had in the past. It was her way of lashing out at the unfairness, of filling the emptiness without having to talk about it or analyze her feelings.

  When she was all talked out on the subject, Ryan told her more about his relationship with Eve, and how he was thankful he hadn’t given into her demands that they get married. He hated what she’d gone through with Anthony, but he knew that if he’d married her it wouldn’t have lasted. She wasn’t the kind of girl to handle being married to a cop.

  “I know it can be hard,” Libby said softly, pushing her empty plate to the side. “I see what Maddy goes through when Tuck is hot and heavy on a case. Long, irregular hours, as well as the danger aspect. She worries, but she knows it’s what he needs to do, so she deals with it.”

  Ryan rubbed his jaw, the day’s worth of stubble making a raspy sound. “I don’t know if this is a good time to bring this up, but since we’re on the subject, I’m gonna go for it.”

  Libby tilted her head and raised her brows, waiting for him to go on.

  “I’ve already told you I don’t feel a strong need to return to North Carolina. But if things work out between you and me like I’m hoping they will, I need to decide what I’m going to do if I stay out here.”

  “If you want to stay in construction for a while, the retreat center can keep you busy for a couple of years.”

  “I’m loving swinging a hammer again, and I’m not in any rush to quit. But in the long term, I’m not sure I want to give up law enforcement.”

  “You’re so much like Tuck,” Libby said softly. “You two were born to take down the bad guys. Whether it’s in the military or as civilians, you’re driven to serve. I wish more people were like you.”

  “So is that something you could live with?”

  Libby considered her words carefully. “I’m not going to lie to you, Ry. A big part of me wishes you could be happy building the retreat center, and then helping to run it. I’d get to spend so much more time with you, and I wouldn’t have to worry about you tangling with criminals and getting hurt.”

  He nodded slowly. “I’m not saying working at the center will never happen. Maybe I’ll get to the point where I could be happy and fulfilled doing just that. I’m just not quite there yet.”

  “Being a Barlow County Sheriff’s Deputy would be a lot different than being a city detective,” she warned.

  “I’ve given that some thought,” he admitted.

  “Our sheriff is pretty bad. He got caught taking some bribes a while back, and although he’s managed to keep his job for now, his term is up in a little over a year. I’m not sure he’ll be elected again. Maybe you could be a deputy for a year and then run for Sheriff yourself.”

  “I’m not sure I could handle the politics. Stumping for votes would be a nightmare for me.”

  Libby grinned. “I don’t think it would be hard. You’d be a dream candidate. The only stumbling block would be that you aren’t from around here, but I think your affiliation with Virgil and Kay would negate that.”

  “That might not be all bad,” Ryan said. “But there’s something else I’ve been giving some thought to.” He looked intently into Libby’s vivid blue-green eyes. “You know Tuck teases me a lot about bringing me over to the dark side. As in federal agent as opposed to a local or state cop. Or sheriff.”

  She nodded. “I’ve heard him mention it a few times.”

  “At first I didn’t give it much thought, because I figured I’d end up back at the Chandler PD sooner or later. But it’s been on my mind a lot the past couple weeks, once I realized I might be staying put out here.”

  “You and Tuck went up to Fargo this morning,” she said. “Is that significant?”

  “Yeah.”

  The waiter brought their check, and Ryan gave him a credit card before turning back to Libby.

  “Tuck and I had a long talk about it a few evenings ago. The Fargo field office is under the jurisdiction of the Minneapolis office, and the Special Agent in Charge there came over to Fargo this morning. It was a scheduled visit, but Tuck had told him I had some interest and the guy wondered if I’d be available to meet with him since he was going to be there anyway.”

  “How did it go?” Libby asked, not sure what answer she wanted to hear.

  “It was interesting. He gave me a lot to think about. You’re probably aware that Minneapolis is a hot spot for terror recruiting right now, and he has his hands full. They’re adding a lot of agents to his territory, and he’s confident he’d be able to get me assigned to the Fargo office once I finished training. With both him and Tuck pulling for that, I think it would happen.”

  Libby sighed. “I know Tuck would love it. I’m not sure how I feel about him recruiting you behind my back though.”

  Ryan smiled. “He wanted to tell you, but I asked him not to. I wanted to meet with the Agent in Charge first, to see if it was even something I wanted to move ahead with.”

  “Well, since we’re talking about it, I’m assuming you’ve decided it is?”

  Nodding, he reached across the table and took her hands. “I’m not going to deny it’s something I’m excited about. But you have a say, too, Lib. And I mean that. I know we’re just dipping our feet in here, but we’ve had a lot of buildup, and you and I both know it’s going to get serious sooner rather than later. So I’m not going to make any decisions without you being involved.”

  She looked at him, knowing her heart was in her eyes and not caring. “I want to be selfish and keep you locked on the ranch where it’s safe and I have you all to myself.”

  “I understand that. That’s what I want to do with you, too. I’d have a hard time if you told me you wanted to take up an occupation that could have some risks.”

  “Would you fight me on it?” she asked seriously.

  “Probably. Well, not fight, exactly. I’d want to make sure you were aware of all the dangers and the down sides. Sometimes people only see the glamorous parts of a job, and not the dark parts. I would want to make sure you were making an informed decision.�
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  “But you’d accept whatever decision I made?”

  “I believe I would. I hope I would.”

  Libby believed he would, too. “You already know the dark side of your profession, so there’s not much need for me to go there. You’ve lived it often enough.”

  “Honestly, Libby, being with the FBI is statistically less dangerous than being on a local police force.”

  “Even if you’re getting involved in breaking up terror cells?”

  “A good group of agents can accomplish a lot without as much risk as you might think. I don’t know where all this will lead, but I do know I feel drawn to the intelligence area. I think it’s important to start as a special agent, especially because I’m still relatively young and have the education and skill set they’re looking for, but moving into the intelligence side of things is something I see in the future.”

  “I can tell you’ve already given this a lot of thought.”

  “I know it’s a lot to ask. I’m encouraged by the fact that Maddy and Tuck make it work. I hope we can, too. But if you’re dead set against it, I’ll look at some alternatives.”

  Libby squeezed his hands. “I’ll worry about you. And myself. And Hank. But it would be pretty selfish to put the burden of keeping our citizens safe on only single, childless people. We all need to do our part, and maybe my part is just allowing you do what so few are willing to take on.”

  “So we aren’t going to have our first fight before we get to that first kiss?”

  Libby leaned forward, her eyes warm. “We aren’t going to have fights, Ryan. We might have disagreements to work through, but we’ll do that as adults. I never once heard my parents raise their voices at each other, and I don’t want Hank to have to experience that, either.”

  “I’m down with that.” The waiter returned with their receipt and Ryan signed it and slid his credit card back into his wallet. “Ready to go?”

  Libby stood. “Until next time, Pete’s,” she said.

  “It was as good as you promised. We’ll be back soon.”