The Closer You Come

by Gena Showalter

  "Go to sleep," he said.

  "Yes. Okay." But how could she with him so close? She needed to leave, and she would, just as soon as her body was under her control again. Deep breath in, out. In. Out. Good. Gradually, the ache eased, but rather than hopping up and driving home, she found herself drifting off...

  ...and dreaming of kissing Jase, writhing against him, touching him...

  ...and waking up however long later facing him yet again, panting, his hand draped over her rib cage, just under her breast. She went still. The heat and ache were back--only stronger.

  He was awake, his expression tight with tension. His body tense.

  "Jase," she said. Why wouldn't this stop?

  "I tried to resist," he rasped, the ragged quality of his tone making her shiver. His hand inched up, coming closer and closer to cupping her breast.

  Would he do it?

  A blush heated her cheeks. She remembered writhing against him...and couldn't blame it on a dream. "I don't... I mean, I..." Her voice was so breathy. "Jase."

  His gaze hooded and his hand finally conformed around her breast, his thumb brushing over her nipple. His voice lowered. "Do you want me to take the edge off, honey?"

  He meant...he wanted to...

  Her blush deepened. "I..."

  "Let me." He cupped her backside with his other hand and pulled her closer. As he wedged one of his legs between hers, his tongue thrust inside her mouth.

  Every cell in her body melted, practically fusing her against him. His erection-- Oh, oh! Long, thick and right where she needed it. She arched into him, rubbing. He grunted his approval, swiping his thumb over her nipple a second time before he tangled his fingers in her hair, fisting the strands. He angled her head to kiss her deeper, harder.

  Sweet sensation poured into her and filled her up, chasing away the loneliness that had always seemed to plague her.

  She wished the room were brighter. The need to see Jase's chest, to explore every ridge of muscle, every design etched in the skin that so fascinated her, proved overwhelming.

  As her fingertips rode the hard ropes in his stomach, sliding lower...lower still, tunneling under his underwear...he thrust against her, mimicking the motions of sex. A hot flood of liquid pooled between her legs.

  She swiped her thumb over the moist slit of his erection. As he gave another thrust, she released him to reach up and suck the taste of him into her mouth.

  His nostrils flared as he watched her. "Not sure how much more I can take. Ready to spill already."

  "I guess we'd just have to start all over again," she rasped.

  "You are...perfect." His mouth returned to hers, actually slamming down, and it was hot. Wild. She met his tongue with her own, the two rolling together, hinting at what was to come...hard and dirty. He kneaded her breasts and plucked her nipples as he slowed to a lazy grind against her, stoking the ache inside her higher and higher.

  Never been this good...and he hadn't even moved past her clothing yet!

  Jase knew exactly what he was doing. Fueling a fire deep inside her, making her want to burn.

  "You feel so good," he said.

  She couldn't think of a reply. Her thoughts were fragmented, each broken by a single need: more. More of Jase. More of his taste. More of his touch. More of his hardness. She rolled her tongue against his, even bit his bottom lip, passion driving her every action. Her fingers played with his hair, roved over his back. He was strong, even there. Especially there. His muscles were as hard as granite. She raked her nails over his shoulders, all the way around to his nipples, only to caress those beaded tips gently.

  His shudder rubbed him against her all over again, and she finally found the right words to say. "I'm so close. Need..."

  "Let's get you closer." He traced a fingertip between her breasts, down her stomach and dabbled at her navel before playing at the waist of her shorts. He tugged at the button, pulled at the zipper. "You wet for me, angel?"

  Angel. It wasn't the first time he'd used the endearment, but it still caused her heart to skip a beat, delight going head-to-head with...a sudden wave of suspicion.

  Had he called Jessie Kay angel?

  Brook Lynn froze. She had yet to tell her sister about the first kiss she and Jase had shared.

  "Wait," she whispered. "We can't do this."

  Jase reacted as if she'd bellowed. He stiffened from head to toe. And then...then he withdrew from her and scrambled from the bed, standing at the side to peer down at her. He scrubbed a hand through his mussed hair. "You're right. We can't."

  "I just need to call Jessie Kay and--"

  "No, you don't." The frost returned to his eyes, seeming to grow colder, thicker, by the second. "This was a mistake."

  Pleasure still coursed through her, and he considered what they'd done a mistake?

  "I don't understand," she said, trembling inside and out.

  "You want more than I have to give."

  "No. I don't." Except...

  I do. I really do. Once would not be enough. Not even close. Two kisses, one touch, and he'd already addicted her.

  "You deserve more," Jase said, sounding tortured. Looking it, too.

  "Why can't you give me more?" she asked softly. Maybe, if she knew his reasons, she could--

  No, no. I don't try to change a man's mind. Either I'm worth fighting for, or I'm not.

  He offered her a smile so sad it broke her heart. "It's like I told you. Relationships between men and women become toxic. Always. I don't want that with you. I want to enjoy the time we have together."

  The time we have together... To him it was inevitable that they'd part.

  "So that's it?" she asked. "You're not even going to try?"

  Who am I, pushing like this?

  A girl who wanted this man more than anything.

  "If you knew half the things I've done..." He shook his head, adamant. "One day you'll thank me for this."

  He feared her reaction to his past? "Tell me what you've done. Let me prove you wrong. Please, Jase. Give me a chance."

  He opened his mouth, and for one tormented moment he looked as if he would fulfill her request. Then he said, "Go home, Brook Lynn. When you come back tomorrow, I'll be the boss, and you'll be my employee. Nothing more, nothing less. For your safety and my peace of mind, that's the way things have to stay."

  *

  TRUE TO HIS WORD, Jase treated Brook Lynn like a distant employee twice removed the next morning...and the next and the next. Each time she arrived at the house, he gave her a new list of chores that involved cooking, cleaning, keeping house and even finding a venue for a "Congrats on the GED!" party for a girl she'd never met.

  Also, Brook Lynn was tasked with those stupid daily affirmations. So far she'd offered gems like I will assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault--which will be all of them. And Every part of me is beautiful and brilliant...even the ugly, stupid parts.

  At first, she simmered at midlevel anger over his treatment. Mouth-bag her and push her away? How dare he! But it wasn't long before the anger began to slip away, leaving her with curiosity. What had shaped this man? The father he'd never known? The mother who'd allowed her boyfriends to hurt him before he was put into the system? The many foster families he'd gotten to know...only to lose? The job he hadn't named?

  A past as volatile as his had probably caused major attachment issues. Her eyes widened, and she gasped. Finally! Answers. Brook Lynn and Jessie Kay battled their own attachment issues, determined to hold on to everyone, while Jase must have veered to the other end of the spectrum, determined to hold on to no one, fighting with everything he had to save himself from further hurt.

  Which meant...I have the power to hurt him.

  He cared!

  Her sudden flood of joy was tempered only by concern. Not just a fixer-upper. He'll have to be torn down and put back together if we have any hope of lasting long-term.

  No question, he would resist any attemp
t on her part to win him over. But if she could just breach his first line of defense--those frosty walls--she'd have a shot at him.

  After what had happened in his bed, she knew beyond a doubt the end result would be worth every wrong turn, every inconvenience.

  I will have him. One way or another.

  But first things first. Her sister.

  After she had dinner with Beck and West--Jase had taken off without a word--she drove home to await Jessie Kay's return. Miracle of miracles, the girl had gotten a job plucking wild strawberries at a nearby facility, and she'd kept it all this time.

  An eternity seemed to pass before the front door's hinges creaked. Brook Lynn jumped up as her sister trudged into the house.

  "Strawberries suck." Jessie Kay groaned with fatigue as she threw her purse on the coffee table. When the bag slid to the floor and the contents spilled out, she flipped it off and left it there. "I'm moving to someplace called Blueberry Fields. Or Pineapple Cove."

  "And they'd be lucky to have you," Brook Lynn said, her palms beginning to sweat. "I baked your favorite carrot and apple casserole today. Though I had to fork Beck's hand, I managed to come home with half of it."

  "Thanks, but I snacked on my dignity on the way home."

  "Too bad. Kitchen. Now."

  Jessie Kay sighed. "Warden is in the house, I see. Are you fixing to start counting?"

  Gotta take it down a notch. "Sorry. No." Brook Lynn warmed a plate of fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy and the coveted casserole.

  As Jessie Kay pretended to eat, Brook Lynn drummed her fingernails against the table.

  Finally, her sister asked, "You trying to tell me what's wrong in Morse code?"

  Maybe. It'd be easier. "I'm just going to say it. Blurt it out and live with the consequences."

  "Great. That'd be a nice change."

  Brook Lynn pursed her lips. "When did you become so snotty?"

  "When did you lose your lady balls?"

  Good question. Okay. So. "Are you ready?"

  "Been ready."

  "I...well." She closed her eyes, drew in a breath. "I want Jase." And now there was no taking the words back. She peeked through her lashes. "I want him for me, not for you. And I think...I think he wants me, too."

  Jessie Kay paused with her fork midway to her mouth. She peered at Brook Lynn with wide blue eyes underscored by dismay. "You...and Jase? My Jase."

  Her stomach twisted, a single word screaming through her head. Mine! She bit her bottom lip, nodded. "Do you love him? Please, please tell me you don't love him. Because we kissed. He and I. While I was in the hospital, and then again while I was at his house. There might have been some grinding the second time. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I know you want him, too, and know you had him first, but..."

  "Wait. He kissed you? As in, mouth to mouth?"

  Her brow furrowed with confusion as she said, "Yes..."

  Bemusement and sadness warred on her sister's face. "He slept with me, but he didn't kiss me. Not on the mouth."

  "No, stop," Brook Lynn said, slapping a hand over the mouth in question. "I don't want to hear this."

  Jessie Kay pried her fingers loose. "I thought it was a Pretty Woman thing, that he didn't think he was good enough to give alms at the door of my temple." Her shoulders slumped. "Dude. He didn't think I was good enough for him."

  This. This was what Brook Lynn had hoped to avoid. "He's clearly a moron."

  "And yet you still want him."

  "I have bad taste."

  Her sister rolled her eyes.

  "You are good enough for him. You just aren't right for him. There's a difference."

  "True, but somehow I'm never the right one for the guys I sleep with. But that's my problem, not yours." Jessie Kay pegged her with a hard stare. "Are you sure Jase is the one for you?"

  "Yes."

  "Then I guess you need to know what to expect. Being with him was--"

  "No! Don't say it."

  "--weird," Jessie Kay finished, and Brook Lynn frowned.

  "Weird?" Not pure ecstasy? "What do you mean? You appeared so satisfied afterward."

  "Oh, I was. But anytime I touched him, he stiffened, and not in a good way. He constantly looked over his shoulder, as if he expected someone to sneak up on us. After a while, I just had to lie back and let him do all the work. You know, every girl's dream."

  He'd stiffened? Looked over his shoulder? She thought back, but couldn't remember if he'd done either of those things while they were in bed together. She'd been too overwhelmed with pleasure.

  "He won't commit afterward," Jessie Kay said. "You told me so yourself."

  "I know that," she said with a sigh.

  "But you're going to sleep with him anyway, aren't you?" Jessie Kay leaned back and crossed her arms. "Even though you've denied every other guy you've ever dated."

  "I haven't denied every one."

  "Your short-lived romance with Conner doesn't count."

  Conner, the boy who used to live next door. He'd moved away for college, met the love of his life and had never come home. "Why doesn't it count?"

  "He only ever lasted a minute. Two, tops. And yes, I heard you guys. Well, I heard him. You were as quiet as a mouse." Her head tilted to the side. "I wonder if Jase will be able to make you scream."

  A white-hot burn in her cheeks. She already knew the answer to that.

  Conner had been kind and sweet, but Brook Lynn had never reacted to him the way she'd reacted to Jase. All in, nothing held back. Attuned to his every nuance.

  "I want Jase no matter what," she said, realizing it was true. Even if he ended things after one night. With him, she would take what she could get. "Are you mad at me? Please don't be mad at me."

  Jessie Kay leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "If I was mad, my nails would be scratching out your eyes. You know this. Besides, I guess a part of me saw this coming. The way you talk about him. The way he looks at you. The things he does for you. But for once in my life I have to be a voice of reason. I don't think this is a good idea, Brook Lynn. He's going to hurt you, and then I'll have to kill him dead."

  Maybe he'd hurt her. Probably.

  Okay, definitely for sure--there was a chance. She couldn't bring herself to commit to the idea that she'd fail to win him. "I've been saying the same thing to you for years, and it's never stopped you."

  Jessie Kay arched a brow at her. "Look at you. Doing the whole role-reversal thing. It--and you--suck seriously hairy balls right now, but okay. If you want him, he's yours. I just hope you don't end up regretting it."

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  THE NEXT MORNING, Brook Lynn called and canceled her date with Brad--the one she still hadn't put in the books. He was hurt, and she hated herself. He asked what happened, what changed her mind, and she had to go with the truth and admit she had feelings for another man. She then texted Jase to tell him she had errands and would be running late. His response came seconds later.

  Feel free 2 take the entire day off.

  Those freeze-out walls really needed work, didn't they?

  Her response: Nah. My errands R 4 YOU, bossman.

  A minute passed, then another.

  What kind of errands?

  Grinning, she stuffed her phone into her pocket. He'd find out when she was good and ready and not a moment before. Until then, he could stew.

  Excited, nervous, she left the serenity of redbuds and strawberry vines behind to drive into the city, where she bought a fancy frame and a bundle of heavy paper, as well as time on a computer. As she typed, she constantly glanced over her shoulder to ensure no one was reading what was on the screen.

  When she finished her project, she had it printed on the paper, her cheeks burning with embarrassment--and they stayed hot the entire drive to Jase's house.

  Didn't help that he was on the front porch when she arrived, shirtless and sweaty. The moisture in her mouth dried.

  What if he viewed her gift as an attempt at manipula
tion rather than a way to ease his fears? What if he was right?

  Just need a chance with him. This was the only way.

  As she traversed the porch steps, he crossed his arms over his muscle-ripped chest. With the farmhouse behind him, framing him, she felt as if she'd just been transported into the pages of a Hunks of Small Town, USA calendar. A place she wanted to live forever.

  "You mentioned errands for me," he said, and she would have sworn she heard excitement underneath his irritation. "You finally get me those ex-large condoms?"

  "Nope." Don't grin. "First, it's time for today's affirmation. You ready? Here goes. I need not suffer in silence while I possess the ability to moan, whimper and complain."

  He went still, not seeming to breathe. "Are you suffering?"

  "In a way." She closed the distance and held out the plaque she'd made. "Here. This is for you."

  He backed away from her, saying, "If this is a resignation letter..."

  After all the times he'd fired her, he would complain if she quit? "Do us both a favor and read it."

  He took the thing reluctantly and looked it over, his frown vanishing. His eyes flipped up to her, flames sparking to life deep, deep inside their emerald depths. She shifted from one foot to the other, waiting for him to say something, anything.

  "Well?" she asked and gulped.

  "'I, Brook Lynn Dillon,'" he read, the tenor of his voice husky and rough, "'hereby promise Jase I'm Not Sure What His Middle Name Is Hollister one night. Only one. Afterward there will be no tears, no clinging and no romantic gestures of any kind. I will be an employee of Hollister Slave Trade, nothing more.'"

  "I even signed it," she said--with what had felt like blood.

  "I see that," he replied.

  When he said nothing more, she once again shifted uncomfortably. "Well?"

  His stare returned to her, hotter than before, with absolutely no sign of frost. "We will discuss this after eight, when you're off the clock."

  *

  JASE HAD NEVER been so turned on, and he'd never watched a clock quite so intensely, trying to stare it into flashing the number he wanted. Brook Lynn's gift had surprised him. More than surprised him. It had set off a waterfall of the most exquisite, terrifying need inside him--one that had been close to drowning him since he'd gotten her into his bed.

  He hadn't been sleeping well, his attempts to avoid her leaving him restless and irritable. Yesterday West had called him a he-beast without equal, and Beck had just flat-out announced he was an asshole. But how was a man supposed to go about normal business once he'd held Brook Lynn Dillon in his arms?