Breaking Free (SEAL TEAM Heartbreakers)

by Teresa Reasor

  She was in love with Adam “Hawk” Yazzie.

  But if he asked her to commit herself, she didn’t know if she could live with this feeling of constant dread, in order to be with him. But could she live without him?

  She had to make a choice.

  CHAPTER 19

  Hawk studied the shelves of books, CDs, and DVDs on either side of the TV. There was no rhyme or reason to their arrangement. A collection of framed drawings, obviously done by the children, set atop the shelf in an arrangement. It was the normal clutter of family that his house lacked. And it was part of what made the Marks house so welcoming. The place, enjoyed by the whole team, was a kind of hub where they all met, probably more often than Trish would like.

  “This is what I’ve got, Hawk,” Lang said as he hunched over the computer keys. With a click of the mouse, he enlarged the image of a man dressed in hospital scrubs on the computer screen. He then pushed a button on a signal splicer to project the image onto the large forty-eight inch television screen.

  “He has a badge on his pocket but it’s turned to one side, and I can’t get the name. I’ve tried every angle in several images. Even if I could, it could be one already attached to the scrubs before he put them on.”

  “What about the face?” Hawk asked.

  Lang changed the image on the screen. “He has his head down, and the camera only picked up his hat. He’s carrying a basket just like every other lab tech.”

  Damn it, he wanted to know if one of his men was involved, yet dreaded it. Zoe laid a hand on his back in support, and he glanced in her direction.

  “What about the body type?”

  “Nothing stands out. He’s about six feet. Could be any one of the guys. There’s not enough of his hair showing to identify him.”

  Lang rolled back from the computer desk and looked up at him. “There ought to be a schedule for blood work being done. Has security checked it out?”

  “Yeah, but there was some mix up as to who drew blood that day because one of the techs had a family emergency and had to leave. And they’re not certain who filled in for her.”

  “Shit,” Lang swore then glanced up at Zoe. ”Sorry.”

  “I’ve heard the word before. Even said it a time or two myself, Langley,” she said with a smile and a shrug.

  “The initials of the tech should be on the samples. They have to date them and keep a record,” he said.

  “The dates are there but they’re entered under the original lab techs ID.” Hawk raked his hands over his close-cropped hair.

  “It sounds like someone’s going to get an ass chewing when they find out who really drew the blood.”

  “Possibly.” Hawk rubbed a hand over his jaw. “But it doesn’t shed any light on who hit Cutter. Have you thought of any moments of friction between Cutter and any other member of the team?”

  Lang shook his head. “No.”

  “All right.

  Hawk glanced in Zoe’s direction. She wasn’t going to like it, but he had to talk to Doc and try and rule him out once and for all. And he’d have to do it alone. He turned his attention back to Langley. “I have a few more things I have to check out today. Maybe that will clear everything up.”

  “I’m here if you need anything else.”

  Hawk nodded and slapped him on the shoulder.

  “What’s next?” Zoe asked as they left the Marks’ house.

  “I’m going to drop you by the hospital then go over to Doc’s apartment. I need to talk to him.”

  Zoe’s brows drew together in a frown and her expression grew anxious. “I understand why you have to go, but promise me you’ll call me as soon as you get there, and as soon as you’re finished.”

  He looped an arm around her waist. “You got it.”

  “You’ll be careful?” She sounded more like she was trying to convince herself than ask a question.

  Was she finally accepting that he could take care of himself? He hoped so. “Always, Zoe.”

  She tucked a long strand of hazelnut hair behind her ear. She looked younger with her hair down, more vulnerable. He tugged her close and kissed her. The kiss, and her response, built from softly comforting to passionate in only seconds.

  “Are you trying to distract me, Lieutenant?” she asked, her tone breathless, her hands moving restlessly up and down his back.

  He rubbed his cheek against hers. “Yeah, is it working?”

  “A little.”

  “A little.” He raised his brows. “I must be losing my touch.” He gave her a gentle squeeze. “After I’m through talking to Doc, and you spend some time with Brett, we’ll see exactly how distracting I can be.”

  A smile curved her lips but anxiety was still reflected in her eyes.

  “It’s going to be all right, Zoe.”

  She straightened her shoulders. “Doc doesn’t strike me as the type to turn on a buddy. I mean--he swims around in the pool with the Marks’ kids like he’s one of them. I just can’t picture him doing anything to hurt Brett, or you.”

  “I can’t either, but something is going on with him.” He guided her down the sidewalk again.

  Zoe grabbed his arm stopping him. “And you know this how?”

  “I called Bowie and asked if he’d heard from him. He said he talked to him nearly every day, but that Doc was sticking close to home. Something’s wrong. I’m going over to find out what it is.”

  “I think you need to. If he’s having some kind of health issues, you may need to get him to see a doctor. And if it’s something Bowie’s keeping close to his chest, and didn’t feel comfortable sharing with you, Doc will have to tell you himself.”

  “My thoughts exactly.”

  ****

  Standing in front of the hospital, worry gripped Zoe’s stomach like a clenched fist as she watched Hawk’s car disappear around the corner. Please keep him safe, she breathed heavenward, then limped toward the main entrance of the hospital. Once through the glass doors, she withdrew her visitor’s pass from her pocket and showed it to the guard, then moved on to the elevators.

  On the way up, she watched the numbers change on the panel and braced herself before seeing Brett. Now he had a feeding tube to insure he had enough nutrition. Just seeing that tube going into his nose made her flinch each time. The day they’d put it in, she’d realized they were losing ground, and no matter how hard she’d fought to hold onto it, a little of her hope had bled away.

  Pain welled inside her and she leaned against the elevator wall fighting back the tears as despair threatened to overwhelm her. How much longer would they continue to care for Brett here? How much more time would they give him to wake up?

  When the doors opened before her, she forced herself to step out. She didn’t want to be here. She didn’t want her brother to be here. If only she could take him home.

  Angela waved from the nurse’s station. Zoe forced a smile to her lips and returned the gesture. As she continued down the hall her steps slowed then came to a stop just outside the door. It was so hard to face this day after day. With every day that passed, it got harder and harder to believe he would get better. Fear ate at her hope like acid.

  Why wouldn’t he wake up? How could his EEG’s be normal when he wouldn’t open his eyes? It had been a month, what was he waiting for? Why couldn’t he find his way back to them? The ache the questions left in their wake was almost unbearable.

  He didn’t give up on you, she reminded herself. Yeah, but at least I tried. God damn it, why wouldn’t he try?

  Zoe shoved open the door with enough force it hit the wall. She froze. A man dressed in blue scrubs stabbed a needle into the I.V. running into Brett’s arm and pushed the plunger.

  Fear catapulted through her. Her calf burned in protest as she broke into a staggering run. “What are you doing? Who are you?” she demanded. “What did you just give my brother?”

  The man jerked the needle up narrowly averting stabbing her. He raised his eyebrows in surprise as he braced a hand against he
r shoulder holding her off. “I’m Ensign Earnest Cramer, R.N. I’ve been transferred from the second floor.”

  “It’s alright, Zoe,” Angela spoke from the door. “Ensign Cramer is who he says he is.”

  Relief as intense as the fear shot through Zoe’s system. Tears burned her eyes. Suddenly light headed, she bent at the waist to steady herself and grasped the railing on the bed.

  “Geez--Zo--Keep it down would you. What are you yelling about?”

  She jerked. The sound of Brett’s voice weak but distinct stole her breath.

  He raised a shaky hand to rub the stubble on his jaw, his fingers following the feeding tube running into his nose before his hand collapsed onto his chest. “I feel like shit.”

  “Brett--“ She shoved past the male nurse. “Oh God, Brett--“She leaned over the rail and looked into her brother’s pale blue eyes. He focused on her face with a confused frown. Beard stubble dusted his jaw and his upper lip, and his eyes looked swollen as though he’d slept really hard, but she read recognition in his gaze as he looked at her. He’d never looked more wonderful to her. Tears of joy blurred her vision as she embraced him. “Thank, God. Thank, God.” A sob clogged her throat cutting her words to a whisper. “I’m so glad you’re back.”

  ****

  Hawk frowned at the collection of newspapers heaped on the apartment stoop. Maybe Doc had gone on leave for a few days. He turned to look for his jeep in the parking lot. It sat parked in front of the apartment, the SEAL trident symbol on the front license plate making it easy to recognize.

  Hawk knocked on the door and waited. After the fourth attempt went without an answer, he reached for the knob. It turned easily and a twinge of concern had him pushing the door open. He took in the scattered newspapers, and magazines, the empty beer cans and pizza boxes. The living room with its long leather sofa and two recliners wasn’t usually inspection neat, but he had never seen it look as though a hand grenade had been tossed into it.

  He took a step inside the apartment. “Yo, Doc,” he called out.

  “Just a minute,” a voice came from down the hall straight ahead.

  Hawk drew a relieved breath. For a minute---

  “Hey.” Doc appeared from the passageway. He was dressed in warm-ups and a t-shirt. The front of the shirt was stained wet with sweat and he was breathing hard. A heavy beard darkened his jaw and his eyes were red rimmed and blood shot.”

  Hawk stared at him for a second before he could get his thoughts together. “Am I interrupting something, man?”

  “Naw, I was just working out in the back bedroom on my machine and didn’t hear you knock. Come on in.”

  Hawk stepped further into the room.

  Doc grabbed a stack of newspapers off the couch clearing a space for him. “I’ve been busy and not here much. Been working out a lot.”

  Hawk looked more closely at him. He did appear to be bulking up. That added layer of muscle looked in total opposition to the rest of his appearance. “Looks like you had a party last night. How come you didn’t invite Zoe and me?”

  “Naw, I just haven’t cleaned up much. Can I get you something to drink?”

  Hawk raised a hand in a negative gesture. “I’m good. We haven’t seen you around and I was out, thought I’d come by.”

  “How’s Cutter?” Doc asked.

  “He’s still the same.”

  Doc nodded. His expression became wooden and his throat worked as he swallowed.

  Hawk leaned forward, rested his elbows on his knees, and laced his hands. “What’s going on, Doc? You look like hell.”

  The man frowned as though in pain then wiped a hand over his face. “I got dumped as soon as I got back from Iraq.”

  Hawk drew a deep breath as relief eased the tightness of his shoulders and back. Thank God it wasn’t drugs.

  “I got hooked on this girl, Patricia, before we left the states. Bowie was still hound dogging, but I was keeping things exclusive with her. Had been for about six months. I really thought we had something special going. We emailed and wrote each other the whole time I was gone.” He shook his head. “As soon as I got back, she broke it off.” He leaned forward to rest his head in his hands then rubbed his fingers through his hair making the auburn strands stand out in all directions.

  “I’ve been there myself, Doc, I know how it is.” Hawk looked around the room. Depression could do a lot of things---but this looked like more. “I know it isn’t easy. But you have to pull it together and put it behind you, man.”

  He couldn’t believe he was saying those words. They were so damned meaningless. They were supposed to be the toughest of the tough, the ultimate warriors. But, damn it was hard not to be able to find someone who understood that they were people first, and just as vulnerable as everyone else.

  He could save lives, protect those weaker than himself, lay his life down in the defense of his country. But he couldn't ask a woman to share his life when he wasn't there half the time. And he couldn't be there for her when she needed him. It was too much to expect.

  Doc leaned back in the chair, his green eyes looked old and tired. “It was a hard tour, with Cutter and everything, then getting dumped right after sort of threw me.”

  “I know that feeling.” He caught his breath.

  Doc smiled, but the gesture looked forced. “I talked to Bowie this morning. He’s mourning the fact that you stole his girl right out from under his nose.”

  “His girl, huh?”

  “Yeah, he thinks Zoe’s something special.”

  Hawk smiled. “Yeah, she is.”

  “Actually, all the guys seem pretty crazy about her. You mess up with her and you’d better watch your back.”

  Hawk waved a hand. “All right, enough already.”

  Doc smiled again, this time with a little more sincere amusement. “It’ll be interesting to see what her mom says when she gets back from Kentucky. You do know that state is in the Bible Belt. They don’t take too kindly to men bopping their daughters without some kind of proposal first.”

  Hawk chuckled, though a niggling feeling of panic caught at his throat. He suppressed the urge to swallow. “I’ve heard that somewhere. I’ve already locked up all the firearms, just in case.” Clara was going to be royally pissed, no matter how Zoe tried to shrug it off. He dreaded the confrontation.

  “Yeah, this coming from the guy who warned all of us about what kind of girl she is.” Doc’s smile dimmed, and he turned serious again. “Don’t screw it up, Hawk. And if you’re going to do the right thing--then do it quick, so she won’t feel like you care less for her than you do the job.”

  Had that been what had caused Doc’s break up? He didn’t want to ask and poke at a wound already raw.

  Doc’s suggestion suddenly hit him right between the eyes. Did he care more about being a SEAL than he did for Zoe? He rubbed the back of his neck. Did she think that? Was it just worry he read in her face every time he mentioned his job? Or something else? He understood her reservations, but they were only going to be together while she remained in California. Weren’t they? The niggling feeling of uncertainty in his gut raised his heart rate.

  He dragged his attention back to Doc. “Why don’t you get dressed and come to the hospital with me? Afterwards we’ll grill out and have a beer and you can visit with Zoe and me. We can even call and invite some of the other guys over.”

  Doc hesitated then nodded. “I’ve been to the hospital, but only a couple of times. It’s tough looking at one of our buds, knowing it could be one of us laying there.”

  “Yeah, it is.”

  Doc clenched his fist on the arm of his chair. “God damn, Cutter. What was he thinking? That sorry SOB--”

  Shocked, Hawk frowned at the sudden explosion of raw anger. His cell phone went off, and he swore at the intrusion. When he looked at the screen a dropping sensation hit his stomach. It wasn’t Zoe’s cell, it was the hospital. He flipped the phone open and held it to his ear. His smile spread and spread until he knew he was
grinning like a fool. By the time he closed it he had to swallow several times before he could speak.

  “Let’s go ask him. Cutter just woke up.”

  CHAPTER 20

  Just listening to Brett’s voice as he spoke to Hawk and Doc had Zoe’s throat closing together. Her emotions seesawed between joy and fear.

  The feeding tube remained in place, just in case. But Brett seemed completely fine. Though he was weak, he could move his arms and legs. His memory for people and faces appeared unaffected. He didn’t recall what had happened that had put him in the hospital, but his recollection of the days preceding the accident seemed to be intact.

  “Have you called your mom, Zoe?” Doc asked as they stood together next to Brett’s bed.

  “Yes. I held the phone so Brett could talk to her.” She swallowed against the knot of reaction that rose in her throat. “She’s going to come out on the first available flight, but has to go back to my sister’s for a few more weeks.”

  Doc looked haggard, his eyes bloodshot. “Are you all right?” she asked. “We haven’t seen you since the night you guys finished the sheetrock in Hawk’s rec room.”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Now that Cutter’s awake maybe the team can get back in sync. We’ve been out of rhythm without him and Hawk. How did the parasailing thing go?”

  “It was great.”

  “Good, I’m glad you enjoyed it. Looks as though you’re getting a tan and your hair’s sun streaked.”

  Zoe nodded. “We’ve been grilling out a lot, and I catch a few rays while Hawk’s burning whatever meat we’re having.”

  Doc laughed.

  “I heard that remark,” Hawk said from where he stood at Cutter’s bedside. “You’re not going to let me live that down are you?”

  “I don’t have anything else to razz you about. You do everything else so well.”

  Brett’s gaze traveled from Hawk to her, and she could read the question in his face. Zoe stepped to the bed. She cupped his cheek, and brushed the hollow of his cheek with her thumb. “Mom and I were staying at Hawk’s house when Sharon’s baby came, and she had to leave and go back to Lexington.”