Here's to Now

by Teagan Hunter

  Other than them, I’m kind of a…loner, if you will, and I’m one hundred percent okay with it.

  “Why are you still scowling?”

  “I’m not scowling.”

  “See? Surly,” Tucker says, a big goofy grin gracing his stupid face at the clear annoyance in my voice.

  “I am not surly.” Okay, even I heard the growl in my voice that time. Sighing, I force myself to relax some. “Fine. Maybe I am a little surly.”

  “Oh I know you are,” he says, clapping me on the shoulder. “It’s not me you have to convince.”

  I shrug his hand off and clock into my shift. “What are we working on today?”

  “Gunters. Their Subaru needs a wee bit of a tune up after the wife decided to hit a car…that was parked.”

  “Ouch.” I wince. “That’s gotta suck for insurance.”

  He nods. “Yep. The husband wasn’t too happy, but Hudson actually knows him from high school, so he calmed him down some when he brought the car in.”

  “Good ol’ Hudson with that level head of his and shit.”

  “What about me?” Hudson, my boss and best friend, comes casually walking out of his office, joining Tucker and me by the time clock. “You were almost late, Gaige.”

  I raise a brow. “So?”

  Hudson’s lips twist. “That’s a first. Everything cool?”

  “Just fucking peachy.”

  Tucker leans over to Hudson but keeps his eyes on me. “This is the second time in about three minutes he’s growled. I’m worried we’re raising a bear.”

  “I can’t handle another kid, Tucker. You’re his daddy, not me,” Hudson mock-whispers back, a smirk lining his lips.

  “You’re both dicks, and not my daddies.”

  “Well I walked into this conversation at the wrong point.” The new guy, Maddox, appears out of nowhere.

  Tucker turns around and with a straight face, says, “We’re not your daddies either.”

  Maddox turns white as a sheet while laughter filters out of me, Hudson, and Tucker.

  “Ah, we’re just fucking with you,” Tucker says, taming his amusement. His face falls somber again. “But seriously, I won’t be your daddy. Now go back to work.”

  Turning his back on Maddox, Tucker turns back to us. “So what’s up, boys?”

  Hudson scowls at him, glancing over at Maddox. Tuck gets the message to not be a jerk and turns back to the new guy.

  “Fine. I’ll be your daddy, if you ask nicely.” Hudson reaches out and smacks Tucker upside the head. “Ugh. Sorry. Welcome to Jacked Up. Now get to work.”

  Hudson sighs, throwing an apologetic look to Maddox, who slinks off quietly, confusion coating his face. Poor kid has no idea what he’s gotten himself into.

  “Why’d you hit me?” Tuck says innocently. “I was being polite, ass.”

  Ignoring him, my boss turns toward me. “What’s up, Gaige? Spill.”

  I simply stare him down, refusing to give in to talking about my feelings and shit. Hudson rolls his eyes, giving up.

  “Fine, fine. It’s none of my business. But if you need help…”

  I shake my head, knowing where he’s going. This has nothing to do with my family like he thinks. “It’s not that,” I tell him. “I had an interesting evening and an eventful morning. I’ll get over it.”

  Hudson looks ready to argue, push me into talking. I level him with a glare and his mouth snaps shut, his lips falling into a grim line. He gives one curt nod, relenting.

  “Fine,” he says, putting his hands up. “But if you—”

  “I know. You’re here if I need anything. I appreciate it.”

  “I wasn’t going to say that. I was going to say if you’re late again, I’m kicking your ass.”

  “Sure you were,” I mutter.

  Hudson keeps eye contact, trying to read into whatever is going on with me. That’s his thing, the eye contact. He can read people in an eerie way. I loathe being read, so I slam the story my eyes tell closed, blocking Hudson from reading me. He quirks a brow, liking a challenge.

  I don’t concede.

  He does.

  “Did you two assholes just have a silent conversation without me?” Tucker turns to Hudson, glaring. “That’s our thing! You can’t do that with him!” He points an accusatory finger at me.

  I chuckle, wondering if he notices he sounds like a jealous boyfriend. The show gets even better when he stalks off, Hudson trailing behind him and apologizing.

  I blow out a breath, scrub my hands through my hair, and get my mind right to work. I barely had enough time to run home and grab a quick shower after my run-in with Benny this morning. I spent the entire drive back to my apartment and to work trying to figure out why in the hell I took Haley home last night, and why I stayed. Why would I sneak out? Why in the fuck would I leave a note with my phone number on it? Maybe someone slipped a crazy pill into my beer last night. I’d never normally do something like that—I have enough shit going on. Opening myself up to someone else’s problems isn’t going to make my life any easier.

  Neither is worrying about shit, Gaige.

  Giving myself a good shake, I head over to Maddox, trying to get my head in the game. “All right. What’s good, man? What are we working on today?”

  Maddox jumps slightly, throwing me a wide-eyed glance. “Uh…the car.”

  I laugh. “Relax, kid. I’m not here to quiz you. I’ve seen what you can do. If you haven’t guessed yet, we like to have fun around here. Don’t let Tucker’s odd sense of humor or Hudson’s creepy staring get the best of you. Relax.”

  His face goes from terror to relief right before my eyes. He nods, swallowing once. “Thanks.”

  “No problem. Now, show me what we’re doing today.”

  I listen as Maddox tells me we’re checking out the radiator, fans, and belts. The kid is good; he really knows his stuff. I nod in all the appropriate places, knowing everything he’s already telling me. I might have told him I wasn’t quizzing him, but I am curious about how much he really knows. It sounds like a lot.

  “Good, man. Good. Let’s get to work then.”

  I pick up a ratchet and get started. The morning flies by in a blur, my mind firmly invested in the task at hand. I don’t allow a single thought of Haley or Benny or my past to creep up on me. I refuse.

  Until lunch.

  Until Maddox doesn’t mind his own fucking business.

  Damn new guys.

  “Hudson and I are heading to Clyde’s for lunch. You in?” Tucker asks.

  I shake my head quickly—too quickly. “Nope. I’m good. I have food.”

  He narrows his eyes but ignores my weirdness. “Cool, man. If you want us to bring anything back, shoot me a text.”

  I tip my chin, acknowledging his offer. Glancing around the shop, I can see it’s just me and Maddox left. Fun. Sauntering over to my tool cart, I grab the box of heaven I have stashed there and rip into it, starving.

  “I thought you said you had food.” Maddox stares me down from his station.

  I shake the box of White Cheddar Cheez-Its at him. “I do.”

  “Wow. Looks appetizing.” His voice is dry and flat.

  “You have something to say, Maddox?”

  He lifts his hands in an innocent gesture. “Nah, man. Nothing.”

  “No, no. Say it. Whatever the fuck it is that’s on your mind, say it.”

  Maddox works his jaw back and forth, sighs heavily, and drops his chin to his chest. It’s a mix of annoyance, anger, and concern—none of which should be directed at me right now.

  “Look, I don’t know you all that well, but even I can tell something’s up with you. You’re…pissier than normal.”

  “Did you just call me pissy?”

  Maddox’s face turns red, his embarrassment evident as he keeps his head lowered. “Y-yes.”

  Laughter threatens, but I push it down, wanting to maintain composure and make the kid squirm a bit more. “Yes? Hmm…is that so?”

  “
You’re always pissy—that’s just who you are though…but today you’re extra pissy. You won’t tell Tucker or Hudson what’s up. And I—” He clams up, rubbing his hands up and down his pant legs, his eyes darting about the shop but never landing on me.

  “You what?” He shakes his head. I take a step closer. “You what, Maddox?”

  My sharp tone reaches him, and he finally meets my stare. “I saw you.”

  “Elaborate.” I don’t request it; I demand it. He knows this.

  “This morning? Guess who walks by Clyde’s on his way to work. You and that giant ass dude were two seconds away from being in a fistfight at six in the morning.”

  “So? You never had a run-in with someone shitty early in the morning?”

  “If I hadn’t heard what he said, I’d have chalked it up to that and ignored it.”

  I tense, a weight dropping in my stomach. I set my box of Cheez-Its down, suddenly not hungry any longer. “What’d you hear?”

  “Everything.”

  I plop down onto the rolling stool next to him, my head falling into my oily hands, not giving a shit as I scrub them through my hair, pulling hard at the roots to relieve some of the tension rushing through me. This is the second time in less than eight hours my past his bitten me right in the ass. I’m not ready to tell people about what happened that night. I’ll be damned if Maddox is the first to find out either.

  “Are you gonna tell them?”

  “That you’re screwing Rae’s sister? No.”

  Whipping my head toward Maddox, I can’t contain the growl that vibrates through me. “Screwing her? What the—? I’m not screwing her. I just met her last night, and I had no idea she was even Rae’s sister!”

  Maddox just stares at me.

  “Besides, that’s not even what I thought you were talking about.”

  “No?”

  “I meant my past. Are you going to tell them I’m a fucking criminal?”

  Maddox blanches, visibly rearing back. “They don’t know?” His voice drops to a whisper like we’re not the only two in the shop anymore.

  I shake my head. “Yes and no. They know some of it, especially the one that landed me here, but not the others.”

  “But…I mean, how? Don’t all three of you have this weird bromance-bordering-on-boyfriends thing going on?”

  I snort at the way he’s described our bond. “Sure, doesn’t mean we don’t all have secrets. Trust me on that.”

  “Clearly.” I shoot him a glare. He mumbles an apology. “What happened?”

  “Ha. Nope. Not telling your ass, and you’re not telling them either. We don’t discuss my past around here.”

  “Is it that bad? You obviously didn’t kill a guy or else you wouldn’t be here.”

  I involuntarily stiffen. Maddox notices immediately, his eyebrows shooting up, eyes wide. “No.” It’s whispered, gasped almost.

  I told you, I did some truly dumb shit when I was younger. Hanging out with the crowd I did wasn’t the smartest move. Getting mixed up in what I got mixed up in? Yeah, the dumbest idea ever. Have I killed someone? Not directly, but that doesn’t mean I’m not guilty of murder.

  But it’s not something I want to get into or even think about.

  Willing myself to relax, I sink back down, uncoiling the tension in my shoulders. “I told you, I’m not telling you.”

  He stares at me, concern mixed with uncertainty. “Gaige…”

  “No.”

  It’s final, and he takes it for what it is.

  “Okay, okay. I get it.”

  I laugh humorlessly. “I highly doubt that.”

  “So, Rae’s sister?”

  “We’re not talking about that either.”

  “Stay quiet. I got it.”

  “Do you?” I look over at him, daring him to say anything other than yes.

  He doesn’t.

  I push up from the stool at the same time Tuck and Hudson come strolling back into the shop with food in hand.

  Hudson looks back and forth between Maddox and me. “We miss anything fun?” he asks with suspicious eyes.

  I act cool. “Nope. Nothing worth hearing.”

  I hear Maddox give a quiet snort, but I refuse to look over to him, to draw attention to the sound.

  Hudson nods, walking past me toward his office. “Sounds good. Rae said to tell you hi, by the way.”

  “I’m sorry I missed her.”

  “You missed a good story,” he says, turning around and walking backward so he can still talk to me. “Her sister Haley came home drunk off her ass last night with some guy who snuck out this morning before six AM. Now that’s a dedicated brush-off.”

  “Maybe he wasn’t blowing her off and just had places to be.”

  The words fly from my mouth before can I clip their wings. Hudson stops and stares at me, curiosity clear in his gaze. He squints, the action minimal and barely noticeable.

  “That could be the case.” He pauses, cocking his head to the side. “You’re defensive, why?”

  I shrug. “No reason. I just know it’s not always the case.” I relax my stance, throwing just the right amount of flippancy into my words. “Playing devil’s advocate, ya know.”

  “Sure.” Hudson gives me another odd glance and continues his walk back to his office.

  “Smooth,” Maddox says quietly as he passes me.

  I glare at the back of his head, trying to talk myself out of throwing something at him. I’m almost there, almost calm, when my pocket buzzes.

  Scowling, I reach in and grab my phone, staring at the screen in bewilderment.

  Unknown: Are you busy tonight?

  Everything in me screams it must be Haley texting me, but I have to ask.

  Me: Who is this?

  Unknown: Haley. Are you busy tonight?

  Me: Why?

  Unknown: Curiosity and all that. Now, ARE YOU BUSY TONIGHT?

  She’s bossy, straight to the point. I like it.

  Me: I deliver pizzas at Harold’s weeknights. My shift ends at 9:30. Why?

  Unknown: Good. I’ll unlock the door at 9:59, not a minute before or after. Be here at 10. Don’t knock.

  What the…?

  “Dude, you okay?” Tucker asks.

  I lift my head and blink twice. “Uh…yeah.” Clearing my throat, I start over. “Yeah, I’m good, man.”

  “You sure? Because you look a little constipated.”

  “As much as I appreciate the checkup on my bowels, I’m good.”

  Tuck shrugs and continues on his way.

  I look back down at my phone, overwhelmed with confusion. Who in the hell just instructs a virtual stranger to come to their house? And to not knock? Is this a booty call? This is a fucking booty call.

  What in the actual fuck?

  I don’t respond to her text, shoving my phone back into my pocket right along with my thoughts of even considering going. I’m not going. I can’t go. I won’t go. I don’t know this girl. I’m not looking for anything even resembling a relationship right now. That’s the furthest thing from my mind, and if I’m honest, I’m taking what Benny said this morning to heart. I’m not the guy I was before. That guy was impulsive, immature, and had no regard for the feelings of others. The man I am today is careful, wiser, and takes others’ feelings into account well before his own.

  And right now I have four other people to put in front of myself and anyone else, including a booty call I desperately need.

  I’m not going.

  I can’t.

  I won’t.

  Time: 9:57 PM.

  Location: Haley’s hallway.

  Situation: I’m so fucked.

  I fucking went.

  I. Went.

  I’ve never been more disappointed in myself than I am right now. I drove home after my shift at Harold’s, showered, dressed for bed, and even lay down. Then, without thought, I lifted myself from the bed, slipped my shoes on, grabbed my keys, and wound up here.

  Outside her door. Dressed for be
d. At almost ten at night.

  What in the hell am I thinking?

  I’m not. That’s the problem.

  I glance at my phone to check the time again. It’s still 9:57. I have three minutes to change my mind, to run, to not do this.

  That also means I have three minutes to convince myself to do this, to stay.

  Weigh your options, Gaige.

  Pros: Haley was fun last night, even when she was drunk. I was (mostly) relaxed, something I haven’t been in some time. I need a break from my routine. This is that break.

  Cons: This could turn into something I’m not prepared for. Additionally, I have no idea what to be prepared for. I don’t know Haley or her expectations. Hell, I don’t even know my expectations. She’s the sister of my best friend’s girlfriend. While technically a con, I’m writing it off because I’m not letting Hudson’s life dictate mine.

  Result: I’m still at a loss.

  I lean against the wall opposite her door, my palms flat against the patterned paper, head hanging low. I simply breathe. I need this moment to just be, to clear my head and not think…which is kind of absurd because not thinking is what landed me here. Maybe that’s a good thing? I’ve been careful these last several years—almost too careful. I work two jobs, sometimes three, and I take care of what I have at home. I never stray from my carefully paved path. I have about one drink a month with my friends when I decide to do something wild. The rest of my time is spent keeping busy, getting shit done. Nothing I do is solely for me. Maybe it is time I change that.

  Or you can keep being responsible and go home. There’s nothing wrong with being responsible, Gaige.

  Right. There’s not.

  However, I have no idea what it is Haley wants. She could want to talk, to cry again, which is responsible. Or maybe she’s drunk and needs someone to hold her hair while she talks to the toilet about what she ate today. Maybe this is exactly what I thought earlier: a booty call. Fuck, I should have dressed a lot nicer if that’s what it is—not that I’d sleep with her…or would I? Shit. No. It’s not that.