My First Second Chance

by KB Winters

  But if there was anything that could make someone like him, the calmest, most even-tempered man in the world, flip his lid, I knew this was it.

  I parked my Harley down the street, feeling like my feet were made of lead. I almost turned around a thousand times on the walk to the café. When I stepped inside the shop and saw him, he waved at me, a smile on his face. He was happy to see me. I kept wondering, if he knew my secret, if he’d ever look at me like that again.

  Maybe a little part of him would die, and I’d never get it back again. I’d seen that in my mother. I was a child, just wanting her attention by sleeping with her boyfriends. Yeah, I was out of control, but I just wanted a mom. And then I pushed her too far.

  And some people, when pushed too far, were never the same. I didn’t want to do that to anyone else, ever again.

  Just then, the swinging door hit me in the ass because I hadn’t walked far enough inside. Stunned, I moved forward, trying to take deep breaths to calm myself.

  “Meg,” he said to me, studying my face. My eyes hurt and were practically swollen shut from crying. Of course, he was being too nice. He pulled out a chair for me, offered me breakfast.

  He went to get me a bagel and orange juice. I hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday at lunch, which couldn’t be good for the baby, but everything I ate just came back up, no matter what I did. I also hadn’t been to the doctor, which meant that I probably was well on my way to fucking up the baby’s life, the way I fucked up everyone else’s. I reached over and started to play with the sugar packets, taking breaths and trying to calm myself by repeating, it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, in my head.

  No, it was not okay. I felt like I was going to throw up, but I knew this wasn’t morning sickness. No, this was the realization that everything I wanted in my life was about to fall apart.

  How could I have been so stupid? How could I have let it get to this? I’d always known Gabe was a good man. I just figured that no man could stay that way, that he’d probably become as jaded and sleazy as the others, and by the end of this, I’d happily stomp on his heart and toss it away. I didn’t realize that any man could be honestly and truly, good.

  Not only good, but clearly in love with me.

  I could see the love in everything he did. The way he brought me my breakfast; my bagel, plain, toasted just the way I liked it, with a light smear of cream cheese. The way he made sure I had a straw for my OJ and an adequate supply of napkins. The way he switched seats so the sun streaming into the window would hit his eyes, instead of mine.

  He loved me, and despite being in love with him, I’d treated that love like garbage.

  As I stared down at the cream cheese melting onto my bagel, nausea stronger than ever, I promised the universe if it could somehow see fit to not take Gabe away from me, I’d never, ever take his love for granted again.

  I picked up the bagel and took a bite, hoping food would stop the sickness.

  “All right, I’m listening,” he said, leaning forward.

  I opened my mouth, and suddenly, I had the weirdest feeling. They say that your life flashes before your eyes when you experience near-death, but with this, my whole relationship with Gabe flashed in front of me. I saw our first kiss, in the computer lab all those years ago. That last night, in his truck. The night at RAIN, and every night since. “I . . .”

  He reached out and stroked my hand, smiling benevolently. God, I felt so safe whenever I was with him, it was almost enough to make me think the screwed-up part of my life wasn’t real. “It’s okay, Meg. It’s all right. I just want to help.”

  I knew that. All he ever wanted to do was help me. I met his big, warm brown eyes for a moment, but the guilt made me shift my gaze away, out to the street.

  What I saw there nearly made me choke.

  Heller.

  He was standing outside, out of Gabe’s sight, wearing his typical suit. Arms crossed, he was starting at me with steely eyes.

  My chest clenched.

  I jumped up so fast that I nearly upended the whole table. I saw the orange juice go flying, felt it spray my legs as I stepped away, knocking the chair back. People in the café swiveled their heads to see what was happening. Trying to give them some semblance of normalcy, Gabe took a napkin and blotted uselessly at the enormous spill with one hand. He held out his other hand, as if trying to tame a wild beast.

  I couldn’t stop shaking. He was out there. Watching me. He’d found me, and he knew what I was up to.

  I shook my head at Gabe. “I can’t do this,” I said, feeling the tears breaking free.

  Gabe started to come around the table to stop me, but I couldn’t let him. I backed away from him, out of reach.

  “I’m sorry, Gabe. I really am. But please believe me when I say I didn’t want to. I had no choice.”

  I grabbed my bag, rushed to the door, pushed it open, and exploded outside, feeling like I was suffocating. I had to get away from there. And go . . .

  Nowhere. I had nowhere to go. I was trapped.

  I hurried around the corner, but my pace slowed after I crossed the street. My motorcycle was parked where I’d left it but sitting on the seat and sailing away from him, just like I’d done all those years ago, now felt like a death sentence.

  Why was I running from him? He was the father of my child. Even if he hated me, he’d want to protect his child. He’d take care of me, if only to ensure his child was all right. And maybe that was the best I could hope for.

  But if Heller hurt him? If Heller really made good on his promises and came after us? It would be all my fault. I’d fucked up Gabe’s life enough. I couldn’t do this to him.

  I reached my bike and had just put my hands on my helmet when I sensed a presence behind me.

  Gabe.

  I whirled to fall into his arms, tell him everything, to come clean, but I swallowed back the words in my throat and jumped backwards when I realized who it was.

  Heller. I shuddered and took a step backward, into an alley. His eyes were a cold, gray color of steel, narrowed in a way that made me know exactly what he was thinking.

  It was the look of someone who’d come to take his revenge.

  Chapter 21

  Gabe

  I punched the air when I realized I’d lost her. Kicked at the curb. Hurled muffled curses into the air.

  People passing by must’ve thought I was insane, but they didn’t get it. The last time this happened, we’d lost too many years. And the look in her eyes scared me. It made me think that she was prepared to go away, not just for seven years, but forever.

  Shit, shit, shit.

  Gathering my bearings, I tried to remember where I’d seen her come from. Maybe, if I was lucky, I could just catch her getting onto her bike before she drove away. As I sat there in the hot sun, it occurred to me that as much as I’d tried to break down her walls, I hadn’t succeeded at all.

  I recalled her coming around the corner of the shop before she’d entered the Sweet Bun. So I turned right and went around the block, onto a narrow side street, where the fragrance of cinnamon sugar from the café gave way to the pungent scent of Chinese food. The road was flanked on both sides by tightly-packed, parallel-parked cars. I found myself wandering aimlessly down the street, hoping I could spot some clue as to where Meg had gone. There were several people there — a lady with a stroller, a businessman putting coins into his meter, an old man on a stoop of a decaying row home. But no Meg.

  “Hello,” I said to the man, who was digging around in one of his ears with his finger for something. “Did you happen to see a girl with long dark hair come this way? Green eyes?”

  He shrugged. “What you want with her?”

  “She’s my girlfriend.”

  He shook his head.

  Clenching my fists, I walked farther.

  When I got to the top of the hill, I saw it, parked on the other side of the street in a No Parking zone, the black helmet hooked over one handle.

  Her Harley.
r />   But no Meg.

  I took another step toward it, and was at the curb, ready to cross to the other side, when I heard the faraway chatter of voices. I looked around, then at each of the open windows above, trying to scout out the source. But the wind was playing tricks on me. I took another step, listening.

  I stopped when I heard the lilt of Meg’s voice, thinking I must have wanted to hear her so bad, I was hearing things.

  But then it came again, high-pitched, warning. I listened closer, realizing the sound was coming from a nearby alley, and she was talking to someone, her words coming a mile-a-minute. I could only make out a bit of the conversation, “. . . not what I signed up for.”

  Creeping to the mouth of the alley, just where the shadows fell, I leaned in and peeked around the corner.

  Sure enough, she was standing there among the garbage cans, waving her hands animatedly, her dark ponytail bobbing as she spoke. She was arguing with . . . a man. I looked closer, trying to see into the shadows. The man had a familiar, gravelly voice, and was dressed rather formally in a suit. He came forward to touch Meg, maybe brush a lock of hair from her cheek, but she clearly didn’t want that, because she flinched.

  I folded my hand into a fist, ready to come at the guy. No one did that to my Meg.

  But then I stopped.

  The wicked, sadistic grin on the man’s face threw me off. But it turns out the voice had been familiar, because I did know him. In fact, though I didn’t know that smile, I knew the man fairly well, from the many late nights we’d spent pouring over plans together when E-Ventures was in its infancy.

  It was Heller.

  It was strange, seeing two very separate, very distinct parts of my life, suddenly thrust together into one frame. Arguing. Something about it didn’t compute. My mind swirled with questions. They knew each other? From the way they were talking, close to one another, as if sharing a secret, obviously. When the hell had that happened? The only place they could have possibly met each other was at the launch party, and they hadn’t looked like they’d known each other then. I’d left with Meg, so he couldn’t have met her afterwards.

  And from the way they were talking, I knew they weren’t casual acquaintances, chatting about the weather. No. There was something about the way they hung together that was almost . . . sinister.

  I took a step forward, deciding that there had to be some reasonable explanation. The man I trusted most, and the woman I loved most, were obviously just talking. Innocently.

  But something held me back.

  Why were they hiding in a dark alley talking in hushed tones as if they were up to no good?

  I had a stupid thought that maybe they were planning a surprise party for me. Which I might have believed, if my birthday wasn’t six months away. And I couldn’t exactly see my business partner in a heated discussion about balloons and party favors.

  So I just stood there, watching them leaning their heads together, conspiring, trying to make heads or tails of it. All the while, more and more hairs were standing up at the back of my neck. I made out several more words, mostly from Meg, since she was talking at a high-pitched, frantic level, whereas Heller was calmer, speaking slowly, under his breath. “Do this anymore” and “Not fair to . . .” What Heller did do was shake his head. He was clearly disappointed in her, whatever she’d done.

  But the more I stood there, trying to justify it, the further a strange, sixth sense crept in, the sense that something had to be wrong. He was smiling at her in that sick, strange way, now reaching his hand around her back, rubbing her lightly between the shoulder blades in a fatherly way, giving rise to an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach.

  What the hell was going on?

  Chapter 22

  Meg

  I backed into an alley that smelled like sewage and the dumpsters it housed, as Heller neared me. His teeth were clenched, his eyes boring into me. He looked like he was out for blood, ready to lunge forward and go for my jugular.

  Somehow, he’d found me. I thought I could escape, just for a little while, when I heard him slam the door and leave. It was my last chance. After all, he may have acted like my warden, but he didn’t have me under house arrest.

  But when I saw him through the café window, I knew he’d done the unthinkable. Maybe he’d bugged my room. Maybe he was reading my phone messages. Clearly, he’d done something, because he knew exactly where to find me.

  I was his little puppet, on his string, being made to dance and bend to his wishes.

  “I’m disappointed in you, niece,” he said when he’d backed me so far I was nearly at the back door of a Chinese restaurant. “After everything I’ve done for you, you keep disobeying me. You said you had something to text me, I believe?”

  Right. My plans for Gabe’s destruction. But the second he threw me to the ground in the foyer of his big mansion, the second he found out that I was carrying Gabe’s child, I knew I couldn’t go on like that. I had to cut those puppet strings, once and for all. For my sake. For the baby’s sake.

  “No,” I said. “I’m done. This has gone too far.”

  He reached out to touch me, to swipe a lock of hair from my face, and I flinched, backing against a brick wall.

  “You’re wrong about that, Meg. But it only has to go a bit further,” he assured me. “And then you’ll have that freedom you crave so much.”

  I shook my head fiercely. “I’m not going to help you anymore. I’m done.”

  “You’re not quite done. Remember what I said about Gabe? Don’t make me do it. Because I will make sure that you never see him again.”

  “No!” I said, yanking away from him. But he held me there, wrapping a hand around my back. “I can’t do this anymore. E-Ventures is his baby, too. He worked so hard on it. It’s horrible and not fair to him.”

  “And you think I didn’t work hard?” he snapped at me. “We’ve been through this, Meg. I’ve bided my time for too many years, and now it’s time to take what’s mine. Do you understand?”

  He couldn’t make it any clearer. But something suddenly came to mind. I may have hurt my mother. I may have hurt Gabe. But the baby inside me was a fresh start. Perfect, unhurt. A chance to start again. A chance to do everything right.

  “No,” I whispered to the ground.

  He leaned forward. “What did you say, nie— “

  “NO,” I shouted, yanking away from him and lifting my chin so he could see the fire ignited in my eyes. “Did you hear me? No.”

  My uncle stared at me. “Come now –”

  I yanked my hands away when he grabbed for them. “I’m serious.”

  His eyes narrowed. “So you want me to tell Gabe you set him up and this whole thing was your idea, then?”

  I looked at him like he was crazy. “He wouldn’t believe you.”

  “Oh, he would. Especially when I tell him that you insisted on going to the party at RAIN. That you were the one spreading rumors about the new app not being ready in time. You so easily threw yourself back into his life, into his bed, so that you could steal his secrets, and bring him down.”

  “He would never —”

  “Wouldn’t he? I found this in your possession.” He reached into his pocket and pulled it out, holding it in front of me. “The LuvMakr app files are all on here.”

  My flash drive. My heart beat madly as he dangled it before my eyes.

  “How did you —”

  He grinned and pocketed again. “I’ve known about it for weeks,” he said. “I’ve just been waiting for you to hand it over to me. And when you didn’t, I knew you were not to be trusted. What I don’t understand is what you’re thinking. Do you really think he’ll be with you once he knows what you did to him? What you did to your mother?”

  I swallowed. “Yes. He would know that it wasn’t what I wanted to —”

  “All of these things you didn’t mean to do, but you keep doing, hmmm?” He was smiling so coldly, it made me shudder. “You know what they say about your a
ctions? They define you.”

  I covered my mouth with my hand. “It’s not true.”

  “Yes,” he said softly, putting his arm around me, almost comforting. “I’m very sorry to inform you, but it is.”

  I knew he was right. He might believe that I never meant to hurt my mother. Gabe was good; he’d let me have a pass on that. But he’d never believe I didn’t mean to hurt him. I didn’t get a third strike on this one. I was already out.

  I stared down at the ground, at the tar-speckled asphalt and water trailing toward the gutter. I’d had so many chances to turn my life around, to start being a good person, and yet it was always so easy to do what was wrong. To hurt other people, especially the people I cared most about.

  “This your freedom,” he said, still rubbing my back. Tears came to my eyes, but I blinked them away as he spoke low, into my ear. “And yet you didn’t want to give it to me. Do you honestly care that much about him?”

  I shook my head, blinking back the tears. “No,” I said, hardening my voice. “I don’t care about anyone. I didn’t give it to you because it’s not the updated version. That one was password protected on his computer.”

  He studied me carefully.

  “I’m serious, Uncle,” I said, forcing a laugh. “If you want the updated version, you’re not going to get it on that. That one is worthless.”

  “Ah.” He pursed his lips, thinking. “Now how am I supposed to trust you to get the most recent version?”

  “I don’t think you have a choice,” I said, thinking quickly. “I know the password now, so I can get it easily. That was my plan. I just have to find an excuse to get back to his apartment. I was trying to do that in the coffee shop, but then you appeared, and I was afraid he’d see you.”

  He handed me the flash drive. My breathing quieted as I realized he’d bought it. He came up so close to me, I could smell the stench of his breath. “Don’t screw this up. Do you hear me? Get it done, this week.”

  I nodded, just wanting to get away from him.