Heart of a Savage

by Lashanta Charles

  My dad waited silently for Connor to stop speaking, but he never did. The only reason he was getting away with his current tantrum was because Daddy would never lose control and embarrass the family in front of the cops and the paramedics, giving them anything to gossip about. Connor would definitely pay for that later.

  “Connor, I will tell you again and for the last time. Bailey is in her room, most likely asleep, as we should all be. Go to the hospital, have your injuries treated further than what these paramedics could accomplish and come back in the morning.”

  My father’s tone brooked no argument and Connor abruptly paused mid-rant as though he’d just realized the enormity of what he’d been doing. He glanced around the room and stopped when his eyes landed on me at the top of the stairs. My dad followed his gaze and his eyes softened when they landed on me. I knew he loved me, but times like this made me question how deep that love went. Was it only obligatory? I’m his daughter. The last link to his wife who couldn’t have any children after me.

  “Sweetheart, why don’t you get something to help clean Connor up and meet us in the study?” he said while giving me the sweetest smile ever.

  I turned without a word and waited inside the study. I didn’t have to wait long and when my dad noticed I had nothing to clean Connor up with he raised a questioning eyebrow. “He deserves to suffer. Let him.” I offered nothing more and my dad accepted it with the corners of his mouth twitching as he fought back a smile. He went to his desk then turned to face Connor who lingered just inside the doorway.

  “Care to explain why a 23-year-old man covered in,” he paused to sniff before continuing, “pepper spray is throwing a tantrum in my home at this ungodly hour?”

  Sufficiently cowed, but still rubbing his eyes, coughing, and sniffling, Connor dropped his head and began to mumble his explanation. My dad barked out a command for him to speak up and look at him when he spoke. Connor’s head snapped up and through swollen eyes he watched me as he told my dad that I’d caught him with Jessica and refused to speak to him about it. I rolled my eyes, but before I could speak my dad did.

  “The Rustmore girl from around the corner? Bailey’s friend, Jessica?” my father asked. His face was impassive, no emotion at all, but his tone showed his disapproval.

  “Yes, sir. It was nothing. Just a little fling. I was trying to explain that to Bailey, but she wouldn’t hear me out. She started talking about how she would never marry me.”

  “And I won’t. Say what you want, gloss over the details, make this into less than it actually is, but our names will never legally grace a marriage license together.”

  “That has already been decided, Bailey. He’s the man I chose for you,” my father says.

  The carefully crafted and honed over nearly 18-year veneer I kept in place cracked.

  “Then you chose horribly fucking wrong! You’re my father and it’s your job to look out for me. Me! To protect me from anyone who would cause me harm, even if that’s your shitty excuse for a golden boy. Do you honestly think you can force me to marry him? Him? Of all people? I have absolutely no friends left because you only allow me around certain people and he’s screwed every single one of them, never even bothering to hide the fact that it was happening, but I’m supposed to keep myself pure and innocent for him. No one will touch me or talk to me or, hell, even look in my direction because you two put some claim on me. I have no one! No! One! I’ve never asked him for anything and I needed him tonight for the simplest of things, a fucking ride home and because he was in the process of fucking the last of my friends he told me I’d have to wait outside on his porch until he was done. I had to walk home in the snow and freezing cold in the dead of night. And that’s who you think is best for me? The one who will protect me, cherish me, and look out for my best interest? That’s your chosen one? Well, with all due respect fuck you and especially fuck your choice because it will never be mine.” My chest heaved and my voice had nearly given out by the time I was done yelling. Tears flowed in a constant stream from my eyes, because fuck, this hurt like hell. I had no idea how physical emotional pain could actually be. My father’s eyes burned and his fists were clenched at his side in barely contained anger. I expected his anger to be directed at me, but instead he turned to Connor.

  “Do you deny any of what she’s saying?”

  I guess my word still wasn’t good enough. Connor doesn’t answer at first and even though he’s watching me, I can’t make out the look in his eyes because they’re still swollen. “Deny it or don’t, I know it’s true. Mom would never need any confirmation over my own words.” Low blow, but fuck it. Fuck it all. Fuck them all. I’ve been meek and quiet about this my entire life. If this will be the only time I can stand up for myself, then so be it. My life is worth more than this. I made to move for the door, but Connor’s words stopped me.

  “It’s true, sir. I wish it wasn’t, but it is.”

  By the time the last word left his mouth my father was in front of him. His hand flew through the air and a crack resounded through the room. He’d slapped Connor. Open hand, palm-connected slapped him. Connor seemed just as shocked as I was. My father gave cautionary warnings once and then he cut you off, but he’s never hit anyone. I’ve never seen him lash out with more than a raised voice. Seeing him this way is shocking and unnerving. He looks as though it comes naturally. Three consecutive jabs to the face landed Connor in a heap on the floor. Two swift kicks to the gut and then my father squatted next to him and forced his head back with a fistful of his hair.

  “The next time I hear of you with another woman, any woman other than my daughter, I will cut your fucking dick off. It should have already been so, but maybe I didn’t make this part clear to you: she will always be your priority. You will drop any and everything the minute she makes a need known. You will cater to her and treat her as she deserves to be treated. She will be your world. Anything less and I will end you and your entire fucking clan. Am I understood?”

  “Yes, sir, Mr. Ross,” Connor gasped out as he clutched his side where my dad had kicked him.

  Standing back to his full height, my father turned to face me.

  “One more thing, Connor. If you wish to stay in the position I’ve chosen for you, then you will have to prove it to her. I won’t force her to marry you, I won’t force her to be with you, and I won’t force her to hold out for you, although I hope she knows her worth and will hold out for someone worthy. If that’ll be you is her choice. If she decides to marry you will be up to her.”

  My father ended his spiel with a kiss to my forehead and telling me he loved me before telling me to go get some rest. I stopped as I passed Connor who still struggled to get up from the floor. I waited for him to meet my eyes before I spoke.

  “Mark my words, Connor O’Malley. No matter what you do or say, I will never marry you.”

  Circumstance changes things. Circumstance throws up a big, fat middle finger and laughs as you pick up the pieces. Or is that fate? Maybe fate does that. Whichever one it is that does that, I wish I could just punch them in the kidney. Thanks to circumstance or fate or whatever, cancer took my father from me two years later, and now, eight years since that night, he’s no longer here to protect me. He’s no longer here to make sure I’m treated with the respect and dignity I deserve. He did leave me with a lot of control though. He willed his share of all his businesses to me. The downside to that was my lack of knowing exactly how to run one business, let alone all of his. In his majorly flawed attempt to help me, he went back on his word about it being my choice and willed Connor as a sort of executor. Connor would call the shots until it was proven that I had the required business savvy. With an MBA from Rice University, I knew I now had the business savvy. Enter circumstance again. In order for Connor to keep his position in my life and me to keep Connor or anyone else from taking complete control of the businesses, I had to have a child that he claimed would keep me from being alone in the world. Bullshit. Kaelen Declan O’Malley is the lig
ht of my life and the sole reason Connor still has so much control over my life. And with Kaelen’s giggles in the background, I find myself staring into the face of a woman who looks so much like the one I met that night so long ago. And I know. I know my heart is about to be ripped to shreds just as it was back then. Because even though she still hasn’t told me who she is, everything in me screams that this is Janae. And if Janae is here, then why am I?

  “ARE YOU OKAY? How about we get you some water or something?”

  The woman at the door brings me back from my thoughts and still disoriented I don’t protest when she takes me by the arm – what is it with people just grabbing me? – and guides me to the kitchen. We pass Kael, still engrossed in his iPad, and make our way to the kitchen. She deposits me at one of the bar stools and makes her way directly to the cabinet housing the drinking glasses. Something niggles at the back of my mind, but I can’t quite grasp it.

  “That’s a beautiful floral arrangement! Is it real flowers? I’d hate for something that pretty to just die one day.”

  “It’s not flowers. It’s cupcakes,” I inform her as she fills the glass with ice and water from the dispenser on the fridge.

  “You’re kidding?” she asks.

  She places the filled glass in front of me, a delighted smile on her face, then moves closer to the cupcakes. In her defense, I do have them set up in a vase and it does look like a bouquet of flowers. That was the whole point, though: I wanted Nico to discover it. Not her. She sniffs and her eyes twinkle as she breaks into a grin.

  “You’re not kidding. It smells just like cupcakes. This is so cute! Did you do this?”

  I nod my head and take a big gulp from the water she fixed me. I’m still not sure what’s going on or who this woman definitely is, but she obviously knows Nico. She knows him very well if her familiarity with his kitchen is any indication.

  “This is some serious talent you have here. Do you have a bakery or something? Are you a caterer? Wait, why are you in Nico’s house, answering his door?”

  The smile drops from her face and she gives me a once over. Her eyes slam shut for a few seconds and when she opens them they’re narrowed to crinkled slits. Her lips purse as though she’s just bit into a lemon and her body stiffens.

  “Exactly who the fuck are you?” she demands.

  “You need to leave now. Nico will be home soon and I’m not sure he’d be happy to find you here. Not to mention, I won’t have you speaking like that in front of my child.”

  She crosses her arms over her chest and raises and eyebrow. One perfect hip juts out as though mocking me. “My fiancé will be perfectly fine with me being here.”

  That declaration confirms my suspicions of who she really is. I don’t know the entire story and I never asked. If Nico wanted me to know he would have told me. All I know is that they were supposed to get married and they didn’t because she left. They didn’t break up and he didn’t decide not to marry her. She left. And now she’s back. That thought sends a chill skittering down my spine and I have to physically fight back a shiver. It’s not like we’re a couple or anything. He just feels some sort of obligation to help out a friend. I force a smile and grab my phone before turning to Kaelen.

  “Munchkin, get your shoes and coat. It’s time for us to go on another adventure.” His beautiful brown eyes find mine and he looks uncertain. The idea of an adventure intrigues him, but he also remembers that Nico is supposed to wrestle with him tonight. “Uncle Nico will be here when we get back.” That gets him moving.

  I haven’t been here long enough to fully unpack – okay, technically I have, but I never did – so it makes it that much easier to pack up to leave. I don’t grab everything though. I know Nico will be here any moment now and this is a reunion I can live without witnessing. As I roll the suitcases behind me a small – miniscule – voice tells me I should wait for Nico to get home. Although she’s not a stranger, there is still an uninvited woman in his home. He’ll come home and be ambushed. This is just my insecurity taking control and I shouldn’t let them. I should give him a chance to tell me what’s going on and why his ex-fiancé is suddenly at his door as though she was expected. I take the coward’s way out and send him a text informing him that she’s here and wait for a response. And wait. And wait some more. Then I catch a glimpse of her in the kitchen. She’s pulled two of the cupcakes off the vase and is finishing up the second one. It no longer looks like flowers.

  Disappointment blasts through me. Nico would have loved that. Then again, everything pales in comparison to the woman currently demolishing her third cupcake. I would say I hope it goes straight to her hips, but she needs no help in that department. She gives me a “thumbs up” and mumbles something unintelligible through her stuffed mouth.

  “Come on, munchkin, let’s get going,” I say. Kaelen grabs my wrist and we make our way to the Cayenne.

  I SPEND THE next two days shadow boxing and essentially wrestling with Kael. He complains incessantly about not getting to see his uncles, but I keep him entertained enough for it not to be a problem. I also didn’t realize I never turned my phone back on. This morning when I finally remembered to do it, it was flooded with notifications. Ping after ping telling me I had countless emails, text, and voicemails. I looked through them to make sure they weren’t business related and once I saw that they weren’t I deleted them all. I felt bad about deleting the ones from Jax and Van, but I was too embarrassed to face them. I don’t need their pity and I don’t need them trying to talk me into speaking to Nico. I call to check in with my lead lawyer, Rueben, and he assures me that there have been no changes to the custody case. He’s worried the judge will side with Malia on the case. With Connor not being on the birth certificate and me not being Kaelen’s biological mother, the odds are against me. There aren’t many judges who would go against the birth mother in cases where they’re petitioned for custody, and the one assigned to us is notorious for it as long as the mother can show proof that she’s the better fit. From what my lawyers have discovered, Malia seems entirely capable of being a good fit. At least on paper. In true life, she lacks the necessary maternal instinct. I also have nothing to counter her claim that we made a verbal agreement for me to raise Kaelen until she got on her feet and that creates a major issue. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost Kael.

  I can’t let my thoughts drift down that road. If I do I’ll be a boneless heap crying on the floor in the corner. Instead, I focus on the now. The fight I should at least try to win and the car being driven by Benny, the new guard my lawyers insisted I have with me at all times. Benny stops at the back entrance to the venue hosting the fight and looks back at me.

  “I don’t think I should let the two of you out here. I still have to find a place to park and I don’t know how long that’d take. I won’t leave you unprotected,” he says.

  I nod my head to let him know I agree even though I can see Law and East near the door. Their eyes glance over the car, but after a few seconds they go back to sweeping the area. It’s as though they’re looking for me, but they don’t recognize this car so they skip it thinking it’s one of the other fighters. “How long until it’s time?”

  “You’ve got about 20 minutes before you’d need to be taped.”

  I nod again. It takes him half of that time to find an empty parking space. Carrying Kael makes me slow and it takes the rest of that time to make it inside. When I get to the door, Law and East have disappeared, but Jax is now standing there. He looks from me to Benny then back to me.

  “I was starting to think you lied to Petra about coming here,” he says.

  Accusation is thick in his voice as well as his eyes. When I’d turned my phone on Petra was the only other call I’d made. “I gave her my word,” I shrug. His eyes swing to Benny again. “Can we go in?”

  “I’m supposed to let Nico know when you get here.”

  “Of course you are. Can we go in?”

  His lips twitch and I know he’s fighting a smile
.

  “I’m glad you’re okay, Bay. I was worried.”

  “I’m sorry. My phone was off. It wasn’t intentional.”

  He jerks his head toward the hall behind him and when he walks away we follow. When he reaches a door with my name on it he turns to face us.

  “You know he doesn’t want her, right? He had no idea she was coming here. He’s been a PMSing asshole since you left.”

  I don’t want to acknowledge his words. They cause a flutter in my heart, but I don’t want to hope. I smile politely—although I’m sure it comes across as a grimace—and nod my head. “I should probably hurry up and get taped. I’m already late, right?” He doesn’t need to answer that. Fight days are a media shit storm. Everyone wants to meet you and wish you luck or ask you questions. I know I missed my weigh-in, but somehow this fight is still on. Maybe because it’s not an actual UFC fight. Who knows?

  Jax pushes the door open and I freeze. I knew he would be here, but I didn’t expect him to be waiting in my room. Then again, where else would he be? I’m the only one fighting from All-Star tonight. Petra comes up to me and I’m engulfed in a cloud of her perfume from her hug.

  “She’s nothing. If he wanted her he wouldn’t be here right now,” she whispers before letting me go.

  “Oh, my goodness! Did you get taller since I last saw you?” she asks Kaelen as she pulls him from my arms.