Soldier's Heart: a Wounded Love novel

by Megan Green

  “Oh, your typical anonymous letter stuff. ‘It should’ve been you,’ ‘I hope you’re happy,’ and my new favorite I got the other day, ‘You don’t deserve her.’”

  Beth straightens in her chair. “Have you reported any of these, Isaiah?”

  I shake my head. “No. Until this most recent one, I really didn’t think anything of them. Someone is obviously pissed at me, and they have damn good reason to be if it’s someone who lost their husband or kid. But after the last one, I don’t know. I couldn’t ignore them anymore. It’s one thing for someone to make what could be construed as threats at me, but when you bring an innocent woman into it, then shit gets real.”

  “You think they were threatening Emma?”

  I shrug. “They obviously know we’ve been spending time together. She’s the only ‘her’ I’ve been around lately. And saying I don’t deserve her…while I may agree she’s way too good for someone like me and I really don’t deserve her, I don’t know. That comment doesn’t sit right with me. Like, I don’t deserve her, so they’re going to take her away?”

  Beth nods. “I can see your concern.”

  I hang my head. “Well that’s not what you were supposed to say. You’re supposed to tell me I’m overreacting and have a severe case of paranoia from my PTSD. That nobody is watching me.”

  Beth’s look turns even more serious. “Isaiah, it’s a very real possibility nothing will come of this. I’d be willing to bet it is like you said. A misguided loved one who is placing their blame on the wrong person—no, don’t even start with that right now,” she cuts me off when I try to object that their blame is warranted. I slump back in my chair. Fine, I won’t argue with her right now. Even though she’s wrong.

  She ignores my glower and continues. “This person is probably still grieving, and they’re at what we call the anger stage. They want someone else to feel as terrible as they do. So they’re lashing out. But most likely, that’s as far as it will go. It makes them feel better knowing they’re getting their say. It’s not an uncommon reaction. Grief can turn even the most level headed person into someone they barely recognize. But it’s better to be safe than sorry. Have you noticed anything out of the ordinary?”

  I shake my head. “Nope. I’ve even started taking different routes to Emma’s every day, just to see if anyone is following me. Nothing.”

  She purses her lips. “Good. That’s good. That makes me think it really is someone hoping to alleviate some of their own anguish. Still, I’d feel better if you at least filed a report. Just in case.”

  “I don’t know, Beth. Now that I’ve said it out loud, I really think it’s not as big a deal as I was making it. You of all people know I’m a bit excitable these days.”

  She nods. “Understandable, but even if you’re not worried about yourself, do it for Emma. This way, if things do escalate at all, they’ll at least have a record of it and can hopefully do something about it before something bad ends up happening. I know you care about her. So please, file a report.”

  I agree, taking my leave shortly thereafter. I swing by my house, grabbing all three of the letters, and head to the police station. I can tell the officer who takes my statement thinks it’s a bit ridiculous I’m filing a report about a couple of letters. I see him eye my arms and chest, probably thinking I’d be able to dispatch this guy if anything comes of this even better than the police would be able to. And he’s right. If this guy shows his face around Emma and I’m anywhere in the vicinity, I will end him. I don’t even care if I end up in prison for it. I will not let Emma come to harm because of me. But, I still feel a little better when I leave, knowing Emma will be able to call them if I’m not around and they won’t laugh her off.

  Shit. I guess I better tell Emma what’s going on.

  Climbing into my truck, I make my way to the one place on Earth I truly feel at home.

  I kill the engine, climbing from the cab before Emma has even reached her front door to let Jasper out. I’d been here this morning, but left early to go to my appointment with Beth. I hadn’t told her I was coming back, so I’m sure the sight of my truck has caught her by surprise.

  I’m almost to the front door by the time it swings open, and Jasper comes bounding out. I briefly pat him on the head, but my eyes never leave the doorway where Emma stands. She leans against the frame, crossing her arms across her chest and smirking at me.

  “Missed us that much, huh? Couldn’t even stay away for a whole afternoon?”

  I make my way up the stairs as best I can with Jasper jumping on me. I snap, pointing to the ground below us. He immediately sits, his attention remaining on my hand, awaiting my next command. I still can’t get over that. How this crazy dog can go from bouncing off the walls to completely calm and stoic at the flick of a hand? It’s pretty damn amazing.

  I walk over to one of the chairs on Emma’s porch, releasing Jasper from his pose as I sit. He scurries over to me, rubbing against my legs as I scratch his ears.

  “Can we talk?” I look at Emma, pointing to the chair next to me.

  She hesitates. “Are we breaking up? Wait, were we dating? Can you break up if you weren’t even officially dating?”

  Even though I’m here to discuss a serious matter with her, I can’t help the smile spreading across my lips. She’s just so damn cute.

  “No, we aren’t breaking up. And what do you mean we aren’t dating? I took you out. You’ve met my brother and my best friend. This is pretty much already the most serious relationship I’ve ever been in.”

  Emma sits next to me. “Well that’s just sad. You haven’t even gotten to second base yet.”

  Her last word causes all thoughts to fly out of my head. Yet? Does this mean she plans to let me get there? Soon? And good God, I’m an almost thirty year old man who’s been reduced to a thirteen year old pubescent horn dog at the prospect of a little boob action. Sex is the devil. It makes us all stupid.

  I shake my head, trying to get my thoughts back on track. “So I need to tell you something. I don’t want you to freak out. It’s probably nothing, but it’s better to be safe than sorry, as they say.”

  I tell her about the letters, my visit with Beth, and finish with my stop at the police station. She watches me with rapt attention the entire time, not once interrupting me. When I finish speaking, I expect her to ask questions. Tell me to stay away. Accuse me of putting her in danger. Something to let me know she understands what I told her.

  Instead, she simply nods. Getting to her feet, she moves to the front door. “You want to stay for dinner?”

  I stare at her, my mouth gaping. “Did you hear anything I just said?”

  She waves me off. “Yep. I’m not worried. You and Joey are here most of the time. And I’ve got six ferocious guard dogs,” she coos at Jasper, leaning down to rub his back. “Maggie and these guys won’t let anyone near me, but thanks for telling me. I’ll make sure to be a little more aware of my surroundings. And I’ll keep these guys in the house with me when Joey isn’t here.”

  Relief floods through me. That went much better than I was expecting. But then, I don’t know why I was so apprehensive. Emma is always cool and collected. She doesn’t rile easily. She’s not really the type to point fingers and cast blame. That’s more my style. With all those fingers pointing directly at myself. Still, I make a mental note to talk to Joey about this. I don’t want her here alone. We’ll need to work something out between us so one of us is always here.

  Emma makes us both dinner, and I help her with feeding and getting the dogs settled for the night. After they’re all snuggled together in their kennel, we head back inside, and she pours a couple glasses of wine.

  I don’t drink. Not anymore. Kevin pretty much told me he’d kill me himself if I fell back off the wagon. But snuggling on the couch with Emma, sipping a glass of wine while we catch up with Walter White sounds about as close to heaven as I’ll be able to get. So I take the glass from her, and instead of feeling guilt at the thought of
betraying Kevin’s trust, I feel happiness. I’ll be able to enjoy a glass of wine with a beautiful woman and that’s where it’ll end. No more binges. No more drinking myself into oblivion. No more trying to run and hide from my past. Those days are gone. I still feel the pain and the guilt, but sitting here with Emma by my side, I want to feel it. I want to feel everything. Because dulling the pain would also mean dulling the bliss. Without the hurt, there would be no laughter. Without the past, there would be no present. And no present would mean no future. And there’s nothing I want more now than a future. With Emma.

  I drape my arm across her shoulders, pulling her into my side. She snuggles close, laying her head on my shoulder as she watches the screen. Not removing her eyes from it, she breaks the silence that has developed between us.

  “So you know how I’ve met your best friend?”

  I lower my chin, trying to look at her face. “Yeah?” I ask cautiously, unsure of where this is going.

  “Well, I think it’s only fair you meet mine now.”

  “Oh,” I say dumbly. “Are you sure? We don’t need to rush into anything.”

  Emma leans forward, placing her wine glass on the table. “Yes. I want you to meet them. Haylee and Ryan. Amanda and Justin. Trust me, you’ll love them. And they’ll love you.” She smiles at me, placing her hand on my arm in reassurance.

  I’m not so sure about that. Nobody likes me. I’m too abrasive and rude. And I’m a bit of an asshole. Okay, a lot of an asshole. I look at Emma, about to tell her this, when her gaze meets mine. The look she gives me is so sweet. So full of acceptance and happiness. To hell with it. If I managed to get this woman to not only tolerate me, but sort of like me as well, then I can handle a few hours with her friends. I smile at her.

  “I’d love to meet them.”

  “So, Isaiah, what are your intentions with my girl here?”

  I choke on the water I’d been sipping at the question. I look at Amanda as I cough. She gives me a stern frown.

  “It wasn’t a hard question and frankly, the fact that your eyes are now bugging out of your head makes me think your intentions are far more nefarious than I’d originally thought.”

  Emma chucks a throw pillow at Amanda. “His eyes are bugging out because he’s choking, you twit. Stop trying to kill the man before you even get to know him.”

  Emma rubs my back as I finally clear my throat. Amanda and Justin have just arrived at Emma’s house, where the plan is to order a pizza and have a game night. Emma and her friends definitely have a different definition of fun than the crew I used to run with. But surprisingly, I’m looking forward to the evening.

  At least, I had been before Amanda had taken a seat on the sofa across from me and immediately dropped that question. Luckily, a knock at the door buys me a few minutes to decide how to answer it. Emma and Amanda both jump from their seats, clambering over each other as they make their way to the door, leaving me and Justin sitting in an uncomfortable silence. He looks at me. I look at him. He flicks his chin up in the universal guy gesture for “hey, bro.” I nod. And we both turn to the hallway the girls disappeared to, waiting for their reappearance.

  Squeals can be heard from the entryway. A third feminine voice joins in the fray. I smile to myself. Emma has always been fun and what I’d call “girly,” but seeing her with her friends, even after only a few minutes of watching their interaction—well it’s opened an entirely different side of her I never knew existed. Normally, shrieking women would have me headed for the hills, but there’s something different about Emma and her friends.

  Or maybe I’m so fucking whipped I would think it was adorable if they started having a pillow fight while blasting NSYNC and Britney Spears. Honestly, that’s not a bad idea. I could put up with some JT for a little while if it meant watching Emma bounce around in tiny shorts.

  Emma and Amanda return with two other people, interrupting the fantasy unfolding in my head. I stand, offering my hand as I’m introduced to both Haylee and Ryan. I immediately recognize Ryan as a fellow military man. Emma told me he’d been out for several years. Something about his hand being too messed up after the explosion that had killed Chris. But something like the military never leaves you. The way he carries himself, the firm grip of his handshake, the authoritative tone of his voice as he greets me—all of these things are a dead giveaway for military service. And even if Emma hadn’t told me, I’d be able to guess Army based on the haircut he still sports. As they always say, you can take the soldier out of the military, but you can’t take the military out of the soldier.

  Emma asks everyone what they want on their pizza and calls in the order. We all sit around the living room while we wait for it to be delivered. I brace myself for the return of Amanda’s question.

  Instead, Haylee speaks. “So, Isaiah, Emma tells us you used to be a soldier. I don’t know if she told you, but Ryan used to be in the service too.”

  Ryan looks at me, and I nod. “Yes, ma’am. She had mentioned that.”

  Haylee giggles. “Ma’am? Oh please, don’t start calling me that. It makes me feel old.”

  I look at the slight girl who’s currently nestled into her husband’s side. Dark hair, dark eyes, fair complexion. Next to Ryan, she appears tiny, but I’d guess she’s at least five-foot-seven. At first glance, you’d think she was pretty, but the longer I look at her, the more I realize how beautiful she really is. Those dark eyes are transfixing. I can see a man losing hours gazing into those eyes.

  Emma squeezes my hand. I turn to look at her, and all thoughts of how gorgeous Haylee is vanish. Because the smile Emma gives me when I meet her eyes takes my breath away. She’s not just gorgeous. She’s fucking ethereal.

  I take her hand in mine, returning her smile as she slides closer to me. “Sorry, Haylee, it’s a habit. Growing up in the south, plus the military. I sort of call everyone ma’am or sir when I first meet them.”

  Ryan squeezes her to his side, kissing her on the top of the head. “You know it’s true, babe. Don’t hold it against him. Manners are instilled in us Army grunts. Not that Isaiah here is a grunt like Joey and I were. Those Green Berets could kill us six ways from Sunday just for looking at them wrong, and we’d never even see it coming.”

  I laugh. “Ah c’mon. Don’t be like that. I wouldn’t kill anyone just for looking at me wrong. Now if they look at Emma wrong, well that’s a different story.”

  Ryan nods. “Totally justifiable. These assholes need to leave our women alone. We cannot be held responsible for our actions based on the wandering eyes of others.”

  I smirk at his response. Ryan and I are going to get along fine. I can already tell.

  Amanda’s voice interrupts our little bromance moment. “So you didn’t answer my question, Isaiah. What are your intentions with our sweet Emma here? She’s not some easy lay, you know.”

  Her tone is facetious, letting me know she’s teasing me. Emma opens her mouth to speak, probably to tell Amanda to shut up again, but I give her hand a squeeze and shake my head. I got this.

  “Oh believe me, I know. I spent the whole night here once, and she made me sleep on the floor.”

  “I did not!” Emma squeals next to me. “I told you to sleep on the couch. You’re the one who refused. So don’t even start with me, mister.”

  I smile at her, turning my attention back to Amanda. She’s grinning at our interaction. “So, at the rate this is going, I’m guessing she’s going to string me along for a while, seeing how long it takes for me to finally give up and move on. Joke’s on her though. I’m nothing if not dedicated. Especially when it’s in regards to something I want.”

  I look at Emma as these last words roll off my lips, not bothering to hide the heat in my eyes. She swallows, her cheeks flushing as she holds my gaze.

  Amanda clears her throat. “Okay, you two, tone it down a notch. There are still four other people in the room, you know. And we don’t need a free show.” Justin mumbles something next to her, and she must elbow him i
n the ribs, because he lets out a loud “ooof!” I look over at them, Justin holding his side as he feigns pain and indignation. Amanda doesn’t even look at him.

  “So, you’ve admitted you ‘want’ her,” she uses air quotes around the word want. “But do you want her? So you’re patient. So what? You’re going to hang around until she finally gives in, and then it’s ‘wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am’?”

  I choke on a laugh. Do people still say that? I thought that phrase went out in the nineties. The look she gives me though tells me even though she may be flippant with the phrasing of her question, she’s dead serious on the topic.

  I put my arm around Emma, pulling her into my side. “No, ma’am. I’m not really the ‘whamming’ type. At least not anymore. I’m afraid you guys are stuck with me until Emma realizes I’m no good for her and kicks me to the curb.”

  Emma’s hand covers my knee, squeezing softly. “No way. If anything, you’ll be the one who realizes you’re way too interesting for a boring person like me.”

  I open my mouth to retort, but Amanda’s voice cuts me off.

  “Oh my God, gag me. Emma, really. Didn’t we have enough sappy shit to handle with these two?” she points at Ryan and Haylee. “Now you’re going and pulling the same thing? ‘You’re too good for me. No, you’re too good for me. No, you.’ Good hell. It’s like we’re back in high school. ‘You hang up first. No, you hang up first.’ I thought you were better than this, Em.”

  Emma flips off Amanda, laying her head on my shoulder. “Maybe you should pay attention to your poor injured husband—injured at your hands I might add—and stop worrying about mine and Haylee’s relationships.”