by Emily Forbes
Despite that, he could understand her desire for a home to call her own. The commune had been chaotic but he had loved it. It had been a happy environment, although he could see how it might have been overwhelming if it was your home, but he’d never pictured her choosing to live in a city. He’d thought she’d feel stifled. She needed freedom. The surf. The sun. She was bound to the earth and the ocean and the sky.
But twelve years was a long time and the Poppy he’d known had changed. She’d grown up, taken on responsibility. He could understand her need for stability but he wondered whether the old Poppy was still in there somewhere. The one who’d run wild in the bush and surfed off the rocks.
He hoped so.
* * *
Ryder watched the ocean, double-checking every woman with blonde hair, wondering if he would see Poppy. He had tried to forget her, he had tried not to compare all other women to her, but after dinner last night he was finding it impossible not to think about her. Their connection had been special and he felt it still. It wasn’t just because of shared history, it went deeper than that, yet he couldn’t explain why he should feel this connection with her and only her. He didn’t believe in soul mates. At least, not until he was around her.
His kept his mind on Poppy but his eyes on the sea. The ocean was calm for the moment but the day was warm and he knew people had a tendency to get complacent when the water was flat. It wasn’t as threatening but the water was just as deep and the tides could still take you out of your depth or wash you off a sand bar. You could drown just as easily on a calm day if you weren’t a confident swimmer.
Ryder felt like the ocean. One minute he’d been calm, rolling towards a life in Perth and a new career, when suddenly the wind had blown in and brought change. Seeing Poppy again made him rethink his vague plans. He was flexible and returning to Perth was optional. He could go wherever his career, his life or love took him.
What if Poppy was still his perfect woman? Twelve years ago he’d thought that she was the one but teenage hormones didn’t translate into everlasting love—did they?
He needed to find out who she had become. It sounded like she was focussed, she still had her goals set. That was the Poppy he’d known—full of plans. But her plans now were about security and stability. Her plans were all financial. What had happened to the Poppy who’d been eager to escape Byron Bay? What had happened to the Poppy who had planned to conquer the world? Who’d had such a zest for life? For living? What did she dream about? Was she happy?
Was Craig the love of her life?
It didn’t sound like that to Ryder but what did he know? He’d been spectacularly unlucky in love.
Maybe Craig was exactly what Poppy wanted. What she needed.
She’d bought a house with Craig—that was a serious step, more serious than just living together in a rental. It smacked of something more permanent. She hadn’t exactly been singing his praises but perhaps she’d just been trying to spare Ryder’s feelings?
She wanted security and stability and Craig was giving her that.
Ryder knew he couldn’t compete. Not at the moment. How was a mature age student, waiting to get his career started and who worked as a casual lifeguard with nothing to his name, going to be able to provide her with the things she wanted?
But what if Poppy was supposed to be with him? What if she was the one? Still the one.
But he was jumping ahead of himself. Way ahead. Indulging in his fantasies. He still had a memory in his head left over from twelve years ago about what life with Poppy would look like. But there was nothing to say he would get that chance.
He hoped he wouldn’t have to be content with friendship, he thought as his attention was captured by the sight of a bikini-clad girl running up to the buggy.
‘There’s a man down the beach,’ she said as she waved her arm towards the north end of the beach, ‘having some sort of fit.’
‘Jump in,’ Ryder said, pushing his own thoughts aside. ‘Can you take me to him?’
The girl nodded and climbed into the ATV, stepping over the rescue board that was stored on the passenger side of the buggy.
Ryder started the engine and headed north, driving along the wet, hard-packed sand. He picked up the radio as he drove and called the incident into the tower. ‘Central, this is Easy. I’ve got a report of a man having a seizure on the beach. I’m checking it out and will update you.’
‘Copy that. I’ll send Bluey to assist.’
Ryder hit the siren on the buggy, clearing the crowds as he weaved his way up the beach.
‘Over there.’ The girl pointed to her left.
Ryder could see a large crowd gathering on the sand. He hit the kill switch on the ATV as he brought it to a stop several metres from the crowd. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to drive any closer. He jumped out and grabbed the two-way radio and the medical kit and ran through the soft sand, pushing his way through the onlookers.
As the crowd parted Ryder saw an elderly gentleman lying on a towel in full sun. He was convulsing, his eyes were rolled back in his head and he was frothing at the mouth. Ryder crouched down beside him. ‘Sir, I’m a lifeguard. I’m here to help you.’
As he’d expected, there was no response.
He looked up at the crowd. ‘Is there anyone here who knows this man?’
No one spoke up and then the girl who’d fetched him said, ‘He seemed to be by himself. My friends and I were sitting nearby. There didn’t seem to be anyone with him.’
‘No one who has gone swimming perhaps?’ Ryder asked. But there was only one towel, which the man was lying on, and no bags or any evidence that someone else had been there.
The girls shook her head.
Ryder called the tower again. ‘Central, I’m going to need some help and an ambulance. I have an unidentified elderly male having a seizure. Unknown onset. Non-responsive but breathing.’
Jet’s reply came back. ‘Bluey is on his way. I’ll call the ambos.’
There wasn’t much Ryder could do. The man was possibly dehydrated but he had no way of getting fluids into him. He was lying in full sun and getting him into the shade was probably the best he could manage until help arrived. He looked around. There were dozens of beach umbrellas stuck into the sand.
‘Could someone hold an umbrella over us for some shade?’ he asked as he heard Bluey pushing his way through the mass of people that seemed to be growing by the second. As usual, a drama attracted spectators.
The seizure abated as Bluey arrived, carrying the oxygen and the defib unit.
The man had stopped thrashing and foaming at the mouth but his eyes were still glazed and Ryder could tell he wasn’t aware of his surroundings. Far from it.
Ryder had no way of telling what had caused the seizure. Epilepsy would be his guess but it could be any number of things and whatever the cause the seizure had lasted several minutes making it a medical emergency.
He was able to take the man’s pulse, his heart was racing, but when he tried to hook the oxygen mask over the man’s mouth and nose the man lashed out, knocking the mask from Ryder’s hands.
‘Sir? Can you hear me? You’re on Bondi Beach, and you’ve a had a seizure, I’m a lifeguard and I want to give you some oxygen.’ Ryder spoke quietly and clearly as he tried again to position the mask but the man had the same reaction. He wondered what the man thought was happening.
He picked up the radio and called Jet. ‘How far away are the ambos?’ he asked. He needed their help. There was no way he and Bluey could get this patient onto a stretcher and back to the tower without assistance.
‘Gibbo’s bringing them over in a buggy. They’re almost with you.’
The crowd parted as Jet finished speaking and Ryder could see Poppy coming towards him just as he managed to secure the oxygen mask in place. He breathed out a sigh of relief.
Poppy knelt
in the sand beside him. ‘Hey, what have we got?’
Ryder told her what he knew, which was very little. ‘Elderly gentleman having a seizure that lasted several minutes. It took me a few minutes to reach him and the fit continued for more than five after I arrived on the scene. He was breathing but was non-responsive. He’s still non-responsive and agitated. Nil communication. Pulse ninety-six. No companions. No ID. No Medic Alert.’
Poppy was nodding. ‘Was his whole body seizing or just his limbs?’
‘His whole body. And quite violently. We’ve put the umbrella over him now but he was in full sun.’
‘Does he have a bag with him?’ Poppy asked. ‘Any medication?’
‘I haven’t seen a bag. There was an empty water bottle beside him and the towel he’s lying on, that seems to be it.’ The man’s eyes were closed now but Ryder could hear him breathing in the oxygen.
Poppy’s colleague squatted beside them and spoke to the man. ‘Sir, we’re from the ambulance.’ Alex put his hand on the man’s shoulder but the man reacted violently again, just as he’d done with Ryder, but this time his fist connected with Alex, startling everyone.
The man’s eyes opened as Alex kept talking. Clearly distressed, he continued to hit out, pushing Alex away. He pulled the oxygen mask from his face but still didn’t speak. He pointed to his ears.
Ryder watched as Poppy nodded and said, ‘It’s okay, I understand.’ She was signing as she spoke.
She turned around and looked at Ryder. ‘He’s deaf,’ she explained.
CHAPTER FIVE
POPPY SAW RYDER’S expression clear as her words went some way to explain the man’s reaction. She turned back to the patient. He had calmed down slightly but still looked frightened. She knew that patients coming out of a fit were often disoriented and scared and she imagined it must be doubly frightening for someone who was deaf or had an additional disability. Her hands flew as she explained what had happened.
I’m a paramedic, she signed as she touched the symbol on her uniform. You are on Bondi Beach. You had a seizure. Do you understand?
She spoke quietly, her words accompanying her hands, letting him choose to either read her lips or her hands. Slowly, he calmed down.
I’m going to put the oxygen mask back on for you. Is that okay?
Poppy kept her information as brief as possible, knowing it would be easier for him if he could give her yes or no answers.
What is your name?
Anthony, he signed.
My name is Poppy. Have you had a fit before, Anthony?
He nodded his head.
My colleague and I are just going to check your condition. Is that okay?
She waited for him to nod before asking Alex to start taking his obs and speaking to the lifeguards. ‘I’m just explaining to him what happened,’ she said, as Alex slipped a pulse oximeter onto his finger. ‘He’s an epileptic. His name is Anthony.’
Anthony was signing to her.
That’s okay, we understand, she signed back.
‘He’s apologising for striking out. He was confused when he woke up and with so many people surrounding him he thought he was being attacked,’ she told the others as she wrapped the blood-pressure cuff around Anthony’s arm.
She turned back to the patient. Is there anyone with you? Family? A friend?
He shook his head, signed, My wife is at work.
Poppy nodded. We need to take you to hospital. Okay?
He shook his head, surprising her. She hadn’t thought he would refuse. His condition had stabilised so it was no longer an emergency but he still needed to be properly assessed.
You need to be assessed. You’re probably dehydrated. It’s a hot day so you will probably need a drip. That might be all and then you will be able to go home. I can call your wife for you and get her to meet us at the hospital.
He nodded and signed, Okay.
Will she be able to hear me? Poppy knew that there were a lot of deaf couples in society. She needed to make sure Anthony’s wife would be able to hear her.
Anthony nodded and Poppy pulled her phone from a pocket in the side of her trousers.
‘I’m just going to call Anthony’s wife to let her know what has happened and to get her to meet us at Bondi General. Can you load him on a stretcher, and we’ll get him to the ambulance?’
* * *
Poppy unloaded the stretcher in the emergency bay at Bondi General. She had travelled in the back with Anthony and he was quite stable and seemed much calmer now. She’d called ahead and asked for Lily to meet them, knowing it would help Anthony to be assessed by a doctor who could also sign.
This is Dr Carlson, Poppy told him. She will take care of you. She can sign too.
Poppy saw him do a double take when he saw Lily.
She looks like you.
Poppy smiled. She is my sister. You’re in good hands. Your wife is on her way.
Thank you.
My pleasure, she signed as they pushed the stretcher into the hospital before transferring him to a hospital barouche and leaving him with Lily.
* * *
‘Was everything okay with Anthony?’ Poppy asked as she stepped out onto the deck and handed Lily a glass of wine.
‘Yes, poor man. He was pretty confused but he was okay. He had some IV fluids and then his wife took him home.’
Poppy’s shift had been busy and halfway through she’d debated the wisdom of putting her hand up for the extra hours given that she’d got home late last night after dinner with Ryder, but Craig’s no-show had left her with time on her hands and she was pleased she’d been there for Anthony. She’d hoped she’d helped him to negotiate what would have been a scary event. ‘It would have been terrifying for him.’
‘He was lucky that you were there, really.’
‘I keep thinking what if that had been Daisy in that situation.’ The idea made Poppy feel emotional. ‘She’d be so vulnerable.’
‘She doesn’t have any underlying health problems.’
‘I know, but if she was in an accident and alone, who would take care of her? Who’s going to take care of any of us?’
Lily frowned and sipped her wine. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘Do you think there’s something wrong with us? Do you think there’s a reason we can’t have successful relationships? Daisy’s never had a serious boyfriend. Jet has had a million short-term flings and you and Otto aren’t exactly living in marital bliss.’
‘What about you and Craig? You’re living together. That’s a pretty serious relationship if you ask me.’
‘I’m not living with him right now, I’m living with you. I put myself in the same category. We’re all screwed up. I should be living with Craig and you should be living with Otto and yet, here we are, living here with Daisy like three spinsters.’
‘I don’t think it’s as bad as all that.’
‘Don’t you?’
‘No. You and Craig are only apart temporarily.’
Poppy knew that wasn’t really at the core of her concerns. She and Craig didn’t spend much time together anyway and she wasn’t really missing him. And that was the problem. She wasn’t missing Craig and she couldn’t stop thinking about Ryder. If she and Craig were going to make it as a couple, should she be spending so much time thinking about another man?
‘And what about you and Otto?’ she asked, in an effort to get her mind off Ryder. ‘What is happening with the two of you?’
Lily sighed. ‘I don’t know.’
‘Do you miss him?’
‘I try not to think about it.’
Poppy fell silent as she thought about Lily and Otto. In her opinion they were perfect together and if they weren’t going to make it Poppy knew she would lose all faith in any of the Carlson siblings being able to sustain a serious relationship.
&
nbsp; ‘What’s bothering you? This isn’t just about me and Otto, is it?’ Lily asked. She always knew when something was troubling her siblings. It was part of her role in the family, to fix things.
Poppy wished she could fix things for Lily but she knew it wasn’t that easy. For a start, Lily would have to want to fix things.
‘I’m just thinking about missed opportunities,’ she said.
In the few quiet moments she’d had during her shift today she’d found herself constantly reliving last night’s dinner. Recalling how easily the conversation had flowed, how they had laughed and finished each other’s sentences. How the twelve years apart had dissolved in the space of a few hours and how they had quickly re-established their easy camaraderie.
Dinner with Ryder had also made her examine her relationship with Craig.
She knew she was with Craig because he was a safe choice. They might not have amazing chemistry but she had convinced herself she didn’t want that. She didn’t want to feel out of control. She didn’t want to feel vulnerable.
Her parents, her mother in particular, were not affectionate, not demonstrative with their feelings, and Poppy had never felt unconditionally loved by either of them. And then Ryder, her first love, had left her. She’d learned from experience that love was a painful emotion. It was better to learn to live without it. Wanting something you couldn’t have was only going to lead to heartache.
She didn’t want to look for love. She didn’t want to risk rejection.
Or so she’d been telling herself.
She knew Craig wasn’t going to break her heart but why then did she get the feeling she’d made a mistake? The buzz she got from being with Ryder—was it a mistake to never feel that with anyone else? Was she so afraid of rejection that she was willing to live in the shadows?