by Emily Forbes
She hoped that had been his only reason for leaving. She hoped he didn’t think they’d made a mistake. Hoped he wasn’t regretting what they’d done.
She scolded herself as she reached over to pick up her phone. As usual she was overthinking things and assuming the worst. Her mood lifted when she saw his message on the screen.
Are you awake?
She was smiling as she dialled his number. ‘Good morning,’ she said when he answered. ‘I’m awake now. Where are you?’
‘I’m out the front. Grab your board and your wetsuit. We’re going surfing.’
Poppy’s heart skipped a beat. He obviously wasn’t having second thoughts.
She quickly pulled on her swimsuit, brushed her teeth and grabbed her gear. She closed the front door quietly. Ryder was waiting on the kerb. He greeted her with a kiss and took her surfboard, sliding it into the back of his car next to his.
‘How did you sleep?’ he asked her as he drove her down to Bronte Beach.
‘Like a baby.’ She’d expected to have a restless night, she’d expected that her mind would be spinning as she processed what had happened with Craig, but Ryder had managed to distract her completely in the most delightful of ways.
‘No regrets?’
She smiled. ‘None. Why?’
‘I was worried you might be feeling like we rushed things a bit.’
‘No.’ She shook her head as she wondered if she should tell him that she’d been waiting twelve years for last night to happen. That could hardly be called rushing things. ‘You?’
‘Maybe.’
‘Oh.’ She didn’t like the sound of that.
‘Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed every minute of it but you have to admit we didn’t really think things through. I didn’t give you a chance to process what had happened with Craig. You haven’t had a chance to decide if you want to work things out.’
‘Trust me, I don’t.’ Her relationship with Craig was well and truly over. She couldn’t forgive infidelity and after last night there was no way she was ever going to settle for average sex again.
It was a glorious morning. The beach was bathed in pink light and the ocean was warm. She didn’t want to think about Craig. She knew they would have things to sort out but that could wait. She blocked all thoughts of Craig from her mind. ‘Is that all that was bothering you?’ she asked, as they paddled out past the break.
‘No.’
What more could there be? she thought nervously. ‘Oh? What else is there?’
‘I need to know if last night was just a one-off.’
Poppy’s heart plummeted in her chest. Was that what he wanted? She was almost afraid to ask but she had to know. She swallowed the lump in her throat and said, ‘Is that what you thought? Is that all you wanted?’
‘What! No, not at all. I just needed to know if last night was just a reaction to Craig’s behaviour or if it was more serious. I don’t want to get caught in the middle and I don’t want to be your rebound guy.’
Poppy could breathe again. ‘You’re not.’
Ryder sat up on his board and the morning sun caught his hair, turning the tips golden. His skin was bronzed and the water droplets on his shoulders glistened in the morning light. He looked like a Greek god and Poppy’s breath caught in her throat and her insides wobbled. He was divine, inside and out, and she couldn’t believe she’d finally managed to fulfil her teenage fantasy. She had enjoyed every minute of it and fully intended to do it again.
‘I have been waiting for last night for twelve years,’ she told him as she pushed herself into a sitting position and let her legs dangle in the water. ‘It definitely wasn’t a rebound thing.’
‘Good,’ he said as he reached for her board. He pulled her closer until their knees were touching and leaned towards her. He lifted his hand and slid his fingers under her hair, cupping the back of her head. She lifted her chin and his lips brushed her mouth.
She closed her eyes and parted her lips as he kissed her. He tasted salty and warm. She kissed him back, savouring the feel of his hands on her skin, his mouth on hers.
A small wave rocked her board. She opened her eyes and grabbed his forearms for support as she regained her balance.
Ryder ran his thumb along her jaw to the edge of her mouth and Poppy would have sworn she could feel the zing of awareness spread right through her from her lips to her toes. She sighed and sucked his thumb into her mouth.
‘Where do we go from here?’ he asked.
She took his hand, holding it in both of hers. ‘I’m not sure.’ She hadn’t thought about what would happen next. She’d only got as far as last night.
‘You don’t have a plan?’ He was smiling. Teasing her.
She shook her head. ‘I just want to enjoy this.’ Whatever this was.
He was watching her closely and she wondered if he knew what she was thinking. He usually did, but she couldn’t help her fears. It was too soon to tell him how she felt. She couldn’t do it.
She was scared of verbalising her feelings but she knew she needed to try to explain her thoughts to him. ‘Whenever I make relationship plans, things go awry. Can we just spend some time together and see what happens?’
He nodded. ‘Sure. If that’s what you want.’
She appreciated that he didn’t push her for more. She didn’t want to make promises neither of them might be able to keep. It was better not to expect too much. She didn’t want to be disappointed.
He knew the conversation was done for now and she watched him as he caught a wave. He carved up the ocean, his powerful legs working the board. She almost blushed when she thought that just last night she’d been tangled up in his legs. Just last night those powerful thighs had been between hers, taking her to places she’d only ever dreamed of.
She would enjoy this, enjoy him, she decided, for as long as it lasted.
* * *
Ryder dropped Poppy home after a post-surfing breakfast before he headed to work. Lily was lying on the couch and she closed her laptop and sat up when Poppy came into the lounge.
‘You’re looking better than I expected given the nasty surprise you copped,’ she said. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘Great.’
‘Really?’
‘Yep.’ Poppy could feel the enormous grin she had plastered on her face but she couldn’t help it.
‘And would your good mood have anything to do with Ryder?’
‘What makes you say that?’
‘I thought I saw him leaving here in the early hours of the morning.’
‘You saw him? He didn’t say anything.’
‘He looked like he had his mind on other things. Are you going to tell me what’s going on?’
‘You asked him to pick me up from the airport.’ Poppy sat on the couch next to her sister.
‘This was hours later.’
‘We went for a walk, he made me dinner...’
‘And then?’
‘I slept with him.’
‘Oh, my God! Poppy! You don’t think it’s a bit soon to be jumping into bed with someone else? You’ve only just broken up with Craig.’
Poppy hadn’t meant to say anything, not just yet, but her excited mood made her accidentally verbose. ‘I didn’t realise there was a rule.’
‘There’s not a rule exactly but most people I know wait a few days, not hours.’
Again, she felt like she’d been waiting twelve years for last night. In her opinion she’d done her time and she hadn’t been willing to wait one more minute for what had turned out to be the most amazing experience of her life. But she wasn’t about to tell Lily all of that. It was a little too revealing. ‘It was just a bit of fun,’ she said instead.
Lily raised one eyebrow. ‘A bit of fun is revenge sex with a hot stranger. Sex that makes you think you’re still desira
ble after your boyfriend cheats on you. It is not having sex with a guy you’ve known for years. A guy who you had a teenage crush on but who is first and foremost a friend. Someone you’ll still have to see if things go pear-shaped!’
‘I can handle it.’
‘Are you sure? What’s your plan?’
‘My plan? I don’t have one.’
Lily looked at her like she didn’t recognise her and Poppy could understand that. She always had a plan but she’d got carried away last night. She’d let her hormones get the better of her and she’d slept with Ryder because she’d wanted to and before she could think about what came next. Now she just wanted to enjoy herself. She didn’t want to make plans.
She’d never experienced anything like last night and she couldn’t have planned it better if she’d tried, so that was her lesson. No plans.
‘You’ve had a crush on Ryder for years,’ Lily said. ‘Can you handle a casual fling? I don’t want you to get your heart broken.’
Poppy hadn’t said anything about a casual fling. That wasn’t where her mind was at but she was keeping that to herself. ‘I know you like to protect us all but you don’t need to worry. I’ll be fine.’
Her boyfriend of two years had just cheated on her and she felt fine. Better than fine. She felt great. Craig’s infidelity hadn’t broken her heart and she didn’t think Ryder would either. She could handle this.
* * *
For the next week Poppy thought she was handling things perfectly. She was taking things one day at a time, no plans, no expectations. It was very unlike her, this casual approach, but she was happy just spending time with Ryder. She’d wanted this chance for as long as she could remember and she was determined to enjoy it.
Work and Ryder were keeping her busy, which was good. It meant there was no time to spend thinking about Craig and the things they had to sort out. Poppy wanted to ignore that for as long as possible. She wanted to think only happy thoughts. She wanted to think about Ryder.
They spent almost every minute together when they weren’t working—surfing, sharing meals and making love. Poppy was still blown away by how amazing the sex was. How had she never known it could be like that?
Maybe letting go was the secret.
Maybe Ryder was the secret.
Her muscles were still aching from the last session just half an hour ago and she was smiling as Ryder found them an empty table at Lao Lao’s Kitchen. Poppy had wanted to stay in bed and order takeaway, but Ryder had insisted they go out and this restaurant was quickly becoming their favourite.
‘Thank you, An Na,’ Poppy said as the young girl brought their final dish. She cleared their empty plates as Ryder waved at someone across the restaurant.
Poppy turned back towards the door and saw a fit, athletic-looking brunette walking towards them.
‘Hi, Steph, what are you doing here?’ Ryder greeted her.
‘Picking up a takeaway.’
‘Steph, this is Poppy Carlson, Jet’s sister. Poppy, this is Steph, one of the injured lifeguards.’
Ryder’s introduction left Poppy a little disheartened. Was that all she was to him still? Jet’s sister? She realised she wanted him to see her as someone more, someone important. A girlfriend. A partner. But was that fair? She was the one who hadn’t wanted to make plans, hadn’t wanted commitment. She couldn’t expect one thing from him if she wasn’t prepared to give him the same. She was scared to commit to a relationship officially. Relationships never worked out for her. If she wasn’t committing in public she could pretend she wasn’t committing in private.
But she knew that was a lie.
Despite what she’d told Lily, she was scared Ryder would leave her and break her heart in the process. She was scared he wouldn’t love her.
Realising her musings were making her appear rude, she dragged her focus back to the conversation. ‘How’s your recovery going?’ she asked, just as Steph’s name was called.
‘Slowly,’ Steph replied as she glanced back over her shoulder. ‘That’s my order,’ she said. ‘Ryder can fill you in. Enjoy your dinner.’
‘Which one was she?’ Poppy asked as Steph returned to the counter. ‘The fractured scapula?’ she guessed. The other lifeguard had undergone a knee reconstruction and given the time frame Poppy thought Steph was far too mobile to be the post-op knee patient.
Ryder nodded.
‘How long has she been off for?’
‘I’m not a hundred per cent sure but I know she’s keen to come back. She had a fitness test today.’
‘How did she go?’
‘I gather she struggled with some of the strength components. She couldn’t pull the dummy out of the water.’
Poppy knew one of the tests was retrieving a forty-kilogram dummy and wrangling it onto a rescue board. Managing the dead weight was difficult at the best of times, let alone after a fractured shoulder blade.
‘There was a bit of discussion about finding her some suitable light duties but until she can handle all the physical components of the job she’s not going to be fully cleared. It’ll be another few weeks at least.’
‘So you’ll be around for a bit longer?’
‘You’re not keen to get rid of me, are you?’
‘Not yet. But when Steph is cleared? What will that mean for you? Will you continue on your gap year?’
She knew Ryder’s contract was only temporary. He was covering sick leave and once those lifeguards returned to duty his contract would be over. She had no idea what his plans were after that. And suddenly her idea of going with the flow, of not planning for the future, seemed less solid. Ryder might be gone before she knew it. And what would she do then?
He was shaking his head. ‘I’ve just about run out of time. I’ll be heading home at the end of summer.’
‘Back to Perth?’ Poppy didn’t want to think of him leaving her again, moving back across the country just like he had twelve years before.
He nodded.
‘To do what? Work as a lifeguard?’
‘Is there something wrong with that?’
Poppy could hear she’d offended him but surely that wasn’t his career plan? ‘You don’t think you’ll get bored?’
‘Have you had the same conversation with Jet? Does he seem bored to you?’
‘He’s still competing in the Ironman series,’ she countered. ‘I don’t think he’s planning on being a lifeguard for ever.’
‘You don’t think. But it is possible. Several of the guys have been full-time lifeguards for years. There’s good job satisfaction.’
‘But not great pay.’
‘It’s not all about the money for me, Poppy. Some things are more important.’
Poppy would disagree but she thought it was wiser to stay silent.
‘Don’t stress,’ he said. ‘I have a plan. Are you working tomorrow?’
‘No.’ It had become her habit to volunteer for any available overtime shifts as she’d been eager for the extra income to put towards her house in Brisbane, but for the past week she hadn’t put her hand up for additional hours but had chosen to spend the time with Ryder instead.
‘Meet me at the North Bondi lifeguard tower at four and I’ll show you my plan,’ he said.
* * *
Poppy could see Ryder sitting in the sand at the base of the tower at the northern end of the beach. He was surrounded by half a dozen teenagers and as many surfboards. He was dressed in a pair of boardshorts and a T-shirt. His knees were bent and he rested his elbow on his knees, the T-shirt pulled tight across his back and sculpted to his arms, showcasing his muscles. He looked good, almost as good with a shirt on as without, she decided, and the thought made her smile.
She wondered what he was doing here. He was dressed in casual clothes, not his lifeguard uniform, and he was obviously not on duty. Giving surfing lessons perhaps?
Was that his plan—to become a surf instructor? In her opinion that showed even less ambition than being a professional lifeguard and had less job security. Having grown up with a father who was a surf instructor, she knew that from personal experience.
Ryder had so much to offer the world and she knew she’d be disappointed if she found out that he wasn’t going to challenge himself. The teenage Ryder had never backed away from a challenge. He’d been determined, bold and confident. She hoped that was still the case but this time she wouldn’t leap to conclusions. He had promised to tell her his plan and she would listen first. This time she wouldn’t make assumptions and she wouldn’t judge.
Ryder and the kids were sitting in a semi-circle around a pile of hot chips, which were spread out on a square of white butcher’s paper. They were eating and chatting but Ryder stood up as she reached them. ‘Hey.’
She thought he was going to greet her with a kiss but he simply gestured to the kids. ‘Guys, this is Poppy. I thought she could join us for a surf today.’
They sat in the sand and he went around the group and introduced the kids to her. There was a mixture of girls and boys and Poppy guessed them to be aged between fifteen and eighteen. They were a disparate group and she couldn’t quite work out what they were doing with Ryder.
‘Are you hungry?’ he asked. ‘Help yourself.’
Poppy reached for a chip as the conversation continued around her. She enjoyed watching him interact with the kids. There was nothing stilted or forced about his demeanour, he was completely relaxed and the kids were obviously just as comfortable with him.
‘How do you know Easy?’ one of the boys asked as Poppy munched on a chip.
Poppy wasn’t sure how to answer. Did she say they were old friends? Worked together? Were sleeping together? That last description, while true, probably wasn’t an appropriate response.
‘Poppy is a paramedic,’ Ryder replied before she could decide what to say. ‘She works here at Bondi.’