Who'd Have Thought

by G. Benson

  The memory was like acid in her chest, a burning pain, full of shame and anger and betrayal. Even now, she still felt overwhelmed by protectiveness for her mom, who’d been left behind, humiliated, and devastated.

  “I didn’t know.”

  “No one does. I don’t talk about it. It was… Everything was a mess for a long time. Their marriage had never been legally valid, because he’d married the other woman first. He let Mom keep the house but just…left. Because I was over sixteen, he didn’t even have to pay child support anymore.”

  “And you all never knew?”

  Hayden turned so fast she hurt her neck, anger biting at her throat. “Of course not.”

  “I was only asking, Hayden.”

  With a deep breath, Hayden said, “Sorry.” One day, Hayden would learn to take a breath before reacting.

  “It’s okay.”

  “It’s just… It sounds like a bad TV soap opera story.”

  “A telenovela.”

  Hayden gave a laugh with no real mirth. “Yeah. Thanks, Dad.” She pushed the swing again with her foot. “I have three half siblings out there, somewhere.”

  “Would you ever…”

  “No.”

  The cricket started up again, a sound rooted in her childhood that she found herself missing in the city, at strange times, normally as sleep claimed her when all she could hear was traffic.

  “Is that why you changed your last name?”

  “Yes. I didn’t want anything that linked me to him. I feel more connected to Pérez, anyway.”

  “But he gave you Hayden?”

  Hayden sighed, the night wrapping around them tighter out here, their voices low and this conversation too intimate to feel entirely comfortable. But Sam’s shoulder was warm, and that cricket didn’t stop. “Yeah. But mom liked it too, plus it felt like mine. Everyone called me it. Besides, it was the last name I wanted gone. The name he had with his other family.”

  Sam just hummed, and the swing rocked.

  “I need to forgive him.”

  For a second, Hayden thought Sam wasn’t going to answer. But she said, after a long pause, “Sometimes parents don’t deserve your forgiveness. But you need to do it for yourself.”

  “He left her brokenhearted.”

  “Not just her.”

  Well, that was true. “He had a secret other family our entire lives. And then left us behind to be with them.”

  Sam turned to stare her right in the eye, her look frank and bare in the night. “It doesn’t mean the childhood you remember wasn’t real.”

  Heat crawled along Hayden’s neck. “He made it not real. He was never working away, everything was a lie. And then when he had to make a choice, he chose them.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Hayden rocked them more, the swing creaking. “I want to be back in New York.”

  “Tomorrow.”

  On a whim, Hayden dropped her head on Sam’s shoulder. Maybe it wasn’t the smartest idea for their increasingly weird relationship, but it was hard to care right then. Sam tensed for a split second, before, ever so slowly, relaxing. And Hayden rocked them, letting the sound it made settle over everything else.

  CHAPTER 17

  “Did your grandmother give her the third degree?”

  Luce looked far too delighted at the idea. Biting back a smile—not literally, because her lip still hurt—Hayden sank into her chair near the coffee cart.

  “If you must know, yes.”

  Luce paused mid-sip. “Oh, I wish I’d seen that. It would have been magical.”

  “You barely know Abuela.”

  “I’ve spoken to her a few times when you were on a video call. It’s enough to get a taste, believe me.”

  “True.”

  “I love that woman. She’s pure spunk.”

  “That she is. Now, Luce.” Hayden sounded evilly delighted, she knew, but she’d waited all morning to ask this. “What is that?”

  Luce scrunched their brow. “What?”

  “That mark on your neck.” Hayden’s grin was hurting her but she didn’t care.

  “Nothing.” Luc’s hand went straight to their collar and tugged. “Absolutely nothing.”

  “Really? Nothing?” Hayden worked hard to keep her voice low. “Because I saw it this morning in the locker room, and I realized you didn’t message me the entire weekend. That never happens.”

  “To be honest Hayden, I’m insulted you didn’t realize that until then.” Luce scrunched down in their chair.

  “You are not. Don’t try to change the subject. You’re covered in hickeys.”

  It felt so good, after the weekend with her family, to be laughing. Even if it hurt her lip. To be teasing a friend. For everything to feel easy again. She had to try really hard to not feel bad that this was why she couldn’t live among that complicated home life. Her year with her fading mother had proven that.

  “Hayden.” Their voice was muffled in their cup. “They aren’t hickeys. They’re…um…”

  “You don’t even have anything prepared to defend yourself with. You totally had a sexed-up weekend.” This was so much fun. “You were in bed all weekend and didn’t even think about sending me a message to tease me about taking my wife home.” Hayden’s eyes widened. “The sex must have been mind-blowing.”

  Luce, pink in their cheeks, finally cracked a grin, their cup on the table. “If you must know… It really was.”

  Hayden held her hand up for a high five. “Awesome to hear.”

  “You’re so gross.” But Luce high-fived her over their coffees anyway.

  “No. I’m just genuinely really happy for you.”

  And she was. Though something strange was in her stomach at the way Luce was looking now—happy. Besotted.

  “Well, thanks. I really like her.”

  “So, what happened to going slow?”

  “Oh, shut up, Hayden. We’d been on, like, five dates.”

  Hayden laughed, hands held up. “Your words about what you wanted, not mine.”

  “You’re one to talk, Mrs. Married-In-A-Month.”

  “Touché.”

  The teasing atmosphere settled and Luce cocked their head. “Hayds?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Are you going to tell me what really happened to your lip?”

  Hayden’s heart skipped over, and she grabbed her cup. Anything to do with her hands. “I did tell you. I swear. It was no big deal.”

  “No, you told me that. That it was no big deal. Not what actually happened.”

  Thumb running along the rim of her cup, Hayden finally said, “I mentioned my mom wasn’t well?” At Luce’s nod, Hayden took in a deep breath before continuing. “It was an accident, I promise. And it was to do with that.”

  Hayden had spent so many years dancing around the topic of her mother. Never lying, but never telling the story either.

  Luce’s face was immediately filled with concern. “Are you okay?”

  “I am. Promise.”

  “I thought that…”

  “Sam?” Luce shrugged, and Hayden leaned over to squeeze their arm. “You’re an awesome friend. No. Never. She was actually really amazing.”

  “Yeah?” Surprise elongated Luce’s vowels. Hayden couldn’t blame them.

  “Yeah. I think this weekend would have been a lot harder without her.”

  And it was weird to not have to lie about that. Nice, but weird.

  “I’m really glad to hear that.” Luce smiled, wide and sincere. “Look at us. All happy and stuff.”

  “It’s gross.”

  “It so is.”

  “Where’s Clemmie?” Hayden asked Luce.

  Luce took a sip of their coffee and sat back, sprawling in their chair.

  “She’s off today. She’s at her photography class.”

  “She’s a photography student?” That was pretty cool.

  “Yeah, she’s actually really good. I saw some of her work on the weekend.”

  Hayden smirked. �
��I bet you did.”

  Luce narrowed their eyes. “How old are you, exactly?”

  “Get a good view of her work? Up close and personal?”

  “Seriously? So are you fourteen now?”

  “Fifteen.” Hayden sipped her coffee. It burned her tongue, and she quickly put her cup back down. “Ow. Burning.”

  It was Luce’s turn to smirk. “Karma.”

  “No, it wasn’t. Anyway, tell me more. Does she exhibit? Use film? Digital? Does she do portraiture?”

  “I had no idea you knew so much about photography.”

  “I literally used every phrase related to it that I know besides ‘selfie.’” Hayden grinned sheepishly, taking a more cautious sip.

  Luce snorted. “I should’ve known. She does this thing where she alters the photos into kind of these fantasy worlds. Like she immerses the real with fantasy?”

  “Isn’t there a name for that?”

  “Probably?” Luce was avoiding Hayden’s eye.

  “Did she tell you that name?”

  “I think so? Maybe she was only wearing my old T-shirt, and I was distracted.”

  Hayden laughed, loudly from her belly. “Well, it sounds interesting. Maybe if she does an exhibit I can come?”

  “You totally should. And, you know, bring Thomson. Your wife.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Did I hear my name?”

  Hayden swiveled her head and grinned when she saw Sam standing near them, her hands in her lab coat pockets. No scrub cap today. Pens in her breast pocket. It must have been a consultation day with no surgery; she’d hate that. Sam seemed to prefer emergencies and days with back-to-back surgeries. It made for less patient interaction.

  “You did.” Luce smiled, though less warmly than Hayden had. Still, it was something. “My, uh, friend, may have a photography show on soon, and if I go, I was just saying you two should come along.”

  “Okay. I like photography.”

  Hayden managed to stop the surprised you do? from escaping her mouth. “Great. We can all go.” Hayden paused. “Do you have a break now?”

  “No.” Sam indicated with her head to the coffee cart. “I was able to find time to get a coffee to take back to the consult with me.”

  Hayden eyed her. “Have you had lunch?”

  “Yes.”

  “You’re lying.”

  Sam was very interested in watching the coffee cart. “No.”

  “You won’t even look at me.”

  She should have known better than to say that. Sam simply looked her straight in the eye. “Satisfied?”

  “No. I bet you just ate a candy bar.”

  Sam said nothing. One point to Hayden.

  “Knew it.”

  “I’ll take a sandwich away with me too. Happy now?”

  “Yes. I find that acceptable.”

  Sam rolled her eyes upward. “Highlight of my day. I was going to bring something home for dinner. Will you want some?”

  “Sounds great.”

  “There’s my coffee. Bye, Luce.” She cleared her throat almost awkwardly. “Uh, you should really come over for dinner soon, with your friend.”

  Sam left, and Hayden picked her coffee back up, watching Sam grab her coffee and walk away, a sandwich in her hand. Good. When she turned back, Luce was giving her a look.

  “What?” Hayden asked.

  “You two are really domestic.”

  Had they been? Wow, they kind of had.

  “Well,” Hayden cleared her throat and tried to hide her own surprise. “We are married.”

  “You look really happy. That smile when you saw her?”

  Hayden felt supremely uncomfortable and couldn’t even really say why.

  “Well,” Hayden’s thumb flicked at the ring on her finger, pressing against the smooth band and moving it around, “I am.”

  “Good,” Luce said, though something still wasn’t entirely right about the look in their eye. “I’m glad.”

  It was a relief to disappear from that hairy eyeball and back to her shift. It had been hard saying goodbye to her family the day before, but a relief to get on the plane and head back to her life. But the evening back home in the apartment had been strange. With no audience to cater for, it was as if Hayden and Sam fell out of step and didn’t know how to be with each other anymore. Sam had disappeared in the late afternoon, and only then had Hayden relaxed, flopping on the sofa to watch television with Frank glaring at her from the other end.

  Yet, back at the hospital with Luce watching, they seemed to pick it right back up again.

  That night, after eating take-out on the couch, Sam disappeared for the evening. When Hayden heard her come back when she was already in bed, she resisted the urge to get up and ask her what she’d been up to. Had she seen her brother? Her mysterious family?

  Instead she rolled onto her side and tried to pretend that the two nights of having someone in bed with her hadn’t shown her how much she’d missed it.

  ~ ~ ~

  Cold bit at Hayden’s ears as she ducked into the building and walked as fast as she could up the stairs. By the time she reached her door, she was warm but huffing. It was the price she paid to stop feeling so cold. Her shift had gone quickly, but she was still glad to be going home. After a week back home, Frank would finally have forgiven her for being away, and she could have a long, hot shower. And eat something. Sam had appeared mid-shift and said she was bringing home Thai for dinner, and Hayden’s mouth flooded with saliva at the thought. She only had another day shift before she somehow went back onto night shift, and she was going to enjoy feeling like part of the living while she could.

  She walked through the door and stopped dead. She blinked too, but that didn’t help. Despite all her efforts, Jon was still standing in the kitchen, smiling at her from over the fridge door.

  “Hey,” he said.

  “Uh, hi.”

  She kept staring at him as he pulled out a beer and popped it open, closing the door after he did so. He turned and saw she hadn’t moved.

  “Everything okay?” he asked.

  “Well, you’re in my home?”

  “My sister’s home.”

  “Okay. But I live here.” Hayden finally closed the door behind her and walked through, dropping her bag on the counter. She sat down on one of the barstools opposite him.

  “You do. But it’s my sister’s place, and I…” he paused while he fished a hand into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys, jangling them in front of her “…have these.”

  He grinned again, and Hayden was slapped with how much he could be a blond-haired, jovial version of his sister. Their eyes were the same bright green. How had she not twigged right away?

  “Well, shouldn’t you give a warning?” She glanced at his beer. “Also, isn’t it rude to take a beer—one of mine, by the way, as if your sister has such good taste in beer—and not offer your sister-in-law one?”

  He winked and slid his over, which he hadn’t sipped from yet. She scooped it up, rescuing it before it fell off the edge, and he grabbed another from the fridge as he said, “Fake sister-in-law.”

  “Not on paper.”

  “True.” He popped his beer open and stared at her candidly.

  Hayden took a swig and let him stare. Yeah, he really was like his sister. He had that same even look, intense and difficult to pluck apart. Except there was something lighter about him in the set of his shoulders, a glint in his eye Sam didn’t quite have. Was it youth? He was twenty-one, after all. Or was it personality? He was obviously a bit of a joker, someone who liked to pull easy laughter out of people. Before, Hayden would have said Sam was the absolute opposite of that. However, now she knew it was that she was dry—witty in a way that was easy to miss. That she didn’t show to just anyone.

  Hayden got to see it.

  At that thought, she almost wanted to squirm under his gaze.

  “So. What are you doing with yourself, Jon?”

  “Bit of this, bit of that. By
the way, your cat hates me.”

  “He tends to do that.”

  “So why do you look so delighted?”

  Hayden shrugged. “Actually, he loves Sam. It’s weird. He used to only like me—well, conditionally. But I guess it’s good to know that he’s not just abandoning me for anyone that walks through the door.”

  “So you’re happy to hear I got hissed at?”

  “Completely.”

  Jon raised his beer. “I like you. You’re a little evil.”

  “Why, thank you.”

  “Sam had a cat, years ago. A tiny little thing. She was really sweet.”

  “What happened?”

  “Her shit ex-girlfriend moved out and took her with her. I think Sam was more devastated about the cat than the breakup.”

  Hayden laughed as she sipped her beer, the liquid fizzing into her stomach. She put her elbows on the cold countertop. It was like getting a glimpse through someone else’s window, to get facts like this about Sam. Sneaky glimpses she really loved but shouldn’t. “I get that. No question, I’d be more upset if someone took Frank than if they left me.”

  Movement from the corner of her eye caught her attention. Frank was walking in from the corridor, eyes narrowed at Jon, who narrowed his own right back.

  “Really? You’d be more upset?” he asked Hayden with a final scowl at Frank. “I can’t really see why.”

  “Well, he’s not like that with me.” Hayden made a kissy noise at Frank. “Come here.”

  He turned his gaze on her for a second. Hayden made the kissing noise again. His ear twitched, and Hayden thought she’d won. That was short lived, as he turned away and stalked back down the hallway. She sighed and looked back at Jon, who was biting back a laugh.

  “Yeah, he seems great,” he said.

  “Shut up.”

  He laughed loudly, and Hayden took another sip, grinning.

  “So,” he said, “you fake-married my sister.”

  “Yup.”

  “And I’m the only one who knows it’s all a sham?”

  Hayden sighed. “Yup.”

  He cocked his head, so much like his sister that Hayden wondered if he’d learned that from her or if it was all genetics. “That bother you?”

  “I hate lying to everyone,” she said.

  “Couldn’t you let them all in on it?”