The Last Thing

by Gaitan, Briana

  “Quinn, wake the fuck up!” My screams seemed to do the trick because she inhaled deeply.

  Her eyes shot wide open and her hands went up to clutch her chest. She began crying and wiping at her skin like there were bugs crawling all over her. She pushed me away from her and scooted up toward the headboard. I wanted to hold her, make her feel safe, but she moved out of my grip when I reached for her. I settled for rubbing her back.

  “Quinn, you’re scaring me.”

  She bit her lip and pulled her legs closer to her chest, trembling like a small child. I needed her to trust me so I spoke some more.

  “You were crying out for him, Quinn. Bash. Then you started making these noises. Like you were having trouble breathing. I couldn’t get you to wake up. Please tell me what’s going on. I can’t stand to see you like this.”

  She sat frozen for a few minutes, and I almost didn’t believe that she was going to answer. I contemplated taking her to the E.R. After all, she was pregnant with my child. I needed to think about both of them now. I couldn’t decide what to do. Lucky for her, she started talking,

  “Sometimes….I have these dreams,” she explained in a wavering voice. She turned her dark eyes up to mine, and I almost lost it right there. The pain in her eyes, the exhaustion from holding it all in. She was sharing something with me. I wanted to kiss away every tear that fell down her face. I didn’t want to scare her away, so I kept my lips shut tightly.

  “I dream about the night Bash died. Over and over. It used to be every night, but the dreams come less frequently now.” The second her lips trembled, I pulled her into my arms and tucked her head under my chin. She fit perfectly in that space. The things that haunted her; she didn’t deserve to go through this. No one did. She shouldn’t have to hold all of this in. She needed to speak with someone. She was about to be a mother, I needed her whole.

  “I don’t know what happened with Bash, but you obviously aren’t over it. Have you thought about talking to someone?”

  “I have!” She laughed at me. “ I’ve been talking with someone since it happened, but they can’t make the dreams go away. The guilt, the pain, the memory. It stays with me even when I push it away. Moving away was supposed to help, and it did, but only for a short time. Now I’m terrified that people will find out and look at me differently.”

  “Why would people look at you differently?” Confusion clouded my mind. Guilt and Pain? I wanted to know exactly what had happened, but pushing for more information would be pointless. When she was ready to, she’d tell me.

  “Everyone did. They all blamed me. They didn’t want to blame Bash. To them, he was perfect. He could do no wrong.” She hugged me when she spoke as if she were afraid I would pull away. Did she not know any better? Nothing could scare me away now. I pulled her back down on the bed so she could cry on the pillows.

  “I can’t make you tell me your secrets, but when you’re ready, I am here. I won’t leave you,” I whispered into her ear. It was a reassurance, to both of us. We both had a past, but our pasts wouldn’t define us anymore.

  “My past isn’t perfect either. It’s full of too many girls and too much alcohol. I was cocky and selfish, but you changed me. You gave me a reason to care about someone other than myself. Whatever demons you’re carrying, let me help. For us and our family.”

  She moved away from me and stared out her large window. The city skyline twinkled in the moonlight. Her silhouette sat motionless, as if to gather courage. After letting out a long sigh, she began pouring her heart out to me.

  “We were young and in love, Bash and I. Football legend and head cheerleader. I believed we had the perfect relationship, but I was blind. Stupid. Bash had problems. Yet, we all ignored them. And by we, I mean the entire damn town. When he was caught drunk driving, the police let him off with a slap on the wrist. When they caught him out past curfew or vandalizing a building, they let him go because otherwise he couldn’t play in the games. No one wanted that. When he lost his temper and beat someone up, his parents paid off the other family. ‘Boys will be boys,’ they said. He was always messing up, and I was always there to save him. I stood by his side and made excuses for his behavior time after time.” She stopped and observed me for a reaction with a depressed look upon her face, one that told me there was more to the story than some bully ex-boyfriend. Something more tragic.

  “He never hurt me though. He loved me. I masked his flaws with his obsessive need for me. I was the only one who could ground him. I always chose to see the good in him. I thought it was exciting. There was good in him though. I don’t want you to think badly of him.”

  Due to my lack of relationship experience, I didn’t understand how she could ignore such large flaws, but I let her continue.

  “After he went off to college, things must have gotten worse. We lived hours apart, but we visited each other every month. I could feel him drifting away… I should’ve seen the signs, the depression, the drinking, but I didn’t. He was stressed from the pressures of school, football scouts, and his parents, but I thought things were okay...I wanted to believe that we were okay.”

  As she spoke, I studied her body language. There were secrets untold, but what were they? She had been oblivious to it all, she had really loved him. Something had changed her. I had to know what it was.

  “Go on, dear. Don’t stop. I’m not going anywhere.” My ears perked up as she continued with her story. She kept her eyes closed refusing to look at me as she talked.

  “Then one night, at the end of his sophomore year, he called me while drunk. He kept crying and said all of these things that didn’t make sense. He kept talking about killing himself and…and… he scared me, so I got in the car and drove to his frat house. It took me over an hour to get there, but by the time I’d made it to his place, he was unrecognizable. Somehow, I convinced him to get in my car, and I drove us home. I don’t remember much else after that.”

  “We were arguing about something, and I must of lost control. My car swerved off the road and we went flying from the bridge into the lake. I woke up as the car was filling up with water, and I vaguely remember trying to convince Bash to get out, but he just sat there. I remember my seatbelt was jammed, and I was so scared. I don’t remember much else. Did I give up and swim to the surface? Did I fight with him? For the life of me, I just can’t remember. What little I know resurfaced while in treatment. Someone found me on the bank the next morning. I had two broken ribs and a concussion.”

  I ran my fingers down her chest and along her ribs. This is where she had been hurt.

  “After he died, everyone blamed me. They said I ran the car off the road in a jealous fit. I murdered him. Did I lose control? I don’t know. I don’t know why I couldn’t save him. I don’t even know if I tried. I was the only one there. I should have saved him.”

  I couldn’t take anymore. Her story broke me inside. This was the pain she carried around every day. She blamed herself for killing her boyfriend. It intrigued me how she couldn’t quite remember what had happened, but stress could cause one’s memory to black out. That was why she’d run away. That was why she was so afraid to let me in. All the talk about me eventually leaving her, this was all his doing.

  “Quinn, it wasn’t your fault. Don’t let those people make you believe anything but the truth. You’re a good person.”

  “You hardly know me.”

  “I knew it from the moment I laid eyes on you. It wasn’t your fault.”

  “I know that now, but it took two psychiatrists and an attempted… suicide to pull me out of the funk. Bash’s parents tried to sue me. Our friends blamed me and stopped talking to me. Shit, they even wrote news stories on me. Reporters tried to figure out if I’d killed my boyfriend. My parents got a divorce, and lost everything because they had to pay for my medical and lawyer bills. Everyone that cared about me was hurting. I began avoiding life. Then I moved out here, it was supposed to be a fresh start.”

  “Suicide? Oh God- Quinn”


  I rolled her over so that she was on top of me. I couldn’t say anything to make her feel better. That was something she had to figure out on her own. From the way she spoke, she wanted to believe it wasn’t her fault. She’d do anything to convince herself of that.

  I ran my fingers up her body and breathed her in. I didn’t care what problems she had. I wanted to heal her. If someone had asked me a month ago if I would have stood by her side after this, I would have laughed in their face. I never made the time for anyone else’s problems but my own. This moment, this exact second, that instance would change me forever. The moment I fell in love with Quinn.

  Quinn

  I couldn’t sleep, my body felt wide-awake, even though the moon was still high in the sky. Carefully rolling off Chase, I threw on my robe and made my way downstairs to the kitchen. The sun wasn’t up, but it had to be early morning. Lying with Chase had been wondrous, but my mouth was dry, and I wanted a drink. Spilling my past to Chase had been a huge breath of fresh air. I could breathe. I was more alive. The kitchen light was still on, and I was surprised to see Ginger sitting in the kitchen counter with a pint of rocky road in her hands. She always ate rocky road when she was upset.

  “It’s me,” I said, trying not to scare her with my presence. She peeked up from her snack and waved at me with her spoon.

  “Can’t sleep?” she asked.

  “Nope.” I walked to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. After taking a long swig, I hopped up on the counter next to my cousin. Ice cream wasn’t the only thing she was indulging in, I noticed. A half-empty bottle of tequila sat next to her.

  “Everything okay?” I asked her. She was still dressed in a cocktail dress and her hair fell down in waves along her shoulders. She must have just gotten home. She sighed and took another bite of her ice cream that she promptly chased with a shot of tequila.

  “Man troubles,” she said with a slight slur. I could smell the alcohol on her breath, mixed with a bit of sweetness from the chocolate.

  “Barrett?”

  “Isn’t it always?”

  “Anything I can do?”

  “Yeah, you can stop asking so many damn questions.” She put her ice cream down beside her and rubbed her temples firmly. “Ugh…Sorry, I’m just in a bad mood, Quinn. On a lighter subject, was that Chase’s car parked outside?” She raised her eyebrows in curiosity.

  “Maybe…” I said with a childish giggle. What the hell. Did I just laugh like a schoolgirl? What is wrong with me?

  “Good. A few girls at work were bitching because he stopped returning their calls. Stupid whores. You may have snagged yourself one of the few good guys out there.” She gave me a wink before standing up to put her ice cream away.

  I nodded. His face flashed through my mind. The man who was asleep in my bed, he was thoughtful. So far from the man who had called me his ‘little party favor’.

  Something vibrated in the distance making Ginger cry out and slam the fridge door.

  “That sound has been bugging the shit outta me for the past hour. What in the hell is it?” she stomped into the living room and began looking around. “It has been vibrating constantly over and over….” She tore through the couch cushions while huffing.

  “Ah, ha!” she cried out holding up a small smart phone. She waved it at me mockingly.

  “Not mine,” I said, noting its bluish color. Mine was purple.

  “Idiot didn’t put a lock on it. Hmm… oh, it’s Chase’s phone.”

  “He must have dropped it.”

  “Uh huh.” She continued to stare down at it.

  “Don’t go through it, Ginger. That’s rude.”

  “Well, it’s in my house. Finders keepers.” With a sly look on her face, she began pushing buttons. Invading his privacy felt wrong, but, I had to admit, I was a bit curious. Looking at someone’s phone was like reading someone’s diary. She was obviously drunk and didn’t know what she was doing so I put my hand out to grab the phone from her.

  “You’re drunk, Ginger. Don’t go through his phone,” I warned. As usual, she didn’t listen.

  “Some girl named Lena has been messaging him all night begging him to come over. She won’t give up, will she?”

  “Lena?” I asked. The name wasn’t familiar. Chase had never mentioned her before. I struggled to control my wandering thoughts, but jealousy had already reared its ugly head. Our relationship was new, but Chase had given me nothing but reasons to trust him.

  “Oh, crap. It’s Lena Flatt.”

  Okay, now I was totally confused. “Who is Lena Flatt?”

  My question caused her mouth to drop open in disbelief.

  “Lena Flatt, named one of the thirty people under age thirty to watch? She plays Carrie on Timelines?” She shook her head at me as if I should know this. Did she forget that I’d spent the past year hiding under a rock?

  “Sorry. No.”

  “We were both in the article. She is one of those singer turned actress type. She’s such a whore!”

  “And you think he’s still sleeping with her? I thought you were pro-Chase. You told me he was one of the good guys.”

  “I do, but it’s the girls you gotta watch out for. Give them the chance, and they will stab you in the back. Stupid bitches. Wanna read?” She shook the phone out in front of me.

  As tempting as it was, I couldn’t betray Chase’s trust like that. Not after last night, the way he hadn’t pried into my past. He’d accepted me. All of me. I shook my head. “No way, I won’t invade his privacy like that. You shouldn’t either.”

  “Good,” said a voice from behind me.

  I spun around to see Chase standing there. His pants hung low on his hips, and he was shirtless. My eyes trailed up his perfectly tanned skin to see him glaring at Ginger. The slightest bit of sweat gleaned from his brow.

  “You’re the one stupid enough not to lock it,” she said tossing it into Chase’s hands. He caught it effortlessly and slipped it into his pocket.

  “I know that you’re dealing with trust issues between you and Barrett, and so I’ll let this slide. Lena is an old friend. There’s nothing going on, anymore.”

  He had said anymore. That meant something had happened. Chase had many girls in his past, but having it right there out in the open felt as if someone socked me in the stomach. I struggled to breathe, to do anything except have a panic attack right here in front of Chase. One, two, three….breathe….

  Ginger dropped her head in embarrassment. “Fuck! Barrett has me so worked up tonight.”

  I wished that she would find someone who’d appreciate her. Someone, anyone who would treat her the way she deserved. She stumbled past the two of us, but I put a hand out to stop her.

  “Wait, Ginger. Are you going to be okay?”

  She gave me a tight smile. “Yeah. I’m fine. See you in the morning.”

  As she walked by Chase, she stuck a finger out and poked him in the shoulder.

  “Don’t you hurt her,” she threatened. “Or I’ll cut off your balls.”

  Chase scrunched up his nose at her and sniffed the air slightly. “Damn, Ginger. You stink like tequila.”

  “And you both stink like sex,” she shot back and pointed at the two of us.

  Mortified, I tightened my robe. Chase laughed off her comment, but didn’t say a word. My face had to be a bright red. When she left the room, Chase wrapped his arms around me and placed a kiss on my cheek.

  “You’re amazing, you know that?”

  “You keep talking to me like that, and pretty soon I may just believe it,” I whispered. Did he know how much his complement meant to me? I’d always been the one to build Bash up, never the other way around.

  “What are you thinking?” Chase asked me. He bent down somewhat so that he could look me in the eyes.

  “For the first time ever,” I said, “I can think about Bash and it doesn’t hurt like hell.” It was nothing like the pain that used to engulf me.

  “That’s a good sign, right?�
��

  I wasn’t sure. My psychiatrist would think so. Deep inside, this was a betrayal. Happiness was something to be earned, and I wasn’t quite sure I deserved mine yet. There was no way in hell I was about to explain that to Chase, so instead I nodded.

  “I’m glad because you shouldn’t avoid the past.” He kissed me once more then scooped me up in his arms. “The mother of my child needs a full night’s sleep.”

  “But I’m not sleepy,” I complained.

  “Well then, I guess I’m gonna have to wear you out all over again,” he whispered into my ear. A shiver ran down my spine as my mind wandered to memories of what he could do to me, and he carried me up the stairs to do just that.

  Chapter Ten

  Chase

  The morning sun shone through the large windows, causing me to roll over and bury my face in the pillow. It was bright, too bright and it had to be late. Quinn was lying beside me and from the sounds of her steady breathing, she was still asleep. I sat up and watched her body rise and fall. Her brown hair fell across her face, and the sheet was entangled around her body in the sexiest way possible. What a sight.

  “Are you staring at me,” she mumbled, even though she kept her eyes closed. Turning away, I sat up to admire the view of the city from the window.

  “Nope,”

  “I can feel your eyes burning into me,” she said. “I can’t explain it, but it’s creeping me out.”

  “That’s ridiculous.”

  She sat up, and I wrapped my strong arms around her. I took a moment to breath in her sweet warmth. Things were different now, and her walls were crumbling. I couldn’t believe that feeling this intense over someone would’ve ever been possible. Quinn made a gagging sound, which she covered with her hand.

  “Are you okay?” I asked while rubbing her back.

  “Yeah, I need to rest in the mornings. I always feel nauseous.”

  “I tell you what. I’ll go make us a big breakfast while you lay in bed.”