Wild Night

by Mari Carr

  Colm considered that, then smiled. “Damn. I do have a type. You realize you have a type too.”

  She shook her head. “No, I don’t. I’m open-minded.”

  “Bullshit. You go for wimps, guys you can run roughshod over and control.”

  “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with sensitive men, guys who actually have souls, and who don’t look at women and only see a nice pair of tits and a firm ass.”

  “Maybe not, but I guarantee none of those men have ever rocked your world in bed.”

  He got the sense his words had struck a chord when she didn’t reply right away. It seemed as if it took her a second to regroup.

  Interesting.

  Maybe he was wrong about Kelli’s type.

  “My sex life is just fine. Or…it was…when I had one.”

  He shook his head, as if disappointed. “Just fine? Wow. What a terrible description. You ever been tied up in bed, Kell? Spanked? Had your hair pulled?”

  Kelli rolled her eyes, her usual response to pretty much everything he said to her, but this time, it felt more like a dodge than a reaction.

  “So you haven’t,” he pressed.

  “I’m not discussing my sex life with you, perv.”

  “That’s all the answer I need. Pity. I think you’d get off on a little bondage.”

  She leaned toward him, lowering her voice, the sound surprising husky…sexy. “I think I would.”

  Colm’s eyes widened, and he shifted closer as well, always ready to go tit for tat with her. “Oh yeah? Should you and I test that theory?” It wasn’t a serious offer, and Kelli knew it.

  And her answer was exactly what he’d expected. “As long as I’m the one tying the knots.”

  He chuckled. “Yet another reason why you and I will never hook up.”

  “Jesus, Colm. Believe me, that has never been in the cards. Ever. Like never. Ever.”

  “Agreed. Want a cup of coffee to sober up?” he offered, though he made no effort to stand.

  She shook her head. “No. That will just keep me up all night, and I’m perfectly capable of not sleeping on my own.”

  He saw her wince slightly before schooling her features, and it set his lawyer instincts on full alert. Kelli had clearly revealed something she hadn’t meant to.

  And since it was his God-given duty as an attorney to question her, he did. “Something keeping you up nights? More than just cat puke, spilled coffee, and shitty pants?”

  She shrugged casually.

  Colm figured she’d brush his question off—but then she twisted on the couch and faced him more fully.

  “I’ve been…thinking about something…and I…”

  She paused, and he recognized the second she realized who she was talking to. “You and Paddy really do look alike with the beard. Keep forgetting he shaved his off.”

  Colm chuckled. “Almost spilled your guts to me, didn’t you?”

  Kelli didn’t share the laugh. Instead, she shocked him by asking, “Would you give me shit until the end of time if I did?”

  Colm wasn’t sure how to respond. He and Kelli had a pretty solid frenemies schtick, something that had worked for them since they were kids. But there was something in her tone that…worried him.

  “I won’t give you shit.”

  She studied his face, but his tone must have convinced her he was sincere. “I considered talking to Paddy about this, but…this doesn’t feel like something I can…”

  She kept stopping in the middle of her sentences, as if she was still debating with herself over opening up to him.

  “There’s something you can’t tell Paddy?” Colm was fairly certain there’d never been anything in their entire lives that had been off-limits between Kelli and Padraig.

  “You know how hard the holidays are on him.”

  Colm nodded. Of course he knew that. Just like he knew there were several other times during the year that knocked his brother down as well, times that had been meaningful, special to him and Mia. March, the month they’d met, was particularly brutal for Padraig.

  Padraig and Mia had only gotten to spend one Christmas together. One lousy holiday, but Padraig had done everything in his power to make it the greatest holiday season ever—from Halloween, to Thanksgiving, to Christmas, and New Year’s, he’d made every single day the perfect celebration, the perfect memory.

  And he’d paid for it the last two years. The holidays never failed to kick his brother in the ass. Hard.

  “So it’s just the holidays holding you back from talking to him?”

  Kelli considered the question, then shook her head. “No. It’s the subject matter too. I don’t know if…I’m not sure he’d understand. He’s kind of a romantic.”

  “Kind of? Jesus. That’s the understatement of the year.”

  “Yeah. It is. So there’s no way he’d get what I’m planning.”

  Colm turned on the couch, resting his arm against the back cushions. “What the hell are you going to do? Shave your head? Join a cult? Marry your cat? Now you have to tell me.”

  He expected her to flip him off. Or even to rise and walk upstairs. They weren’t confidants. Not even close to that.

  Once again, she didn’t follow their usual pattern.

  Instead…she answered. “I’m thirty-four.”

  “I’m well aware. We’re the same age, remember? I was the one who cut your Barbie doll’s hair off in kindergarten.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “Forgot about that. Damn, you were a dick right from the cradle.”

  “The Barbie haircut was retaliation for the hole you poked in my soccer ball.”

  “Ohhhh yeahhhhh.”

  Colm scowled. “It was a brand-new ball.”

  “You pulled my hair. It hurt.”

  “Bet you wouldn’t bitch about getting your hair pulled these days.”

  She blew out an exasperated breath. “Oh my God. Get your mind out of the gutter, Collins.”

  He and Kelli were almost exactly the same age, he and Padraig only five weeks older. They’d all three celebrated their birthdays together last summer. “Fine, so you’re thirty-four. What’s the problem with that?”

  “I’m out of time.”

  Colm tilted his head, totally confused. “For what?”

  “Children. My clock is ticking.”

  Colm shook his head. “I’m sure a woman’s clock doesn’t start ticking until—”

  “Thirty-two.”

  “I thought it was thirty-five.”

  Kelli shook her head. “Nope. It starts at thirty-two.”

  “Oh. Well. Shit.”

  “Yeah. Oh. Well. Shit,” she repeated.

  He tried to minimize her concerns, certain things weren’t as dire as she thought. “Come on, Kell. You’re hardly ancient. I’m sure…”

  “Did you know fertility drops rapidly after the age of 35?”

  Colm winced, hoping to make her laugh. “Do you have to use words like fertility around me?”

  She turned away from him, flopping her head back against the couch cushions. “I have no idea why I started this conversation with you.”

  Damn. It was no wonder the two of them didn’t spend time alone together. After so many years of teasing and insults, he was saying all the wrong things simply because it was too hard to break the pattern.

  Feeling guilty, he took a deep breath and tried again. “You know, there are a ton of kids in the foster care system who are looking for good homes. You could talk to Aunt Lauren about it.”

  His aunt Lauren, Uncle Sean and Uncle Chad had taken in a few foster kids over the years, including Gavin, who was now sharing this apartment with him, sleeping down the hall.

  “I’ve considered that. And maybe that’s something I’ll do as well, but…I want the experience, want to be pregnant, to feel a life growing inside me. I can’t imagine anything more…amazing.”

  Colm nodded. “Yeah. I want to be a dad too. Someday. In the far, far future.”

  Kelli grimaced.
“Still hanging on to your vow of not settling down until your forties?”

  “Still a lot of women who haven’t gotten to enjoy an evening in my bed. Hate to take myself off the market too soon.”

  “On behalf of my gender, let me just reassure you…none of us would lose any sleep at night over that sale ending. And let’s face it, you have the luxury of waiting as long as you want. You can make babies at any age.”

  Colm considered her point of view, her concerns. “I understand why you’re telling me and not Paddy, Kell. You and I have lived parallel lives when it comes to our dating histories. Neither one of us has ever been particularly lucky at love. Everyone in my family gets the fairy tale ending, while you and I stand on the sidelines and watch.”

  “Paddy didn’t exactly get the fairy tale ending.”

  “No. I guess he didn’t.”

  “And you’re right. I love your family, Colm, but damn if they don’t make things tough on us mere mortals. I’ve spent too many years around people who’ve found the most amazing, beautiful true loves, while I seem to be a magnet for losers.”

  He could completely relate to that. “Which makes it harder when you’re still alone night after night.”

  She studied his face. “You do get it.”

  He nodded slowly. “I get it.” Painfully so, though he didn’t add that part.

  “That’s why I’m done, Colm. I’m taking my hat out of the ring. Giving up on the dating scene.”

  “I don’t understand how taking yourself out of the dating scene will solve the ticking clock issue,” he said, struggling to connect the dots. “Those two things don’t go together.”

  “I don’t need a boyfriend or a husband to have a baby.”

  Colm frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “I’m going to have a baby. On my own.”

  Colm gave her a crooked grin. “Hate to break it to you, but I’m fairly certain no human is capable of parthenogenesis. There’s this little thing called the sperm.”

  Kelli smacked his arm. “I know that, asshole. But there’s also this little thing called a sperm donor.”

  Jesus. Kelli was batting a thousand on the shocks tonight. “You’d seriously go that route?”

  She sucked in a deep breath. “Yeah. I would. I’ve been thinking about it a lot this past year. Like a lot. I want to have a baby, Colm.”

  “So what are we talking here? Turkey baster or something?”

  She laughed. “Crude. But yeah, something like that. This isn’t some spur-of-the-moment decision. I’ve considered everything. Budgeting, childcare, my living situation. I have a plan for all of it. I know I can do this.”

  “Yeah, but a sperm donor? You can’t get pregnant like that. I mean, what are you talking about? Going to a sperm bank and picking out some swimmers based on…Jesus. Based on what?” Colm wasn’t sure why her plan bothered him so much. It was none of his business, and it wasn’t like he didn’t believe Kelli would be a great mother, single or not. She’d be fantastic at it.

  Sometimes he wondered if her still-single status had something to do with the fact she was an extremely strong, independent, speak-her-mind woman. Colm figured there were probably a lot of guys who would be intimidated by that.

  He didn’t fall into that category, but that was because he’d grown up surrounded by women just like her, and there was no way his mother, aunts, and female cousins wouldn’t have kicked his ass from here to Iceland if he’d revealed any caveman-like attitudes.

  “A sperm bank is an option, but I don’t really want to go that route. Ideally, I’d like to at least know the guy. I mean, you know my girlfriends, Lydia and Kristen—”

  “The lipstick lesbians?”

  “You know, when you say stupid shit like that, it—”

  “Okay, okay,” he said with a grin. Kelli was friends with two of the hottest women on the planet, so it had really rocked his world when his flirting was rebuffed. His ego had taken a major hit until Kelli let him off the hook and told him why he’d never stood a chance. “Believe me, I know exactly who they are. A loss for our team,” he mumbled, enjoying the way she narrowed her eyes at him. It was so easy to get a rise out of her.

  “After they got married, they decided they wanted to have a kid. Lydia asked a guy she’d grown up with if he would donate the sperm. She knew his family history, knew him, plus he’s a hot orthodontist, smart, funny, the whole package.”

  “And he just gave them sperm and walked away? Gave up all rights to the kid?”

  “For one thing, he’s married and lives in Iowa, and I’m sure he’ll see the kid on occasion, but you’re looking at this the wrong way. That’s not the point.”

  “What is the point?”

  “The point is, Lydia and Kristen are the parents. He just gave them…a gift.”

  “Of sperm? You know most people give Keurigs or place settings as wedding gifts. Not sure I’ve ever seen sperm on a registry.”

  “I hate you.”

  Colm smiled. “I know.”

  “I don’t even know why I started this conversation with you. Forget I said anything.”

  “No. I don’t want to forget it. I’m glad you’re telling me. And I meant what I said. I do understand.”

  She tilted her head.

  “Always so suspicious,” he teased.

  “I considered talking to Sunnie or Yvonne or Darcy, but they’re all so…emotional, driven by true love and all that shit.”

  “Yep. The Collins curse is real.” For years, he’d sworn the Collinses had lived under a curse and, when it struck, it caused the person afflicted to fall in love fast and hard. It had been a joke for a while, but as more and more of his cousins found their soul mates, there was no denying the curse was real.

  Though God knew none of those struck by it considered it a curse at all. His cousin Lochlan, the last man he’d ever expected to succumb to marriage, called it a blessing.

  “So you’re considering a sperm bank, but you’d rather get the,” he finger-quoted, “‘gift sperm’ from a guy you know, someone you choose.”

  She nodded. “I’ve been working on a list, but it’s pretty damn skimpy.”

  “Oh yeah? Who’s on it?”

  She shook her head. “None of your business.”

  “We know a lot of the same people, Kell. Maybe I can help you narrow down your options. Am I on it?”

  “Fuck no!”

  “What? That’s a mistake.” He flexed his muscles for her. “You gotta want these genes.”

  “Pass. Hard pass.”

  Colm shrugged in a your loss way, then he had an unsettling thought. “Is Paddy on the list?”

  “He was originally, but no. I marked his name out.”

  “Why?”

  “You know why. He’s not like that orthodontist in Iowa. He’d never walk away. Never. Besides, he’s not moving on, and I’m scared he’ll never get over Mia’s death. If I asked him to do this, my fear is he would say yes, and then he’d give his whole life to the kid as another way to avoid getting out there and taking a chance on finding love and happiness again.”

  Colm nodded. “You’re right. He would. So who’s on the list?”

  “Robbie Pullman.”

  “Why is that name familiar?”

  “You’ve probably heard me mention him before. The two of us went to college together. Dated for a hot minute. We run into each other occasionally and we’re friendly.”

  “What makes this guy a contender?” Colm asked.

  “He teaches high school science here at one of the local magnet schools. He’s a super-nice guy, extremely intelligent, good-looking. I haven’t managed to dig too deep into his family medical history yet, but—”

  “Wait. You’ve already talked to him about this?”

  Kelli nodded. “Yeah.”

  “And what did he say?”

  “He was flattered. Said he needed to think about it, but he didn’t say no. Actually, the more we talked, the more I started to think he was lea
ning toward yes.”

  Colm rubbed his beard, trying to wrap his head around Kelli getting pregnant, becoming a mother. There was actually a tiny part of him that was almost jealous. Not of Robbie, but of her. He hadn’t really considered becoming a dad yet, as he was still trying to find the woman he’d like to be the mother, but now…she’d planted a seed. “Are you really sure about this, Kelli? Have you thought it all through?”

  She nodded. “I’ve spent the last year thinking of very little else. I don’t have any problem doing this or doing it alone. I really don’t. I have enough love to be both parents—the mom and the dad. I want a child so bad, Colm, and at this point, well, when you factor in the whole meet someone, fall in love, get married timeline…”

  “It could be a whirlwind romance.”

  She blew out a hard breath. “Yeah. Because I haven’t been looking for one of those the last fifteen years. They’re not as easy to come by as you might think. Unless you’re a Collins, of course.”

  “Well, of course,” he joked, then he studied her face. “Never really thought of you as a mom, but…I can see it,” he said, grinning widely. “Though you’re going to have to cut back on your wine consumption and use of the word fuck. Hmmm…talk about entering uncharted territory.”

  “I’ll be just fine,” she said sarcastically. “And please don’t overwhelm me with your confidence.”

  “Tell you what. Why don’t you invite Robbie to the Halloween party so I can check him out? See if he meets our high level of standards.”

  “Our standards?” Kelli asked. “Oh no, Colm Collins. You get no say in this.”

  “Invite him anyway. Call it curiosity.”

  Kelli started to shake her head, and he realized she probably thought he was up to something.

  He raised his right hand. “I swear I just want to meet the guy. See what’s so hot about his sperm.”

  Kelli laughed. “Is this a jealousy thing? Are you pissed off that I don’t want yours?”

  Was he?

  No. Absolutely not. While Kelli didn’t say it—maybe she didn’t even think it—he was concerned he might be a lot like Padraig in this situation. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to walk away from any child that was his. Gift sperm or not.

  “I’m not pissed off about that. I just want to meet him. Is that such a big deal? Besides, you should want him to meet my family.”