by Alla Kar
I turned my back to him. “Whatever.”
His fingertips grasped my arm, and he swung me around to face him. “You can’t tell me that you didn’t feel somethin’ when I kissed you in Cutter Field. Or the other night in the shower.”
The man in front of us gave me another wide-eyed look over his shoulder. “It’s not like that! Why don’t you mind your own business?”
His mouth dropped opened, but he turned his back and crossed his arms.
Boone’s smile widened.
“Look, you ambushed me in the field, and then you ambushed me in the shower. That wasn’t returned affection, it was—aggravation!” That was the stupidest thing I’d ever heard and we both knew it.
Boone nodded and shoved his hands into his low-slung jeans. I gave him a quick once-over as he stared at the ground, which did not help my conflicting emotions. Those jeans looked like they were made just for him, and because they were soaked, they were snug to everything. And that blue T-shirt brought out his gorgeous eyes. God, why did he have to look so good?
“Why don’t you come prove it to me, then?”
“I don’t have to prove anything to you.”
Boone narrowed his gaze and took a step toward me. “No, you don’t. But I know the real reason you’re scared to be alone with me is because you know you’re still in love with me. Just like I’m in love with you.”
Ugh! Lifting my chin, I matched his gaze. “I’d go to the most fucking romantic place with you and not blink an eye. I don’t love you.” Lie. Lie. Lie.
And I’d fallen into his trap—once again. He leaned forward, his minty breath kissing my lips. “Then fuckin’ prove it. I dare you.”
Aggravated, I ground my teeth together and clutched the money tighter in my hand. “That bullshit doesn’t work on me anymore,” I spat out. My legs felt like rubber beneath me; I had no idea how I was even standing.
Boone’s amused smile pissed me off. It took a lot of better judgment not to reach over and slap the shit out of him—again. It wasn’t like it helped anything, anyway. I hadn’t felt any better than I did before.
Boone stepped forward, bent down, and threw me over his shoulder. I let out an embarrassing yelp, but the guy in front of me in line only laughed. I guess I should have been nicer to him. Boone’s boots thudded against the ground, and all I could see were the backs of his legs. When he stepped onto a small platform and swung me down, a small light flickered on— a single light bulb hung from the top of the building, the string swinging from side to side.
I glanced around at the boxes, wires, and wooden stands—we were in a storage shed. The pressure of his eyes weighed down on me. “Now what?” I whispered, my voice low and gravelly. Something was growing in my throat and it was stopping any air from getting to my lungs. “You seem to take what you want, huh, Boone? Like you did in the woods that day? Like you did in Cutter Field? In the shower? Like you’re doing now?” My voice was really calm, but I was shaking with anger.
Boone’s silence made me angrier.
“Why the fuck did you kiss me and make my heart beat out of my chest!” I screamed. The voice that left me sounded so unfamiliar. I hadn’t let out feelings like this before. It’d been tears, and heartache. Now, seeing him in front of me—it made me angry to see him. Looking so calm and in control. I felt like my heart was ripping into millions of pieces.
Boone stepped forward, wrapped an arm around my waist, and pulled me to him. My hands went to his solid chest and flexed against the muscle. He was so hard beneath me, so strong, like I’d always wanted my person to be. “Kiss me,” he whispered. “One time. Please let me taste you.”
I mentally cringed. The kiss last time had beat me down and a second would possibly ruin me. “No.” I shook my head. “Why did you leave me?”
Boone pressed his lips against the corner of my mouth, sending chills down my back. “Raven, I can’t.”
I tried to shove against his chest but he only held me closer. The familiar scent of his soap drove me crazy, but his hard calluses against my cheek were breaking me. “Please,” I gasped out. “I just want to know why?”
I hated that this had turned. I had been in control in the concession line—or more in control than I was now. It only took him two minutes to chop me down to begging. “Raven, I’d tell you, but I can’t. It’d tear you apart, baby. Please understand.” He cupped my chin and lifted my mouth an inch away from his. “Please tell me I can.” The thumb of his left hand was sliding against the edge of my jeans, making smooth patterns against the skin. An indescribable need was aching inside of me.
Not having sexual contact in a year—at all—had been weighing on me for months. But nothing felt right like this. Like it did right that moment. My brain was telling me to run the other way, but my heart was bleeding for another chance.
“Tell me why,” I whispered helplessly against his mouth.
A growl ripped from his throat, and in a commotion of slinging boxes, he lifted my hips and sat me on top of a huge industrial box fan in the corner. Both hands dug into my hips while he pushed my thighs apart to stand between them. He was so close. “I won’t tell you why because it’d hurt you even more. Now please give me your mouth.”
Flame ignited in my core and worked its way to my fingertips. Being consumed would have been a relief. I was drowning in him. Boone’s eyes were on my mouth. I knew he’d kiss me. I wanted him to kiss me.
But as much as his smell reminded me of home, and the feel of his body against mine banged against the fortress I’d built around my heart, I couldn’t get any closer to him. “No,” I whispered. “I can’t let myself have it. I need to know why you left me. I can’t go on anymore if you don’t tell me.”
Boone’s lips turned down into a frown, and he screwed his eyes shut. “Raven, I want to tell you so much. I do, but—I just can’t. I wish I could explain it to you but there are some things you just don’t need to know.”
I don’t need to know? My cheeks flamed with embarrassment. “What?” I yelled. “You don’t think I need to know why the boy I was in love with left me? Because I can’t think of anything else I need to know more. Please put me out of my misery, Boone. I can’t take another day without knowing why.”
Boone clenched his teeth and turned to punch the door. It dented inward, and blood smeared in the middle. “I can’t!” His voice boomed. “Please, Josie. I fuckin’ love you. But I just can’t.”
Closing my eyes, I let the tears fall down my cheeks. “Then neither can I. I can’t trust you if you can’t tell me things.”
“Baby—”
“No.” I walked toward the door. “Please understand that I’ve hated you for so long, Boone, and it’s taking everything I have to understand why I’d be willing to give you another chance. But I cannot be with you if you can’t explain why you left me. You were my rock. I was stuck to deal with everything by myself. The only person that I thought loved me—didn’t.”
A single tear fell from Boone’s eye. “I’m so sorry, Raven. This is tearing me apart.”
I waited for him to say something, anything, but he just stood there staring at me.
“I’m sorry, too.”
Chapter Ten
Josie
“Do you remember when you took me to Disneyland on Thanksgiving?”
Dad’s lips turned up in a smile. He’d been feeling much better, and they let me push him around outside in a small garden area. “Yes, you’d been beggin’ for months.” He laughed. “My spoiled little princess.”
I giggled and leaned back against the picnic table. The sun shone down hotly on me, and I relaxed into the heat. “Still am,” I said. “I’ve always been a daddy’s girl.”
Dad kept silent beside me, his fingers interlaced on his lap. By the look on his face, he was far away from me. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
Dad blinked and glanced up at me. “Nothing. Just thinking about stuff.” Groaning, he turned in his seat to face me. Those bags underneath his eyes were
puffy, and his face was paler than before. “Why don’t you get out the UNO cards? I think it’s time for a butt whooping.”
I grinned, bringing the cards out from the back of Dad’s wheelchair, and I positioned him so we could play. We stayed outside for two hours playing UNO and laughing about memories from years before. I hadn’t seen him so happy in a while. It was nice to see him smile.
“You’re a cheater,” he said. “You looked at my cards.”
I rolled my eyes. “Says the loser.”
Dad ruffled his hair, and sighed. “You could have cut your old man some slack and let him win.”
“What’s the fun in that?”
Dad chuckled and leaned back in his chair. “You have any suitors in California? I mean—it’s not something any dad wants to hear about, but we don’t have long.”
Oh, God. Before I could stop it, a cry broke from my mouth. “Princess,” Dad whispered, and opened his arms wide. “Come here.”
Tears poured from my eyes and I climbed onto his lap and let him hold me. “I’m going to miss you so much,” I whispered. “I don’t want to be all alone.”
Dad stroked my hair and his fingers slipped through the strands. “You won’t be alone. I’ll always be with you, baby.”
I sobbed into his shoulder until there was a puddle on his hospital gown. “I’m sorry I left and didn’t come back for Christmas.”
“I forgive you, Princess. There isn’t any need to talk about it.”
I nodded but continued to cling onto him like a little girl. “How did you and Mom meet?”
Dad’s hand stalled against my hair. “Why?”
Why? Wasn’t that a legitimate question a daughter could ask her dad? I pulled back and looked down at him. “Just wondering.”
Dad swallowed, a look of annoyance on his face. “We went to school together.”
Well that was informative. “Was it love at first sight?”
“No,” he said bluntly. “I think it’s time for my lunch now. Can you take me back to the room?” He avoided eye contact.
“I didn’t mean to make you mad,” I whispered, tucking my hair behind my ear. “Is it because Momma hasn’t been up here in a few days?”
Dad’s hands clutched the wheelchair. “It has nothin’ to do with your mother. I’m just hungry.” He turned his head away from me, and I knew that he wasn’t going to say anything else.
Instead of screaming at him, like I wanted to, I wheeled him back to his room. The nurses were setting up his food tray, and they smiled at him while they lifted him into the bed. I watched helplessly from the door, waiting on something to make sense in my head. There was something going on with my parents, and it had started a long time ago. I just needed to find out what it was.
I kissed my dad bye, got into Mom’s car, and left. There had been so many things I wanted to talk to him about. About Mom slapping me, and why she was so distant. But he’d showed me that it wasn’t just Mom hiding things; he was too.
My fingers tightened on the steering wheel, and I prayed that I didn’t burst into tears before I got home. Bug’s car wasn’t in the driveway and my heart sank. I could think of fifty places I’d rather be than in that house alone with my mother.
I parked the car and climbed out into the humid summer air. Sweat trickled down my neck and back, but I didn’t care. I was not going into that house with Mom. My feet took me around the house, where I’d seen the creeper lurking. I was sure they weren’t ballsy enough to be there in the daylight, so I turned the corner of the house—and saw a truck sitting in the shallow of the woods.
I stopped dead in my tracks. It looked familiar, but I couldn’t place it. The paint was faded, the metal rusted; I knew it wasn’t anything my father would ever own.
I turned and started for the back door. The silence that enveloped me when I stepped inside told me no one was home. Chills worked their way down my spine. “Hello?” I called out anyway.
No one answered.
The eerie feeling was still there when I shut the door behind me. Every step, I felt eyes watching me. A steady pulse hammered in my throat, so I started to run. Running was my time. I’d run track in high school, and the ‘I think I’ll give it a try’ turned into an everyday thing. It was the most addictive thing I’d ever come across until I met Boone Cross.
My legs stretched further, and when I hit the woods, my feet and mind went into overdrive. Everything rushed back to me. The way the Arkansas wind smelled like hay and the sound of leaves crunching beneath my feet were so familiar. I ran like someone chased me because he’d chased me so many times and caught me even more. He always caught me.
***
The burn in my legs spread to my lungs, but the endorphins that swarmed me brought me the best high I’d ever had. My lungs screamed at me, but I was free. Away from my parents and their screams. Their lies. I flew.
“You think you’re gonna get away from me?” I heard from behind me. He was always behind me when we ran. He was fast, but not on the track team. But then again, Boone liked to be behind me, and reminded me about it constantly. “I’m just behind because I love the view.”
I barked out a laugh and pushed faster. “Then prove it!” I yelled. “Come catch me.” I knew he would. There was something about a dare that put fire underneath our asses.
Boone’s laugh echoed against the trees. “You better put it into gear, Ms. Sawyer. Because if I catch you I’m not going to let go.”
I knew it was a joke, but there was so much underneath the statement that set me on fire. Knowing that Boone Cross would always catch me caused my entire heart to collapse. The way he watched me so carefully, and handled me so softly, had ruined me forever. There wasn’t anyone I’d ever want besides him, and I was okay with that.
The trees began to come less and the small pond where Boone had taken me was glistening in the distance. Birds chirped overhead, drowning out the voices of my parents’ yells in my head. The woods were the safest place for me because I’d never felt safe anywhere else.
I was almost at a standstill when Boone swept me off of my feet. The breath I was about to take sucked from my body as I flew up into his arms. “Told you I’d catch you, Raven,” he whispered against my cheek. When he pulled back all I could see was the bluest of eyes and brightest of smiles.
“Because I stopped.” I smiled.
Boone’s grin widened, and he laid me down on the ground, gently, and hovered over my panting body. “That’s all I needed you to do,” he whispered, stroking my hair from my face. “It feels like you’ve been running from me your entire life, and when you took one moment to stop and look around you, you saw that I was here.”
Boone had told me he’d watched me several times in the woods and it probably should have creeped me out, but I thought it was romantic. “Why did you watch me for all of those years without saying hello?”
Boone’s smile faded. “I thought we talked about this? Our dads don’t like each other.”
“But why?” I asked. “Why do they hate each other, Boone? Maybe if we just tell them—”
“No,” he cut me off, shaking his head. “Raven, I told you, it’s not a good idea.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “I want everyone to know that I’m with you. I hate seeing girls flirt with you all the time. Every time we see each other in public, all we can do is just that—see. I can’t speak to you. I want to find out why our dads don’t like each other. I want to know what happened.”
That was the first time I’d talked about it. Boone’s eyes slowly shut and his mouth turned down in a sad frown. “Baby, I know, but I don’t want to risk gettin’ in trouble. This is about keepin’ you safe, not myself.”
I nodded even though I felt like I wanted to cry. “I’m sorry. I just can’t stand it.” I pressed my face into his chest and gripped his shirt.
He lifted me and sat me on his lap while he stroked my head. “Just think, you only have a few more months left and we can run away from here. Whatever we want
to do.”
I fiddled with the hem of his shirt. “Can we get a dog?”
Boone lifted my chin. “What kind of dog you want?”
“A pit bull.”
Bone lifted a brow and smiled. “And that’s why I love you, Raven. You’re so open-minded and honest. You want a pit? We’ll get us a pit.”
“And a cat? I like them too. The ones with the small folded-over ears?” Boone grinned. “And then we can have kids, and—” I stopped embarrassed by the outburst. We hadn’t talked about having kids. Hell, I was only eighteen.
Boone lowered me back to the ground and settled between my legs, reaching behind my head so his hands could be my pillow. “You want to have kids with me?” he whispered. The deep tone of his voice sent shivers through me.
“Yes.”
Boone traced my lips with the pad of his thumb, and watched me closely. “I can see it now: there we’ll be, with three kids, a pit, and a cat with folded ears.” The grin on his face brought tears to my eyes. I’d never seen anything so beautiful before. “Is that what my baby wants?”
I nodded slowly, clutching his biceps in my shaky hands. “That’s exactly what I want.”
Boone nodded, his eyes heavy-lidded. “Then that’s what you’re goin’ to get. Nothing less than what you’ve always wanted, and much more.”
The tears broke free and raced down my cheeks. “I love you, Boone.”
Boone brought his mouth to mine. “I love you more.”
***
Sweat dripped down my neck and soaked the back of my shirt. I’d run for so long that my T-shirt clung to my body and my legs felt like rubber. I fell to my knees and rolled over onto my back, looking up at the sky.
There were so many things I needed to investigate. I wanted to know why my parents were the way they were and why my mother was so distant. I had missed something big, and I wasn’t leaving until I found it out. If it took three years, I’d have my ass down here trying to find out.