Fearless: (McIntyre Security Bodyguard Series - Book 2)
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Shane comes up beside me and wraps me in his strong arms, holding me close and rocking me through the residual tremors of my orgasm. I can smell myself, warm and earthy, on him, on his beard, and it’s simultaneously titillating and mortifying. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to how comfortable he is with such raw intimacy. He’s such a sexual animal, shamelessly taking everything he wants – every touch, every taste, every scent – and wallowing in it. But this is all still so new to me.
As the lingering tremors of my orgasm reverberate through me, I reach for his erection with my good hand. He’s hard and smooth as stone against my palm, huge and pulsing in my grip. I squeeze him firmly, which I know he likes, and he groans. I’m hoping this time he’ll let me pleasure him.
My optimism is short lived, though, when he gently removes my hand from his cock. “No, sweetheart.”
I close my eyes and groan with frustration. “Shane!”
“No.”
From the tone of his voice, I know it’s futile to argue with him. We’ve been going around and around about this for weeks. After I was released from the hospital, he swore we wouldn’t have sex again until I was fully recovered from the beating, and he’s stuck obstinately to his pledge. Oh, he pleasures me frequently, daily in fact, but apparently that’s not a violation of his vow. But he refuses to have intercourse with me or let me pleasure him. I think it’s some kind of self-imposed punishment for what Andrew Morton did to me. No matter how many times I’ve told him otherwise, Shane blames himself for what happened.
“Shane, I’m fine,” I tell him for the hundredth time. It’s true. The bruises on my face, while still faintly visible, no longer hurt. My ribs have healed, and the fiberglass cast on my left arm is scheduled to come off tomorrow. “Really, I’m fine. Please, I want you – ”
“I need to grab a quick shower before my call.” He kisses me once more – the taste of my slick arousal on his lips a potent reminder of what he just did – then climbs off the bed and heads for our private bathroom.
For several long moments, I stare at the closed door to the bathroom, wondering what he’s doing in there. I know he’s hard as a rock because I felt the evidence in my hand. He has to be uncomfortable. His mind may be fully committed to this self-imposed celibacy, but I know his body isn’t on board.
I can’t help wondering if he takes care of it himself. Is he masturbating in the shower? Or is he taking a cold shower, hoping to kill the arousal he feels? Not only is he punishing himself, but he’s punishing me. I need to feel him inside me again, thrusting deep and hard. I ache to feel him inside me.
I lay back in bed, my body soft and replete with satisfaction after the mind-blowing orgasm he just gave me. I can still feel the tingling between my legs, not to mention the wetness. I pull the covers up to my chin and wrap my arms around his pillow, snuggling back into our bed as post-orgasmic bliss flows through me. My pleasure is marred, though, by the knowledge that he’s suffering unnecessarily. I feel guilty wallowing in pleasure when I know he’s denying himself the same.
My eyes are so heavy, I think I’ll close them just for a few moments.
Chapter 2
“Hey, Princess. You didn’t come down to breakfast.”
When I open my eyes, I’m blinded by the sunlight streaming through the balcony doors. Shane’s sister Lia is sitting on the side of my bed, dressed in workout clothes – black boy shorts and a black sports bra. Her sleek muscles are toned and tanned from the summer sun.
I groan, feeling slightly hungover after having fallen back to sleep. “What time is it?”
“Eight-thirty. Time to rise and shine.”
I nod, sitting up in bed. I must have fallen asleep while Shane was in the shower because I don’t remember him coming out or getting dressed and leaving our suite.
“Since you missed breakfast, Elly sent up a plate for you. Voila! Breakfast in bed.”
Lia hands me a covered plate, and I lift the lid to find my favorite breakfast underneath – pancakes and bacon. Elly spoils me rotten.
Elly serves a big buffet breakfast every morning in the dining room, and usually everyone in residence comes to eat. On any given day, that’s usually a dozen people – including Shane’s siblings, the household staff, and the security staff.
I feel guilty for missing it. “Did you see Shane at breakfast?”
“Just for a second,” Lia says, stealing a strip of bacon off my plate. “Since you didn’t come down, he filled up a plate and took it back to his office.” She reaches out and ruffles my hair. “You should have come down. I missed you.”
Lia’s the silver lining that resulted from the assault. She is Shane’s youngest of three sisters, and she works as a bodyguard at McIntyre Security. After I was released from the hospital, Shane assigned her as my primary bodyguard, which means she goes wherever I go. But more than that, she’s become a close friend.
Lia makes this whole situation almost tolerable. Almost.
“I’m sorry I missed breakfast. I was awake when Shane got up, but I guess I fell back to sleep.”
That’s true of course. But it’s not the whole truth. Sometimes I just can’t face a table full of talkative people in the morning. I’m a bit of an introvert. And I’m still feeling guilty about Shane getting me off this morning, but not letting me return the favor. Something has to change, and soon.
Lia nudges my right arm – the one that isn’t encased in a lime-green cast. “Hey, what’s wrong? You look like someone kicked your puppy.”
I give her a wry glance. “Your brother is what’s wrong. He’s driving me crazy.”
She scoffs. “Tell me something I don’t know. Shane’s been an ass all summer. Ever since Andrew.”
I don’t want to think about Andrew right now. Every time I do, I picture him sitting in a straightjacket in a sterile room at the psychiatric hospital where he was sent by the judge who presided over my assault case. Andrew’s young and probably scared to death. I can’t help feeling sorry for him. And I know his parents are beside themselves over his incarceration. Yes, he nearly killed me, but I honestly don’t think he meant to. He was just so angry at Shane, he lost it.
I have a sudden flashback to Andrew’s boot coming at my face, and I flinch.
I force thoughts of Andrew out of my head. Remembering that day leads to dark, unpleasant memories I’d rather not relive. The last thing I need is more nightmares. The last thing Shane needs is for me to have more nightmares. No wonder he’s punishing himself. Hearing me cry out in my sleep every night is a constant reminder of what happened.
I look at Lia. “Shane’s avoiding me.” I’m surprised at how much it hurts to admit that. “He works around the clock, so I hardly see him. He’s up and gone from bed before the crack of dawn, and he waits until after I’m asleep to come to bed at night.”
Lia frowns. “Beth – ”
I shake my head because I don’t want to hear any excuses for Shane’s behavior. “It’s driving me crazy. Sometimes I think about going home.”
Now it’s Lia’s turn to shake her head. “You can’t go back to the townhouse. It’s not safe, and you know it. Besides, Shane would never allow it.”
“It’s not up to him.” I glance out the balcony doors at the woods beyond the house. I don’t want to leave this place. I just want things to go back to the way they were before the attack. I want Shane to stop punishing himself. “If I left, would you come with me?”
Lia crosses her arms over her ample chest. “As long as Howard Kline’s still a free man, I’m your shadow. I go where you go.”
I smile at Lia. While I haven’t known her long, she’s already become a close friend. And I don’t have many of those.
She gives me a telling look. “You know why he’s avoiding you, right?”
I shrug. I think I do, but I’m afraid to hear it, in case I’m wrong.
Lia rolls her bright blue eyes at me. “Because he’s sexually frustrated.”
Of course he is, but it’s
“Sex, Beth. You’re allowed to say it. Anyway, give him some time. I remember what you looked like in that hospital bed, bloody and bruised. You looked like death warmed over. That’s not an easy thing to forget. Especially not for someone like Shane, who thinks he’s responsible for everyone he cares about – let alone the woman he loves. Just give him some time. Seeing you like that... it shook him. He’s still not over it.”
I sigh, wanting to change the subject before I start blubbering like a baby. I nod at her outfit. “Are you heading downstairs to work out?”
“Yeah. I came up here to check on you first.”
“Can I come?”
“Sure, but it’s just going to be me and Liam. Nothing exciting.”
“I want to watch.” It isn’t doing me any good to hide away in my bedroom, feeling sorry for myself. “Just give me a few minutes to finish my breakfast and get cleaned up. I’ll meet you downstairs.”
* * *
I take the stairs down two flights to the lower level where the martial arts studio is located. Lia and her twin brother are warming up. While Lia’s doing stretches on the mat, I watch Liam do a dozen pull-ups on a wall-mounted chin bar. His sculpted muscles flex and strain as he does his repetitions in rapid succession. From a purely objective perspective, I have to admit Lia’s twin is all kinds of hot.
The twins are nothing alike. Yes, they’re both muscular and fit, but that’s where the resemblance ends. Lia is petite and curvy, with blonde hair and bright blue eyes like Shane’s. Liam, on the other hand, is six feet tall, with a lean, ripped physique, broad shoulders, and brown hair and eyes. Liam works for McIntyre Security as a martial arts instructor. At twenty-two years of age, he already has an impressive record as an international martial arts champion. He’s lethal.
“Hey, Beth,” Liam says as he releases the bar and drops to his feet on the padded black mat. He’s not even winded. “You here to watch?”
I grin at him, because I’m hoping I can do more than just watch this time. Ever since the assault, I’ve been wanting to learn self-defense, and Shane said I could once I was healed from my injuries. I figure I’m healed enough. “Can I join in?”
Liam gives me a quelling glance, which doesn’t really surprise me. “No.”
“Why not?”
He nods at my left arm in its full-length cast. “Isn’t it kind of obvious?”
“But it’s coming off tomorrow,” I tell him. “And besides, Shane said I should learn self-defense.”
“I know he did. But he’s not going to let you train with a cast on your arm. I’m sorry. Maybe in a couple of months, when you’re stronger.”
I make myself comfortable on the black leather sofa situated beneath the picture window that overlooks the studio and watch the two youngest McIntyre siblings go through their paces. They knock the crap out of each other – kicking and punching and dodging blows that could fell a horse – and before long they’re drenched in sweat. Lia has a bloody nose.
Even though Liam has mastered just about every type of martial art known to man, Lia can hold her own against her much bigger, more heavily muscled brother. Lia may be petite, but she’s fast and unpredictable and tough as nails. She uses her speed and her small stature to her advantage. I’ve seen her flip guys twice her size.
I wish I was more like her. I wish I had her strength, her confidence. Maybe with some training, I can be more like her.
As I watch them going at it, I can’t help thinking back to Andrew. I don’t remember much about the attack – mostly I remember cowering on the floor as I shielded my head from his boot. I remember the fiery pain that shot up into my skull when one of the bones in my arm snapped like a dry twig. I can still hear the crack of the bone breaking.
Watching Lia and Liam spar stirs up memories better left forgotten, and soon the images from that day are playing over and over in my head in an endless loop. Before I know it, my heart’s racing and I’m having trouble breathing. Hoping to circumvent an all-out panic attack, I jump up from the sofa and approach the mat, my throat tight.
“You have to show me something,” I say, looking from one to the other. “Please.”
If I could fight like they do, no one would ever be able to hurt me again.
Liam pauses as he turns to look at me, breathing hard, his hands on his hips. He frowns. “Beth.”
“Please.” And then the damned tears start, burning streaks down my face. “I’m sick and tired of being at the mercy of others. I want to be able to defend myself. I want to be able to fight back! Please, teach me something! Anything!”
“We could start her off slow,” Lia says, glancing up at her brother. “Nothing too physical. Just some basic avoidance moves. Some footwork. That wouldn’t kill her.”
Liam shakes his head. “If Shane finds out, he’ll kill me.”
“Oh, hell, I’ll do it,” Lia says, glaring at her brother. She motions me forward. “Come on, Princess. Let’s get your groove on.”
I step eagerly onto the mat, and Lia directs me to stand facing her. Liam steps back, giving us room, and watches skeptically with his arms crossed over his muscled chest.
Lia positions herself in front of me. “Let’s start with a basic avoidance move. If someone grabs your wrist” – and she demonstrates – “all you have to do is bring your elbow in like this” – another demonstration – “then twist your wrist to the side like this... and then bam! Here, I’ll show you. Grab my wrist.”
I grab Lia’s left wrist with my right hand. In a slow and controlled move, she twists her wrist, bringing her elbow in, and effortlessly breaks my grip.
“Now, you try it,” she says. She grabs my good hand, and I repeat what she did, breaking free of her grasp.
“That wasn’t hard,” I say.
“Try it again. This time, I won’t make it so easy.”
We repeat the move, but I have to put a little bit of muscle into it this time. Still, I manage to break Lia’s hold without too much effort.
Lia cocks her head toward her brother. “Try it with Liam.”
Liam steps onto the mat, shaking his head. “I’m going on record as saying I’m against this.”
Lia laughs. “Liam, don’t be such a freaking coward.”
I stick my wrist out for him to grab. “Come on, Liam.”
He gently clasps my wrist, and I easily twist free of his grasp. Too easily. He’s barely going through the motions.
“I don’t think you were really trying,” I say, frowning. “Besides, this wouldn’t have helped with Andrew. He came up from behind and grabbed me. What do I do then?”
Liam sighs as he makes a twirling motion with his finger. “Turn around.”
I turn around, facing away from him.
Coming up from behind, he wraps his arms around me and pulls me securely against his hard chest, pinning me in place. “An attacker who grabs you from behind thinks he has you immobilized, but he doesn’t. If you step to the outside – like this – you can hook your foot behind his knee, like this, and – ”
“God damn it, Liam! Get your fucking hands off her!”
I flinch at the roar coming from the open doorway. I’ve never heard Shane yell like that before.
Lia turns to look at Shane. “Uh oh, Liam. I told you not to do that.”
Liam releases me and gives his sister a blistering look.
I smile at Shane, hoping to defuse the situation. “I’m learning some self-defense moves.”
Shane glares at his siblings as he walks into the studio, his expression hard. “Get out, both of you.”
“Shane!” I say. “They were just showing me – ”
“Out!” he yells, pointing at the door behind him. But his eyes are on me.
“I’ll be right outside, Beth,” Lia says as she follows Liam out the door. “Holler if you need me. I can take him.”
I glance nervously through the picture window and see Lia standing in the hallway with a scowl on her face, watching me and Shane through the glass. Apparently, she takes her bodyguard responsibilities very seriously.
I glare at Shane. “You have no right – ”
“The hell I don’t!” He stalks toward me on the mat, and I take a step back. I can’t help it; it’s a reflex. He’s never yelled at me before. At six-two, he can be very intimidating when he puts his mind to it – like right now.
“I just abandoned ten people on a trans-Atlantic conference call because I happen to glance at the video feed coming out of this room and saw my girlfriend – my injured girlfriend – engaging in martial arts training. With a broken arm!”
“I’m sorry about your conference call, but you didn’t have to do that. Liam was just showing me – ”
“You are in no shape for physical training, Beth!”
My heart is pounding now and I’m shaking. “Stop yelling at me!” He’s so close, I have to crane my neck up to look into his face. His eyes are sharp and glittering with fire. I take a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. “Why are you so mad? You said you wanted me to learn self-defense.”
“Not now! Not while you’re recovering from a horrendous beating!”
“I’m fine, Shane.” I take a deep breath and lower my voice in an attempt to calm him down. I’ve never seen him riled up this much before. “My ribs feel fine, and – ” I raise my cast in the air – “this comes off tomorrow. I’m okay.”
I’m momentarily distracted by the sight of Lia glaring at her brother through the viewing window. Shane looks back briefly, noticing we have a rapt audience, and then he turns back to face me, a scowl on his face. He takes a deep breath, and I get the feeling he’s trying to rein himself in.
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