Wand of the Witch

by Daniel Arenson

  The hundreds of hellhogs looked up, snorted, and stamped their feet.

  "Peeeeeeees," they snorted, smoke rising from their nostrils. "Peeeeeeeeeeeeees."

  Neev looked at Romy, looked at the demon girls hugging his legs, and looked at the snorting hellhogs. Finally he heaved a long, deep sigh that left his shoulders stooped and his eyes weary.

  "Oh, all right."

  "HOORAY!" the three demons cried. They leaped onto him and knocked him down. The hellhogs swarmed around him, licking him with slobbery tongues.

  "Get off!" Neev said. "Off, the lot of you!" He struggled to his feet. Hellhog drool and fur covered him. He shook himself, spraying the drool. "Disgusting."

  Romy grabbed his shoulders. "Let's go back to Earth! Come, through this door."

  She walked across the room to an old, wooden door. She opened it to reveal a landscape of grass, sunrise, and a stream. She breathed in the fresh air.

  "Ah, good fresh Earth air!"

  Neev stared with wide, unblinking eyes. His mouth opened and closed like a fish. It was a long moment before he could speak again.

  "We could... this is... there's a door between Earth and hell here?"

  "Well, duh," Romy said. "It's only a mile away from Burrfield, actually. There, you can even see Burrfield behind that tree."

  Neev gasped. He blinked a few more times, then shouted. "So why didn't we just come in this way! Why did we fight hellsnakes, and molemen, and lava whales, and devil ducks, and walk for hours through a hundred chambers? Why couldn't we have come through this door!"

  Romy snorted. "Oh please, Neev. This entrance is boring. I figured we'd take the scenic route."

  She walked outside into the sunlit valley. The hellhogs followed, fur bristling and nostrils sniffing. Mandy and Annie skipped alongside, singing tunes. Romy turned to see Neev still standing in Hell, gaping.

  "Well come on, slow poke!" she cried back to him. "For somebody who's in such a hurry, you sure do move slowly."

  He stepped outside in a daze, mouth still opening and closing like a fish's. Soot covered him. When they were all outside, Romy closed the door behind her; it was covered in grass, and blended in with the hillside.

  She kissed Neev's cheeks and mussed his hair. The hellhogs crowded around them.

  "And now," she said, "we can go fight Madrila."

  Chapter Twenty-One

  The Hoarders

  She hung from the trees, wrapped in cobwebs. The spiders clicked around her, crawling over their webs toward her. They surrounded her as far as she could see.

  "Back!" Willow screamed between strands of cobwebs. "Stand back!"

  The spiders kept crawling toward her. Their mouths opened, drooling. Their legs clacked and their eyes blazed. Willow struggled, screaming. Cobwebs bound her arms to her sides. Her legs were wrapped together.

  "Food... foooooood," the spiders said. They crawled nearer and placed their legs upon her. Their mouths opened wide.

  "Back!" Willow cried. "I am a powerful witch! I will hurt you if you don't move back."

  Grunting, she twisted her hand and reached for her belt. Her fingers grazed the top of her wand. A spider bit her shoulder, and she screamed. Squirming and bending her fingers, she managed to grasp and draw her wand. Arm still pinned, she pointed the wand and uttered a spell.

  "Now die, spider!" she said. "Die with fire!"

  Magic crackled across her wand... but instead of deadly fire, a cupcake flew from it.

  A spider opened its mouth and swallowed the treat.

  Damn it! Willow struggled in her bonds. She had meant to roast the spider, not feed it! But at least she had sated its hunger, and it wasn't eating her at the moment.

  A second spider approached below her, clacking up toward her legs. Willow twisted her wand.

  "Eat lightning!" she said and uttered a lightning spell.

  A stream of candies shot from her wand, hitting the spider's face. The spider's mouth clacked opened and closed, catching candies and chewing.

  When more spiders approached at her left, she cast an enchanted arrow spell, which made cookies shoot from her wand. Next she shot honeyed almonds, lollipops, and gingerbread men. Soon the spiders were all munching and ignoring her.

  "Now release me from these cobwebs," she said once they had eaten the treats.

  The spiders growled and raised their legs over her. They opened their maws, revealing sticky teeth.

  "Do it!" she said. "Release me and I'll give you more treats."

  The spiders howled. Their legs rose and fell, shaking the cobwebs. Their mouths opened and closed, and their eyes blazed.

  "I mean it," Willow said. "No more treats unless you release me. Cut these cobwebs loose!"

  The spiders roared. The fur on their abdomens bristled. They looked at one another, looked at Willow's wand, and slammed their legs down onto her. Willow screamed, expecting them to rip into her flesh, but their legs were tearing off the cobwebs. They spun her around, tearing webs, releasing her limbs, and Willow fell from the spiderweb.

  She crashed through branches, yelped, and landed in a pile of dry leaves. Moaning, she struggled to her feet and wobbled. Her head spun. Everything hurt. Cobwebs and spider drool covered her.

  She looked up and saw spiders racing down the tree trunks. Her first instinct was to run, but they were fast. They would catch her. Their mouths clanked open and shut, and they cried out.

  "Foood.... foooooooood."

  "Stay back!" she shouted.

  The spiders froze.

  Willow raised her wand.

  The spiders jerked, mouths opening wide.

  Willow cast a spell, and fireworks of gumdrops exploded above her. The spiders raced around the trees, gobbling them up.

  "Now freeze!" Willow called. The spiders froze, watching her eagerly. Crumbs covered their faces and filled their fur.

  "Come down here," Willow said. "Stand on the ground before me." She pointed. "Here! Stand here."

  The spiders scurried down the trees, dozens of them, each one the size of a pony. They crowded together on the forest floor, watching her and drooling.

  "Sit!" she said.

  They sat, and she tossed them cookies and cupcakes.

  "Follow me," she said. She took three steps, and the spiders followed, never removing their eyes from her wand.

  "Stop!" she said and they froze.

  Slowly, hesitantly, a smile spread across Willow's face. These creatures are powerful. They are evil. And they are mine.

  "Follow me," she said. "We're going back to Burrfield."

  They followed, squealing and cackling and begging for treats. When Madrila sees the army I bring her, she'll have to take me back. She'll have to make me a real witch. Willow laughed as she walked through the forest, a hundred spiders following her.

  * * * * *

  Jamie gasped, sword held before her.

  Hills of trash filled the tower. She could not see the floor. Rag dolls, plates, rotting fruit, old clothes, torn books, necklaces, stale bread, boots, hammers, cutlery, and countless other items—they piled up inside Dry Bones's old tower, threatening to collapse and bury her.

  The strangest creatures Jamie had ever seen stood atop the piles of garbage. The elflings gasped around her and raised their weapons.

  "What are they?" Ellywyn asked in disgust. She clutched her silver dagger.

  The creatures looked at them and hissed.

  "They're... they're made of trash," Jamie said.

  The creatures cackled. Their limbs, torsos, and faces were cobbled together from countless objects: doll parts, broken jugs, old clothes, washboards, purses, torn scrolls, rotten food, and many more things. One creature shuffled toward them. Its fingers reached out, made of cutlery. Its eyes were two glowing beads, a mop formed its hair, and its lips were a sliced orange peel.

  "We are not made of trash." The creature spoke in a raspy crone voice. "We are made of beautiful, lovely things."

  A second creature shuffled toward th
em. It wore mismatched boots over wooden legs; one a table leg, the other a broomstick. Its eyes were two silver coins set in long head made from a bellows.

  "We are hoarders," this second creature said, expelling its creaky, windy voice through the bellows's nozzle. "We collect only the nicest things."

  Three other hoarders stood behind these two, cobbled together from countless items. They nodded and muttered agreements. Jamie saw that vials of potions were embedded into their bodies of trash, glistening like glass boils.

  "They have the potions," she said to the elflings. "That's what we need."

  Grumbledook peeked into the tower and sniffed. "I'm not drinking anything taken off those things." He snorted.

  Jamie glared at him. "You will drink what I tell you!" She marched up toward a hoarder. Its body was built of the potions, nuts, bolts, boot soles, crusted shoelaces, coins, a bracelet of seashells, and sundry other items.

  Jamie looked at the potions covering its body. She saw potions labelled "Healing", "Strength", "Death", "Love"... and buried deep between crumbled handkerchiefs and apple cores, a vial of purple potion labelled "Growth". Jamie reached toward it.

  "You will not take my things!" the hoarder screeched. It slapped Jamie's hand away. "Not my beautiful, beautiful things."

  Jamie shook her hand; it hurt. She glared at the hoarder. "Your things aren't beautiful, they're junk! Can I just have that one vial?"

  The hoarder reached toward her with hands made of forks. It began to rummage through her pockets.

  "Hmm, things, yes, more beautiful things!"

  "Hey, let go!" Jamie cried. She tried to back away, but a second hoarder approached behind her and reached into her pack. A third joined them. They rummaged through her belongings, muttering and whistling.

  "Ooh, lint, I like that, yes. Nice pretty copper coins! And she's got a lovely candle, oh yes, that'll look nice here, wouldn't it, lovelies?"

  More hoarders were similarly mobbing the elflings, rummaging through their packs and pockets.

  "Nice elfling things, yes! Acorns and silver thread, and ropes and kindling and buttons and needles, yes lovelies."

  Jamie squirmed and kept beating their hands away. "Let go! Those are mine."

  The hoarders glared at her, their eyes made of buttons, seashells, beads, and coins.

  "Our things! Ours now. Lovely, beautiful things, yes lovelies."

  Once the hoarders had emptied the companions' pockets, they began adding their treasures to their bodies. They stuck the candles, coins, and acorns onto their torsos. They strung the threads, buttons, and rope through their hair. One placed Noelyn's necklace of riverstones around its own neck.

  "Oh, yes, we are so pretty, aren't we lovelies?" The hoarders cooed to one another. "We are so beautiful."

  Jamie sighed. "Yes, you're lovely. Now that you've stolen our things, can we have the potion?"

  They hissed at her. "Be gone! You want to take our things! You want our beautiful treasures."

  Jamie groaned. "Just the potion! And you can have the vial back afterwards. We only want the liquid inside."

  The hoarders began shoving her. "Back, back! That's what they all say, yes they do, lovelies, yes they do. They only want to take one thing, they say. But then they want more. Then they want to take all our things. We needs them, lovelies. We needs our beautiful treasures, yes."

  "It's not beautiful, it's crap!" Jamie shouted. "You own nothing but garbage."

  They snarled, baring teeth made of wooden chips, broken knives, and shards of glass.

  "They are treasures. Now leave, thief. Leave our room of treasures!"

  Jamie had heard enough. "I'm taking that potion."

  She held her shield up, plowed her way forward, and reached toward the hoarder with potions on its body. Her fingers grazed the growth potion vial, and she was just about to clutch and tug it, when the other hoarders leaped onto her.

  "Jamie!" the elflings cried in fright.

  The hoarders slammed her onto the piles of trash. She sank into the dirty clothes, broken toys, beer mugs, and other items. The trash heap rose to her chest. The hoarders above began biting and scratching, and Jamie cried and tried to shove them off with her shield, but they kept attacking.

  "Let go of her!" Ellywyn cried. Jamie glimpsed a flash of red hair and silver. A hoarder squealed. Jamie floundered and tried to swing her sword, but only cut garbage. She glimpsed a second flash of movement—a moon goldencharm glowing, and purple eyes, and she heard Noelyn's voice.

  "Get off Jamie!" Noelyn too slammed into a hoarder, shoving it off.

  Lightning crackled, and Jamie heard Rowyn uttering spells. A hoarder above her shook, purple lightning racing across it. Jamie screamed and shoved it with her shield. It fell off her, and she crawled atop the trash heap, sword swinging.

  Her sword slammed into a hoarder, scattering bracelets, cups, bottles, and bolts.

  "My treasures!" it screeched. "My things, my lovelies!"

  It knelt and began collecting the items. Jamie swung her sword again, breaking off more trifles. Rings, a baby's shoe, a bladeless hilt, forks, a brooch, and coins flew. The hoarder wailed.

  "Jamie, the potion!" Ellywyn cried to her right. She was thrusting her dagger, holding back the hoarders with the growth potion. It lashed its cutlery fingers and snapped teeth of shattered glass. Ellywyn kept trying to grab the vial, but couldn't reach it.

  "I see it!" Jamie cried. She ran toward the hoarder through the piles of garbage. The trash rose to her knees; she could barely move through it. Rowyn fought at her side, tossing spells against two hoarders. Noelyn was swinging a candlestick at another hoarder, shouting at it. Blood ran down her thigh.

  "We will have your bones!" cried a hoarder and leaped onto Jamie. "We will have your beautiful, lovely bones for our treasures."

  Jamie gulped. She noticed that behind the trash comprising the hoarder—rags and doll heads and socks—it seemed to have human bones held together with strings. Did it take those bones from humans it killed? Jamie wondered.

  The hoarder's hands were made of garden shears. They sliced at her. Jamie raised her shield and blocked the blades. She swung her sword, and it slammed into the hoarder's neck. Bones snapped. Jamie swung her sword again, and the head rolled. Buttons, chess pieces, seashells, and beads spilled from it.

  "My things!" it cried. "My things!"

  Jamie leaped toward the hoarder attacking Ellywyn, the one with the growth potion on its body. She slammed her sword down and severed its arm. Eggshells and toy soldiers spilled from the wound. When the hoarder knelt to collect them, Jamie grabbed a vial that was attached to its stomach. She yanked it free.

  She looked at the vial, but it was the healing potion. Damn it! She growled and tossed it aside. The hoarder leaped onto her, one arm missing, teeth snapping.

  "You want to steal our lovely treasures!"

  She swung her blade into its head. It screeched and fell. Jamie leaped onto it and began tearing the vials off, seeking the right one. Around her, the elflings still fought the other hoarders.

  "Got it!" Jamie said. She lifted the purple vial over her head. "Growth potion. Now let's get out of here!"

  The wounded hoarders were busy rebuilding themselves. They were rummaging through the trash, picking broken toys, jugs, beads, and sundry other items. They began attaching them to their bodies, building new arms, legs, heads, and patching up wounds.

  "Lovely things!" they cried. "Beautiful treasures."

  Jamie grunted and ran toward the doorway. The elflings ran at her sides. They burst out of the tower panting and bloodied. The hoarders screeched inside.

  "They are stealing our treasures!"

  Jamie turned her head and saw them at the doorway. They peered outside with narrowed eyes, but dared not follow. They blinked and hissed in the sunlight.

  "Ah, sunlight that burns!" one said.

  They began retreating indoors, covering their eyes and whimpering.

  "The outside world is bad."r />
  "The outside world wants our treasures, lovelies."

  Soon they disappeared back into the piles of trash and closed the door behind them.

  Jamie took deep, shaky breaths. Her head spun. She had never seen such creatures. God, one had bones under the trash of its body. Jamie had thought it collected the bones from dead humans, but now she wasn't sure. Maybe it was human, or had been long ago. She shuddered.

  "You are a great warrior," Ellywyn said, staring at Jamie with somber eyes. A scratch ran down her cheek, seeping blood. She placed a hand on Jamie's shoulder. "You are my sister in arms."

  Noelyn and Rowyn stood holding each other. The archer rested her head against the wizard's shoulder. He was smoothing her silver hair and whispering into her ear.

  Grumbledook stared at them all, puffing smoke through his nostrils. "Well, it's about time you found my potion." He coughed. "All that fighting and shouting hurt my ears. Bring it here."

  Jamie stomped toward the small, shrivelled up dragon. She grabbed his snout and stared into his eyes. "Now listen here, you old bastard. If I give you this potion, no more excuses. You grow big, and you start fighting for us. Next battle, I want to see you lashing your claws and blowing fire. Understood?"

  He snorted smoke onto her. "I am a dragon of my word. You have a deal."

  The elflings gathered around. Jamie sheathed her sword and uncorked the vial. Green smoke rose from it, and a scent like raisins and wine tickled her nose. Grumbledook opened his maw and stretched out his white tongue.

  Jamie tilted the vial over the dragon's mouth. Purple liquid spilled. Grumbledook gulped and made a face.

  "Disgusting!" he said. "It tastes like grapes. Couldn't you find any elf-flavored potion?"

  Jamie narrowed her eyes and stared. Grumbledook stared back. The elflings crowded closer.

  "Nothing's happening!" Rowyn whispered.

  "Just wait," Jamie said. "Watch."

  Grumbledook's eyes widened. The clouds parted, and sparkling rays of light fell upon him. Harps played and angels sang. Jamie caught her breath. Grumbledook was growing!

  "A miracle!" Noelyn whispered and a tear ran down her cheek.