Because of You

by Maria E. Monteiro

  “What I did to you six years ago was really stupid. I promise you I won’t do it again. I’m not here to hurt you. Please let me prove I can be a good friend.” His eyes look lost.

  I sharply swallow and say, “My mom is dating.”

  “What?”

  “My mom is dating some stupid idiot. I was out here to get away from them. I was going to go see Logan, who apparently is not talking to me after last night.” He looks at me confused. “You said you want to be my friend, well friends share things with each other.”

  His dimples appear making every inch of me into mush. I still hate the affect those things have on me. “Yeah, I saw him go into your house. Your mom could do so much better.”

  “Yes she can.”

  He begins to laugh. “You mind if I walk with you?”

  I shake my head no. He grabs my hand and begins to walk alongside me.

  We continue to talk remembering things we did as kids. The whole time he holds my hand making me feel whole again.

  I tell him all about the day my dad moved out. He listens not asking a million questions. A calm comes over me and for the first time ever I don’t feel like crying when I talk about it.

  He tells me about his trip to London and how his father ruined it for his whole family. After a while we stop sharing horror stories and begin to talk about all the adventures we took as kids.

  It’s so weird how easy it is to talk to him. It’s like no time has passed and we are still childhood friends.

  By the time we make it back in front of our houses I don’t want to leave his side, but I know I have to. “I better go,” I pull my hand out of his.

  “Wait. Come here.” He takes my wrist and pulls me closer to him. “It’s my turn this time.”

  “For what?” I ask as gushes of breaths come in and out of my body.

  “To kiss you.” He looks deep into my eyes bringing his lips to mine and begins to kiss me.

  He tightens his arms around my waist as my arms wrap around his neck. His soft lips and sweet-smelling scent intoxicates me beyond control. I can’t believe I’m kissing Austin Evans again.

  16

  And It Begins

  I’ve been on a cloud of bliss since last night. I’m not sure what’s going on between us, but I do know I really like kissing Austin. Of course I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t have that loud voice of reasoning warning me to be careful.

  “So, I’m majorly grounded,” Farrah says getting out of car. “My parents were so pissed about me coming home drunk. I’m only allowed to use my car to go to school. And on top of that they took for my phone.”

  “That sucks. I was wondering why I didn’t hear from you again last night. Did you get to say goodbye to Jesse before you lost your phone privileges?”

  “Oh! Don’t remind me. It was a huge mistake,” she says putting her head into her hands.

  “What happened to Josh? One minute I saw you talking to him and the next I saw you making out with Jesse.”

  “Josh was busy talking to his friends all night not even caring I was standing next to him. He then walked away and told me he be right back, but thirty minutes later I saw him talking to his ex-girlfriend. I got mad so I started drinking and the next thing I know I’m making out with Jesse. It was all a big mistake. Thank God, he’s gone.” She turns to me and actually begins to get some color back on her face as she raises one eyebrow high than the other. “So, what’s going on with you and Austin?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Do you like him?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe?” I try to hide my smile.

  She sinisterly smiles. “So you and Austin, huh?”

  I shake my head. “So you and Jesse, huh?”

  She closes her eyes. “Ugh, don’t remind me.”

  “Let me guess she’s remembering she hooked up with Jesse the other night,” Logan says joining us. My smile vanishes. I’m still upset he didn’t call me back last night.

  “Oh God, he told you?” Farrah moans.

  “Yup. Every steamy detail.” Logan drapes his arm over Farrah’s shoulders making sure to make me feel left out.

  “Oh God, does he think something is gonna happen between us?” Farrah asks with fear in her eyes.

  “No. He feels just like you. Like it was a huge mistake.”

  “Phew. Wait. He thinks it was a mistake. How can he think it was a mistake? He’s lucky...”

  I walk away from them with my heart tight. I’m so mad at Logan. I don’t understand why he’s acting like this.

  I stomp into the school with anger ringing in my body. I didn’t do anything wrong to him. Okay, maybe I chose Austin over him at the party, but...

  My heart comes to a complete stop. Austin is leaning against my locker looking amazing.

  Last night I walked into my house without us saying anything but ‘goodnight’ after our kiss. Now there he stands against my locker.

  He turns his head and perfectly smiles when our eyes connect. My heart goes wild. “Hey,” I say twiddling my fingers in front of me.

  “Hey. What’s going on?”

  “Nothing.” This is so awkward. I have no idea what to say.

  “I had fun last night.”

  I can’t help but give him a wide smile, no matter how hard I try to stop it. “Me too.”

  He brings his face closer to mine and whispers, “Good. I was hoping we do it again.”

  “When?”

  “How about right now.” His smile turns wicked.

  I back up needing some air to calm all my organs that are going crazy inside me. “Right here in the middle of the hallway where everybody could see us?”

  “Why not?” He asks playing with a piece of my hair.

  I shake my head no, but the truth is I want to kiss him too. All I could think about all morning was placing my lips on his again.

  He leans forward again and whispers, “I really need to kiss you again.”

  “It’s sad when you see a smart girl acting dumb,” Logan announces, loud enough for me to hear as he walks by with Farrah by his side. She turns back and gives me an apologetic smile. I can’t believe him.

  “I better get going,” I say backing away from Austin.

  “Okay. But I hope we can continue this later?” He raises his eyebrows with a wider grin.

  “We’ll see.” I need to slow my heart down before I walk into my first class.

  I stroll into class with a huge smile, but it quickly vanishes when Farrah attacks me at my desk. “So what’s really going on between you and Austin? And don’t say nothing because it didn’t look like nothing.”

  “Like I said before I don’t know.”

  “But you like him? Right?”

  “I think so. I mean I do. This is just so weird. I have no idea what’s happening.”

  “Well by the way he was looking at you it seems like a lot. This is awesome!”

  I smile.

  “Okay, now explain why Logan is so mad at you.”

  Before I can answer Mr. Jenkins walks in and the bell rings. I have to talk to Logan. I have to explain Austin’s side to him.

  I spend most of my morning trying to talk to Logan, but every time he sees me he turns and walks the opposite direction. It’s becoming annoying.

  By the time I march into gym class I’m furious. He’s going to talk me like it or not. There’s no way he can escape me this time. I walk over and sit right next to him. “Are you speaking to me yet?” I question him.

  “A huh.”

  “Are you mad at me?”

  He shakes his head no.

  “Why did you leave the party the other night without evening telling me?”

  He shrugs indifferently while he keeps his bright greenish blue eyes on the volley ball game going on in front of us.

  He’s really starting to piss me off. He’s supposed to be my best friend, why is he being such a dick? “Is this how it’s going to be now?”

  “What?” He finally turns to face me.
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  “You’re hardly talking to me.”

  “I’m talking to you, see,” he mocks with a forced smile.

  “I don’t get what’s your problem. Does this have to do with Austin?”

  “It has everything to do with him.”

  “He hasn’t done anything to you.”

  “Do you not remember what he did to me last year? He hooked up with Olivia.”

  “Yeah, but he didn’t know you guys were dating. Olivia...”

  “Just stop. I’m not gonna sit here and listen to you defend him.” His muscles harden with anger. “He’s an asshole. And I can’t stand watching you be an idiot around him.”

  “I’m not an idiot.”

  “Yes you are if you chose to be with him.”

  I can’t believe what a stubborn jerk he’s being. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with Austin. It might be something and it might not, but that’s my choice. You’ll just have to get over it if you wanna still be my friend.” I turn around and walk to the other side of gym as fast as I can. I hate fighting with any of my friends, but most of all Logan.

  For the rest of the class Logan stays away from me. I would never do this to him. This is all so stupid I don’t even know what’s going on with Austin. I feel like I’m trading in one friend for the other.

  Right before the bell rings Logan finally comes over to sit next to me. “I hate arguing with you,” he says without making eye contact.

  “Me too. I still don’t get why you’re so mad at me.”

  “Do you know how I felt when you sent me away at the party? I walked over there to make sure you were ok, and then you chose him over me.”

  I lean in and put my head on his shoulder hoping he will not pull away. “I’m sorry. I promise you I will never pick him over you again.”

  “If it was up to me I wouldn’t let him go near you again. He’s already hurt one girl I loved I don’t want him to do it again.”

  “I won’t let him.”

  “I hope so.” He turns to look at me again. “Cause I swear I’ll kill him if he does.”

  “I know. So are we friends again?”

  “I can never not be your friend.” He opens his arms and I lean into his embrace. I don’t know what I would ever do if I lost his friendship. I can’t go through that again. I’m going to have to do something to get him to see Austin is not the bad guy he’s making him out to be.

  After class I walk back to my locker secretly hoping I see Austin. I haven’t seen him all day. I turn the corner and find him standing by his locker talking to Leah. She tosses her perfectly straight blond hair back as she taps him on his chest.

  She leans in and whispers something in his ear, which makes him laugh and her giggle like an idiot. My insides want explode with insecurities. Maybe Logan is right. Maybe I shouldn’t trust Austin. I don’t even understand why I thought I could to begin with. The one thing the past has taught me is, men are all a bunch of liars and cheaters.

  I turn around and begin to walk back the other way. How I could I be so happy only a couple of minutes ago to feeling broken again? My heart and stomach are a mess.

  “Jade!” I hear him yell. I don’t stop walking. I can’t deal with this right now, not while I feel so weak with emotions. “Jade, stop.” He catches up to me and takes a hold of my arm. “Didn’t you hear me calling you?”

  I nod.

  “Then why didn’t you stop? I feel like I always have to chase you.”

  “I didn’t wanna interrupt your conversation with Leah.”

  “What? We were just laughing about what happened in class.”

  “I’m sure you were.” I can’t tell if he’s lying or not.

  “There’s nothing going on between Leah and me. How many times do I have to tell you that?”

  “I don’t really care if there were. You’re free to do whatever you want.”

  “I know.” He takes a deep breath of frustration in. “I mean there’s only one person I want to do things with.” He pulls me in closer making my broken heart begin to heal itself. “And that person is you. Don’t you know that by now?”

  “What exactly is going on between us?”

  “I have no idea, but I like it. And I wanna do it some more.” He brings his face so close to mine I can feel his eyelashes tickle my face. His lips come close, but right before he can press them against mine I pull away.

  “I’ll see you later.” I turn around and begin to walk away. I don’t want him to think he can just kiss me anytime he wants to. I need to have some control over what’s going on too.

  “Aha, you’re too cruel,” he calls out. “So that’s how you’re gonna leave me, aching for more.

  I look over my shoulder and smile. Deep inside I’m aching for more too.

  17

  It Keeps Getting Better

  I don’t know what to do with myself. Every time I hear anything that remotely sounds like a car I rush to my window to see if it’s Austin. I’m slowly becoming the person I never wanted to be.

  It’s not like I know what I’m going to do when I do see his car. I guess I’ll just feel better when I know he’s home. This is so stupid. I should listen to Logan and end whatever is happening between Austin and me.

  “Jade are you home?” My mom calls up the stairs.

  “Yeah!” I run downstairs hoping if I get away from my window I can stop thinking about him. “How was wor...” My mouth falls open when I see Tony in our living room. I can’t believe he’s here again.

  “Hello Jade. How are you?” He asks standing up from the sofa my father bought us two years ago. Why is he here again? Doesn’t he have his own home?

  “Where’s my mom?”

  “In the bathroom.”

  “How was school?” Is he serious? He has no right to ask me that. I don’t even know him.

  “Oh good you’re down here,” my mother says walking in to join us. “I wanted to talk to you.” What is she wearing? Her black pencil skirt is on so tight I swear she’s going to pop right out of it. And is her black blouse see-through? Ohmigod I could see her lacy white bra. Who is this woman standing in front of me? “You’re father told me what happened this weekend.”

  “Huh?”

  “With the bridal store. He wanted to make sure you were really okay since you didn’t want to talk about it with him.” She begins to shake her head in frustration. “I can’t believe they just took you there without asking you first.” I can’t believe she is saying all of this in front of this stranger. What is wrong with her? “Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?”

  She steps forward forcing me to take a step back. I put my arm up to stop her from coming closer. “No! I’m okay.” Why do they all want to me to talk about everything? And if she thinks I’m going to say anything in front of this man she’s crazy. “Dad just wants to include me. It’s okay.” I will not let this man think I have a bad relationship with my father.

  “Okay.” My mother puts on her satisfied smile. “Well, Tony has invited us out to dinner. So go change so we could go out.”

  “I’m actually going to Farrah’s for dinner. I was about to ask you,” I lie.

  “I’m sorry, but Tony is taking us out so you’ll have to tell Farrah you’ll go another time.”

  “But Mom...”

  “It’s okay Amanda, she can come with us some other time. It can be just you and me tonight.” He gives her what I’m sure he thinks is a sexy smile making my stomach turn. I can’t believe my mother likes this man. By the way she blushes and giggles I’m guessing she’s falling for his yucky-ness.

  “Okay. Do you need us to give you a ride?” My mother asks sweetly now that she’s in gaga land.

  “Can I use your car?” I ask trying to take advantage of her blissful stage.

  “No.”

  “That’s what I thought you’d say. It’s cool, Farrah’s coming to pick me up.”

  “Good. Well I’ll be home in a couple of hours. Remember you need to be home by nine.
”

  “No problem. Bye.” I give her a quick hug and begin to head upstairs.

  “Jade?” My mom calls out.

  “Yeah?”

  “Aren’t you going to say goodbye to Tony?”

  I wasn’t planning to. I know if I don’t she might change her mind and make me go with them. “Bye.” I turn back around and run up the stairs before she makes me say anything else.

  I can’t believe she’s moving on so fast. I mean I know my father is about to start a family with another woman, but that’s different. He left us for her. My mother should be trying all she can to try to get my father back. What am I saying? If a guy cheated on me I would not want him back either. I guess she has all the right to move on with her life, but I don’t have to like him.

  I try calling Farrah, but then quickly remember she’s grounded and doesn’t have a phone. I guess it’s just me by myself tonight. I could try calling Logan, but I know he’ll want me to go over and I’m not really in the mood to walk down to his house.

  Instead I change into my pajamas and head back down to get something to eat. I open the fridge and only see tons of bottles of waters, a bottle of wine, orange juice, some fancy cheese, a bottle of ketchup, and some lemons. Really? I swear ever since my mother stopped cooking she never shops for groceries anymore.

  Why is it the moment I realize I have nothing to eat I get hungry. Ugh! My mom didn’t even leave me any money. I could have ordered a pizza.

  Diiiinggg Dooonggg! I jump in the air as if someone had just thrown a bucket of cold water on me. Who could that be? Maybe my mother forgot her keys I try telling myself. I slowly walk towards the door hoping whoever it is they’re not here to kill me. I swear if this were a horror movie this would be the part where the really spooky music would play.

  “Who is it?” I ask. Why don’t we have a peephole like everyone else who has a solid wood door does?

  “Me,” a deep voice answers making my heart pound uncontrollably. He’s here. I open the door and see Austin standing on my front steps.

  “What are you doing here?” I’ve waited all afternoon to see his car pull up, but never in my mind did I think he would be standing at my door.