Because of You

by Maria E. Monteiro

“Well, you guys have fun,” Blake says, tapping Austin on the shoulder. “Oh, and tonight make sure to use the guest room. My room is off limits. I just changed the sheets in there and I don’t wanna have to do it again.” Blake laughs so hard he’s actually turns bright red. His friends also begin to laugh knowing exactly what he means. I can’t help turning the same shade myself.

  “You’re an ass!” Austin calls out as his brother and his friends walk away. He turns to face me. “I’m really sorry about that.”

  “It’s okay.” There’s actually something else that’s eating away at me right now. “Who’s Michelle?”

  “Huh?”

  “Michelle? You know the girl who that guy warned you about.”

  “She’s just this girl I met here last year.”

  “Did something happen with this girl?” My stomach clenches at the thought of some girl hooking up with him.

  “Noooo.” I raise my eyebrows in doubt. “Okay, we hooked up.”

  I pull away from him unable to stop the anger growing inside me. “Are you kidding me? I thought you said you’d never been here with another girl.”

  “No. What I said was I never brought another girl here. I never said I never met a girl here,” he says trying to make me laugh. When it doesn’t work he quickly adds, “But it didn’t mean anything. You don’t have to worry about her, baby.” He pulls me in closer. “Please don’t let this upset you. It happened last year, and I swear I never talked to her again.”

  “But why did he have to warn you about her?”

  “She kind of became a little bit clingy after. The next two times I came up here she wouldn’t leave me alone.”

  “Did you hook up those times too?”

  His gaze falls to the ground.

  “I can’t believe you.” My voice is thick and full of rage.

  I try to walk away but Austin grabs my wrist before I can take one step. “Babe, that happened before you and I were together. I haven’t seen or talked to her since. You’re the only one I want. Please don’t let my past ruin this weekend for us.” Sometimes I really hate that he has a past without me.

  I know he’s right. I can’t let his past effect us. He’s with me now and I need to let this go, although my anger is holding on tight to my insides. “You’re right.” I try not to smile but he gives me a goofy look and I can’t help but curve my lips up. He leans forwards and covers my mouth with his, making me forget my anger.

  We spent the next hour hanging out with Blake’s frat brothers. I want to say they’re all a great bunch of guys, but the truth is they are all your typical beer guzzling Neanderthals, who I’m sure would take advantage of a drunk girl in second. I hope Austin doesn’t partake in the frat life next year

  I wish I could say I’m burying the whole Michelle thing away, but I can’t. I keep looking around and wondering who she is. Every girl that looks at Austin makes the knots in my stomach turn so tight I feel like I’m going to throw up.

  We begin to walk towards the kegs for another drink when suddenly Austin comes to a complete stop. I turn around to face him and see two small delicate hands covering his eyes. A soft voice from behind him says, “Guess who?”

  One of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen jumps out from behind him. Her golden blond hair floats around her porcelain face with the most amazing grey eyes. Her pink lips open into a wider smile as she leaps into his arms.

  Austin barely touches her before he pushes her off him. He immediately places his arm around my shoulders and says, “Hello Michelle. How are you?”

  “Better, now that you’re here.” Did she really just say that? Does she not see his arm around me?

  “This is my girlfriend Jade.”

  “Oh hello,” she says, acting like she just noticed I’m standing here.

  “Hi,” I respond digging myself closer to Austin.

  “Why didn’t you call me and tell me you were coming up?” Does this girl not know what the word girlfriend mean? I swear some girls have no respect. It takes me only seconds to go from thinking this girl is so beautiful to seeing all her defects.

  Actually, now that I’m taking a closer look I realize her cat shaped eyes are way too close together and she doesn’t seem to have a forehead. Really, what did Austin see her anyway?

  I look down at her body and realize exactly what he saw in her, big boobs and a perfect stomach. I wish I’d never seen this girl because now all I could do is picture them getting it on.

  “I’ve really missed you.” She bats her eyes tracing her finger down the buttons of his plaid shirt. Okay if she doesn’t stop soon all she is going to miss is what her face looked like without a black eye.

  “Babe I’m really thirsty. Can we go get something to drink?” I ask Austin, stepping between them to block Michelle’s view of him. Ha, two can play at this game. She wants to pretend I’m not standing here I’ll do the same with her.

  “Right. Well, we were on our way to gets drinks,” Austin says, taking a hold of my hand now. “It was nice seeing you again.”

  We walk past her towards the kegs. As much as I want to believe Michelle is not that pretty, the truth is I can’t believe Austin would even look at me after being with her. I don’t think I want him to go to this school anymore. Who am I kidding the girls in Texas are probably twice as pretty. I really think I’m going to be sick.

  “Are you okay?” Austin asks holding my hand tighter.

  I nod. I’m not to say anything else about Michelle, or let my insecurities ruin this night. Instead I’m going to have some fun and not think about anything but being with him.

  “I’m okay. Lets go dance.” I pull him towards the dance floor as I swallow down my drink.

  We begin to dance one song after another. Every time a slow song comes on he holds me tight always burying his face into my neck, or kissing me passionately not caring who is around.

  A couple of times I see Michelle glaring our way. Each time I go and grab a beer hoping the alcohol will mask the anger and uncertainties crawling around in my body.

  After my fourth beer and two shots of Jack Daniels I’m beginning to feel its affect in each one of my muscles. Every stupid thing is making me laugh as theroom feels like it’s spinning.

  I grab another cup of beer and drag Austin back onto the dance floor. I try to take another sip of my beer, but Austin takes the cup out of my hand. “I think you’ve had enough.”

  “What? No I haven’t.” I try to reach for the cup but he pulls his arm back.

  Something inside me begins to think of this as a battle I must win. I reach for the cup again, but he pulls his arm further back. That’s it, I’m getting my cup back. I stand on my tiptoes and lean into him. With one quick moment I try to grab it, but accidently knock into his arm making the cup pop out of his hand and spill cold beer all over me.

  Austin can’t help but laugh as beer drips down my face. I search my whole body for anger, but I can’t find any. Instead I begin to laugh with him.

  Blake and his friends are also laughing hysterically. I didn’t know they were watching us. I’m so glad my body is numb to feel any humiliation right now. Thank you beer!

  “Where’s your bathroom?” I ask them. They all point up the stairs. “I’ll be right back.” I lean in and give Austin a kiss before I try to walk up the stairs. I really hope I can make it up there without falling.

  I take hold of the grainy wood rail and take one step at time. With each step behind me I feel victorious. I knew I wasn’t that drunk. I get to the top of the stairs and moan in frustration.

  Just like in the movies there is a long line for the three available bathrooms. I could go use the kitchen sink to clean up, but I really have to use the bathroom now. Damn the beer!

  Twenty minutes later I make it out of the bathroom still soaked in beer. To my surprise Blake is standing right outside the door holding a T-shirt. “I thought you’d wanna put on something dry.”

  “Thank you.” I turn to go back into the bathroom,
but notice I’m too late some ones already in there. I look at the long line and decide I rather stay in a wet shirt than stand on that line again.

  Blake starts to laugh. He gabs my hand. “Come with me.”

  “Where?”

  “I know where you can change.”

  I follow him down the hallway feeling a little nervous. I’ve seen many Lifetime movies that start exactly this way. We end up in front of a dark wood door. “Here. You can use this room to change.” He opens the door for me.

  “Whose room is this?”

  “One of my frat brothers. Don’t worry he’s downstairs getting wasted. Besides I’ll stand guard to make sure nobody goes in.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You know you’re good for him,” he says before I walk into the room.

  “What?”

  “My brother. You’re good for him. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him this happy. My dad fucks with his head so much the boy has a hard time thinking for himself, but with you it’s like he’s free. It’s nice to see him like this.”

  I squeeze my lips together in a wide smile as I walk into the room. I’ve been so grateful for him coming into my life and making everything so much better, it’s nice to hear I’m doing the same for him.

  I quickly slip out of my shirt and into the white Braden University T-shirt. I walk back out and notice Blake is no longer there. Good thing he said such nice things to me before I went inside the room or right now I would really think he was an asshole.

  I walk back down the stairs the same way I went up. Making sure to take each step carefully. I walk through the crowd of sweaty bodies trying to find Austin. All the beer in my system still has me feeling dizzy, but I’m able to hold my balance. Someone walks by gives me another shot of whiskey. I swallow it and continue to look for Austin.

  The party is getting louder as more people are dancing. I spot Blake with one of his frat brothers holding up some red hair girl upside down as she drinks from the keg, while everyone around her chants, “Chug, chug, chug!” Seconds later she’s down on her butt laughing like crazy while beer drips down her chest.

  Note to self: do not ever get drunk at college party again. I don’t ever want to look like that girl.

  I walk around some more and begin to feel like I’m walking in circles.

  Everyone’s faces flashes in front of me. It’s really hot in here. Maybe I shouldn’t have taken that shot. My legs and arms feel so heavy as the room begins to spin faster.

  Right when I think I’m about to fall right onto the sticky floor two arms cross around my waist. “There you are,” Austin whispers in my ear and then press his lips against my neck. “Mmm you taste like beer.”

  I start laughing as my body goes limp in his arms.

  “I think I’m ready to be alone with you. You wanna get out of here?”

  “Yes.”

  The cold air mixed with him making me speed walk to his car only makes me more dizzy. My eyes close the moment my head touches the headrest. I feel like I’m on a merry-go-round that’s spinning out of control.

  “Are you okay?” he asks with fear in his voice.

  “Yes,” I utter. The contents inside my stomach begin to rush up to my throat. “No, I’m not.” I open the door and begin to throw up right outside of his car. My stomach clenches as it heaves up more alcohol.

  I can feel Austin hovering over me as he holds my hair back. Why did I drink so much? I think I’ve ruined this night.

  By the time we enter Blake’s huge apartment all I want to do is jump in the shower. My head throbs as my body fights my stomach. I’ve already thrown up three times. I really don’t want to do it again.

  “Do you mind if I take a shower?”

  “Are you sure you’ll be okay by yourself in there.”

  “Yes. I think I got most of the alcohol is out of my body.” At least I hope I did.

  “Okay, but do me a favor please don’t lock the door. Just in case I have to get in there and help you.”

  “Okay,” I mumble, feeling like a complete idiot.

  Under the warm water I begin to feel a little better. All I wanted to do was spend tonight with Austin in every way we haven’t before, but I think I ruined that. I mean he just watched me throw up. I’ll be shocked if he’ll ever want to kiss me again.

  Just in case, I make sure to run a razor on my legs again. I don’t need any sneaky hairs sticking out. I brush my teeth in the shower getting rid of the nasty taste in my mouth. I also use the special soaps Farrah bought me and actually feel refreshed. Maybe this is going to happen after all.

  Wait! Am I really ready to do this? I’ve had sex before, but this time it’s different. I’m doing it with someone I’m deeply in love with. What if this changes our relationship?

  Why do I have to be different than other girls? They drink and become promiscuous, while I drink and become frigid. Maybe I got drunk on purpose to sabotage this night.

  I wrap a white towel around my hair and one around my trembling body. The minute I walk out of the bathroom things are going to change. I’m ready to make this big step, but at the same time I’m not. Oh God, why is this so hard. With Garrett I didn’t even think about it. I just did it. Okay, I have to stop thinking about this and just go out there to be with the boy I love.

  I slowly open the door and see Austin sitting on the bed watching some true-life crime show. His eyes almost pop out of his head when he sees me. His gaze navigates from my legs to my chest and then to my eyes making my heart race.

  “How are you feeling?” he asks with his eyes still examining my body.

  “A lot better.”

  He stands up and steps closer to me. “You are so beautiful,” he says grabbing my hands and pushes them behind me as he leans in to kiss me. My legs tremble trying to keep my balance. “

  “I need to get dressed,” I whisper with his lips still pressed against my mouth. I’m so happy my vomiting didn’t disgust him.

  “No you don’t.” His lips now travel down my neck. I do everything I can to hold the towel tightly around my body. I lightly push him away.

  “I promise you’ll like my pajamas a lot more than this towel.”

  “I doubt that.” He flashes a devilish smile right before he steps out of the room. “Are you sure you’re feeling better?’

  “Yes,” I lie. The truth is the room is spinning again, but this time the alcohol has nothing to do with it.”

  My heart still pounds hard as I put on my lace black panties. I get into my very short plaid pink shorts and tiny pink tank top that reveals most of my stomach. I check myself out in the full-length mirror and can’t believe that’s me looking back. With my wet hair I actually look sexy.

  Oh God, my head is still throbbing making it hard to think straight.

  “Can I come in yet?” Austin asks tapping on the door.

  “Yes.” I don’t know why, but I jump under the covers.

  Austin’s wrinkles his forehead when he sees me hiding my body in bed. Well I brought you this and two aspirins. It will make you feel better in no time.”

  “What is it?” I look at the glass with the thick black liquid in it.

  “It’s my brother’s formula to help with a hang over. Trust me you’ll feel better in no time.”

  I wrinkle my nose, as I smell it. “What’s in it?”

  “If I tell you, you won’t drink it.” Great, now I’m sure I don’t want to drink it. At the same time I’m so grateful he took time to make it for me. Every time he does things like this I love him even more. I take it from his hands, throw the pills in my mouth, and chase it down with the nastiest drink I have ever tasted in life. It was like Coke mixed with hot pepper and peanut butter. I gag as I swallow the last of it.

  “Trust me in a couple hours you’ll be happy you drank that stuff,” he says taking off his jeans revealing black boxer briefs. He quickly puts on his grey and black plaid pajama pants, and then takes of his black T-shirt revealing his beautiful abs. M
y heart immediately begins to race again. I can’t wait for him to crawl into bed next to me. Maybe I am ready to do this tonight.

  He props up his pillows up and gets into bed with me. I move in close to him as he tucks me under his arm. I put my head on his chest and can hear his heart beating as fast as mine.

  We both lay in the bed holding each other pretending to watch whatever is on TV. Austin gulps and says, “You know we don’t have to do this.”

  “What?”

  “We don’t have to have sex tonight. I’m okay with that. I’m just happy having you sleep in my arms.”

  The corners of my mouth shoot up into a huge smile. I didn’t realize how bad I needed him to say that. “Thank you.” I put my head back down on his chest and feel his warm lips on the top of my head as he gives me a sweet kiss.

  We continue to watch TV until we both fall asleep.

  I open my eyes feeling like my old self. I look outside and see the dark sky vanishing as the sun begins to come up. I sit up to and watch Austin sleep. He looks so peaceful. He is such an amazing person. I love him more than anyone else. He is my life and I’m ready to share everything with him. I’ve never felt more ready.

  29

  Falling Deeper in Love

  I lean forward and press my lips against his. Unlike Sleeping Beauty he does not wake up with just one kiss. I go in again and begin to give him more kisses until he finally notices. He slowly opens his eyes and smiles. I use my tongue to trace little circles on his neck. A moan comes from the back of his throat as he inhales.

  He continues to make delightful noises as I start to place kisses on his chest. I want him so bad I can’t think straight. I make my way back to his lip and enjoy his tongue as it enters and exits my mouth. Austin digs his hand into my hair and pulls me in closer. In a swift move he flips me over and now is on top of me.

  We have been in this position so many times before, but always stopped before anything could happen. Not this time. I don’t want him to stop. He sucks on my neck and then starts to kiss each part of me. I arch my back and press my chest into his.

  When his lips reach the top of my breast I put my hand on his chest to stop him. He looks at me thinking something’s wrong. I lift my torso off my bed and take off my tank top. His dark eyes open wide and a beaming smile appears on his face. He quickly brings his lips to my chest and begins to work his magic making me moan in delight. He wiggles me out of my shorts and takes off the rest of his clothes. It feels so right to have him lying on top of me without any layers of fabric between us.