Dreamweaver (Hell Yeah!)

by Sable Hunter

  He touched the dreamcatcher pendant hanging between her breasts. “I’m dealing. Just busy. Can’t sleep.” Judah knew he couldn’t tell her the truth and because of that, he had no business doing what he was doing.

  She also touched the beautiful pendant. “Did you give me this?”

  “Yes, I couldn’t resist. When Jimmy invited me to this party, he mentioned he was spending Christmas at Tebow with all of the McCoys.”

  “You’re not in love with Ivana, are you?” The question popped out of her mouth before she could call it back. When he hesitated to answer, she did it for him. “You’re not. I can read it on your face.” She could see the anguish, the uncertainty, the regret.

  “It’s complicated.”

  Pepper debated telling him what she’d seen. The decision was taken out of her hands when the two women stumbled into the hall right outside the door where Judah and Pepper were standing. They were still unclothed and entwined together, giggling. When Ivana staggered close enough to see her and Judah talking, she pointed an accusing finger at Pepper. “You! You, blonde bitch! I might have known.” She narrowed her eyes at her husband. “So, this is how it’s going to be?”

  “Hey, it looks like you’re the one who’s been busy,” Judah retorted, placing himself in between his fake wife and the real love of his life.

  Pepper tried to step around him and out the door. “I really need to go.”

  “No, you don’t.” Judah grasped her hair, winding it around his fist. “I still need to answer your question.”

  “Come on, Ivana, I want to go to the bathroom.” The unnamed half-naked girl tugged on Ivana’s arm.

  Ivana let herself be guided down the hall, but before she did, she slung another insult at Pepper. “Bimbo. You don’t belong in his world and if you knew the truth, you wouldn’t want to be there!” She pinned Judah with another stare. “Watch it, John Nash, or everyone will know what I know.”

  Judah glanced at Pepper, to see if she’d caught on to Ivana’s jab, calling him by the name of the schizophrenic mathematician in the movie A Beautiful Mind. “Go get some clothes on, Ivana, don’t embarrass yourself.”

  Ivana shot Judah the finger with a sneer on her lips and left them alone. Pepper was embarrassed for both of them. “I’m sorry.” She didn’t know what else to say.

  Judah turned back to Pepper, a lump in this throat, his soul lamenting their fate. “To answer your question – no, I don’t love her.”

  “Then, why?”

  As she gazed up into his face, she was so ethereal, almost too beautiful to be real, Judah struggled to find an answer. He was tired of this travesty. He was sick of the deception. He knew that he and Pepper could never be, but he was sick of her thinking the worst about him. Maybe, if he told her the truth, they could be friends. He was tired of her hating him and thinking he’d rejected her. The first words out of his mouth were, “I was wrong.”

  “Wrong about what?” Pepper asked, holding her breath. She had no idea what he was about to say, but she knew it would change everything.

  “I thought I could keep up this farce, this pretense…but I can’t.”

  “What do you mean?” Each of his answers only birthed another question.

  Judah reached out to stroke the halo of blonde curls surrounding her angelic face. “I’m not married to Ivana. She’s not my wife. She’s blackmailing me.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  “Blackmail? Ivana is blackmailing you?” Pepper couldn’t believe it. “How? What with?” There wasn’t a moment when she suspected Judah of anything underhanded. If there was fault, she never doubted it would be laid at the other woman’s feet.

  Judah ran his hand up through his hair. The enormity of his confession weighed heavily on his spirit. “This isn’t the place.”

  Seeing the misery on his face, Pepper clasped her hands together. “You don’t have to tell me.”

  “I know what I have to do, I can’t wait another moment.”

  “What?”

  Judah’s eyes roved over her face. “This.” Crushing her to him, he thrust both hands into her long hair and cradled her head against his chest and his pounding heart. “Not a moment of any day has gone by that I didn’t think of you.”

  “Judah…”

  “Shhh.” He tilted her head back and covered her mouth with his.

  Pepper could feel the storm raging in his body. She closed her eyes and the storm clouds lifted, melting into a bright, shimmering glow that warmed her blood and brought her back to life. She returned his kiss with hunger, standing on tiptoe to press her body as close to his as possible. One arm held her securely, while the other hand cradled her cheek, his thumb caressing her face as if she were precious treasure. Pepper reveled in his taste, the familiarity of it, the sense of homecoming she felt at being in his arms.

  “Pepper, my dreamweaver, mine,” he whispered as he returned to her lips for another kiss.

  She clung to him, his mouth was the sun and she was the earth seeking its life-giving warmth. A strong, desperate need flared to life deep within her, causing Pepper to shiver. Attuned to her smallest move, he pulled her closer, offering her his warmth, his protection.

  Pepper melted against him as he drew the very heart out of her with his kiss. Filled with desire, she lifted her hands to delve beneath his hair and caress the back of his neck.

  Judah groaned, tightening his embrace, his tongue twining with hers. Licking. Tasting. Eating at her mouth as if he were starving for what only she could give. A mounting hunger rose in him – a hunger that could not be appeased here and now. If ever. “Pepper,” he groaned, tearing his mouth from hers. “Let’s get out of here. We need to talk.”

  “Wait. I can’t leave without letting someone know.”

  He stood patiently while she took out her phone and tried to type. Her hands were shaking so, she almost dropped the phone.

  I’m leaving with Judah.

  There was a delay. Pepper glanced up, half expecting Ryder to come rushing through the door to save her from herself.

  Go. I’ll cover for you.

  Thank you. I love you.

  Be safe. Be wise. I love you too.

  “Okay, I’m ready to go,” she told Judah, her pulse still pounding from the perfection of their kiss, “but I want to know everything.”

  “Everything,” he repeated. Judah felt like he was standing on the edge of a precipice. He was about to jump into the unknown, and he didn’t know what awaited him.

  * * *

  On the way out of the villa, Judah did some texting of his own. He hated to saddle Zion with Ivana, but this was extraordinary times. At the moment, he didn’t know what this meant. Atonement. Redemption. It couldn’t be a second chance, he didn’t deserve one and she deserved better. Maybe, this was just a cleansing of past wrongs without hope of righting them. Nevertheless, he needed this time with Pepper and she deserved to know why he’d pulled away when he did.

  After speaking to the valet, he placed an arm around Pepper’s shoulder. “I told him to call us a cab. Your car will be left in Jimmy’s private garage and I’ll leave my SUV for Zion.”

  “Okay.” She really wasn’t concerned about her car, it would be safe with Jimmy. “Where are we going?”

  “To my place. I’ve been wanting you to see it for a long time.”

  The distance from the villa on Lake Travis to downtown Austin didn’t take long. At this early hour on New Year’s morning, the traffic was very light. They didn’t talk much on the way, only a few comments on highway construction and the price of gasoline. As the cab exited off Mopac and neared the newly renovated area where Judah’s loft was located, Pepper finally broke the silence. “This is awkward, isn’t it?”

  Judah stroked her hair. She had no idea how much he’d missed the privilege of touching her. “It doesn’t have to be, I take full responsibility for what’s happened. I know I hurt you, but I was trying to protect you.”

  His incomplete explanation only made Pepper
more anxious. The cab’s arrival at the front of his building, prevented her from responding. She waited while he paid the fee, then escorted her up to the entrance. A doorman greeted them. “Happy New Year, Mr. James.”

  “Same to you, Fredrick.”

  They moved to the elevator and with every step, Pepper’s nervousness increased. “I don’t know what I’m doing here,” she confessed. “So much has happened.”

  “I know.” Judah wasn’t wearing blinders. He knew he didn’t deserve her consideration, much less her forgiveness. “Just hear me out. I don’t know if you’ll forgive me or not, I don’t know where we can go from here.” He stepped up to her, framing her face. “All I know is that I can’t live with you hating me.”

  “I don’t hate you, Judah.” She could say that with complete truthfulness. “I never did.”

  Pepper held his gaze until the elevator stopped, then they stepped apart and he held the door for her to disembark. “After you.”

  “Thank you.” The elevator had opened inside his loft and she was momentarily taken aback by the sight. Everything was ultra-modern, stone and stainless steel. The far wall was complete glass, looking down on the portion of the Colorado River called Lake Austin. “How beautiful.” She glanced at Judah, seeing the well-deserved pride in his face. “You’ve really arrived, haven’t you?”

  He took her wrap. “My success, without you, has been bittersweet.”

  Pepper shook her head, trying to dispel her confusion. He kept saying these strange things.

  “Excuse me a moment,” Judah said. “Please have a seat, I’ll be right back.” He hurried away, heading for the bathroom. He wanted to take his meds. If there was a time when he needed a clear-head, it was now.

  Pepper waited for him, staring out into the night, a million thoughts running through her head. She really had no idea what was about to happen, what he would tell her. The news that he’d been blackmailed seemed so shocking, she couldn’t imagine the circumstances that would lead up to something so extreme.

  “Pepper.”

  She rose at the sound of his voice.

  “Do you want something to drink?”

  “Water?” Her mouth was dry and her heart beat was fluttering so much that she felt lightheaded.

  “Water, sure. Hold on.” He went to the kitchen and filled a glass, glad to do anything he could for her. “Thanks for coming, you don’t know how many times I wanted to call you. To talk to you.” As he filled the glass, he spilled some. “Damn, look at me, Pepper.” He set the glass down and faced her. “I’m shaking like a leaf.”

  Pepper couldn’t stay away from him. “I don’t know what’s going on, but whatever it is, you don’t have to be afraid to tell me. I’m your biggest fan, remember? And I’m not talking about Judah James, the musician. I’m talking about Judah James, the man.”

  Judah brought her the water, holding her gaze as his fingertips grazed hers when she accepted the glass. “You humble me, Pepper.” While she took a sip of water, he stood not more than six inches from her. His body reacted to her nearness, his cock growing hard and thick with the memory of how it felt to be enveloped in her warmth. “I haven’t been with anyone since you.” The confession tumbled from his lips unbidden.

  Pepper felt a flush rise on her neck. “Me either.” Her admission would be no surprise, he was her first. She’d slept with him, not just because she desired him, but because she loved him.

  The tension between them was electric. Judah raised a hand to cup her neck. “God, I want you. I want you so much.”

  She moved nearer to him. “I’m here.”

  He closed his eyes. “You’ll never know how tempted I am to sweep you up in my arms and take you to bed. Bury myself as deep into you as I can get. Lose myself in your beauty.”

  His words captivated her. Hypnotized her. She lifted her head, offering him her lips.

  “Temptress.” Judah soothed her bee-stung lower lip with his thumb.

  Her lips tingled, they still felt tender and bruised from the passion of their earlier embrace. If she licked them, she could still taste him. She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t eat. Her mouth was good for nothing but kissing him again.

  “I feel like the pearl of great price is slipping through my fingers.” He smiled at her unsure, searching gaze. “After I tell you my great shame, you won’t want my kisses.”

  “Impossible. I can’t fathom anything so dire.”

  Judah let his hand drop to his side and bowed his head.

  “Tell me why Ivana thinks she can threaten you.”

  He held her gaze with darkly, burning eyes, then turned from her and walked toward the window. Pepper followed. Just being close to him was a pleasure. She needed his touch, she needed the heat and strength of his hands on her body, she needed to feel him touching her once more. Pepper didn’t claim to understand the laws of attraction, the laws of chemistry that could explain why she felt that he was part of her, that he belonged to her. All she knew was that from the moment she saw Judah, she’d recognized him, their bond surpassed any familial ties she’d ever known.

  “Talk to me, Judah. I’m here.” Her body thrummed for him, she ached to take him in her arms, to give him anything he needed that she possessed. Remembering his past words, she gave him the comfort he always seemed to seek. “I’m real.”

  With those two simple words, he whirled around, throwing open the gates of secrecy that had kept him imprisoned for so long. “Ivana found out something I’ve been hiding. As you could see, she has a secret of her own that she doesn’t want exposed. She was using me to cover up her lifestyle choice. In exchange for my protection and a contract establishing an arrangement between us, she agreed not to reveal a secret of mine that she stumbled upon.”

  Tears sprang to Pepper’s eyes, she couldn’t imagine the pain he’d been going through to make himself vulnerable to a woman who treated him with such selfish contempt. “Go on.”

  “A few years ago, I changed.” He took a deep, bracing breath. “This was before I met you.” The memory brought a tender light to his dark eyes.

  “How did you change?” She searched his face for an answer. “I don’t know how you were before, but I sure liked the guy I first saw in the reflection.”

  Reflection. His whole life seemed like a warped reflection of something that should be normal and natural. “I got sick.” He guessed that was a proper assessment.

  “Sick?” As she watched his face, the light went out of his countenance as clearly as if she’d snuffed out a candle. “What do you mean, sick?” All she could think was the big C word. Cancer. Oh, God, please don’t let it be cancer. Or MS. Or…

  Judah’s throat felt so constricted, he didn’t think he could go on. Swallowing, he shook his head. “I started seeing things. Hearing things. Experiencing things that weren’t real.”

  Pepper felt an instant of relief. That didn’t sound so bad. It wasn’t life threatening. “I’m not sure what you’re saying.” Her legs and arms trembled and her diaphragm seemed paralyzed. She was afraid to let go of the air in her lungs, afraid she wouldn’t be able to draw more in.

  Judah dry-scrubbed his face, his chest became so tight, he thought he might have a heart attack. There was no doubt about it, he was surely out of his mind – both for experiencing these head trips and for thinking it was a good idea to tell the woman he longed to build his world around the truth – the horrible truth. Biting the bullet, he said it – he just said it. “I have a mental disorder.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She shook her head, clearly rejecting what he had to say. “You’re perfect. If you have a disorder, the rest of us should be so lucky.”

  An unseen hand gripped his heart and twisted it. Pepper stood up to him, defending him from himself. She was such a fierce kitten. “I have problems. I constantly fight to know if what I’m seeing or hearing is actually there. At times, it’s obvious...”

  Seeing him struggle to tell her about his trouble called fort
h every protective instinct she possessed. “Now, I understand the song, Are You Real? You’ve said that to me before.”

  He nodded. “Yes, I have.” Judah took her by the hand. “Let’s sit.” He stopped to look at her inquiringly. “That is, if you want to stay. If I’ve totally disgusted you or scared you witless, I’ll understand if you want to leave.”

  “You’d have to throw me out to make me leave.” She let him lead her to a large white sectional sofa.

  Judah sat down beside her, trying to decide what to say and what not to say. “Without warning, inanimate objects start up a conversation with me.” He saw her eyes widen slightly. “Isn’t that crazy? Water coolers. Fire extinguishers. Why, the day I first saw you on the street, three houses that I passed had a pissing contest on who could insult me the worst. Trees sing me songs. Some of my biggest hits were passed along to me by the big oaks on campus.”

  Immediately, Pepper was transported back in time to Magnolia House, where she sat on the wide verandah with Miss Susannah Montrose and heard her relate how the flowers were singing to her. She felt her heart dip in her chest. At that moment, if she could’ve taken Judah in her arms and taken away his pain, she gladly would have. Now Pepper understood how Cady felt, when she received a call to heal someone with her powers as an empath.

  Healing Judah was her new goal in life.

  When Pepper didn’t say anything for the longest, he thought he’d lost her. “You’re appalled. I understand. I’m appalled and I’m the one it’s happening to.”

  Pepper’s world was spinning, but she couldn’t allow him to believe that she was put off by his confession. Shocked, yes. “Appalled, no.” She eased closer to him, giving him a clear signal to put his arm around her shoulders.

  He took the hint.

  “Tell me more.”

  As if he were receiving leeway to unburden his soul, Judah began to talk, telling her of the things he’d suffered. “The really disturbing thing is when the visions look real. Not chairs or coffee pots talking to me, but people. Recognizable people.”