The Captain's Frozen Dream

by Georgie Lee

  ‘I hate that dress.’ Katie frowned. Especially the memories clinging to it.

  ‘Well, you won’t need it much longer,’ Aunt Florence offered cheerfully as she slipped the dress over Katie’s head, then did up the buttons. ‘Once you’re married to Captain Essington, you’ll have a proper dressmaker and nothing to worry about except gowns and dinner menus.’

  ‘I’m not going to marry him,’ she stated with more conviction than she felt. ‘I’m going to America.’

  Her aunt took Katie by the shoulders and turned her around. ‘How can you be so foolish?’

  ‘I can’t marry a man I don’t love, who doesn’t love me.’

  ‘You don’t love him?’ Aunt Florence balled her hands on her hips. ‘That’s as big a lie as if the captain were to come in here and tell me he doesn’t love you.’

  ‘He doesn’t, not any more. He’s marrying me out of duty. It has nothing to do with love.’

  ‘Nonsense. I’ve seen the two of you together. You think I didn’t notice how you both crept away at Miss Benett’s and the way you looked when you returned for dinner?’

  Katie’s mouth fell open and her shock emboldened her aunt. Gone was the frail woman who spoke and moved like a mouse; in her place was a forceful creature Katie had never seen before.

  ‘My husband might be gone, just like my youth, but I know what it is to steal whatever moments you can with a man you adore. I also remember the bliss of having a man who loves you. Do you really believe Captain Essington helped you, risked his reputation to bolster yours, simply because he felt honour bound to do it? No, he did it because he cares about you as much as you care about him. And don’t say you don’t, I heard you comfort him the other night in this very house.’

  ‘But you were asleep,’ Katie cried, aghast to hear her secrets being revealed one after another.

  ‘No, I wasn’t. I was enjoying listening to the two of you be so open and honest with one another. Now you must be honest again and with yourself.’

  ‘Being honest means admitting there’s no future here for me and Conrad,’ Katie insisted, more to convince herself than her aunt, refusing to doubt her decision. ‘The Thomas George is leaving tonight and I intend to be on it.’

  ‘So Captain Essington is expecting a wife and instead he’ll get a note,’ Aunt Florence spat. ‘Just like your mother, you’ll have your own way, then blame others when it doesn’t work out to your liking.’

  ‘How can you say such a thing?’ Her aunt had never spoken so harshly to her, or so meanly of Katie’s mother, not even in the days after she’d disappeared.

  ‘Because I saw how it was between them. You think your mother retreated because my brother paid her no mind. It wasn’t like that at all. After he got her with child and she married him, she wasn’t content to be merely a country doctor’s wife. She missed her old life and all the fancy balls and dresses and insisted he give it back to her. She pushed him to make money, to work all hours of the night and day, demanding so much from him. He tried to make her happy, but nothing he did was enough for her, so he gave up and focused on the fossils, thinking they, not his medical practice, would be the making of him. Then your mother left and your father disappeared deeper into his work because what else did he have?’

  ‘He had me,’ Katie gasped, all the heartache of the past welling up inside her and forcing the tears to slide down her cheeks.

  ‘I know.’ Aunt Florence wiped Katie’s wet cheeks with her calloused fingers. ‘He cherished his work instead of you. I used to chide him about it in my letters, but he wouldn’t listen to me, but you can. Your parents could’ve been happy together if they’d reached out to one another and treasured the love which brought them together and created you. Instead, they insisted on having their own way until they could barely stand to speak to one another and you were the one who suffered because of it.’

  Katie slid the opal ring from her finger and laid it in her palm, everything she’d thought of her past and her parents changing. They’d both been at fault for the failures between them and now Katie was behaving more like them than before, demanding so many sacrifices and compromises from Conrad, while never once making one for him. Despite his reaching for her time and time again, she was embracing the shallow comfort of past grudges instead of the true joy of Conrad’s arms.

  Her aunt took up the ring and closed her fingers around it to hide it. ‘Don’t be like your parents, Katie, don’t put your own desires above love, or insist Captain Essington be a man he isn’t. Accept him for who he is and love him with all your heart. You’ll both be so happy if you do.’

  Katie looked around the room, his room, at the paintings of ships on stormy seas and the mementos of his previous journeys covering the tables. This was who Conrad was, the brave man she’d first come to adore in West Sussex, the one who always made her believe she could achieve anything, including the joy and love she’d sought her entire life. Even when she’d cursed him for leaving, she’d prayed every day for him to return and he had. His desire to be reunited with her had given him the strength and fortitude to survive the Arctic, now it was her turn to believe in their future together. It was time to accept him and stop running away.

  ‘I do love him and he loves me.’ She’d never stopped loving him, but had been too afraid to believe in it or Conrad. ‘I should have admitted it long ago, but I couldn’t.’

  ‘It’s difficult to open your heart when you’ve spent so many years being strong in order to protect it.’ Aunt Florence patted Katie’s cheek. ‘Now, go downstairs and wait for him. Let yours be the first face he sees when he returns.’

  Katie nodded and made for downstairs, hope for the future welling inside her for the first time in too long. Sacrifices could be made and she and Conrad would create the deep affection she used to wish for between her parents, the kind she longed to give her own children. He’d spoken before of resigning his commission; perhaps he would and she’d give up her work on the bones. Maybe then she could at last rest from her relentless pursuit of science and look instead to another purpose the fossils had always eclipsed.

  ‘Good day, miss.’

  Katie halted on the stairs at the sound of a strange man’s voice.

  In the entrance hall stood a young officer in a simple blue uniform, a long paper tube tucked beneath one arm. ‘I’ve come from the Admiralty with a ship plan and maps for Captain Essington. I don’t know where the butler has gone to, but I must leave these and get back at once.’

  Cold lead poured through her insides as she approached the officer. ‘What need does Captain Essington have for maps and plans?’

  ‘They’re for his expedition to Melville Island.’

  ‘He’s been assigned another expedition?’ The day Mr Sefton had summoned Conrad to the Admiralty came rushing back to her.

  ‘He’s due to leave in a week or two, once the ship is ready,’ the officer explained, obviously baffled by her lack of knowledge. ‘Didn’t he tell you?’

  ‘No, he didn’t.’ Betrayal overwhelmed her as the future she’d imagined a few moments ago began to collapse. Yes, there’d be sacrifices made in order for them to be together, but they’d be expected from her. Conrad would never leave the Discovery Service. It was only her misguided hope which had led her to believe he might. She’d remain at home, always waiting for him to return while he continued his life of exploration until it either garnered him more glory or killed him.

  ‘I’m to leave these here for him. Please see he gets them,’ the young officer pleaded.

  ‘I will,’ Katie muttered through a dry mouth as she accepted the paper tube with the hated plans.

  His order executed, the young officer left.

  Katie tilted the roll and the papers shifted to hit the cork stopper. She was tempted to wait for Conrad to come home and confront him with his deceit, but there was nothing he co
uld say to excuse his actions. His secrecy had proven the Discovery Service was more important to him than her and always would be.

  She flung the tube to the floor and started up the stairs, refusing to waste another moment of her life waiting for someone to return. She’d already squandered nearly three months of her childhood sitting in the window at Whitemans Green willing her mother to return, then a year and a half waiting for Conrad. It was time for her to set out. Let him have his parting note and his precious Discovery Service. She’d have her own adventure and a new life in America.

  Chapter Thirteen

  ‘How does it feel to be a civilian again?’ Henry clapped Conrad on the back as they stepped from the chaise and made their way to Conrad’s front door.

  ‘Strange.’ It’d been difficult signing the paper ending his career, but he’d served his country well and it was time to let other men do their duty and find their glory. ‘And how do you feel about your appointment, Captain Sefton?’

  Henry gripped his lapels with pride. ‘Never thought a mere butcher’s son could rise so high.’

  ‘My lord,’ Mr Moore greeted him and Conrad started at the sound of his new title. ‘Miss Linton is waiting for you in the sitting room.’

  Conrad’s smile faded and he exchanged an irritated look with Henry.

  ‘It seems Mr Barrow isn’t the only one impressed with my elevation to the peerage.’

  Conrad strode into the morning room, anger making his boots fall hard against the carpet.

  Matilda rose from the chair as he approached, clutching her beaded reticule in front of her and cowering like a small dog about to be kicked for barking too much.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ Conrad said sharply. If she were not a woman, he’d take her by the scruff of her neck and toss her into the gutter where she belonged.

  ‘I came to congratulate you and pay my respects to the new Lord Helton.’ Shame lent her pasty cheeks a hint of colour as she dipped into a wobbly curtsy.

  ‘I hope you got from the last Lord Helton whatever it was you wanted in exchange for lying about Katie, because you’ll get nothing from me.’

  ‘I didn’t mean to hurt her,’ Matilda whimpered. ‘I didn’t think he’d use what I told him in such a way.’

  ‘You knew exactly what you were doing and how he’d use it.’ Conrad raised one menacing finger in front of her face. ‘I’ve been kind to you, Matilda, looked out for you when no one else would and all you’ve done is spite me for it.’

  She stomped her foot, the red on her cheeks heightening with anger. ‘What have you done for me except throw me crumbs, just like Uncle Jack? He did everything for you, seeing you into the Navy, treating you like the son he never had, all the while overlooking me. Heims Hall should have been mine, but instead he left me a paltry inheritance, hardly enough to catch a good man’s interest.’

  ‘If your character wasn’t so ugly, you might find a gentleman willing to overlook your lack of fortune. Now get out of my house.’

  ‘You can’t turn me away. My friends have all shunned me because of what Lord Helton did and the scandal of you and Miss Vickers.’ Her pale eyes filled with tears, turning them red. ‘What am I to do?’

  ‘Go to Bath. I hear spinsters with limited means do well there.’

  Burying her long nose in a handkerchief, Matilda scurried out of the room, nearly knocking Mr Moore aside to get out of the door before he could fully pull it open.

  ‘Never seen you so harsh on anyone, not even Boatswain James.’ Henry leaned against the door jam, as amused as always.

  ‘I’ll give her some time to think about what she’s done, then I’ll settle some money on her and have nothing more to do with the witch.’ He’d once pitied his cousin, but time and her vile tongue had eroded his sympathy. Yet no matter how much he disliked his cousin, he wasn’t about to see her sink into poverty or starve, any more than he would have set Boatswain James out in the snow for stealing food. ‘Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must speak with Katie. Unlike Mr Barrow, I think she’ll be quite pleased to hear I’ve resigned my commission.’

  ‘Miss Vickers and Mrs Anderson are no longer here, my lord,’ Mr Moore informed him.

  Fear gripped Conrad as it had when Henry had peered out of the tent flap and told him he couldn’t see Aaron in the snow. ‘You mean they’ve gone for a walk?’

  ‘No, my lord. The ladies departed for home after you left for the Admiralty.’ He levelled a paper tube at Conrad. ‘This arrived for you from Mr Barrow before Miss Vickers left.’

  Conrad took the tube and pulled out the cork stopper at the end. He tilted it up and a few rolled pieces of paper slid out. He unrolled them to reveal the plans for Medea, the ship he was supposed to have commanded for the Melville Island expedition. ‘Did Miss Vickers see this?’

  ‘I believe she did, my lord.’

  Conrad and Henry exchanged an uneasy look. Medea was Henry’s ship now, but there was no way she could have known it when the courier inadvertently revealed the only secret Conrad had ever kept from her.

  ‘What are you going to do?’ Henry asked as Conrad handed him the plans.

  ‘Go after her.’

  * * *

  The sun continued to rise overhead as Conrad’s chaise rolled to a stop in front of Mrs Anderson’s tumbledown lodgings. It melted the snow in the streets, making tiny rivulets of water run along the gutters and through the piles of dung and trash. He hurried inside the dark building and up the stairs to the first floor, the dank and dirt from outside seeming to follow him. He shouldn’t have hidden the expedition from her. Telling her would have kept her in his house, instead of driving her back here.

  ‘Katie, it’s Conrad.’ He banged on Mrs Anderson’s wooden door, making it rattle on its hinges before he stopped to wait for an answer. He wanted to pace and shake off his worry, but he forced himself to remain still. In a few moments she’d know everything, including his unwillingness to leave her again, and all would be well.

  The door opened. They weren’t Katie’s eyes which met him, but Mrs Anderson’s.

  ‘Katie isn’t here.’ Mrs Anderson took him by the arm and pulled him inside, slamming the door closed behind her. ‘She’s gone to Greenwich to catch a ship for America.’

  ‘What business could Katie have in America?’

  Conrad listened, stunned as Mrs Anderson revealed Mr Lesueur’s request for Katie to join him on his expedition. It was the first he’d heard of it.

  ‘She was ready to be your wife, then she found out you were leaving for Melville Island,’ Mrs Anderson finished.

  ‘I’m not going. I resigned my commission this morning.’ Conrad fingered the button on his jacket. ‘I was wrong to keep it from her.’

  ‘Just as she was wrong to keep her plans from you.’ Mrs Anderson gripped his arm. ‘You must go after her. She loves you, Captain Essington, she told me so, but she thought you didn’t love her enough to stay.’

  ‘She’s wrong.’ He did love her, her strength and courage, even the stubbornness driving her to Greenwich. He wanted her beside him when he accepted his summons to the House of Lords, needed her to ride next to him when he set out to inspect the fields of Helton Manor and ensure the welfare of his new tenants and staff. They wouldn’t be the grand adventures of an unexplored shore, but the more quiet responsibilities which could make a man as respected as any captain aboard ship. It was the quiet life he’d dreamed of from the tomb of Gorgon, the life he couldn’t allow this last failure to be honest with her to steal from him. She loved him and he loved her and he wouldn’t let her run away.

  ‘You must stop her before it’s too late,’ Mrs Anderson begged. ‘She’s on the Thomas George.’

  ‘I’ll reach her before she sets sail and bring her back.’ He patted her hand reassuringly. ‘I promise.’

  ‘Godspeed,
Captain Essington.’

  Conrad hurried from the room, back down the stairs and out to the chaise. With any luck the winds would not favour her ship, leaving it stranded in port and giving Conrad enough time to find her. He looked up at the fast-moving wisps of clouds, trying not to let their swiftness increase his dismay. He would make it to Greenwich in time. He had to.

  * * *

  ‘Make your way aboard now, miss,’ a grizzled old sailor instructed, doffing his cap at Katie as he walked towards the ship carrying a small barrel.

  Katie smiled her thanks, then left the shelter of the side of the cooper’s shop and began the slow walk to the gangplank. The stuffed satchel hung heavy in her hand, increasing the ache in her bruised arm. The tall masts of the ships towered ominously over her, casting tangled shadows of rigging and sails across the wharf and the sailors hurrying to load the last of the cargo.

  Regret echoed in the soft click of her heels as she approached the Thomas George. All around her, other passengers exchanged tearful goodbyes with the family who’d come to see them off. Only Katie stood alone, secretly wishing the tide wouldn’t come in, but there was a stiff breeze and the river already lapped near the high-water mark on the piers.

  Stepping in line behind a thickly built man and his small wife waiting to board, Katie looked back at the crush of carts, horses and people along the wharf, faintly hoping to see Conrad among them. No, he wouldn’t come and she wouldn’t stay. This was the right decision, it had to be. She might be alone here, but there were friends and colleagues waiting for her in America and a chance for a new start. Let Conrad have his expedition; she would have hers, no matter how much she wished she could stay.

  * * *

  Over the clang of ships’ bells and yelling seamen, the Greenwich clock sounded out the three o’clock hour as Conrad’s chaise hurried towards the wharf. The tide was up and the river filled with the tall masts of ships unfurling their sails to catch the wind. It’d taken nearly two hours for the chaise to force its way here through the crowded London streets. The clog on London Bridge had nearly driven him from the vehicle to set out on foot before the way had cleared and the driver had at last made good time to the river.