The Surprise of Haruhi Suzumiya

by Nagaru Tanigawa

  Given that I had no memory of summoning her in the first place, I kept my mouth shut, at which Asakura’s voice came still closer.

  “Miss Nagato and I are like opposite sides of a mirror. Do you understand that, I wonder? I’m much closer to Nagato than Miss Kimidori is. The interface in front of you won’t help you one bit. Her job is only to observe.”

  I could feel her breath on my ear.

  “Why won’t you turn around? Won’t you look at me even to say good-bye?”

  Not if I had any say in the matter. One look at her class-rep smile and my terror might vanish, I said. I could be totally taken in by that smile. But as far as I was concerned she was as bad as Kuyoh.

  “Rude to the very end, I see. Well, that’s fine. Good-bye, then. See you again.”

  Her voice faded away and her presence behind me vanished, but I still didn’t move. At this point it was a waiting game.

  Kimidori regarded me wordlessly. As soon as I noticed her skirt and sleeves start to flutter in the wind, the rail crossing bell started back up, which made me jump five millimeters off the ground. The red warning light flashed and the bar descended. The distant clouds above us began to move, and the crow resumed its flight through the sky.

  The ambient sounds had returned to normal, somewhere along the line. Time was moving.

  Kimidori started to slowly walk, stopping at exactly the right distance from me. I was certain she was going to explain everything to me, but no matter how I waited, her lips never changed from that little student council secretary smile of hers.

  I gave up waiting.

  “Kimidori.”

  “Yes?”

  “That… Kuyoh. What is she? I just can’t figure her out at all. Her actions make no sense at all—is it because she’s not human?”

  “The behavioral principles of the Heavenly Canopy Dominion defy comprehension. We have yet to determine whether it even possesses an independent consciousness. It is not even clear whether or not it can be properly classified as life.”

  … Uh, okay. That was a problem, then. Well, I had my own problems. But anyway, there was something else that bore mentioning here.

  “Can’t you do something about Nagato’s fever?”

  “Nagato has been given a special duty—establishing high-level communication with the Heavenly Canopy Dominion itself.”

  “Nagato is in bed, unable to move. What part of that is her ‘duty’?”

  Kimidori smiled at me, but her eyes were distant. “I am referring to such a high level of communication that it does not involve words. Hers is a mission that would be fundamentally impossible for a human. We have established physical contact with them for the first time. While indirect, it is a huge leap forward from our previous mutual incomprehension. Miss Nagato serves as a relay between us and them. She does so even now. Please watch over her.”

  “But that’s no reason to force all of this off on her alone.” It was all I could do not to end the sentence with an exclamation point. I glared at Kimidori’s serene face, calm as a dandelion swaying in a spring breeze. “Why can’t you or Asakura do it?”

  “Miss Nagato was the one with whom they first established contact. She is also the interface closest to Miss Suzumiya. I would consider her the obvious choice.”

  Her calm, rational answer was starting to seriously make my head hurt.

  So she was really telling me to just leave Nagato alone? These Data Overmind people were a bunch of assholes. It was something like a miracle that Nagato had been the one dispatched here, and thus been the first to meet Haruhi. If Asakura and Nagato’s positions were switched, or if it had been Kimidori in the literature club, this present moment would never have come. This was all thanks to Nagato. I’d be perfectly happy to leave the word “interface” somewhere in the orbit of Neptune. It was enough to make me think that what Haruhi had wished for was not just any alien, but Yuki Nagato specifically. The majority faction, the radical faction—let’s just see them show themselves to Haruhi. Let them weigh themselves against Nagato. I was sure Haruhi would pick Nagato every time, I said.

  “Please forgive me.” Kimidori bowed with ridiculous politeness. “There is not very much I can do. My directives prevent any deviation. If there is anything else you need, please let me know.”

  The pleasant older girl walked past me and headed for the train station, giving me another small bow as she did so. I knew there was no point in following her. I understood that these aliens were involved in things my brain couldn’t hope to comprehend, but there was still one thing I wanted to say.

  “Look, this is Earth. It’s not some playground for aliens.”

  My voice mingled with a gust of wind and was gone, by which time Kimidori had disappeared.

  Yet—

  —An amusing joke… indeed.

  I couldn’t tell who it was that said it. I wasn’t even sure if it was Kuyoh, Asakura, Kimidori, or someone else.

  But I’m quite sure that my brain didn’t just create words out of the sound of the wind blowing across my ears.

  Cell phones seem to ring when you least expect them. This time was no different.

  I was trudging heavily back to Nagato’s apartment when a call from Haruhi stopped me short.

  “Geez! Where’d you go, anyway? Did some evil god summon you away? You really freaked Mikuru out, disappearing like that!”

  “Uh… sorry. I’m not far, so I’ll be back soon.”

  “Explain yourself!”

  “… Uh, I realized I hadn’t brought Nagato a get-well present. I was thinking I’d get her some canned peaches or something.”

  “What year do you think this is? Get her a fruit basket. Or, well, I guess we don’t need to make a big production out of it; it’s not like she’s in the hospital or something. Just get some orange juice. The one-hundred-twenty-percent-pure-fruit-juice kind.”

  I told her to tell me exactly where to find that kind of juice.

  “Fine, make it one hundred percent. And get back here within three minutes, got it? Okay, bye!”

  I wasn’t irritated at her unilateral hanging up. She did that all the time. Her straightforward, one-way method of doing things was improving my spirits a little bit. Never change, Haruhi Suzumiya. If she weren’t the way she was, she’d never be able to lead a ridiculous group like the SOS Brigade.

  I went into a supermarket near the station and sleepwalked through the aisles, and once I’d purchased the one-hundred-percent-pure California orange juice Haruhi had directed me to buy, I walked rather sullenly back to Nagato’s apartment. I got to the front entrance’s automatic doors and dialed Nagato’s apartment, whereupon Haruhi answered and let me in.

  By the time I got back to Nagato’s room I’d exceeded Haruhi’s stated time limit by a couple of minutes, but our fearless brigade chief said nothing, and taking the juice bottle I offered her, she passed it straight to Asahina, who was sitting right next to her.

  “Put this in the fridge, will you, Mikuru?”

  “Sure!” Asahina, by now completely used to taking orders, trotted off to the kitchen. She certainly was cute. Definitely in the top three people that I wanted to protect no matter what.

  “How’s Nagato?”

  “She opened her eyes a little bit a while ago, but then went back to sleep. So don’t go in her bedroom. It’s creepy to stare at other people when they’re sleeping.”

  Haruhi pursed her lips, but seemed hesitant, and it was only after a four-minute pause that she spoke.

  “Something like this happened before, didn’t it? Yuki had a fever, and we were taking care of her. I know it was a hallucination, but it seems so real now.”

  That was because it was real. That nonsense about group hypnosis or whatever was a pack of lies from Koizumi. Of course, I couldn’t very well say that to Haruhi, so I held my tongue.

  Haruhi continued, murmuring almost reverently. “This is the same as then, isn’t it? We were at Tsuruya’s villa, and Yuki got better right away. She’d jus
t caught a chill on the ski slopes. We’re on the verge of spring right now, and people often get sick when the seasons change. This could be no more than seasonal allergies,” she said, as though trying to convince herself. “That’s right, this is no big deal. She’ll be better within three days.”

  I wanted to get snarky and ask just who’d said that, but unfortunately the answer would be “me.” I was envious of Koizumi’s way with words. No matter how crazy the situation, he could always come up with some kind of absurd explanation for it. I was sure he’d wind up serving the Prince of Lies in hell one day.

  It almost felt as though there were KEEP OUT tape strung across the door to Nagato’s room, so I passed obediently by it and went into the living room.

  Koizumi had his long legs nestled under the kotatsu table there, and he gave me a look as I entered the room.

  “Where’d you go?”

  “A place just as boxed-up as one of your closed spaces.”

  “So it seems.” Koizumi rested his elbows on the table. “There were reports that both Kuyoh Suoh and Miss Kimidori were sighted.” He indicated his cell phone, which he’d left on the floor beside him. “They were seen only for a moment, but looking at the expression on your face I’m guessing it was no mere chance encounter.”

  “Yeah.”

  It had gotten so that I didn’t know who was an enemy and who was on my side. Whatever those aliens’ goals were was a mystery to me. Kuyoh, Asakura, Kimidori, all of them—they might have looked like humans, but they were monsters. Humans might do unbelievable stuff from time to time, but you could at least guess at what they were thinking. But who knew what went on in a monster’s mind? Their behavior patterns were too erratic, like crappy NPCs in an RPG—made worse by the fact that their stats were totally game-breaking.

  “Do you really have no plan at all?”

  “I’ll do everything that I can. Prodding Kyoko Tachibana might produce some kind of reaction, but from what I can deduce the chances are slim. There is essentially no connection between her faction and Nagato’s current condition. They have chosen the wrong allies. Kuyoh Suoh is not someone who can be communicated with. The idea that humans could understand an entity that even the Data Overmind cannot comprehend is absurd.”

  So what about the time travelers? That jerk Fujiwara or whatever his name was didn’t seem scared of Kuyoh at all. Ugh, I couldn’t stand the thought of owing him for something. Plus his goals were totally opaque, I pointed out.

  “It’s certainly true that his aim is not merely observation of Suzumiya. That’s true of both time traveler factions. Though our Asahina may not have been told as much.”

  Koizumi’s eyes moved horizontally to take in the sight of Asahina doing dishes in the kitchen. Haruhi was there too, moving busily around—pouring the soup from its pot into smaller bowls and packing up excess ingredients into plastic containers.

  “I’ve decided. I’m going to keep making dinners for Yuki until she gets better. I’m doing it, and that’s that. I don’t care if she says no; I’m still coming over.”

  It was a strangely loud statement given that she was just talking to herself, and that she asked for nobody’s approval.

  She was probably the most selfish girl in the galaxy. I hoped she never changed.

  Haruhi produced a spare door key from who-knew-where, locked the door to Nagato’s apartment, then slipped the key into her skirt pocket as though it were a grain of gold dust. We put unit 708, in which Nagato slept, behind us, and split up in front of her apartment building.

  “I’m suspending SOS Brigade activities for a while.” Haruhi looked up at the apartment, anger in her eyes at the twilight-dyed sky. “Until Yuki starts coming to school again, nobody should bother coming to the clubroom. We’ll come here instead. I’m counting on you tomorrow, Mikuru.”

  “Yes, of course!”

  I nearly shed a tear at Asahina’s earnestness. Damn.

  It looked like Haruhi and Asahina were prepared to take charge of Nagato’s bedside care. It seemed somehow Haruhi-like that she didn’t add any excuses about how this was only her duty as brigade chief.

  There was something I could do as well. No—something only I could do.

  I had to get home as fast as I could. There was someone I had to contact.

  The only person among my new acquaintances whose phone number I knew.

  “Sorry it took me so long to reply, Kyon. I was in the middle of cram school, so my phone was turned off. I got your message. Tomorrow afternoon after school, right? I don’t have cram school tomorrow, so yeah, I can probably be at the station’s north entrance by 4:30 or so. I’ll call the other three too, of course. I’m willing to bet they’ll come. I daresay they’ve been waiting for you to contact me. I can tell you’re pretty mad about something, Kyon, but I’m thinking it would be best if you tried to calm down a little—your anger is probably part of whatever they’re planning. I mean, I have no idea. But it’s what I’d do if I were in their position. Okay, well, see you tomorrow. Good night, my friend.”

  CHAPTER 5

  α—8

  The next day, Tuesday.

  Thanks to the rare fact of my awakening before my alarm clock’s ring, I got to take my time climbing Heartbreak Hill up to school. There was nothing particularly novel about the unchanging scenery of the climb, but at the sight of all the new freshmen so seriously making the climb I couldn’t help being reminded of myself from a year earlier. I might as well enjoy the climb while I could; in another month I’d be totally sick of it.

  I yawned hugely and stopped walking, for no particular reason.

  It was strange. The day was starting out totally ordinarily, and yet something felt odd.

  I hadn’t had any contact with Sasaki since our suspicious encounter—but it had only been the previous Saturday, so there wasn’t any rush, and yet that was the source of my worry. Knowing for certain that they would eventually set some kind of trap for me, but not knowing when—it was an uncomfortable feeling. Kuyoh Suoh and that nameless time-traveler guy seemed especially likely to try something, even more than Kyoko Tachibana, the friendly kidnapper. When I’d first met them all, the time-traveling jerk seemed particularly reluctant to show his face, which was another thing to worry about. From the way Sasaki was talking, it was clear enough that he was back in this time period. But was he really content not to take action for a while? Who could fathom the minds of time travelers, Asahina the Elder included? Last time he’d looked on as Kyoko Tachibana attempted a kidnapping, so would he have Kuyoh do his dirty work next time?

  “Hmph.”

  I did my best impression of the student council president. Thinking about it wasn’t going to get me anywhere. First I had to get to the classroom. Then maybe I’d pay my respects to the brigade chief. School didn’t really start until I’d done so, after all. When had this become my lot in life?

  Just as I was about to resume my trudge up the hill, someone patted my shoulder.

  “Good morning.”

  It was Koizumi.

  Was this the first time I’d run into him on the way to school?

  “Hey.”

  As I returned the greeting, Koizumi pulled alongside me. He had a serene smile on his face, as though he were a crew member on a starship who’d just awoken from cryogenic sleep to find his destination planet right in front of him. “You seem like someone who has something on his mind. Did something happen?”

  I always looked like this when I had to face a climb like this first thing in the morning, I said. A better question was why he looked so overwhelmingly pleased. Wasn’t he usually the biggest victim of Haruhi’s emotional volatility?

  “Yes, about that,” said the picture-perfect handsome boy, brushing a lock of hair from his face. “Closed space incidents were once frequent, but they’ve suddenly stopped. This comes as quite a relief to me. It seems Suzumiya is so occupied with the many issues surrounding the recruitment of new freshmen that she’s temporarily forgotten to manifest her
subconscious stress.”

  I shook my head helplessly. Haruhi really was a simple girl, I said.

  “She may seem simple, but she’s quite complex. We can’t control her, after all. Suzumiya herself can’t control things, and she’s the one at the helm—so it’s certainly impossible for mere passengers like us. I never would have anticipated so many applicants to join the SOS Brigade.”

  I felt bad for the eleven new students. After all, it wasn’t as if they’d gotten into the school just to become Haruhi’s playthings, but they were the perfect diversion for her.

  “It would be nice if she remained thusly diverted, but it will last a week at the outside. It will be very interesting to see how many of the students that visited yesterday knock on our door again today.”

  Did he want to bet? I said. I guessed that maybe six of them would come back. At that rate, they’d all have stopped coming by the end of the week.

  “A perfectly valid figure. I’ll bet on five or fewer, then.”

  Sounded good to me. Loser buys the winner a drink.

  As we passed through the school’s gate and the entrance came into sight, the stuff I’d been thinking about came back to the front of my mind.

  “By the way, Koizumi—is it really a good idea to just leave that crowd alone? I mean Kuyoh, Kyoko Tachibana, and that nameless time-traveler guy.”

  “And Sasaki as well, yes?” Koizumi’s smile was as pleasant as a clear day in May. “I’m not sure. From what I am aware of, they have not taken action yet. We haven’t witnessed them having a functional coalition, so at the moment careful observation is all we can do.”

  As we prepared to go our separate ways in front of the shoe lockers, Koizumi pointed in the direction I was heading.

  “It’s likely the key figure is the time traveler. The Agency will deal with Kyoko Tachibana, and there’s nothing wrong with their alien doing some sightseeing on Earth. But if our opponent is from the future, we cannot afford to be careless. Their goals are neither so clear as Kyoko Tachibana’s, nor as unfathomable as the alien’s—their half-formed nature makes them hard to read. You can probably find them out more quickly than I could.”