Valiant tlf-4

by Jack Campbell

  His despair drained away as Geary stared back at her. Something that had been at least partly hidden now lay in the open between them. “Anything?”

  “I didn’t—” She swallowed and spoke with obviously forced calm. “I’m without honor now. I know that.”

  “Stop it, Tanya. You’ve got honor to spare.”

  “An honorable woman would not feel this way about her commanding officer! She wouldn’t speak of it. She would not be willing to—” Desjani bit off her words and stared frantically at Geary again.

  He could reach out and have her. Right this very moment. Geary looked down at his hands, thinking of the price so many others had already paid. He’d been willing to use Victoria Rione when she’d offered herself to him, just as Rione had used him. But he couldn’t do that to Tanya Desjani. Even though Desjani and almost everyone else would excuse him for it, justifying to themselves whatever was done by the hero sent from the past. But he couldn’t do that to her. The very thought of it revolted him. That, more than anything, told him that his feelings for her were real, that he wasn’t just reaching out again for any safe port when the storms of his responsibilities grew too rough. “I won’t take your honor,” he whispered.

  “You already have it,” Desjani replied in agonized tones.

  “No. I’ll take nothing from you that you don’t freely choose to give.”

  “It’s given. I swear I didn’t seek that, I swear I tried to fight it, but it has happened.”

  Geary looked up again and saw her despair. “Either we’ll live to reach Alliance space, or we’ll die on the way. If we live …”

  Desjani nodded. “I can resign my commission. It won’t be enough to return my honor or erase the burden I’ve put on your own, but—”

  “Resign your commission? Tanya, you live to be a fleet officer! You love it! I can’t allow you to give that up on my account!”

  “An officer who cannot carry out her duties according to regulations is required to—” Desjani began, her face now stiff.

  “I’ll resign,” Geary broke in. “As soon as we get home. I never wanted this responsibility, and once I get this fleet home, no one can demand more of me. Once I’m no longer a fleet officer, your honor can’t be questioned, and—”

  “No!” Desjani now appeared horrified as she gazed at him. “You can’t! You have a mission!”

  “I never asked or wanted—”

  “It was given to you! Because the living stars knew you could do it!” Desjani backed away, shaking her head. “I can’t allow my feelings to influence you this way. Too many people are depending upon you. If I caused you to shirk that mission, I would surely be damned by them and deserving of it. Say you won’t do that. Say you didn’t mean it.” He looked back at her silently. “Say it! If you do not, I swear I shall get this ship home to Alliance space, then go as far from you as human space allows!” Geary struggled for words, and Desjani took another step backward. “If the temptation I offer you has to be removed from this ship now, I’ll do that. I’ll do whatever I must.”

  He finally found his voice again. “No. Please. You’re Dauntless’s commanding officer. You belong on her. I … I promise you I won’t resign until this war is over.” The words felt acidic in his mouth, the thing he had never wanted to accept even though he knew so many expected it of him.

  “Your promise should not be to me,” Desjani replied, her face and voice calmer now.

  “It is,” he insisted. “I’ve avoided making it because it scared the hell out of me. But the thought of not seeing you scared me more. Congratulations.”

  “I … I didn’t—”

  “No, you didn’t. You never would have tried to manipulate me on purpose.” Unlike Victoria Rione, he realized. “I made the choice. I’ll carry out the mission. As long as you don’t resign your commission. I need you with me if I’m going to have any chance of succeeding. And when my mission is done, and I’m no longer in command of this fleet, I’ll finally say the words that I wish I could say to you now.”

  Desjani nodded to him. “Thank you, Captain Geary. I knew you’d do what you had to do.”

  “As opposed to what I want to do right now.” Amazingly, she laughed. “If you and I did what we wanted to do at this very moment, we’d be different people. But hard as it is, I must stand here instead of stepping closer to you. Much closer. No. You have my honor, I have your promise. If the gift of my honor gives you the strength to do what you must, it’s a small price for me to pay.”

  “You think of it as a price, then?” Geary asked.

  Desjani nodded as her laughter faded. “My honor is the thing of greatest value that I possess. That I used to possess. I know you will not use it against me, and I know it is safe in your hands. But there have been times when it felt like my honor was all I had left. I regret losing it.”

  “Then I promise you that I will keep your honor safe until I can return it.”

  “But … it was given. To my shame … but it was given.” Geary shook his head. “I want to return your honor, and you want me to keep it. There’s a way to do both if that’s what you want.”

  “How could I have both—?” She seemed shocked, looking away for a moment before focusing back on him. “You mean that?”

  “I can’t come out and say how I feel, just like you can’t, not until this war is over and I’m no longer your commanding officer, but I swear on the honor of my ancestors that I meant it.”

  Desjani blinked, swallowed again, then gave Geary a stern look. “You must know something, Captain John Geary. Right now you are my fleet commander, and I do as you say and defer to you. You are on a divine mission, and while that lasts, I will follow you to hell itself on your command. But when all is done and the war is over, a man would come to me with my honor and himself. Not like any other man, not even then, but a man, and I will not be subordinate to any man in my own life or my own home. I will only have a man as a partner, an equal, to be beside me in all things. Any man must agree to that if he someday wishes to share a life with Tanya Desjani.”

  Geary nodded. “Any man who really knew Tanya Desjani would gladly commit to those conditions and promise to honor them.”

  She gazed back at him, then smiled. “It is very hard, and I fear that it’ll be harder still before all is done. But when the day comes that your mission is fulfilled, I will accept my honor back and all that comes with it.”

  All he had to do was get the fleet the rest of the way home and win the war that had been raging for a century. But he’d never thought he could get this far, do what he’d been able to do. If he could somehow end the war, end the deaths …And, for the first time since he’d been awakened from survival sleep, he knew without any doubt that he had something other than duty to live for. They’d talked around it, they might never again discuss it even indirectly while the war lasted, but they each knew how the other felt and what they’d promised each other. “In that case, Captain Desjani, let’s take a look at the star display and figure out our next move on the way home. We’ve got a fleet to save and a war to end.”

  APPENDIX

  The Alliance Fleet

  CAPTAIN JOHN GEARY,

  Commanding (acting)

  As reorganized following the losses suffered immediately prior to Captain Geary assuming command in the Syndic home system.

  Ship names in bold are those lost in action, with the name of star system of their loss given afterward.

  SECOND BATTLESHIP DIVISION

  Gallant

  Indomitable

  Glorious

  Magnificent

  THIRD BATTLESHIP DIVISION

  Paladin

  Orion

  Majestic

  Conqueror

  FOURTH BATTLESHIP DIVISION

  Warrior

  Triumph (lost at Vidha)

  Vengeance

  Revenge

  FIFTH BATTLESHIP DIVISION

  Fearless

  Resolution

  Redoubtable


  Warspite

  SEVENTH BATTLESHIP DIVISION

  Indefatigable (lost at Lakota)

  Audacious (lost at Lakota)

  Defiant (lost at Lakota)

  EIGHTH BATTLESHIP DIVISION

  Relentless

  Reprisal

  Superb

  Splendid

  TENTH BATTLESHIP DIVISION

  Colossus

  Amazon

  Spartan

  Guardian

  FIRST SCOUT BATTLESHIP DIVISION

  Arrogant (lost at Kaliban)

  Exemplar

  Braveheart

  FIRST BATTLE CRUISER DIVISION

  Courageous

  Formidable

  Intrepid

  Renown (lost at Lakota)

  SECOND BATTLE CRUISER DIVISION

  Leviathan

  Dragon

  Steadfast

  Valiant

  FOURTH BATTLE CRUISER DIVISION

  Dauntless (flagship)

  Daring

  Terrible (lost at Ilion)

  Victorious

  FIFTH BATTLE CRUISER DIVISION

  Invincible (lost at Ilion)

  Repulse (lost in Syndic home system)

  Furious

  Implacable

  SIXTH BATTLE CRUISER DIVISION

  Polaris (lost at Vidha)

  Vanguard (lost at Vidha)

  Illustrious

  Incredible

  SEVENTH BATTLE CRUISER DIVISION

  Opportune

  Brilliant

  Inspire

  THIRD FAST FLEET AUXILIARIES DIVISION

  Titan

  Witch

  Jinn

  Goblin

  Thirty-seven surviving heavy cruisers in seven divisions

  First Heavy Cruiser Division

  Third Heavy Cruiser Division

  Fourth Heavy Cruiser Division

  Fifth Heavy Cruiser Division

  Seventh Heavy Cruiser Division

  Eighth Heavy Cruiser Division

  Tenth Heavy Cruiser Division

  minus

  Invidious (lost at Kaliban)

  Cuirass (lost at Sutrah)

  Crest, War-Coat, Ram , and Citadel (lost at Vidha)

  Basinet and Sallet (lost at Lakota)

  Sixty-two surviving light cruisers in ten squadrons

  First Light Cruiser Squadron

  Second Light Cruiser Squadron

  Third Light Cruiser Squadron

  Fifth Light Cruiser Squadron

  Sixth Light Cruiser Squadron

  Eighth Light Cruiser Squadron

  Ninth Light Cruiser Squadron

  Tenth Light Cruiser Squadron

  Eleventh Light Cruiser Squadron

  Fourteenth Light Cruiser Squadron

  minus

  Swift (lost at Kaliban)

  Pommel, Sling, Bolo , and Staff (lost at Vidha)

  Spur, Damascene, and Swept-Guard (lost at Lakota)

  One hundred eighty-three surviving destroyers in twenty squadrons

  First Destroyer Squadron

  Second Destroyer Squadron

  Third Destroyer Squadron

  Fourth Destroyer Squadron

  Sixth Destroyer Squadron

  Seventh Destroyer Squadron

  Ninth Destroyer Squadron

  Tenth Destroyer Squadron

  Twelfth Destroyer Squadron

  Fourteenth Destroyer Squadron

  Sixteenth Destroyer Squadron

  Seventeenth Destroyer Squadron

  Twentieth Destroyer Squadron

  Twenty-first Destroyer Squadron

  Twenty-third Destroyer Squadron

  Twenty-fifth Destroyer Squadron

  Twenty-seventh Destroyer Squadron

  Twenty-eighth Destroyer Squadron

  Thirtieth Destroyer Squadron

  Thirty-second Destroyer Squadron

  minus

  Dagger and Venom (lost at Kaliban)

  Anelace, Baselard , and Mace (lost at Sutrah)

  Celt, Akhu, Sickle, Leaf, Bolt, Sabot, Flint, Needle, Dart, Sting, Limpet , and Cudgel (lost at Vidha)

  Falcata (lost at Ilion)

  War-Hammer, Prasa, Talwar , and Xiphos (lost at Lakota)

  SECOND FLEET MARINE FORCE

  Colonel Carabali commanding (acting)

  1,560 Marines divided into detachments on battle cruisers and battleships.

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  Document creation date: 29 September 2013

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