A Change Of Pace

by Freya Barker

  I'm not about to argue with a man who's been kicked in the balls like he has, but that doesn't mean I agree.

  The conversation drifts to logistics for which Freddy clearly has a knack. With her help, Jim has his next week planned out. He'll adjust his work schedule; spend more time at home, until they settle into a new routine. A schedule that includes my involvement, since I offered to take Jordan on days he goes in. For the immediate future anyway. I did note that the older brother wasn't brought into play or even mentioned.

  "Night, Dad," Millie says from the doorway. "Night, Freddy."

  "Sleep tight, Sweet Pea. We have an exciting day tomorrow," I remind her, and her face lights up.

  "I'll give you first dibs," Freddy adds with a smile.

  When she found out we were going to see the puppies tomorrow, she said she'd cleared her afternoon so she could take the boys to pick up her pup. We ended up agreeing to all go together.

  She turns to me when Millie disappears up the stairs. "I should get going."

  "You sure?"

  I pull her into the dark entrance and fold her in my arms. Her hands come up on my chest as she tilts her head back, smiling tiredly.

  "Had a long day and I have an early morning tomorrow." She sounds exhausted, and I'm reminded she was up early and off to Sudbury this morning.

  "Did your meeting go well?" I don't miss the brief worried look on her face before she tucks her head under my chin, hiding from my scrutiny. "Freddy?" I prompt.

  "As expected," she finally replies, before adding, "I really should head out."

  As expected. The cryptic response leaves me with more questions than answers, but I recognize the brush-off. Despite having piqued my curiosity, I don't feel I've earned the right yet to demand clarification. So instead, I cup her face in my hands and kiss her softly.

  "You okay to drive?"

  "I'm good."

  Lifting up on her toes, she brushes my lips with hers one last time before opening the door. I watch from the doorway until I no longer see her lights.

  -

  "Ohmygawd, I love her!"

  I smile watching Millie sitting cross-legged on the floor, the puppy introduced to her as Bella crawling all over her lap. Instead of Millie choosing, it appears the puppies made their own selection. The moment the crate was opened, Bella beelined it for my daughter, while the other toddled over to Freddy and sat down on her feet.

  "Is that okay with you?" Millie asks, looking at Freddy over her shoulder.

  "Fine by me," she replies, bending down to pick up the whimpering ball of fur. "I think Bijou Marchand sounds perfect."

  "They're ready to go home with you." Hank's been standing back, watching the interaction, but now turns to me. "Provided you have all you need there. The girls are used to being crated, so you may want to invest in one. And other than that, a good leash—"

  "We've got it all, Hank," Freddy interrupts, handing the puppy off to the impatient Luke. "Made a stop at Pet Valu on the way here. Both girls have everything they could possibly want."

  She's not kidding. Aside from the obvious things, Millie picked a dog bed, toys, puppy treats, and even designer bowls. I put a stop to the pink sweater she tried to sneak into the cart. By the time the temperature drops from the near tropical numbers we are facing now, Bella will have outgrown the puppy-sized thing. Two hundred and twenty dollars later, I'm pretty confident the dog has every last comfort looked after.

  "Good to know. They've had their shots to date, but I'd like to see them in a month or so for the final puppy shots, after that, once a year. And unless you're looking to breed, I suggest we spay them between four and six months old."

  "Absolutely." Last thing I want is a litter of puppies. One is enough. Freddy chuckles at my vehemence, as opposed to my daughter, who shoots daggers in my direction. We had this talk over breakfast and I'm putting my foot down on this.

  "When are you heading home?" I ask Josh, who more quietly follows his rambunctious brother out the door.

  "I think Sunday morning; Mom gets back at night and Dad wants to be home then."

  "Gotcha. If you guys don't have plans, maybe we can take out the boat one last time tomorrow, before you go?"

  "Yeah!"

  I grin at the kid's excited fist pump, when I notice Freddy looking on, an eyebrow raised.

  "Ready for an afternoon on the water?" I ask her, knowing full well I probably should've checked before asking Josh.

  "Mmmm. Do I have a choice?"

  "Do you need one?" I take a step closer and watch her tilt her head at my challenge.

  "Need one? No. I'd like one though. More fun to agree to something than it is to be told something." She bites her bottom lip, which is really distracting.

  "So noted, but please stop torturing me."

  "Torturing you?" she asks with feigned innocence, her tongue slicking along that plump bottom lip now.

  "You're poking the bear," I caution her, to which she bursts out laughing.

  I can still hear the deep rich sound as I climb behind the wheel.

  "What's that all about?" Millie asks when I pull out of the parking lot.

  "What's what all about?"

  "You and Freddy? Come on, Dad, I'm not an idiot. If I hadn't noticed the way you two ogle each other when you think no one's watching, that stupid grin would give you away." My response is to straighten my face immediately and turn to a smirking Millie. "You're weird," she concludes.

  I take it to mean she's not necessarily opposed to the idea of Freddy and me, but simply finds me weird.

  I can live with that.

  FIFTEEN

  Freddy

  The house is so quiet.

  Even with Bijou's rattling of the crate door, pleading to be let out, and Boulder's restless pacing outside my door, the house feels empty.

  I stretch and groan before kicking my sheets back and swinging my legs over the side of the bed. My hair is hanging in my face, a tangled mess, since I forgot to braid it last night. I wonder if Bijou will let me shower in peace.

  Flicking the coffee maker on in passing, I walk through the kitchen to her crate, right beside the back door. Boulder is patiently waiting to be let out. I'm already looking forward to the day I can just throw open the door and let the dogs both do their own thing. For now though, I have to take Bijou out on the leash. That little girl may have been used to the crate, but she always had her sister in there with her. Alone, she's not that impressed, judging by the frequent crying bouts during the night.

  I clip the leash on her; shove my feet in flip-flops, and head outside, blinking against the rising sun. It's going to be another scorcher today. We've been stuck in this heatwave for over a week now, and I'm getting worried about the air going day and night. These are times I wish my house was right on the lake, I'd at least have a fresh breeze coming off the water.

  Newt's place is at least a couple of degrees cooler. It was actually quite pleasant out on the dock on Saturday. The men took the kids out on the boat, and although I went for a few rides, I mostly watched from the dock, keeping an eye on the puppies. Especially after I braved the tube. That was embarrassing, being bounced off by the wake of a Skidoo, to great hilarity of my nephews. Never mind I hit the water so hard the right side of my body still stings from the impact. Alex fussed over me after he dragged me on board, and Newt kept apologizing, even though there was no way he could've avoided the kid crossing right in front of him.

  Yeah, I was pretty much cured of tubing, but had nice dark bruises on my hip and my ribs commemorating the experience. The day had been a nice distraction, though. And the covert kisses Newt stole in the kitchen, while I was cutting veggies, had gone a long way to clearing any worries from my mind.

  Still, with Alex and the boys leaving yesterday, and the house back to its usual quiet, the size of my hydro bill is not the only thing I've been worrying about.

  With Bijou and Boulder having done their business outside, I head straight for the coffee pot. I hav
e my first appointment in an hour and a half, and I still need to wash this tangled mess.

  Enjoying my first sips of brew, the phone rings. The fine veil of denial instantly disappears at the sound as anxiety floods me. Surely seven on a Monday morning is outside normal clinic hours?

  "Hello?" My voice sounds squeaky and foreign to my own ears.

  "Morning."

  I blow out a sigh of relief; the deep, slightly rough voice is most definitely not Dr. Heikal.

  "Sorry to bug you so early but I figured you'd probably be up with the beasts."

  "I am. Sleep is a rare commodity these days."

  "No shit," he groans. "How long ‘til they sleep through the night?" I snicker at the desperation in his voice.

  "As soon as they get used to not having their sister around to curl up with. You may want to consider that kitten to keep Bella company?"

  "Don't even start. I have my hands full with this one. I called because I think she ate a few buttons."

  "Sorry?"

  "Damn mutt ate my shirt when I was having a shower." It's impossible not to laugh at his grumbling. "She stole it from the laundry basket and took off with a sleeve when I tried to pry the tattered remains from her jaws. By the time I managed to wrangle it from her, she'd already chewed off the two buttons."

  "Next time take her into the bathroom with you," I suggest, trying to suppress my snickers. "And don't worry about the buttons, they'll probably pass right through her, but if you're concerned, you can always check her stool to make sure."

  The silence on the other side is deafening, as he obviously needs a moment to process this information, until he finally says, "I'm thinking this is a right time to remind Millie whose dog this is."

  I'm still grinning when I step into the shower five minutes later, the dark cloud over my head momentarily forgotten.

  -

  "Your phone is ringing."

  After a long and rather intense session with Nicholas and his mom, I'm just about to step out of the office to give Boulder some fresh air, when Jess calls me back.

  "Sorry, buddy, you have to wait," I mumble an apology to Boulder, who drags his ass back inside behind me. Rushing into my office I snatch my phone from the desk where I left it. "Hello?"

  "Freddy, it's Ruby Heikal. Where did I drag you from? You sound out of breath."

  "Just taking the dog for a quick walk between appointments and forgot my phone inside."

  "Ah, well, I won't keep you long. Northeast faxed me the report this morning, and I just talked to the radiologist. Good news: whatever it is, is localized. Nothing seen on the PET scan anywhere else but your bladder. Bad news is, it doesn't look like a cyst. Next step is to remove it and take some samples of the surrounding tissue. You know the drill, I don't want to take any unnecessary delays given your history, so we're gonna treat this as high-risk until we have a definitive answer."

  "Okay," I manage, a little unstable on my legs.

  "This Wednesday the twelfth, ten thirty, report to surgical. Dr. Stephens had an opening for eleven. Give them a call to get instructions for prep. It'll likely be a local and through the urethra, so you should be good to go home right after."

  My head is reeling. Even though I knew whatever it was would have to come out eventually, I didn't think it would be this rushed. It leaves me more unsettled than before.

  "I'll call. Thank you."

  "Listen, Freddy—" Ruby stops me before I can hang up, "—the odds on this being a recurrence are very low. Keep your chin up until we know more."

  "I will," I promise, making an effort to sound convincing.

  I don't even fool myself.

  "Everything okay?" Jess inquires when I come out of my office, a very eager Boulder on the leash. Poor boy's had to wait longer than anticipated for his pee.

  I plaster a smile on my face. "You bet. I'm gonna take this boy for his walk, and when I get back, I need to go over some scheduling with you. I may need to switch around a few appointments this week."

  Without waiting for an answer, I step out the door and into the midday heat. Time to clear my head, clear my schedule, and clear Boulder's bladder—not necessarily in that order.

  I don't really think about where I'm going until I find myself standing at the water's edge, not far from the little beach Newt brought me to for lunch, not that long ago. It's definitely cooler at the shore, a slight breeze coming off the water.

  I lift my face in the wind, hoping it will clear the thoughts tumbling through my head. Funny how two days seems like such a long wait, and it'll take at least another week before any results come back. I don't want to put anyone else through that. I also don't want to be constantly questioned if I've heard anything yet. Easier to keep it to myself for now.

  I practice breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth, trying to avoid the anxiety I feel creeping up from my toes. My head tilted back, my eyes closed, and my hands slack by my sides, I imagine I look almost serene.

  Nothing could be further from the truth.

  My mind is chaos, trying to process new information and old memories at once. How to keep this from Alex; making arrangements for my critters; the smell of antiseptic wipes and the sting of the IV needle; the need to update my will; the pain of losing something you never had; and the scrape of stubble on my skull.

  My hair...my beautiful hair.

  I never cut it again after losing it all. Just the occasional trim to take care of split ends, but other than that, I've just let it grow. Grey hair and all. Involuntarily my hand reaches up, as if to make sure it's still there.

  Fate couldn't be that cruel, could it?

  Newt

  "Give that here, you little troublemaker."

  Bella sits her butt down at my voice, but continues to chew on my kitchen towel. I grab the other end and with my free hand to pry open her jaws. Who knew something so small and innocent looking could have such a deadly grip? I remember a tip Freddy gave this weekend and slip my thumb in her mouth, pressing down on her tongue. She instantly opens her mouth and releases the towel. I quickly toss it in the laundry room behind the kitchen before I return to check on my chili.

  I decided to go with a kid-friendly meal, since Jordan is here. Jim took me up on my offer and dropped Jordan here at noon. After taking the weekend off to sort things out at home, he's back to work today. Only for the afternoon, though. He didn't go into much detail, but from what I could gather, the older boy is no longer living in the house either. Given the condition of Jordan's face last week, I'd say that was a good call.

  About to holler at the kids for dinner, I look out the window to catch Jordan stomping toward the house, leaving Millie staring after him from the dock. I open the sliding door for him.

  "Hey, kid. Everything okay?"

  "I'm good," he mutters, walking past me and straight to the washroom. I look up to see Millie coming this way too. Saves me calling them in.

  "Dinner's ready, Sweet Pea."

  "Not really that hungry."

  "You guys have a fight?"

  There's no answer, just a shrug of her shoulders as she steals a slice of cucumber from the salad on the counter. Hungry enough apparently.

  Jordan comes walking into the kitchen clearly avoiding eye contact with Millie, who just glares.

  "All right. Both of you; sit your butts down. You're going to tell me what the heck is going on. I have dinner ready and I'm starving, but I'm not about to sit down at the dinner table across from two angry faces. We're going to sort whatever this is out."

  Loud in their silent protest, the kids sit down at opposite ends of the breakfast counter, and I roll my eyes at the ceiling.

  "Who wants to go first?" Both kids have their heads bent, but at my question they look at each other from the corner of their eyes. "Well?" I prompt, and Millie is the first to cave.

  "Fine," she spits out, pointing an accusatory finger in Jordan's direction. "He said he wished his mom was dead, and I told him he didn't know what he was t
alking about."

  "You said I was stupid," Jordan pipes up, tears brimming in his eyes. I foresee a meltdown of epic proportions, I'm not really equipped to handle, unless I intervene. Because the boy looks to be close to breaking, I turn to my daughter first.

  "All right, Millie, you know Jordan didn't mean that literally. We all say stuff from time to time in the heat of the moment. You called him stupid, and I'm pretty sure you didn't mean that either." I'm pleased to see that has my daughter looking slightly contrite, although she still has the stubborn set to her mouth. "And Jordan, you're upset with your mom, I get that. Just as I'm sure you get why it would upset Millie to hear you say you wish your mom dead. Am I right?"

  Just as Jordan nods, a tad embarrassed, my phone rings. A quick glance at the screen shows Freddy's number.

  "Heya, can you hang on one sec?" I ask immediately, pressing the phone to my chest.

  I give each of the kids a long look. "Millie, dish out some chili and you two get started on dinner. I have to take this call, which will give you guys time to clear the air. Get rid of those long faces. I'll be outside."

  "Sorry," I apologize to Freddy a minute later, pulling the sliding door shut so Bella can't escape. "I just had to get the kids started on dinner."

  "Plural?"

  "Jordan's here. His dad's picking him up around nine."

  "I see. Look, I can call back—"

  "No need." I cut her off mid-sentence. She sounds funny. Almost reluctant, even though she's the one calling. "Always good to hear your voice." My comment appears to take her aback and it it’s another minute before she responds.

  "You too," she answers timidly, before she continues a bit firmer. "I'm calling to ask you a favour. I hope you'll let me know if it's a problem. I mean...I don't know if—"

  "Honey, just ask the question."

  "Well, turns out I have to head back up to Sudbury on Wednesday. It'll probably take most of the day, and I could leave Boulder with Jess at the office. The other animals will be okay, but..."

  "You can't leave Bijou alone that long," I fill in for her.

  "Yeah."

  "I'll take her. And Boulder too. No need to leave him cooped up in the office all day."