Feeling This

by Blue, Casey

He nods and removes his hand to get drinks for more people crowding the bar. I add, “Do you think you can cover for me tomorrow night? I have something going on.”

  “Oh Kimber, I was gonna take Jenna out tomorrow night.”

  I glare over at him, “She owes me just for going over there today, who has to put up with Momma now that’s she’s gone and upset her.”

  “Okay, fine but she’s gonna give me shit about it.”

  “Thanks.”

  I lose myself in serving drinks all night enabling all these people to prove my ugly theory true as pathetic as it is. They’ll go home with anyone as long as the beer is flowing. By the time ten o’clock rolls around, the bar is completely packed, three people deep. Every table is full and my stomach is flipping about singing.

  Becca scurries up to the service bar as I get her drinks, she whispers loudly, “Did you see Andrew Perry tonight? I heard you guys had a thing back in high school.”

  My eyes perk up at the mention of his name. I shake my head and scan the crowd.

  She shakes her head, “Oh, no he’s not here now. He left about a half hour ago with some brunette chick. I think her name is Dana, she was in one of my classes last semester.”

  I tune her out. Andrew was here and he didn’t say anything to me. He must have seen me behind the bar. Why would he leave with someone right where I could have seen him? Becca must be mistaken. I ask as I place her drinks on the tray, “Are you sure Becca? Are you sure it was Andrew?”

  She looks uneasy suddenly. I must not be convincing in my indifference. She leans forward, “Kimber, I’m sure. The guy you were doing shots with, correct?”

  I nod suddenly lost in regret. What was I thinking agreeing to a date with him? He is apparently keeping his reputation, even now that he’s home. A high-pitched voice calls my name bringing me out of my misery.

  “Kimber! Kimber!”

  I look up and spot Heidi down at the end of the bar. A sight I really need right now. Before I can get down there though, Duck’s voice rings through the room. I glance over at the stage. He meets my stare and announces, “Let’s give a warm welcome to our new Friday night act, our very own, Kimber Maguire.”

  The crowd claps and whistles. I don’t give my body time to react. I hurry to the swinging doors and grab my guitar case. Once I step up onto the stage the flutter starts but I push it away. I try to push Jenna, Momma and Andrew out of my mind. I’m going to sing and that’s all that matters at this moment.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Jordan

  When six o’clock hit, I was convinced I would pass out. I was so tired and determined to go straight to bed as soon as I got back to the motel. But after stopping for a burger at a local restaurant called Mary’s Diner, I found that I had a little more energy. I made it back to the motel savoring the warm water in the shower longer than it lasted. Once I was clean and dressed, I felt like I needed a drink. Sitting in a motel room alone is not something that will keep my demons away.

  I climbed back into the car and drove the short distance down the road to The Ugly Duckling. The parking lot is practically full when I pull in, a huge difference from yesterday when I was here. I find a spot at the bar. A different man from yesterday asks what I’d like to drink. I order a whiskey and lean forward, hoping no one tries to start a conversation with me. He places the drink in front of me but before he turns I tell him, “You can go ahead and bring another one when you get a chance.”

  He nods.

  When my glass is empty, another appears next to it. A hand covers mine and a high pitched voice claims, “Hey there, slow down cowboy.”

  I look up and see a platinum blonde with hazel eyes and way too much makeup staring over at me. She bats her eyelashes telling me sweetly, “I haven’t seen the likes of you around here. You must be new to our humble little town.”

  I move my hand away answering, “Yes, new to town.”

  She scoots her jean clad ass closer to me and whispers, “Well, do you need any help finding your way around, stranger?”

  I look up and meet the eyes of the bartender. He’s watching this chick with a huge grin. I look over at her and she licks her lips. Is she for real? I tell her uncomfortably, “Um, no, I can find my way.”

  “Well if you get lost, my name is Heidi and I can probably help you find your way back.”

  The bartender leans in to her and says chuckling, “Hey Heidi, she’s about to start.”

  The Heidi chick claps her hands and turns the other way. She calls over her shoulder, “Sorry stranger but my best friend is about to make her big debut. You don’t want to miss this.”

  A guitar starts as soon as her last word ends. I turn to look at the stage across the room. The same girl from the Bruin ranch is perched on a bar stool up on the stage. She scans the crowd and closes her eyes while she strums the chords. She leans forward to the microphone and opens her eyes as she sings the first words of a song. I’m entranced immediately. Her voice is so pure and strong. I watch her through the whole first song and chug my drink as she finishes. When I set it down the chick next to me is staring at me curiously. She smiles a genuine seeming smile and looks back to the stage as the girl starts again.

  The bartender replaces my drink but it sits while I stare at the stage and the fluid movements of her hands on the guitar and the way her golden hair frames her sweet pure features. By the fifth song I feel someone’s eyes on me. I avert my gaze from the girl on the stage and meet those of the blonde beside me. She’s grinning as if she just won a prize. I smirk back and look back up to the brightest light in the room.

  This chick’s voice interrupts my concentration, “You like her, don’t you?”

  I frown and look at her not understanding her meaning. She repeats it, “You like her, you can’t take your eyes away from her.”

  “No, I… she’s really good.”

  “Yep, I told ya to watch. You just took it literally.”

  I grab my glass and take a large swig just as the song ends. The crowd cheers and the girl next to me starts whistling across the bar. I look up as the girl on stage sets the guitar against the stool and speaks into the microphone, telling the crowd she’s taking a small break.

  She makes her way through the throngs of people, slowly getting pats on the back, hugs, and many people congratulating her. Finally, she makes it to a clearing around her friend beside me. Her eyes meet mine and stare for a solid minute. It feels, in that moment, as if we are the only two people in the entire space, and time has stood still. She averts her gaze a moment later and walks up to her friend.

  Her friend whistles again calling out while putting an arm around her shoulders, “Derek, Kimber needs a drink.”

  The name resonates in my mind. Kimber, there isn’t a more perfect name for her. She looks back over at me shyly as she lifts her drink off the bar. Her friend turns to me and nudges Kimber.

  “Hey, this is ‘out of town guy’. I tried to work my magic but he’s not interested. I think he might have other interests.”

  I put my hand out and tell her, “My name is Jordan Rhodes and you are Kimber?”

  She nods slowly, putting her hand in mine. The minute we touch, my breath catches. Her skin is so soft. I can’t pull my eyes from her dark ones. She tells me, “Yes, Kimber Maguire, it’s nice to meet you Jordan.”

  I pull my hand away reluctantly but our gazes linger. Her friend’s voice fills my ears, “Hey you two, um, Kimber remember ‘Mr. Hottie’?”

  This breaks her stare. She turns glaring at her friend hissing, “Heidi, really, you are just incredible.”

  Heidi laughs, “I know it. I had to get your attention somehow. You know I hate this shit hole.”

  Kimber looks over at me as if to apologize. She loops her hand through Heidi’s arm and asks, “Okay, you have my undivided attention, what is it?”

  Her voice lowers but I can still hear parts of what she is saying, “Well I was…to remind….a certain…Andrew.”

  Kimber’s face scr
unches up as she says, “Screw him. He made his choice.”

  Before she can say anything else, a large man at the microphone calls her back up to the stage. She calls out to the bartender, “Derek, can I get a shot?”

  She looks over to me and back again, correcting herself, “Make that two, Derek.”

  He pours Tequila into two shot glasses. She picks them up and walks closer to me, leaving only a foot between us. She holds a hand out to me. I grasp the glass slightly grazing her hand with my fingers.

  She holds it up and toasts, “To new friendships.”

  I hold mine up and we both tip them back. The big man calls her up again, this time sounding impatient. She places her glass back on the bar and turns her eyes to mine.

  “I have to go.”

  I nod, unsure what this sudden feeling in me is. I look away thinking about Susan for a moment. When I glance up again she is gone. Glimpses of her figure maneuvering through the crowd flash before me. Heidi speaks up, “So, Jordan is it?”

  I nod but stare after Kimber.

  “Well then Jordan, my friend there, she’s fragile, okay? You hurt her, I hurt you. Got it?”

  Fragile? That would not be the way I would describe her. She’s strong and fierce. I can see it in her eyes. She’s sure of herself. I turn to Heidi’s waiting eyes and tell her, “I understand.”

  But in truth I have no intention on pursuing this. Susan was my one chance at love. She was everything to me and my life. This girl Kimber, if she is fragile, doesn’t need someone like me. I’m too far gone.

  The bartender keeps my glass full. I alternate between watching the beautiful angel on the stage and focusing on my drink. The longer I sit here and stare, more guilt settles over me. I shouldn’t be looking at anyone. Susan just passed a month ago. I’m betraying her just by staring at Kimber.

  Before I know it the lights in the bar are coming on and it’s emptied out. Heidi left the stool beside me a long time ago. She comes back up beside me and asks, “Hey Jordan, you okay there?”

  I attempt to stand up but stumble. She catches my arm and steadies me.

  “Oh man, did you drive?”

  I nod, not sure what she’s implying. Hovering behind her is a big bearded guy covered in tattoos. He leans in to her and asks, “Are we goin’ or what?”

  She calls over her shoulder angrily, “Hold your horses. I have to help my friend here.”

  Her friend? I don’t have many of those these days. She lets my arm go and my balance sways again. She grabs at my shoulder and calls out across the bar, “Hey Kimber, get your ass over here.”

  Kimber strolls up with her guitar case a minute later. Heidi explains, “Kimber, you gotta get him home. I can’t.” She looks over at the big dude and he winks.

  Kimber rolls her eyes and comes over, placing my arm around her shoulders. She tells Heidi, “I’ll have Derek help me with him.”

  A thought rolls through my mind, why are these people helping me? They don’t know me.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Kimber

  What the hell did Heidi get me into? This guy is dangerous. I can tell. Not scary dangerous, lose myself dangerous. He is sexy as hell, completely different than Andrew. Where Andrew is narrow, Jordan is broad. Where Andrew is pale, Jordan is tanned. I can’t take my eyes off of him. I knew he was nice looking today at the Bruins but here, he’s cleaned up and smells delicious. He’s had a little too much to drink and now I’m leaning into him trying to hold him steady. It’s proving to be a little difficult because he’s a big guy compared to me. Derek calls out after Heidi and her friend leave, “Kimber, you need some help there?”

  “Yeah Derek, can you help me get him out to my car?”

  I whisper quickly to Jordan as Derek makes his way around the bar, “You aren’t a serial killer or anything, are you?”

  He smirks and shakes his head. He attempts to stand up again and almost manages. This time Derek catches his sway in the wrong direction. He places Jordan’s arm around his neck and claims, “Dude, you can’t get wasted like this, especially if you’re trying to impress a girl.”

  I feel my cheeks darken and turn to the door so they can’t see it. Derek leads him out to my car. He gets him in and I make my way around to the driver’s side door. He stops me with his hand on my arm, “Kimber, are you sure you want to take him home? I can take him after I clean up.”

  “I got it Derek. It’s no big deal.”

  “Okay, you be careful. This is another one of those, don’t tell Jenna, things.”

  At the mention of my sister’s name it all comes back to me, Momma, Jenna and Andrew. My middle turns over in frustration. I pull the door open and climb in. As I put the key in, I look over at Jordan. His head is resting against the back of the seat. His lean, muscular arms rest on his legs, they look so cramped in my small car. I laugh while turning the key and the engine clicks. I slam my hands on the steering wheel cursing, “Dammit!”

  I try again and it still won’t start. Jordan mumbles with his head still leaning back and his eyes closed, “Sounds like the battery is dead.”

  He lifts his head and pulls his keys out of his front pocket. He reaches for the door handle. I grab the hand that is closest to me and tell him, “Wait until I can help you.”

  I scurry out of the car and around the back of it but he’s already walking slowly across the parking lot. I grab my guitar and bag locking the doors and rush to catch up to him. He stops in front of a sleek, black Infiniti. He dangles the keys in front of me. I grab them, following him to make sure he can get into the passenger side alright. Once he’s in, I walk to the other side. The windows are tinted almost black. I wouldn’t be surprised if this car was purchased this year. The inside is pure bliss, leather seats that fit to the contours of my body and an unmistakable new car smell. When I turn the car on it purrs to life and the dash lights up tinting everything in a blue hue.

  I ask him, “Jordan, are you still with me?”

  “Yep, just resting my eyes, the Derby Motel is where I’m staying.”

  I put the car in drive and press the gas. It lurches forward quickly. I take my foot off the gas from the sudden movement. Jordan chuckles, “It has some kick. Don’t worry.”

  I try again slowly lowering my foot, this time it transitions smoothly. I get us onto Main Street and drive the mile to the motel. My middle flutters at the fact that this beautiful man sits so calmly beside me.

  When I pull in, he lifts his head from the head rest and looks over with tired eyes. I smile uneasily, not sure what to do now. I’m kind of stranded. My car is broke back at the Duck and I have no way of getting home. I proclaim, “Um, we’re here.”

  He looks away, suddenly sad. I want to reach out and ask what is wrong but I resist. Instead I stare at his perfect features hidden in the shadows of the car. He reaches for the door handle and tells me over his shoulder as he gets out, “You can take my car if you want.”

  I quickly turn the key and get out walking around the car. I hold his keys out to him. He looks at them unaffected and up into my eyes. He turns without taking them and stalks off in the direction of his room. I stand there not sure what to do. Should I just take the car or call Derek for a ride. I look down at my watch, 2:30; he’s probably just getting out of the Duck. Before I make my decision, Jordan turns around calling out to me, “It’s okay, you can take it.” He hesitates then continues, “Or you can stay here. I’ll take the couch and you can have the bed.”

  I’m so undecided. I don’t know him but I also don’t trust myself. It’s been a long time and he’s just so tempting. I look back at the car thinking that is my best choice but I turn to look at him again, he has already entered his room. The door is standing open as if calling to me. I take a step in the direction of the room and my feet start to move faster. The room is darkened when I peek around the door frame. My eyes adjust and I’m able to make out Jordan’s long body sprawled out on the couch already. His feet are bare and his shirt is gone. I can see the ou
tlines of his muscular back. Looking away I glance around the room. It’s hard to make anything out in the shadows. I close the door quietly, locking it and stumble across the room to the bed. Jordan hasn’t moved. His breathing seems to have evened out. He’s definitely out. Unbuttoning and lowering my jeans, I hope he doesn’t take this moment to turn his head.

  I slip into the bed and roll to my side. His smell from the pillow fills my nose. This man is something I’ve never encountered. Am I attracted to him because Andrew rejected me or is there something else? I’m not sure. I do know that he is enticing and I watched him tonight during the second half of my set. He didn’t take his eyes off of me. There’s some kind of connection between us. I just have to decide if I’m going to run away from it or embrace it.

  ***

  A door closing wakes me up. I slowly open my eyes and realize where I am. The first thought I have is, Momma. I sit up quickly and look around. My eyes meet Jordan’s piercing stare. A lazy smile splayed over his lips and a blush colors my cheeks.

  He stutters, “I uh, I went and got breakfast. I wasn’t sure what you like. I found bagels and coffee down the road.”

  My stomach grumbles when he mentions the food. I start to lift the blanket to get out of the bed but remember I took my jeans off last night. I lower the blanket looking over to my jeans in a pile on the floor. He gets up and utters, “Sorry, I’ll just give you some privacy.”

  He walks out of the room, quietly closing the door behind him. I scurry out of the bed, gathering my jeans and rush to the bathroom. Once in there I look at my reflection. My hair is in complete disarray sticking out everywhere. My cheeks are red with heat and my eyes are tired looking. Damn, Kimber, you have definitely seen better days!

  I splash cold water on my face and wash it, scrubbing away the grit from being at the bar last night. I really long for a shower but this will have to do. Somehow I have to find a way home to take care of Momma and some way to get my car fixed. My body turns tense at the thought of the car and Momma. How in the hell will I be able to afford fixing the car?