She laughs and steps back. ‘Will you have time after dinner?’
I’m no hairdresser but I usually help Mum apply her colour and check for any spots she’s missed. It’s fun. ‘As long as I can use the black dye. It’s for my costume.’
She shakes her head. ‘You know …’
‘How I feel about black hair dye.’ I cut her off with an imitation of all the times she’s said that line. Last year she was happy for me to go purple for a few weeks but she hates black. I love to tease her about it. ‘What about a wig?’
She considers. ‘I have a long one on a shelf downstairs.’
‘Perfect.’
‘What is the costume?’
I give her my best mysterious look and arch my brows. ‘Wait and see. It’s a surprise.’
‘No shopping required?’
I study her ultra-casual expression. Is that disappointment in her tone? I hurry to reassure her. ‘I can always be persuaded.’
‘Friday after school?’
I had planned to go to the game to see Sebastian as goalkeeper.
Mum notices my hesitation. ‘Saturday?’
‘Would be brilliant. But let me guess, I have to help with dinner to make this happen?’
‘Of course.’
And for a minute everything between us is back to normal. Whatever that is.
* * *
I get home on Wednesday and Mum has left me a note. She’s out for the evening having coffee with Colin.
Coffee with Colin.
It has a kind of ring to it. I scrunch up the paper and aim for the bin. It bounces half a metre short. She’s driven over an hour to meet him on a night she usually works late.
Her appointment book in the salon shows she should have been doing a trim for the kid next door and then a perm for one of her regular old ladies. I can’t remember her ever cancelling on a client. If I have a school event or we plan a Choose-Day, she marks the time off and keeps it free.
I breathe in the familiar chemical scent of shampoo and perm lotion.
She would have had to ring up two people and make up an excuse at the last minute. It’s not like her. Who is this man who has so much power over my mother?
I uncrumple the piece of paper. She left me his full name.
I take the stairs as fast as I can and switch on my laptop. I grab a drink while it’s starting up and a minute later I’m reading Colin Takahashi’s story. I start out sceptical but I’m crying before I even finish the About Me page. This man has lost everything he loves. And today marks the anniversary of his wife’s death a year ago.
The man Mum has the hots for is a walking emotional disaster area.
What is she doing trying to comfort him today?
My first thought is to speak to Chay. I haven’t told her anything about my father or this Colin person. But she has a knack of saying the perfect thing to clear my mind. She’ll tell me to let Mum worry about herself, and she’ll force me to make a decision about meeting my father. She’ll threaten to bring it up on a daily basis until I commit to something.
I pick up my phone to make the call.
But a message flashes. I click on it and wish I hadn’t. My stomach twists. Lana.
Bet you’re all alone tonight
My heart thumps. This girl hates me and I don’t even know why. I’ll ignore her and hope she goes away.
I sit on my hands to stop myself arguing back but having her attack me here is personal. It’s like she’s here in my room.
In my sanctuary.
She doesn’t stop.
Or is your skanky friend there?
My fingers move before I can think.
Leave her out of it
As soon as I type the words I wish I hadn’t. Now she knows she’s bothered me.
Poor deluded Kath. You think you can trust her? Ha-ha
I log off with shaking hands. Chay is my best friend and I trust her with my life. I do.
But I drop the phone to the floor without dialling her number. I don’t want to say something I might regret. I feel bad enough for engaging with Lana in the first place.
CHAPTER
12
As I wait for Chay on the Saturday night of the party, I check and double-check my reflection in the nearby window. Behind me, Mum jangles her keys impatiently.
‘I’m happy to drive you,’ she repeats.
‘She’ll be here soon.’ I check the time although not even a minute has passed since I last looked. ‘You go, Colin will be waiting.’
They’re meeting for coffee. Again. And I can’t keep the singsong sarcasm completely from my tone. It earns me a glare. But I’m too busy debating changing my boots for flat shoes in case Sebastian likes to dance and doesn’t care that I’m as likely to break his toes as keep in time with the beat.
Mum wasn’t late on Wednesday and didn’t say how her coffee date went. I didn’t want to pry but wasn’t surprised that he didn’t want to linger with another woman when he was missing his wife so badly.
Obviously he’s still happy to string Mum along.
She taps her foot.
‘Go,’ I say again.
It’s always a risk accepting a ride with Chay. If she does something to piss her dad off he’ll happily ground her, no matter how many people are relying on her.
He only lets her go to school stuff because it’s expected of the daughter of one of the town’s business leaders. If nothing else, Chay’s father likes to keep up appearances within the community. She’s learned over the years to use it to her advantage – even if it means she cops it worse afterwards.
I am sure Chay will be on time. She knows how important tonight is for me.
Both because of Sebastian and to show everyone I am not wallowing over Joel. I want to stare down whatever vomit-inducing matching costumes Lana and Joel have chosen without blinking.
For a while last night I worried that Sebastian would cancel. He didn’t show for the soccer game at school and I waited all night for him to text. When he finally did, it was to confirm he’d meet me at the door. And to promise I’d like his outfit.
Lights appear in the driveway. ‘She’s here.’
Mum follows me out the front door, her heels clicking on the stone porch. She hesitates with one hand on the handle. ‘Do you have your key?’
I nod and she locks it behind her.
Chay beeps but I linger. I’m not in such a hurry to leave anymore. ‘Are you going to be late?’ My curfew is midnight tonight. Surely she’ll beat me home.
Mum edges toward the car.
I follow, ignoring Chay’s repeated beeping. ‘You said “friends”.’
She plants her hands on her hips. ‘He needs someone to talk to.’
‘And what do you want from him?’
Her lips press together. ‘Remember who you’re talking to.’
‘I do. My mum, who is chasing some guy she hardly knows, and trying to force a relationship he clearly doesn’t want.’
Her knuckles show white where she grips her keys. ‘Watch your mouth.’
I am past caring. ‘I know he’s nice-looking and he needs you and that feels good, but you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak.’
‘You don’t know anything about me and Colin.’
‘I do. I’ve read his blog.’
‘What?’
I shake my head. ‘You’re my mother and he’s a stranger. Did you think I wouldn’t want to make sure he wasn’t feeding you a line?’
The hard lines around her mouth soften, but only a fraction. ‘You’re an expert now, are you?’
‘Of course not.’ I reach out to her. For a hug or something, but I drop my hands to my sides. ‘I just don’t want you to get hurt.’
‘I know the risks I’m taking. Don’t worry.’ She steps toward me and offers a half lift of her mouth that is almost a smile. ‘Have a good time with your boy. And don’t worry about me.’
My boy. If she was hoping to distract me it’s worked. I remember how much I
don’t want to be late to this event. I take three steps toward my ride before glancing back over my shoulder. Mum is watching me walk away and there’s something on her face I’ve seen too many times since we left the Beige Life. Loneliness.
She catches my eye and her usual mask slips back into place. ‘Take care,’ she calls.
‘You too.’
I open the car door and Chay’s glare is vicious. Except not even her looks can kill. ‘Sorry.’
She huffs and reverses out onto the street. ‘You want to be late?’
‘No.’ I sigh, trying to shake off the gloom of my confrontation with Mum. A few minutes ago I was buzzing.
Focus on tonight. Focus on Sebastian.
For the first time I take in what Chay’s wearing. ‘Leopard skin?’
Her right hand straightens the leg seam of the tightest catsuit I’ve ever seen. ‘Nice kitty,’ she purrs.
The laughter bursts from me and the excitement of the night ahead returns.
The drive to school takes only a few minutes. It’s been a beautiful day but the air already has a night-time chill. I’m glad for the stockings I slipped on under my black miniskirt at the last minute.
I tug at the hem. It’s not short compared to the one I wore as Chay but it’s short enough to leave me exposed and wishing my legs were leaner and more defined. Although Sebastian didn’t seem to mind them the other day.
Chay taps on the steering wheel in time to the music. She’s her usual happy self. The distance I’ve noticed between us recently is gone. I put it down to our differences of opinion regarding Aaron.
Are you sure?
The snaking voice of Lana slithers into my head.
Whatever she thinks she knows about my best friend is a lie. It has to be. Chay wouldn’t keep something from me that our enemy knows.
She didn’t tell you Lana stole her boyfriend.
I glance at Chay again and her yellow-lipstick covered lips split in a grin. ‘It’s gonna be a top night.’
‘For sure,’ I agree. I push Lana and the nagging doubts out of my head.
We park and I try not to wobble as we cross the yard.
As promised, Sebastian is waiting for me at the doors to the gym. His floppy hair is mussed and despite everything he said about not wearing a costume, he’s wearing the biggest pair of spectacles I’ve ever seen and his white shirt has braces and is tucked in hard. His grandfather’s belt holds his pants high and rolled cuffs reveal stark white socks at his ankles and sneakers so white that they shine.
The text message makes sense.
One of his soccer mates distracts him with some banter as they head in so I’m almost at the top step before he notices me. ‘Let me guess … Computer nerd?’
Chay winks and goes on ahead.
Sebastian pushes the glasses higher on his nose and I hold close the knowledge he’s dressed to share our private joke. He adopts a serious frown. ‘This isn’t a costume.’
I nod sagely. ‘Neither is this.’
When he looks at me I feel it as a touch on my body. From my toes to the long black wig I donned for the night. His hand reaches out to brush the black fabric across my shoulders. It lingers like he’s making an excuse to touch me.
‘Where did you find this?’
I dramatically wrap the cape around me and strike a classic villain pose. ‘One of the big antiques shops in the city. It was in the back of an old wardrobe.’
The owner let me have it for free because she couldn’t see the value in a scrap piece of material. Back then it was torn almost completely in two but I stitched it back together and the seam is almost invisible in the fold across my shoulders.
‘Dark and dangerous.’ His lips twitch. ‘Could be a good night ahead.’
‘Promise?’
He makes a show of tugging at the collar of his shirt. ‘You might be too hot for me.’
‘Never,’ I say but in my head I’m celebrating. He said I was hot.
He holds out a flat box. ‘I got you something.’
I frown. ‘A present?’
His crooked grin is impossible to resist. ‘I saw it and thought of you.’ He moves the box behind his back. ‘If you don’t want it …’
Not want it? I’d fight for that small wrapped parcel. ‘I do.’
His eyes twinkle but his hands remain behind his back.
‘Please.’
‘I don’t know …’ He chuckles and hands it to me.
The light brush of his fingertips on my palm makes my hand all fumbly and I almost drop it. I clutch it close to my chest. Enjoying the anticipation for a moment. Mum didn’t have a lot of money when we left the Beige Life, but she’d always make a big deal of my birthday. The pile of presents never failed to blow my mind and I’d draw out the opening of every single one.
Sebastian shifts his weight. ‘Open it already.’
Inside the box is … ‘Another box?’
‘Inside.’
The second box gives way freely beneath my cold, stiff fingers. ‘A notebook?’
The crooked smile becomes shy and his long eyelashes shield his eyes. ‘It’s new stock from the stationery section at work. It has all your favourite colours.’ He moves close and takes it from my hands. As he flips through it he recites, ‘Green, blue, red and yellow. And of course there are some Post-it Notes in the back pocket. You could use it for the movies you’re going to write – with that book you were reading.’
I remember answering his question about my favourite colour with my usual indecisive approach. But I’m amazed he took so much notice.
‘Maybe I will.’ With this notebook in my hand I feel like I could do anything.
He grins. ‘If writing movies is something you want to do you should. I think you’d create something amazing.’
I touch his hand and grip his fingers to keep from floating away. ‘Thank you.’
He ducks his head and his hair falls forward to shield his beautiful eyes. ‘I thought I should buy something after you got Dave’s hopes up for a sale the other night.’
I hug the notebook close. Maybe I will start writing something. ‘It’s perfect. Anything to cheer up Dave.’
We walk in together.
The social committee has done a brilliant job with the gym. Black material drapes every surface and they’ve gone with zombies and vampires for the theme. It’s straight out of a movie stereotype but with Sebastian’s hand in mine it becomes fantastical.
The silver foil stars hanging above our heads could be romantic if I squint. Or maybe it’s because I’m so focused on the boy at my side that everything else becomes a blur.
Some crappy band is thrashing about on the stage and I swear as we walk through the crowd I hear someone say that the organisers should have got Aaron’s band to play.
I must be imagining things. Forget imaginary Aaron. Tonight is about me and Sebastian.
He offers to get me a drink and doesn’t seem annoyed when I can’t choose.
‘Surprise me.’
He returns with cola for him and lemon for me. Because it’s from him, it tastes delicious – all sweet and sour on my tongue. We lean against the wall, sipping. He’s holding my hand and the gentle rub of his thumb against the inside of my wrist is worth the balancing act I’m doing to hold my bag and the drink.
‘Terrible band.’ Instead of yelling over the noise, he’s leaning close and speaking right into my ear. His breath tickles my neck. A delicious shiver spreads through my nerve endings and the hairs on my arms stand on end.
‘Terrible,’ I agree.
He mimes that he doesn’t hear me so I copy his movement, leaning really close. His arm comes around my waist and squeezes me against his body. ‘I knew what you said but I wanted to hold you close,’ he whispers.
This time his lips actually brush my earlobe.
I’m glad he’s holding me because otherwise I’m sure I’d be sliding into a big puddle on the floor at his feet. My whole body is tingling. My super-sensitive skin ache
s for his touch but I fear if he does make contact I’ll explode in a sweet agony.
He glances toward the dance floor where our classmates are thrashing to the beat in a sweaty throng of bodies. ‘You wanna dance?’
Again he speaks right into my ear. Right into my soul.
I have long since lost track of Chay in the crowd. For a heartbeat I feel bad, but then Sebastian’s fingers twist in the long black strands of my wig. It’s not even my hair but it’s so hot and I can’t think of anything but this boy.
The shake of my head brings his lips close to mine and I swear his eyes darken but since the only light in here comes from the flashing lasers near the stage I can’t be sure.
We sip our drinks for a few awkward minutes. All around us, couples are using the shelter of the walls and the folds of material to make out. No one tries to stop them. The teacher circuits are frequent but predictable.
Across the room Bobby Moss dances with awkward enthusiasm to the amusement of a group of kids from his year. He catches my eye and waves mid-gyration.
I wave back.
He glances to my side and his smile widens. It’s another addition to my instinct that Sebastian is a good guy despite his secrets.
‘Should I be worried?’ Sebastian murmurs, his lips on my skin, following the direction of my wave.
‘No.’ I turn to face him and I don’t try to hide how happy I am to be here with him as my date. ‘You’re the only one I want to be with.’
Despite the shadows I can see the smile stretch his lips. ‘Good.’ He leans against the wall at my side. His attention swings between the band and me. Drinking me in with his eyes like a vampire sucking blood. The thought has me imagining his teeth on my neck and I sway toward him, aching for the graze of him against my skin.
Each time our eyes meet we both look away fast.
Is he going to kiss me at last? Here tonight? I edge away without meaning to and he looks down at me with a frown. How do I explain that our first kiss should be special?
‘Outside?’ I blurt.
His frown morphs into the 404 puzzled look that is becoming so familiar. I’m even stranger on the inside, I feel like saying. I tug his hand and he follows.
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