It’s an icy night but we’re not the only students seeking privacy outside. There is a year twelve group around a table in the centre of the space but most couples have drifted away to find their own private places.
A teacher comes outside right behind us. I try to appear innocent, and probably look like I’m planning a bank hold-up or something. She glares at pairs of students who duly leap apart to an acceptable distance but she soon shivers and heads back inside. The sigh of relief rises in unison and I notice the glint of a glass bottle being passed around the table.
A girl’s hand – or more accurately a kitty’s – lifts in the slightest of acknowledgements. Chay. I nod but try not to let Sebastian see I’m interested in anyone but him and the way he’s holding my hand.
His head jerks toward the table. ‘You want to sit with them?’
Too late. ‘No.’
His mouth curves in something like a smile but with more intensity. More intent.
We wander toward the fence, skirting other couples, making for our own corner. Thanks to a thick wooden post holding up the shelter, we’re hidden from the kids at the table and other than the distant throb of the music from inside we’re almost alone.
His hand rests above my head so I’m encircled between his body and the post. My bag with the notebook drops to the ground at my feet.
‘I’ve been thinking about kissing you,’ he murmurs.
‘Me too.’ It comes out as a squeak. ‘I mean, I’ve been thinking about kissing you too.’
But he doesn’t touch me. I’ve given him the green light. I pretty much begged him to kiss me, and he’s standing there completely not making a move.
My shoulders droop and my smile quivers as the moments tick past. A peal of laughter rings across the courtyard from the table in the centre. Everyone else is having fun.
If he’s waiting for me to kiss him it will be a long night. I want to. I do. But he’s so cool and smart and mature that my nerves paralyse me.
Why won’t you kiss me?
He’s looking into my eyes but he’s far away. ‘I’m not sure I should do this.’
It’s like he heard my question. ‘Why?’
‘There’s so much you don’t know.’
‘What? You’re actually an alien and tentacles are about to sprout from your brain? You’re a vampire? It’s okay. Go ahead, I don’t mind.’ I clear a spot on my neck to prove my point.
He laughs. Totally not the response I was looking for. ‘I do like you, Kathleen McKenny.’
I never knew my name could sound beautiful but Sebastian’s lips have done just that. I swallow. ‘I like you too.’
This statement moves him to action at last. He presses closer and the length of his body eases mine back onto the post. Splinters poke into the space between my scalp and the wig but I don’t care.
My heart thumps in time to the drum beat.
Sebastian is about to kiss me. His head lowers, blocking out the twinkling fairy lights strung up around the courtyard, strangely at odds with the gory theme inside. I breathe in his warm scent. Closer.
And suddenly a girl’s shout breaks the relative silence.
‘I’m leaving! I have better places to be.’
Sebastian’s head jerks up.
I swear under my breath.
I know that high-pitched, superior voice. Lana ruin-my-life Elliot strikes again. Could this girl have any worse timing?
I’m left clutching at air as Sebastian moves toward the sound of her angry accusations and Joel’s low-toned pleading for her to stay. I straighten my wig and follow.
The scene plays out in front of the table of onlookers. And of course Sebastian, her protective big brother.
Tonight Lana is dressed to seduce. The nurse’s outfit barely covers her underwear and the zip up the middle is lowered to reveal her white lacy bra. No wonder Joel – dressed as the doctor counterpart – is staring at her with his tongue hanging out. So are half the boys at the table.
The argument was obviously mid-makeout because her bright red lipstick is smeared across her cheek and her hair is coming loose. On her it’s sexy. Looking like that in high school should be illegal. It’s impossible for any normal girl to compete.
And a glance around the table shows every female is thinking the same thing. Chay is positively green.
Joel is trying to lead Lana away but she’s not budging. He holds her hand carefully, as if she might bite. And with good reason too, judging by the marks on his neck.
‘I do love you, baby,’ he says softly. ‘We can go wherever you want.’
Apparently it’s not enough. She pulls her hands free and plants them on her hips.
‘I wish I’d never come to this stupid party. Honestly, you are so immature.’ She looks him up and down. Her lips shine with vicious intent. ‘I can do so much better than you.’
She spins on impossibly high heels and is gone before anyone can take in what has happened.
Joel stares after her with wide eyes. His pain is so raw I have to look away. But when I turn back it’s to meet Sebastian’s gaze. He was watching me watch Joel and there’s a shadow of doubt in his eyes.
I want to explain but I don’t know how. Or exactly what it is I want to say.
He puts his hands in his pockets and the closeness we had a minute ago is gone. His shoulders hunch. ‘I have to go after my sister.’
I nod.
It’s the wrong answer. Sebastian shakes his head and kicks at the ground before striding away.
CHAPTER
13
Sebastian doesn’t look back.
What was I supposed to say? Instinct has me scanning for Chay. She’ll know what to do. But she’s gone too. The only people left out in the courtyard are a couple of guys from the soccer team I don’t know very well.
I head back inside. None of my friends are on the dance floor and the girls’ bathroom is lacking anyone I might want to find. I keep replaying the last few moments with Sebastian.
Did he think I wanted to stay with Joel? How could he?
I don’t hide behind posts and almost kiss boys I don’t have serious like feelings for.
As my feet begin to ache my heart follows, but at the same time I’m pissed. He’s the one who walked out on me.
To chase a sister perfectly capable of looking after herself.
I finally find Sebastian by the gym doors. His shirt is untucked and his hair is as messy as I’ve seen it. As I approach, he looks up and crosses to meet me. My annoyance drains away.
He stops an arm’s reach away and he’s stiff and awkward. ‘I thought you wanted to comfort your ex.’
I think about pointing out that Joel and I were never actually together. Or that what I thought I felt for Joel pales to nothing compared to the way I feel about Sebastian. But I keep it simple. ‘No.’
He smiles like I’ve given him a present. ‘Want to help me find my stupid sister?’
Looking for Lana? Not high on my list of ways I want this night to end – but if it’s with Sebastian …
‘Let me call Chay. She was supposed to be my ride home.’ It rings and rings but she doesn’t answer. Sebastian is looking at the door.
‘Are you sure she’s definitely left the building?’ I ask as I try Chay again.
He points to the young teacher on the door. It’s Mr Jones from detention and he doesn’t look well. Again. ‘Jonesey reckons she stormed out a minute ago.’
Chay’s still not answering. If she’s on the dance floor she probably can’t even hear her phone ringing.
Our town is pretty safe at night but Lana was angry. I can tell Sebastian’s still worried by the way he keeps glancing outside and checking his phone, but I’m hesitant to leave the school without letting my friend know where I’ve gone. ‘You go ahead.’
‘Once I go out, I can’t come back in.’
He wants me to go with him.
I wobble on the brink of a decision. To stay or to go?
He holds out a ha
nd.
‘Okay.’ I breathe agreement and take a step toward the door but a lifetime of doing the right thing stops me. I hold up my phone. ‘One more try.’
At last Chay answers. She must be outside because I can’t hear the band thrashing in the background. ‘What’s up?’ she asks. She sounds distracted.
I meet Sebastian’s gaze. ‘I wanted to let you know. Um … Sebastian is going to give me a ride home.’
He nods to confirm.
There’s the sound of someone talking to her in the background but I can’t make out the voice. ‘Okay. Bye,’ she says and hangs up.
I blink. ‘I guess that’s it. I’m coming with you.’
Sebastian’s smile wipes away my friend’s strange behaviour. I walk next to him out into the darkness. It’s not as cold as earlier. Or maybe it’s because I’m with Sebastian.
He looks down at me and slips an arm around my shoulders. ‘This isn’t the way I planned for tonight to go.’
‘You had plans?’
I feel his chuckle against my side. ‘Only for you.’
I think more nasty thoughts about Lana. Why did she choose tonight to have a fight with Joel? She went to so much effort to get him to bring her here, I would have thought she’d want to revel in her victory.
‘Where will you look?’ I ask.
He unlocks an old black Camry.
‘Is this yours?’ I ask.
‘It was. Now it’s more a second family car. My parents let me take it tonight because of Lana.’
That explains why I usually see him on foot. And the car seat in the back. I assume it’s Poppy’s.
It is strange to get into a car with a baby seat in the back. I find it hard enough to understand Lana as his sister, but this baby I’ve never seen just doesn’t mesh with what I know of their very ordinary, if private, family.
He starts the car and then checks his phone again. A text has just arrived. ‘One of Lana’s friends thinks she might be meeting someone later.’
‘Really?’ I try to sound casual but I’m not. Despite the cosy warmth of Sebastian’s car, it feels like a bucket of ice has just been tipped down my back. ‘Another boy?’
‘Some guy she’s met online.’
‘Aaron?’
His head snaps up. ‘You know him too?’
The cold feeling is spreading across my skin and filling my belly with a hard block of ice. ‘Everyone is friends with Aaron.’
His green eyes search my face. I hope his ability to see inside me fails.
What has Chay had Aaron say to Lana to make her think she can meet him tonight?
My fingers twitch, wanting to check Aaron’s status, but I can’t with Sebastian so close. He’d wonder how well I know him. He already thinks I’m still pining for Joel.
But the need to know is making my fingers clench on the phone.
I haven’t been online since yesterday. I’ve been busy planning my special date with Sebastian. Too busy to think about a fake boy.
Apparently Chay and Lana haven’t had the same problem.
I think back to Chay’s confidence about a great night ahead. Even more than me she’s wanted to see Lana get what she deserves. What has she planned?
I look up from my phone and Sebastian is staring at me. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Fine. Why?’
‘You’re pale and acting strange. Have you been listening to me at all?’
I force a light laugh. ‘Just trying to think of where Lana might have gone.’
‘But I told you twice. Lana’s friend thinks she might try to get to the city to see this guy’s band.’
‘To the bus station then?’
He starts the car. We have to find Lana at the bus station. The only other way to get to the city without a car is to hike out of town and then hitch. On a Saturday night that’s asking for trouble.
And it could be my fault.
I scan the footpaths, hyperaware of the scenery creeping past outside the window. Sebastian is staring hard at the road and never strays one kilometre over the speed limit. I want to ask him why he’s driving at a crawl if he’s so worried about his sister, but I don’t think criticising him for his driving will help anyone.
I have to do something.
I hold up my phone. ‘I could check where Aaron’s band’s playing?’ I’m logged on before his reply is out of his mouth. There’s nothing obvious about a meeting with Lana on Aaron’s public wall and I can’t log in as him. But there’s information about his band’s gig tonight.
I work out the location and explain it to Sebastian.
His jaw sets. ‘If we don’t find her here or the road, we’ll head there.’ He doesn’t look away from the road but tosses his phone perfectly in my lap. ‘Can you keep trying to call?’
‘Sure.’
I press Lana’s number and listen to it skip straight to messages. Not that I know what I’ll say if she actually answers.
I don’t need to worry. She still hasn’t answered when we pull up at the bus station.
Sebastian is out the door in a moment and I’m not far behind. While I’m in no hurry to see Lana, I can’t escape the fact that I am partly to blame for tonight’s mess.
I round the corner to see Sebastian kneeling next to one of the plastic benches. Lana’s holding her head in her hands. The tremble in her shoulders tells me she’s either on the verge of tears or already crying. I stand back.
It’s only been twenty minutes but she’s no longer the sexy, fiery girl she was back at the school. Her hair is in a tangle and the white nurse’s dress is smeared with dust and grease.
She seems small and vulnerable next to her brother. More like the Lana I’ve interacted with as Aaron.
Until she looks up.
Then she all but snarls. ‘What did you bring her for?’
Sebastian ignores the question. ‘Let’s get you home.’
She stands at his request, but the ice in her expression makes me pull my cape more tightly around me as she trudges past.
‘Thanks,’ Sebastian mouths.
I’m relieved when he directs Lana to the back seat, but uncomfortable knowing she’s sitting behind me.
Thanks to the angle of the mirrors I can see her glaring at me from the back seat as once again Sebastian concentrates on the road. She’s leaning against the baby seat like she’s trying to make sure I see it.
Hello, I know about your little sister.
‘Lana, I’ll drop you home first,’ says Sebastian.
Lana gives up her glaring war with me and gives him her full attention. ‘Mum and Dad will freak.’
His jaw tightens. ‘You think I don’t know that?’
Is this about me or Lana’s state of dishevelment?
The answer comes as Lana performs a kind of magic trick in the back seat. Her small handbag opens to reveal a surprising array of products. Including make-up wipes.
Within a minute her face is clean and free of make-up smears. She brushes her hair, shrugs into a long jacket and the slutty nurse is gone.
Sebastian’s hands are tight on the steering wheel. ‘What the hell were you thinking, Lana?’
It’s something a dad would say. I guess. I don’t have anything personal to draw on but he sounds pissed.
Lana shrugs and her lower lip comes out.
Sebastian isn’t done. ‘I told Mum I’d bring you home, and you disappear to a bus station without telling anyone?’
Her arms fold. ‘I told Macy.’
He shoots a glare over his shoulder. ‘You should have told me. And then I could have said you were mental to go off after some guy you met online just because you fought with Joel.’
‘Aaron’s my friend.’
Sebastian makes a gagging sound at her declaration of friendship. ‘He could be some sixty-year-old sleazebag on the prowl for stupid girls like you.’
I sink further into the seat and push my face against the window willing my cheeks not to burn and my forehead to lose the neon sign I imagine
flashing, KATH IS AARON.
This conversation has nothing to do with me.
‘Don’t you think I’d know the difference,’ she retorts. ‘We’ve spent ages talking and I know him better than anyone.’ She sighs. ‘It doesn’t matter, I didn’t make it out of town anyway.’
‘Thankfully.’
‘Like you care. You’re only worried about explaining my disappearance to Mum and Dad and them locking you up for life.’
‘I’m worried about you.’ His soft tone has a ring of sincerity and I can hear Lana squirming in the back seat. Maybe she’s not as immune to other people’s feelings as she seems.
‘I’m not an idiot, okay? I know Aaron.’
‘You think you do.’
As Sebastian slows to a stop in front of a nice double storey with the porch light left on she gives us both one last glare in the rear vision mirror. ‘She’s not worth it.’
I find the door handle. We’re only a few blocks from home. I could run.
In the dark.
My fear isn’t what keeps me still. Sebastian’s hand brushes my knee. His smile is all for me and the intensity of it brings a lump to my throat. He doesn’t even spare Lana a glance. ‘Yes. She is.’
The car door slams.
The screen door at the house opens and a woman’s dark head peeks out toward us, but Sebastian is already driving away.
‘You don’t have to get in trouble for me,’ I say when we’re a block away.
‘That’s where you’re wrong. I absolutely have to get in trouble for you. You’re the only person at that school worth getting in trouble for.’
Me? Ordinary Kathleen McKenny? His words leave me heady but I can’t quite believe they’re about me.
‘I can walk from here,’ I try again.
‘Let me drive you home. Please.’
‘If you insist.’
Knowing he’ll get in trouble for being out with me, I fully expect Sebastian to drive me straight home but he detours past the park. He stops beneath an old red gum tree and I know we’re almost hidden from the road.
This late at night the playground’s deserted. The swings sway with each gust of wind and the wooden climbing frame is a ghost town of turrets and ladders.
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