by Ashlee Price
"The gym," he breathes out.
I hold my hair back with one hand and wrap my lips around his cock. I take it slowly inside my mouth, letting it glide across my tongue and hollowing out my cheeks to make space.
Steff grunts.
I look up and see his hooded eyes and his flushed cheeks. I can see the lines running along the taut muscles of his chest and abdomen.
Come to think of it, in the past, I wasn't really paying attention to his upper body. Now that I am, the sight of it sends a fresh burst of excitement through my veins. I notice the faded scar on his left side for the first time, too, somewhere between his ribs.
I let his cock go and lift my head to kiss it. Steff shivers in response.
Then I continue. I don't really remember how I did what I did last time, but I try to fit his cock slowly inside my mouth all the way to the back of my throat. Just as it's about to push down my throat, though, Steff grips my shoulders.
"If you do that, I won't be able to last," he threatens.
I stare at him.
Half of me wants him to lose control and explode in my mouth, but the half that wants to be connected with him prevails.
Now that the bond between us feels stronger, I want to feel one with him.
I pull away.
Steff removes my shirt and pulls me towards the bed. Then he pulls off the rest of my clothes and climbs on top of me.
He kisses my mouth, my neck and my breasts. Then he settles between my legs and grips my thighs.
For the first time, I lift my head to watch Steff as he enters me. I hold my breath as he slides the tip in and then let out a loud gasp as he fills me all the way to the brim with one thrust.
"Are you alright?" Steff asks hoarsely.
I nod and put my arms around his back. My legs entwine around his waist. I push lightly against him.
"Give me all you've got."
Steff frowns and I feel puzzled.
Did I say something wrong?
Then he starts moving. Fast.
The bed creaks. The cries from my gaping mouth fill the room.
I cling to Steff as he pounds into me.
I feel on the verge of breaking, but I don't care.
My body is his to claim. My heart is his to own.
My vision blurs with fresh tears, but I strive to keep my eyes open so I can stare at his face. His eyebrows are furrowed, his nostrils flared. I can see the lines of tension on his chin.
Then Steff moves even faster, without a rhythm now, and my eyes squeeze shut as a cry escapes my throat. My hips rise as my head falls back against the mattress. My nails dig into his skin.
He manages one more thrust, even deeper than before, and then he explodes inside me. Grunts vibrate low in his throat.
When he collapses on top of me, I wrap my arms around him and plant a kiss on his shoulder.
"I love you, Steff," I whisper.
Steff lifts himself up to look into my eyes. His are the warmest I've ever seen. His lips curve into a smile and my chest tightens all over again, but it's the words I hear next that make my heart stop, melt and explode all at the same time.
"And I love you, Jess."
Chapter 26
Steff
I do love her, I think as I run my hands through Jess's hair.
Just by looking at her sleeping face, warmth and peace wash over me. At the memory of what happened last night, pride and joy burst in my chest.
I've never felt like this before. I've fancied women, yes. I've been attracted to them. I've wanted to have them.
But this is nothing like that. I don't just want to have her. I want her to give herself wholly to me and I want to give myself to her. I want to protect her. I want to be strong for her. I want to make her stronger.
I don't even know why. She's not as stunning as the women back home vying for my affections. She's rough around the edges. She's a crybaby. She has a short temper. She's a child.
But I love her just the same.
I take her hand and press a reverent kiss on my ring, which she hasn't taken off her thumb since Florida. With the gesture, I make a vow.
Jess, I will treasure you no matter what.
"Good morning." Her voice breaks into my thoughts.
I smile. "I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"
Jess shakes her head.
I brush the hair off her cheeks and stroke it. "Good morning."
She presses a kiss against my palm.
The tiny gesture reminds me of how bold she was last night, and I grin.
"You've changed," I tell her.
"Maybe," Jess says. "After all, they say love changes everything."
I shrug. "Maybe."
I slide my hand down to her jaw and to her neck. I lift her hair.
"You know, you haven't told me about your tattoo," I remind her. "Why a moth?"
"Because I'm plain and not easily noticed," Jess answers.
I frown.
"That's not true. You're only plain because you choose to be plain. If you wanted to stand out, you could."
"But that's too much trouble," she says. "Besides, when you're in the shadows, you're not afraid of them."
My eyebrows crease. "Is that the poetic songwriter in you speaking?"
"Don't make fun of me." Jess punches my arm playfully.
"I wasn't."
She glances over her shoulder. "Also, it's a moth because I like the night better than the day. Simple."
I nod. "I see."
She sits up. "And what about you? Do you have a tattoo?"
I turn around so she can see the howling wolf on my lower back.
"A wolf?" Jess takes a close look. "That's cool."
"My parents didn't think so. They threatened to have me skinned."
"What?" She runs her fingers over it. "Why did you get it?"
"I was being rebellious, as usual," I answer.
And because I wanted the pain from the needle to help me forget the pain from losing to Osvald in a tournament.
Jess moves in front of me. "And what about your scar? How did you get that?"
I glance down at my chest.
"A knife. I was careless."
The wound is already completely healed, thanks to Danni's treatment and the verise, that rare herb endemic only to Brelv that accelerates wound healing, which she applied on it afterwards.
Jess hugs a pillow and rests her chin on it. "So are you going to tell me who that woman was?"
That woman?
Ah, I remember.
"Her name is Danni. She's just a friend, although she practically grew up with me."
"Is she from a rich family, too?"
"Yes. She just wanted to see if I was alright."
"Did she try to convince you to come home?"
"Yeah, she did. But I told her I wasn't leaving you."
Jess blushes and buries her face further into the pillow.
I reach for her hand. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about her."
Jess looks at me. "What about the presents?"
"They were for my sisters."
"Ah."
"And the trip to the consulate? What did you do there?"
"She went to talk to someone," I answer.
"And the ticket?"
I exhale. "You really went through my things, didn't you?"
She just looks at me.
"It's my return ticket," I explain. "I've had it all this time. But I'm not using it anytime soon, and not without you."
Jess looks away. Then she straightens up and scratches her head. "I'm sorry I accused you of... a lot of things."
I shake my head. "You were just jealous."
She frowns. "Don't remind me. It's an awful feeling."
I squeeze her hand. "I will do my best not to make you feel it again."
"So Danni's gone now?" Jess asks.
I nod. "She left last night."
"And is there anything else you want to tell me? Any other secrets I might need to know so we don't misunderstand each other
anymore?"
I pause.
There is, of course, still one more secret. The big one.
I've been thinking about it all night. I've decided I should tell Jess in spite of my fears. I should choose trust over fear. That's what love means. Besides, only when she knows who I really am and loves me for it can this love we share be real.
But not right now.
"Actually, there is something I want to tell you," I say to her.
Jess's eyebrows arch. "What?"
"I'll tell you after your final show with your band," I promise her. "After I hear your song."
Jess frowns. "That's not fair."
"It's only a few days."
"Why not now? Why...?"
Jess trails off and clasps her hand over her mouth.
"Jess?"
She runs out of the room. I follow her to the bathroom and find her throwing up over the toilet. I gather her hair in my hand and pull it back.
The belching sounds go on for a few more minutes before Jess finally flushes the toilet and gets up. She heads to the sink and washes her face and mouth.
"Sorry you had to see that... again."
I shake my head. "It makes me feel nostalgic."
Jess chuckles. "Yeah, you did that when we first met, too."
I nod.
"Back when I thought you were a girl," she adds.
I grin. I remember it well.
"You didn't drink last night, though," I tell her with narrowed eyes. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I'm just..."
She wobbles and I put my arm around her to keep her from falling.
"I don't think you're okay."
"I'm just... dizzy," Jess tells me. "Maybe it's because of everything that went on yesterday."
"Well, it's a good thing it's your day off." I help her out of the bathroom. "You can rest today."
"But I need to finish the song," Jess protests. "Like you said, there's only a few days..."
She covers her mouth again.
"Bathroom?" I ask.
Jess shakes her head. "I'm just a little nauseous. That's all."
"You really should rest today. You haven't been taking care of yourself lately."
"But..."
"I'll take care of you," I promise her.
Jess's lips curve into a grin. "In that case, I'll take you up on your offer."
~
She seems to be feeling better, I think as I set the mug of coffee down on the coffee table that evening.
Jess's cheeks have more color now, and she hasn't thrown up all day. She slept all afternoon, but now she seems refreshed and she's back to writing her song.
"How are you feeling?" I ask her as I sit beside her.
"Good." She puts the guitar down. "Like I said, maybe it's just stress from everything that happened yesterday."
I nod.
I glance at her closed notebook. "How's the song going?"
"Almost done." Jess picks up the mug. "It just needs some final tweaks."
"That's good to hear."
She lifts a finger. "Don't you forget that you have something to tell me afterwards."
"I won't," I promise her.
Jess sighs. "You're keeping me in suspense, you know, so this secret better be worth it."
I shrug. "I guess you'll find out."
She frowns.
I get off the couch. "At any rate, I'm glad you're feeling fine. Maybe you just needed some pampering."
"I'm not a baby," she says with a glare.
"You sure cry like one sometimes."
Her frown deepens.
I pinch her cheek lightly. "Just kidding."
"And here I thought you'd be nicer to me."
"Because I'm your boyfriend now?"
Jess blushes.
I guess she's still not used to that word.
"By the way, I just remembered something," Jess says. "Didn't you say something about sex strengthening the immune system? Apparently, you're wrong, because I felt unwell today."
"I thought you said it was because you were tired," I tell her. "Though we could definitely have sex more often if you want."
Her blush intensifies.
I lean over to whisper in her ear. "And that's not a joke."
I start to walk off, but Jess grabs my arm.
"One more thing."
I turn around. "What?"
"You have a phone, don't you?"
So she saw that, too. Then there's no point denying it.
"Yeah."
"How come you've never used it?" Jess asks me.
I shrug. "Because I didn't want to pay roaming charges?"
Jess doesn't look convinced.
"Because I didn't want to get calls from home," I confess.
That seems to do it.
She lets my hand go. "You should use it, though, or get a new one. That way, you can call me if you need to go off somewhere, and I can call you if I need anything."
"Sure."
I was already considering that anyway.
"Also, so you can call to tell me you love me whenever you want," I add.
Jess scowls.
"Just kidding." I grin.
Then again, that doesn't sound so bad.
Chapter 27
Jess
"This is bad," I tell Lisbeth as I sit down and rub my temples. "I'm having a headache again."
She throws me a puzzled look. "Again?"
"I've been having headaches these past few days," I tell her. "They go on and off. Also, sometimes, I feel dizzy."
"Have you been eating well?" Lisbeth asks.
"The usual amount," I answer. "I don't think I've eaten anything weird, though I do feel nauseous sometimes."
"Have you been sleeping well?"
"Well, I've been staying up late to finish the song." I put my hands down and sit back. "I finally finished it last night and I think it sounds great. You better come and hear it tonight."
"I already said I'd be there, okay? Tomorrow is my day off, after all."
"I just hope my head feels better tonight," I say. "It usually goes away, but if it doesn't, I guess I'll finally take an aspirin."
Lisbeth leans over me. "Or maybe a kiss from your boyfriend will do the trick.
I frown.
I wasn't going to tell her about it, actually, but Steff dropped by yesterday and I was forced to spill the beans. Lisbeth ended up jumping up and down so much that I had to hold her and then lie to Tom that it was because Steff had a friend to introduce to her. After all, I couldn't very well tell Tom that Steff was my boyfriend when... well, he already knew that.
Lisbeth sighs. "I wish he really did have a friend he could introduce me to, though."
I shrug. "Maybe he does."
"You think?"
Just then, the chime behind Lisbeth rings.
I stand up. "I'll get it."
"Sure?"
I grab the plate of eggs on toast, but as I lift it, the aromas of the egg yolk and the garlic from the bread assault my nostrils. A wave of nausea washes over me and my stomach churns. My head spins and the plate falls from my hand.
"Whoa!" Lisbeth catches it just in time.
"Sorry." I lean against the wall.
"Are you okay?" she asks.
The smells from the plate drift up to my nose again and I pinch it.
"Just take that away from me."
She goes off to deliver the dish. I head to the bathroom and close the door behind me. Only then do I let go of my nose. I grip the edges of the sink and close my eyes as I force deep breaths into my lungs.
Breathe, Jess. Breathe.
The scent of lavender from the freshener swirls around me and my stomach calms down. The nausea passes.
I open my eyes.
Thank goodness.
"Jess, are you alright?" Lisbeth asks outside the door.
I open it and she comes in.
She cups my cheeks. "What happened to you?"
"I'm fine," I tell her. "Thank you fo
r rescuing the plate."
"You seemed to be allergic to it."
I shake my head. "It's not allergies. It's... The smell was just..."
Just remembering it makes me queasy.
Lisbeth gasps.
I throw her a puzzled look. "What?"
"Jess, when was the last time you had your period?"
"Last month, I think."
Or was it the month before?
"I'm not very regular. Sometimes it comes on the first week, sometimes on the third week. Sometimes, when I'm sick or stressed, it gets delayed for days, and I have been stressed and sick lately. Why?"
"And you're not on pills, right?"
My eyebrows crinkle. "No."
"And Steff's never used a condom."
My eyes narrow. "Not that I know of."
I've never seen him use one. In fact, I've never seen one out of its box.
Lisbeth grabs my shoulders. "You know what I'm getting at, right?"
"Huh?"
"Jess, you might be pregnant."
~
I stare at the blue-and-white pregnancy test I've just taken out of the box.
It feels light in my hands, and it looks relatively simple. No lights. No batteries. No buttons.
Can this device really tell me if I'm pregnant?
Pregnant.
When Lisbeth first mentioned that word, I thought it was impossible. There's no way I can be pregnant. It's never even remotely crossed my mind.
But then Lisbeth enumerated the facts to support her theory.
I'm a woman past puberty, but not too far past.
I have a boyfriend who I've been having unprotected sex with for a while now.
I haven't had my period.
I've thrown up for no reason.
I have headaches.
I feel tired all the time.
I feel dizzy and nauseous.
I hate the smell of eggs and garlic. And maybe even cilantro. And sausages.
I even remember that my breasts were a bit more tender and sensitive the last time Steff and I had sex. At the time I thought it was just because I was excited to be with a man who felt the same way for me as I did for him.
Yup. The signs were there, which was why I had no choice but to give in to Lisbeth's suggestion and buy a pregnancy test.
Now, here I am, back in the bathroom and about to try out her crazy suggestion.
But is it really crazy?
What if I am pregnant?
Am I ready to be a mother?
Suddenly, my conversation with Josh floods back.
What did I say to him again? That no one was ever ready but that everyone could do it?