The Only Way: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice

by Ola Wegner

  The club was relatively empty, but he met a few of his closer acquaintances. They loudly congratulated him on his upcoming wedding, asking where he was hiding his lovely bride. He explained that as Elizabeth had lost her father a short time ago and was in deep mourning, the wedding would be a quiet one, including only the closest family.

  He was not one to divulge his private matters to those men or anyone else, for that matter, but today he purposively spoke about what happened to his sister and wife to be. They listened eagerly perhaps because it was such a rare occurrence that Darcy spoke about his private life. After a few hours, the small crowd gathered around him, and his story was repeated several times to the newcomers, being even enriched by new details.

  Darcy made a point to warn everyone against entering into any relations with Annette. They all nodded their heads, agreeing that there was no future for her in London after what she had done. They were all extremely compassionate about his predicament, and this act of male solidarity, with a few glasses of a good wine, made him feel slightly less miserable. He had even received some advice on how to return into his lady’s good graces. He knew that they would be useless though, as Elizabeth was not one to be placated with jewels or a house in Bath.

  All the present men came to the agreement that in the current situation, sadly he would be starting his married life with separate bedrooms. Darcy, however, was the least concerned about it. All he wished for was Elizabeth’s forgiveness. She could not break the engagement, she would not do that.

  It was after ten when Darcy stumbled into his house. He was glad that his horse knew the way home so well; because he was more asleep than alert during the ride. The servant who opened the door gave him only one look, and took him under his arm, dragging him upstairs. He doubted whether it was necessary. He was not that drunk.

  He lay on the bed as his valet pulled off his long riding boots. He waved him away when the man wanted to help to remove his clothes.

  He was dozing off, filled with a pleasant half dream of Elizabeth resting by his side, stroking his forehead like the time when he had a headache.

  “Where have you been?” he heard an angry voice above him.

  With an effort, he lifted to a sitting position. Georgiana stood in front of him in her white nightclothes, her hands placed on her hips.

  “I have been to see Elizabeth,” he answered.

  Her eyes narrowed. “For so long? The Gardiners retire early.”

  He stared at her. “How can you know that?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Because they have small children.”

  “I had some business to attend later on,” he acknowledged.

  “Have you visited that woman?”

  He nodded. “I had a conversation with her before I went to the club. It is finished.” he murmured.

  “Good.”

  He frowned, realizing that he was answering to his baby sister as if she was his parent. “I do not see any reason why I should explain myself to you,” he spoke with as much dignity as he could manage in his present state.

  Georgiana ignored his words. “Has Elizabeth forgiven you?”

  He shook his head no.

  Georgiana sighed. “Will you go to see her tomorrow?”

  “Yes.”

  “I hope that you will convince her to take you back. If not, I will go to live with Aunt Eleanor in Matlock. She has offered many times to let me stay with them. Cousin Richard is my guardian too, after all. They will not refuse me.”

  With these words, she turned on her heel, and without as much as a good night, she left him alone, closing the door loudly after herself.

  He laid back and stared at the canopy. He could not understand why matters had gone so badly for him. Where had he made a mistake?

  He knew how bad the situation looked from Elizabeth’s perspective. If someone had done something like that to Georgiana, he would have torn him apart.

  He had thought that he could trust Annette. He was gravely mistaken. She seemed so controlled and reasonable.

  It was surely his fault that he had not taken a closer look at the source of the bills Annette had been sending to his solicitor. He should have noticed that she had used the same shop as his sister.

  Elizabeth thought that he had betrayed her in the worst way. He was stupid. He should have explained to her the situation with Annette in greater detail when she had asked. At that time, though, he had been of the opinion there was no need to bother her with the details of his less than glorious past.

  She would have been disappointed with him, perhaps, but she would not have hated him, like he surely did now.

  With great effort, he rolled himself to the edge of the large bed, and made his limbs move in the direction of the chest of drawers. He retrieved Elizabeth’s shawl from it. She had left it here yesterday, and he had intended to return it to her today.

  He took off his coat, and after some struggle, and without strangling himself, he managed to remove his neck cloth. He took a large pillow from the bed, draping Elizabeth's shawl over it. Then he hugged the pillow, burying his nose in it, and lay down on the bed, curling into a fetal position.

  Tomorrow he would talk to her and convince her to take him back.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Are you feeling better today?” Mrs. Gardiner enquired, sitting on the edge of the bed.

  Elizabeth was wrapped in a blanket, still in her nightclothes, even though it was early afternoon. “I am simply tired. I want to stay in my room.”

  Mrs. Gardiner reached her hand to move away the long, now uncurled fringe which fell over Elizabeth’s face. “You may stay here, of course you may. God knows that you had so little time to yourself over the last weeks.”

  “Thank you,” Elizabeth whispered, before fixating her eyes on the unknown point in front of her.

  Mrs. Gardiner stroked her arm, “Dear girl, I respect your privacy, and I understand you do not wish to speak about it - still, I need to know one thing.”

  Elizabeth looked at her expectantly, waiting for the question.

  “Jenny told me that she heard raised voices when Mr. Darcy came here yesterday. Did he hurt you?”

  Elizabeth sighed. “As I told you, we had an argument, but I really do not wish to talk about it.”

  “I must ask, Lizzy, though your uncle thinks I am being silly to think this.” Mrs. Gardiner bit down on her lip. “Did he mistreat you?” She paused. “Did he force himself on you? Hit you?”

  Elizabeth stared at her unblinkingly for a moment. “No, of course not! No, God no!” she exclaimed. “It is not what you are thinking. To be truthful, it was I who...,” she shook her head, closing her eyes. “He has his faults, but I do not believe that he would ever raise his hand to me. I have tasted his temper more than once, and he never... He can be stubborn, but never violent. Please, do not ask me more. Please.”

  Mrs. Gardiner nodded. “Very well. As you wish.” She gave her a small smile. “The children have been asking about you. Can they come here?”

  “Of course. I am always happy to see them,” Elizabeth assured.

  “I will send them to you. Do not fret though; they will not bother you for too long.”

  Mrs. Gardiner left, and not five minutes later, the little Gardiners came in. The twins, Emily and Robert, were the first to run in, while the eldest, Anne, walked calmly behind them, carrying Fred in her arms.

  “Are you sick, Lizzy?” Emily asked.

  Elizabeth smiled at the girl. “No, I am well, only tired.”

  “Papa said that you were overwhelmed,” Robbie informed. “What does it mean, overwhelmed, Lizzy?”

  “It means that I am sad and tired,” she explained.

  “Why are you sad?” Emily wanted to know.

  “You should not be asking Lizzy about that,” Anne interjected. “Uncle Bennet, Lizzy’s papa, died not a long time ago, and ‘tis why she is sad.”

  Peter nodded. “We would be sad too if our papa died.”

  “Do
not even say such things, Robert Gardiner,” his elder sister scolded him, causing the boy to hang his head.

  Little Fred chose this moment to mark his presence. “Da..., da..., dada...,” he grunted, reaching tiny hands in the direction of Elizabeth.

  Elizabeth laughed. “What is he saying?”

  “We are not certain. He started saying it yesterday,” Anne explained as she stepped closer, placing the baby on the foot of the bed. Fred did not waste any time and crawled busily to Elizabeth.

  He sat himself next to her and patted her arm with energy. “Dada... dada. Da!” the boy exclaimed.

  “What do you wish little one?” Elizabeth cooed, taking his pudgy fingers to her face and kissing them.

  The baby laughed and rolled on his back. She brought the warm, small body to herself, inhaling the sweet baby’s scent.

  “It is time for his nap,” Anne noted, as her brother was nestling against Elizabeth’s side, his eyelids drooping.

  “Leave him with me. I will watch him as he sleeps,” she said, stroking the boy’s mostly bald head. He had only a small tuft of hair above the forehead. The Gardiners’ children were all blond, like their parents.

  “Very well, Lizzy,” Anne spoke, taking Emily’s and Robbie’s hands, indicating that it was time for them to go.

  Emily dragged her feet though. “Can I stay?” she whined.

  “Mama said that we should not bother Lizzy,” the older girl reminded her.

  “I will be very quiet. I will not be a bother,” Emily promised.

  Anne gave her a doubtful look, but let go of her hand. Before she and Robbie left, she wished Elizabeth a good rest. Elizabeth was always amazed at how mature and polite Anne was, especially for her age. She was only nine, but she always behaved like a little lady. She reminded her so much of Jane, not only because of her behaviour, but in looks as well. She was already a beauty.

  At the remembrance of her beloved sister, a new feeling of sadness came over Elizabeth. Oh, how she wished for Jane to be here. She did not tell her aunt what had transpired between Mr. Darcy and herself. She could not bear pity, and she did not wish to worry her aunt and uncle even more than they already were. They were so good to her and Jane, but they could not help her now. No one could.

  Emily removed her shoes, and Elizabeth helped her to climb on the bed, on the other side of her. Fred was already fast asleep, his thumb stuck in his mouth.

  “Will you not sleep?” Elizabeth asked, tugging at one of the Emily’s thin pigtails, as the little girl stared at her with wide, shining eyes.

  Elizabeth knew that expression well and wondered what her young cousin was up to this time.

  “I do not sleep during the day, because I am a big girl now,” Emily announced.

  “Your brother sleeps during the day.”

  “Fred is a baby, and he has to sleep.”

  “I am talking about Robbie.”

  Emily pursed her lips. “He is a baby too.”

  “Is he?” Elizabeth smiled. “He is older than you.”

  Emily frowned. “We are twins, we are both five.”

  “Yes, but he was born fifteen minutes earlier than you.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I was here the day you were born.”

  “You were? What did I look like?”

  “Pink and wrinkled.” Elizabeth tickled her tummy.

  Emily laughed out loud, which made Elizabeth put a finger to her lips. “Shush, remember that Fred is asleep.”

  “Lizzy, can I tell you a secret?” Emily whispered.

  “Of course.”

  “Mama told us that we should not tell you this.”

  “Well, then you should not.”

  Elizabeth watched with interest the obvious conflict written on little girl’s face.

  “But he is so sad, Lizzy.”

  “Who?”

  “Mr. Darcy.”

  Elizabeth’s heart froze for a moment. “Mr. Darcy? Have you seen him?”

  “He was here when I got up. Mama said he came first thing in the morning, but she did not allow him to see you. She said that you need peace and quiet and that he cannot see you.”

  “Is he still here?”

  The child nodded eagerly. “Outside.”

  “In the garden?”

  “No, outside your room, sitting on a chair.”

  “Emily, dear, can you do me a favour? Can you ask Mr. Darcy to come here? Only make sure no one sees you.”

  Emily grinned and slipped from the bed onto the floor, running to the door, forgetting her shoes in the process.

  Elizabeth shook her head with a smile, sliding from the bed, careful not to disturb Fred. She picked two large pillows, placing them on the both sides of the child, so he would not accidently roll across the bed to the floor.

  She had not even managed to smooth her robe, when Emily was back, dragging Darcy with her.

  Elizabeth did not look at him, but bent down, picking up Emily’s abandoned slippers.

  “Have you not forgotten something, Missy?” she asked playfully, kneeling in front of the girl, helping her into the pale blue shoes.

  “Will you not run to Mama?” she asked, standing up. “I am sure you could help her with something, or play with Robbie.”

  Emily nodded, grinned and bounced out of the room, closing the door after herself with a quiet click.

  Only then did Elizabeth look up.

  “Good afternoon,” she said.

  He swallowed visibly before answering, “Good afternoon.”

  Elizabeth walked to the window, and he followed her.

  “I do not wish to wake the baby,” she whispered, nodding in the direction of Fred, cocooned safely in the middle of the bed.

  “Of course,” he agreed, his eyes not leaving hers.

  “I wanted to apologize,” she spoke quickly.

  Apparent surprise was written all over his face. “You?”

  She blushed in embarrassment. “I should have not screamed or thrown the vase at you; not to mention that kicking you was for certain... the most unladylike deed I have ever allowed myself to do.”

  “It was nothing. I would gladly take a beating from your hand one more time.”

  She raised a doubtful eyebrow at him. “When I am angry, I stop thinking rationally,” she explained. “I speak what comes to my mind without any kind of consideration of what I am saying and behave in a way I usually do not. It never lasts long, and I always regret it later. It is best to leave me alone at such times, and you insisted on staying.”

  “‘Tis nothing,” he repeated.

  “You must think me to be some wild creature from the deepest darkest jungle of India.”

  He smiled. “No, I think that you are honest. You speak your mind. It is a rare quality, I assure you.”

  There was a long moment of silence before she felt his hand touching hers. “Please, may we speak? I beg you to let me explain.”

  She nodded. “Let us sit.” There was a comfortable armchair near the window, in which she liked to read. It was too small for both of them to sit, unless she sat on his lap, which she would have objected to only two days ago, but certainly not today.

  She walked across the room, to fetch a chair from under the vanity, but before she could pick up the heavy chair, he took it from her, carrying it effortlessly across the room.

  As she took a seat, she gestured for him to sit on the chair opposite her.

  She placed her hands in her lap and waited for him to start. He did not speak though, only stared at her as usual. His eyes lingered below her face, and as she followed his gaze, she noticed that the opening of her robe had loosened itself, and the top of her lacy nightgown was showing.

  With a frown, she pulled the robe tighter over her front. He had already seen most of her, but after everything that had happened, she did not feel comfortable enough to let him look again. Why would he want to look at her in the first place, having such a beauty like Annette at his disposal? To make fun of her
deficiencies perhaps? She wondered whether he had lied that afternoon in his bedroom when he had disrobed her. His eyes on her had been admiring, enamoured. Could he pretend this? Could this be only an act on his part?

  That woman, his lover, had been so much more beautiful than Elizabeth could ever become - blonde, tall and voluptuous. Her mother claimed that she looked like a little dark boy, asking whether the Gypsies had changed her in the crib because of her brown hair and eyes. She tanned easily, and as a child, she had had to wear a bonnet every time she was outside, even though she hated it.

  She was used to being compared to Jane. Elizabeth was never jealous of her sister. On the contrary, she admired Jane’s beauty, and was very proud of how handsome her elder sister was. Her mother's words hurt her though, especially when she had been younger. Elizabeth had inherited her father’s dark colouring and her mother’s slight height. However, where her mother was round and curvy, she was slim and light.

  At last he started to speak. She refused to look at him, and stared out of the window, but she listened carefully.

  “Annette, the woman you and Georgiana saw yesterday, was my mistress for over a year, but it all ended a long time ago. The last time I visited her was early in December, after I returned from Netherfield. I wanted to forget about you. I spent one night with her, but did not return after that. I could not stop thinking about you, even when I was with her.”

  Elizabeth felt a wave of sickness rising in her throat. He had been thinking of her, while being with the other? She truly did not wish to hear that.

  “The day you agreed to marry me, I went to her,” he continued. “I told her that we were finished, that I was happily in love and about to be married. I promised to pay her allowance and bills for another six months so she had time to find a new... arrangement with someone else. As you know, she used it against me. I had no idea that she would be in that shop, nor did I know that she had attempted to approach Georgiana in the past. I thought that I could trust her, that she knew what I expected from her.”