R.A.S.H (Rent.A.Super.Hero) (Society of Heroes with Indeterminate Talent Book 2)

by Sebastian H. Alive

  "It's Saddam Hussein."

  "But wasn’t he executed?" asked the Doctor with a frown.

  "That's what we want everyone to think," whispered the agent raising a finger to his lips. "He's got a safe haven in the Maldives where he's getting ready for the liberation of Iraq. Because of the high profile nature of my client, I would prefer to deal with Count Viscount in person. Can this be arranged?"

  "The Count does not wish to be contacted." replied Doctor Deathrape adamantly.

  "But due to the sums of money involved I would insist that I deal directly with the Count."

  "I will never reveal his location," snapped the Doctor. "I am more than able to speak on his behalf and have his full backing to conclude his business."

  "But still, I'd like to speak to the Count personally."

  "Do you find me repulsive because I think dead people are arousing?" shrieked the Doctor with his voice rising in anger. "Is that why you won't broker the deal with me?"

  "You are a little unpleasant." admitted the agent.

  "The deal is off, this meeting is over!" yelled Doctor Deathrape.

  "This meeting is going South agents; I repeat this meeting is going South." whispered Agent Two into his secret microphone hidden in his collar.

  Realization suddenly dawned on the Doctor and he waved frantically in the distance at the sniper who was nowhere to be seen.

  "Our cover is blown, our cover is blown!" cried the agent.

  Suddenly Julie came ambling up behind them dragging a limp unconscious body which he dumped at the foot of the park bench then resumed slurping at his orange lolly noisily.

  "Found this guy up a tree with a rifle aimed at you." grunted Julie.

  "Is that your man?" asked Agent Two happily.

  "Shit." muttered Doctor Deathrape.

  "You're busted!"

  A few seconds later the triplets wandered up each licking multi-colored fruit lollies, with their faces stained with the juice.

  "Oh, just look at you three," remarked the agent in irritation as he wiped their mouths with the back of his sleeve. "Your mother won't be happy at all if I bring you back in this state."

  "We got you an ice cream cone with a chocolate flake, but Julie ate it." piped up one of the boys.

  "Sorry." grumbled Julie.

  "That's quite alright. Now let's take the Doctor back to HQ."

  Chapter Fourteen

  The debriefing

  The General strode into the debriefing room purposefully, walked into the centre of the room and clambered onto a chair then turned and surveyed the blank faces staring back at him.

  "Well, Team,” said the General teasing the ends of his small moustache into neat points as he scanned them. “I have good news and I have bad news.”

  “I want to hear the good news before the bad news, sir,” remarked Agent One turning to look at Agent Two. “What about you?”

  “It’s an interesting dilemma, agent. I personally prefer to get the bad news out of the way and end on a good note.”

  “Just to be clear, agents.” snapped the General. “That was a rhetorical question. It was a figure of speech in order to make a point and I wasn’t offering you choices. It was more of a statement, sort of like asking ‘Why are you two so idiotically stupid?’.”

  “He seems angry,” whispered Agent One. “Even more so than usual.”

  “He does appear to have a lot of pent up anger.” observed Agent Two nodding his head in agreement.

  “Short-man syndrome,” whispered Susan leaning across the table. “It’s a well known fact that shorter men act more aggressive to compensate for their lack of height.”

  “Does that even exist?” asked Agent One with a puzzled look on his face.

  “It really does,” added the knowledgeable robotic voice of Captain Fanspastic. “It’s an obnoxious attitude adopted by mainly men under five feet in height with small penises. It’s also known as the 'Napoleonic Complex'.”

  “I never knew that,” admitted Agent Two. “Did you know a lot of deaf people have a lot to be angry for?”

  “What was that?” asked Agent One cupping his ear.

  “I said a lot of deaf people have a lot to be angry for.”

  “What?”

  “I said -,”

  Suddenly the agent clicked on and the table cracked up into laughter.

  “That was good, give me a fist-bump.” said Agent Two pushing his knuckles towards his colleague.

  “Oh hello?” hissed the General with barely controlled fury. “Do you all know who I am? I’m the guy in charge around here and who makes all the decisions. Have you quite finished? Good. Very good. Now pay attention. The good news is that we managed to recover all the weaponry and ammunition from Big Butch’s fake fruit and veg shop. It’s the biggest seizure of its kind from an international arms trafficking cartel making it good publicity for our company and of course I took full credit.”

  “As we all expected.” admitted Agent One with the rest of the team nodding their heads.

  “Secondly, we managed to also recover substantial documentation that will put Count Viscount behind bars for a very, very long time. We have recent flight plans for the illegal weapons, we know the route they take, how they are transported and what locations they go to. Again, I took the credit awarded for the success of this mission and will be enjoying a cup of Earl Grey tea and a plate of cucumber sandwiches with the Prime Minister later tonight. Thirdly, we also have Doctor Deathrape held in custody in our interrogation room ready for questioning and his accomplice is behind bars. That's the good news, now for the bad news. Unfortunately we can't prosecute Big Butch on the count of him being dead."

  All heads in the room swiveled and stared at Agent One accusingly, who spread his arms innocently.

  "I didn’t touch him it was death by nectarine!" screeched the agent.

  "In addition," said the General disapprovingly as he clambered down from the chair and passed the team each a set of photographs. "I have an eighty-three year old lady by the name of Eileen Robertson who claims she was assaulted by a member of our team."

  All heads in the room swiveled and stared at Agent One accusingly who spread his arms innocently.

  "There was a threat to her safety, sir," cried the agent. "I had to remove her from the dangerous situation."

  "Of course, the dangers posed by inspecting the ripeness of fruit cannot be underestimated," continued the General, pointing at the photographs. "Please see pictures 1A, 1B, 1C and 1D taken after the assault by medical emergency staff."

  They all stared at the pictures and Susan drew in an audible breath and put her hand over her open mouth in shock.

  "The poor old dear." she gasped.

  "Eileen also dislocated her hip in the assault; please take a look at the x-ray provided," pointed out the General holding up a radiograph image. "You can clearly see the ball of the thighbone which has been knocked out of place from within the socket of the pelvic bone."

  "Oh come on, she was pretty athletic!" protested Agent One.

  "Furthermore, with the force of the kick that Eileen was subjected to during the assault she rolled several times out into oncoming traffic in the road causing severe bruising, see picture 1C, which caused a two vehicles to collide and resulted in a rear-end collision."

  Agent One sank his head into his hands.

  "That's not all, the man who was driving the vehicle with the rear-end damage was so overcome with road-rage he got out of his car and kicked Eileen in the stomach, causing internal bleeding and two fractured ribs."

  "How can you live with yourself?" cried Susan.

  "You monster!" hissed Captain Fanspastic. "You'll burn in hell for this."

  "Is that all, sir?" asked the agent looking up gingerly and peeking through his hands.

  "Sadly, no," replied the General. "Eileen was then robbed of her purse which contained her pension and late husband's wedding band, who incidentally, only died yesterday."

  Suddenly the trip
lets began crying and Susan stood up and wandered over to them and gave them all a hug.

  "Eileen and her husband had been married for sixty-four years." added the General.

  The room was silent for a very, very long time as all eyes were fixated on Agent One.

  "But on a much brighter note, we have Doctor Deathrape in our interrogation room. The only problem is that he isn’t talking and we can only hold him for twenty four hours and he's asking for legal advice. That man held in that room holds the key to finding out the location of Count Viscount. If we can extract that information then we can get the Count. This agency's priority right now is to get that location from the Doctor by whatever means necessary. Do we all understand?" asked the General.

  "Understood." they shouted in unison.

  "Any questions?"

  "Yes sir." hollered Agent One shooting his hand up into the air.

  "Speak, agent."

  "Have we been paid yet, sir?"

  "Okay, let's not get off topic." spluttered the General.

  "Have you checked your bank?" asked Agent Two leaning over.

  "I’ll look at my online statement in a minute." replied Agent One.

  "Room dismissed." shouted the General.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The interrogation part 1

  The two agents burst into the interrogation room throwing the door open so hard it banged against the wall startling Doctor Deathrape who was seated and handcuffed to the table.

  Agent One rolled up his sleeves angrily, then stormed over to the table and planted his palms on the surface and leant in closely so their faces were on eye-level. Agent Two pulled up a chair, reversed it and sat down with his arms crossed over the back support glaring at the prisoner.

  "We think you know the location of the Count and you're going to tell us." hissed Agent One in a menacing voice.

  "I have nothing to say." answered Doctor Deathrape smugly.

  "You want to do this the hard way?" asked the agent raising his eyebrows.

  "I know my rights and I want to speak to my lawyer."

  "Mark my words, Doctor," whispered Agent One pointing a finger at his face. "We will break you. Excuse us for a moment."

  Giving once last, long lingering look at Doctor Deathrape the agent nodded his head to Agent Two and the both of them left the interrogation room and closed the door quietly behind them.

  "Are you going to do it the hard way?" asked Agent Two.

  "What's the hard way?"

  "How would I know? I'm good cop you're bad cop, remember?"

  "The General did say to get that location from the Doctor by whatever means necessary," mused Agent One tapping his chin thoughtfully. "Go get Julie. Tell him to look extra mean and moody."

  A few minutes later the agents followed by the huge, hulking figure of Julie burst back into the interrogation room throwing the door open so hard it banged against the wall again.

  "Very dramatic entrance again." commented Doctor Deathrape in appreciation.

  "Now you're in for a world of pain." said Agent One triumphantly.

  Julie growled low in his throat and strode slowly over to the table and looked down at the Doctor and said, "I heard you find something funny about my name?"

  "What's your name again?"

  "Julie."

  "That never gets old." sniggered Agent Two.

  "I like that name," admitted Doctor Deathrape. "Plus, it's quite upsetting to be accused of this as someone who was tormented and bullied for years because of my own name. May I call you Jules?"

  The giant looked momentarily confused and looked over his shoulder at the agents who waved him on.

  "Stick to the plan." hissed Agent One.

  With a roar of rage Julie slammed his fists down on the table, his face red with anger.

  "I'm going to make you hurt," he seethed. "I'm going to make you feel pain and that pain you feel will be different to any kind of pain you have felt before. I'm going to take you to a place-"

  "Is it a place of pain, by any chance?" asked Doctor Deathrape looking bored. "Listen tough guy, I'm immune to your threats of pain. Sure, I can feel pain and I may scream and beg, but it won't take away the pain I already feel inside from years of abuse, so go ahead, do you worst. Kill me if you want, I don’t care because I still won't tell you the location of the Count."

  "He looks kind of relaxed about the whole situation." whispered Agent Two into the ear of Agent One.

  "I'm out of angry-talk. What do I do now?" asked Julie looking confused. "Shall I get my bat?"

  "Ooh, Ooh, Ooh!! I know, I know," yelled Agent One. "Do the finger thing!"

  "Definitely do the finger thing." agreed the other agent enthusiastically.

  With a cruel smile Julie grabbed his left hand index finger and ever so slowly bent it back until there was a sharp crack.

  "He's totally bending his fingers back!" cried Agent Two gleefully clapping his hands together in delight.

  "Gross!" replied the other agent with a grimace.

  After waving the hand in front of the Doctor's face, Julie pulled the finger back into place with another loud crack.

  "If I can do that to myself imagine what I'm going to do to you." said Julie without a hint of pain on his face.

  The Doctor blinked a few times, tried to stifle a yawn, and failed.

  "He doesn’t look freaked out," commented Agent One sounding disappointed. "He looks bored."

  "Not at all, I'm totally engaged in this performance," said the Doctor covering his mouth behind his hand. "Say, is this interview being video-recorded because I'd like a copy of it."

  Agent One nodded his head to Agent Two and the both of them left the interrogation room followed by Julie who closed the door quietly behind them.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The interrogation part 2

  The two agents burst into the interrogation room throwing the door open so hard it banged against the wall startling Doctor Deathrape who was seated and handcuffed to the table.

  "Let me just light some candles and set the mood." said Agent One in a gentle voice as he placed an array of candles around the room.

  "What are you doing?" asked the Doctor looking worried.

  "Just relax," said the agent lighting them quickly. "It's all about the ambience."

  "Are they scented candles?" questioned Agent Two sniffing the air.

  "Yes, paraffin free and naturally scented."

  "That smell is Apple and Elderflower if my nose is correct," remarked the agent. "Good choice, agent."

  "Mood lifting is it not?" said Agent One walking to the door and dimming the lights in the room.

  He then pulled out his phone, fumbled with it for a moment then set it on the table in front of Doctor Deathrape. After a couple of seconds the smooth and sexy voice of Curtis Mayfield wafted through the speakers.

  "So In Love?" commented Agent Two in appreciation. ""I love that song."

  "This is weird." muttered the Doctor shifting uneasily in his seat.

  "We got ourselves a little melody going, got ourselves some romantic candles lit. It really puts me in the mood. Are you good to go, Doctor?" asked Agent One pulling up a chair.

  "Good to what? This is just strange."

  Suddenly Susan stepped into the interrogation room and walked towards the table in slow motion as they gaped at her.

  "Is it hot in here?" she asked as she unbuttoned a couple of buttons from her blouse.

  "Like an inferno." whispered Agent Two.

  "Oopsy, I appear to have dropped something on the floor." said Susan turning and bending over. She paused to examine something of interest on the floor then straightened and turned back to the Doctor.

  "I see what you're doing." spat Doctor Deathrape. "She's the snare whose body is a trap. You've sent here in here to try and seduce me into giving up the location of the Count haven’t you?"

  "I'm horrified at such an allegation." replied Agent One aghast.

  "No Temptress will make me re
veal where he is."

  "You're a big, strong and handsome man." purred Susan into the Doctor's ear seductively.

  "I'm not aroused by you in the slightest."

  "Have you been a bad, bad boy, Doctor?" murmured Susan. "Why don’t you tell me the location of the Count and I'll release some of your tension with a sensual neck massage."

  "We have scented lotion." added Agent Two holding up a bottle quickly.

  "The only time I would be interested in you would be if you were dead." admitted Doctor Deathrape.

  Susan turned to look at the agents with an exasperated look on her face and flapped her arms.

  "This isn't working and I told you it wouldn’t." she said.

  "It's totally working." replied Agent One staring at her dreamily.

  "We should roll with this for a bit longer." added his colleague.

  "Definitely." added Agent One.

  "Think of another way." snapped Susan storming from the room.

  Agent One nodded his head to Agent Two and the both of them left the interrogation room closing the door quietly behind them. After a couple of seconds the door re-opened and Agent One popped his head through and looked over at the Doctor.

  "For the record I would tear that ass up." he said.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The interrogation part 3

  The two agents burst into the interrogation room throwing the door open so hard it banged against the wall startling Doctor Deathrape who was seated and handcuffed to the table.

  Suddenly Agent One looked back at the wall and took a closer inspection.

  "We're ruining the plaster on the wall banging the door so hard." he said.

  "Hmmm…we need a door stopper." muttered Agent Two thoughtfully.

  "Noted."

  Turning around they faced the Doctor who offered them a little wave with his handcuffed hand.

  "What are you going to try now?" he asked the agents.

  "Oh, we've got an ace up our sleeves." replied Agent One confidently.

  "Really?"

  "Really," said Agent One moving to his side and whispering into the Doctor's ear. "You see we know what you want. We know what you really, really want."