“I have already been taking her to church and—”
“But that is not the kind of church she needs.” Mrs. Schrock peered intensely at Rachel. “And living with a single woman who flies around in airplanes is not a good way for a little girl to be raised. Can you see that?”
“But I gave up my job to take care of Holly.”
“You told me what it was like for you, Rachel, growing up with only a mother to provide for you, and then she died. It was very hard. You had no family. What if that happens to Holly? What if you were alone, with no family, and you died? What would become of Holly?”
“But I—”
“Hear me. Do you wish upon Holly what you had? Or do you love her enough to give her your blessing and allow her to remain here with her family? Can you not see that Almighty God has returned Holly to us? That he has brought her here for a reason? Do you want to be selfish? Do you only want your way? Or can you trust God?”
Once again, tears filled Rachel’s eyes. “I . . . I don’t know. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am selfish when it comes to Holly, but I love her, Mrs. Schrock. I truly love her. But, it’s true, I need her too.”
“What does Holly need?”
Rachel nodded, slowly standing. “I see your point.” She blinked, trying not to cry in front of her again. “Thank you for your time. If you will excuse me.”
“Sometimes it is the hard things that are the best,” she said as Rachel pulled on her coat. “The gem cannot be polished without friction.”
“Good-bye, Mrs. Schrock,” Rachel called as she headed for the front door. “Thank you for your hospitality.”
After she got outside in the cold winter air, she allowed the tears to flow freely. She knew Mrs. Schrock was right. Rachel was being selfish. Entirely selfish. It was plain to see that Holly loved it here. What child wouldn’t? Rachel herself would’ve loved to have grown up here as a child. To have all this, horse-and-buggy rides, calves being born, and a big family too? Who was she kidding? It was a dream come true.
Rachel’s plan now was to wait until Holly came home from school and then explain the entire situation to her. So far she had not been completely honest with her niece. It was time that Holly understood the conditions of her parents’ will. Then, after she felt assured that Holly was okay and that she was happy about remaining with her new family, Rachel would drive the car into town and spend the night at the hotel. After that . . . well, it wasn’t a complete plan, but at least it was a plan.
No one seemed to be around as she entered the house, and so she used this opportunity to slip upstairs unnoticed, going into Sarah’s room and closing the door. To pass the time until Holly came home, she would read and nap. She hoped no one would come looking for her. Really, why should Lydia care whether she came down for lunch or not? Her stomach was so twisted into knots, she knew she couldn’t eat anyway. The sooner she handled this and was out of their lives, the better it would be for everyone. Especially Holly.
It was close to three when Rachel discovered her clothes were dry. Or nearly. The jeans still felt slightly damp, but she didn’t care. And the sweater would dry later. She’d already packed her overnight bag, and after she was dressed in her own clothing, she neatly folded the Amish clothes, setting them on the end of Sarah’s bed. She looked out the window, hoping to see the carriage coming home. How long did these children stay in school anyway?
She went downstairs now, peering out the front window.
“The children will be home soon,” Lydia told her with an impatient edge to her voice. “They always get home about now, and then they do chores.”
“It’s just that I wanted to speak to Holly,” Rachel told her. “To tell her good-bye.”
Lydia’s eyes brightened with interest. “Are you leaving? Going home?”
“Yes.” Rachel studied her. They might’ve been friends if they’d met under different circumstances. “But I want to talk to Holly first.”
“Ja. That is good. I know she will miss you, Rachel. I can see you are close.”
“We are,” Rachel agreed.
Lydia smiled, and for a moment, Rachel thought she could see Miri in her. “Please, know that you are welcome to visit us, Rachel, anytime you like. Our door is always open to you.”
Rachel felt that familiar lump in her throat, but she was not giving in to it. “Thank you. I appreciate that.” Just then a buggy appeared on the road. “Is that them?”
“Ja.” Lydia nodded.
Rachel got her coat and pulled it on, going outside to meet them over by the barn. “Hi, darling,” she said as she helped Holly down from the buggy. She hugged her tightly. “Did you have a good day at school?”
Holly shrugged in a tired way. “I guess so.”
“Are you feeling okay?” Rachel touched her forehead, but it seemed fine. Maybe she was hungry and worn out. “I think Lydia made cookies this morning,” she said as they went into the house. “You interested?”
Holly smiled as she peeled off her cloak.
“How about if I get them and we’ll sneak them up to Sarah’s room.”
Holly’s brow creased. “Will we get in trouble?”
“This time it’s okay. And I need to talk to you. Alone.”
“Okay.” Holly nodded eagerly, as if she was enjoying this game.
“You go on up there and I’ll join you.” Rachel went into the kitchen, ready to defend herself for swiping some cookies and a glass of milk for Holly, but thankfully, Lydia wasn’t around. She hurried and grabbed the contraband, then slipped upstairs. “Here you go.”
Holly took a big bite of a sugar cookie and grinned. “Thanks.”
Rachel sat down on the cot, taking in a steadying breath, and then she began. “There’s something I need to tell you about your mommy and daddy.” She took a moment to explain what a will was and then she told Holly about the first year of Holly’s life and how Rachel and Holly’s parents hadn’t been speaking.
“Mommy and Daddy were mad at you?” Holly looked incredulous.
“We were all acting a little silly, but the good news is that we got over it. In fact, we were all best friends again by your first birthday.”
Holly smiled with relief. “I don’t remember that birthday.”
“No, you wouldn’t.” Now Rachel explained how Michael had made his will during that first year, when everyone wasn’t getting along. “And your daddy put something in the will about you, Holly.”
“What?” she asked with wide eyes.
“Your mommy and daddy decided that if anything happened to them, if they both died, you would be sent to Aunt Lydia to live.”
“With you too?”
“No. Not with me too. You would live here by yourself. With all your cousins and Aunt Lydia and Uncle Daniel and Uncle Benjamin and your grandma. But I will go back to Chicago to live.”
“Without me?”
She nodded. “These people aren’t my family, Holly. They are your relatives. You are really lucky to have so many relatives. Did you know that you have five more cousins besides the ones here?”
“No.”
“And you’ve got your new school and the farm and the animals and the horses and—”
“But what about you?” Holly set the cookie back on the plate that was on the dresser.
“What about me?” Rachel forced a smile. “Well, I’m still your aunt, and I’ll come to see you whenever I can. And maybe Aunt Lydia will let you come and see me.”
“No!” Holly folded her arms across her front.
“No, to what?”
“You can’t do this, Aunt Rachel.”
Rachel bent down to hug her now. “Holly, I don’t want to do this, but it’s the way your daddy wrote the will . . . back when we were all mad at each other. And I think he forgot to change it after we were all friends. Or maybe . . . maybe he knew this was a good place for you. And it is, isn’t it?” She held Holly back, looking in her face. “Haven’t you been happy here?”
“But yo
u were here too.”
“I know.”
Holly spotted Rachel’s packed bag now. “Are you leaving today?”
“I think it might be best.”
“No!” Holly stomped her foot this time.
“But I have to go, Holly. There’s no place for me here. This is your family, not mine.”
“You’re my family,” Holly insisted. “You told me we were a family, Aunt Rachel. You said you and me would always be together. Remember? After Mommy and Daddy died, you promised.”
“I know, but I didn’t know about the will, and a will is like the law, Holly. It’s something I can’t change.”
“Then ask Aunt Lydia,” Holly pressed. “Tell her that I need to be with you. Tell her we’ll come here to visit. I need to go home with you.” Her lip quivered. “I miss my room.”
Sarah came into the room. “Oh, there you are.” She spied the cookies and shook her head. “You can’t eat in the bedroom, Holly. You know that.” She picked them up.
“Aunt Rachel is leaving!” Holly said angrily.
Sarah looked slightly alarmed too. “What about her birthday tomorrow?”
“That’s right.” Holly turned back to Rachel. “Sarah and I were planning a birthday party—just for you, Aunt Rachel. You can’t leave until we have that.”
Rachel took in a long breath. “Oh, Holly.”
“Please, Aunt Rachel. You have to have your birthday party.”
“If I stay for my birthday party, will you try to be very brave when it’s time for me to go? Because you know I need to go.”
Holly looked torn, but she agreed.
“Now we have to go do chores,” Sarah told Holly. “And no more food in the bedroom,” she said firmly, shaking a finger at her. “After Rachel goes, you will have to start obeying all the rules. Mamm said so.”
Rachel felt a shiver of worry run through her, but she knew there was nothing to be done. Her hands were tied. It was inevitable that life would change for Holly. She wouldn’t be allowed to keep her dolls and toys and clothes. Her hair would grow long. But those were small things. In the long run she would be okay with it. The Amish might be difficult to understand, but one thing seemed clear—they loved their children, and their children seemed happy. If they ever weren’t happy, they could do what Miri had done after she grew up. They could leave. If Holly ever needed to leave, Rachel would be there waiting—ready to greet her with open arms.
11
“I thought you were leaving after you spoke to Holly,” Lydia said after Rachel offered to help her with supper. “You might not make it far before dark, but you could get started. And the weather is good and the roads are clear.”
“I’m sorry, but you’ll have to put up with me for one more night if you don’t mind.” Rachel explained about the girls’ plans to have a birthday party tomorrow. “But I promise to leave as soon as they’re done, and Holly understands this.”
“Oh?” She blinked. “Sarah did not tell me about a birthday party.”
Rachel just shrugged as she reached for the dishes to set the table. “She didn’t tell me either. Neither did Holly. I think it was supposed to be a surprise. I doubt it will be much of a party. Don’t worry.”
The table seemed quieter than usual, and Rachel could tell that Holly was still out of sorts. After dinner, Holly barely said a word as they helped in the kitchen. If Rachel didn’t know better, she would suspect Holly was getting sick.
“Will you read to me?” Holly asked her when they were done.
“Sure.” Rachel nodded eagerly. “I’d like to.”
“Can we read in Sarah’s room?” Holly asked Lydia.
“Ja. It is all right. This time.”
Holly took Rachel’s hand and they went upstairs together. “Sarah said that Aunt Lydia likes children to read downstairs after supper, because it’s family time.”
“Oh,” Rachel said.
Up in Sarah’s room, Holly started to gather up her toys, packing them into the various bags she’d brought them in.
“What are you doing?” Rachel asked suspiciously. Did Holly think she was going to be able to slip away with her, like thieves in the night?
“I want to send my toys home with you,” Holly explained. “Sarah said I can’t have them here, and if you don’t take them with you, Aunt Lydia will just throw them away.”
“Oh.” Rachel nodded. “Okay, I can take them.”
Holly picked up Bunny and looked into his face. “I’ll miss you,” she whispered. “But you’ll be safe at home.”
Rachel wondered how much of this she could possibly take. Eventually, everything, including Bunny and Ivy, were carefully packed and Rachel promised to deliver them to Holly’s room, where they could have a happy reunion with the other toys. What would happen to Holly’s things on down the line remained to be seen, but it wasn’t a question Rachel needed to answer today.
Rachel couldn’t remember a more miserable birthday. If not for her promise to Holly, she would’ve much preferred to be on her way by now. Still, a promise was a promise, and every moment she had left with Holly seemed precious. To pass the time, she helped Lydia with various chores and packed the car and even wandered out to the barn to pay her respects to Buttercup and her calf.
“Hello,” Benjamin called out as she came into the barn.
She greeted him back, then asked why he was over here.
“Just checking on the new mom,” he told her. “I wanted to see if she was ready to go home yet.”
“Go home?”
“Ja. Buttercup actually lives next door. She’s Mamm’s cow. I only brought her over here on Saturday night because I knew she was close to calving and our barn was scheduled for church the next day. I didn’t want her to interrupt their service, and I didn’t want to leave her outside in the bad weather. Daniel said it was fine for her to calve here.”
“Oh, I get it.” She reached over to pet the calf. “Well, I came out here to say good-bye to Buttercup and her baby.”
“Cocoa,” Benjamin supplied.
“Then Holly got her wish.” She smiled sadly.
“How did you know they were leaving?”
“What?” She turned to look at him.
“You said you came out here to tell them good-bye.”
“Oh.” She nodded. “Well, that’s because I’m leaving.”
“Really?” His brow creased. “So soon? What about your birthday party?” Now he put his hand over his mouth. “Oops. I wasn’t supposed to let the cat out of the bag.”
“It’s okay. That cat’s long gone now. I promised Holly I wouldn’t go until after the party.”
“I see.” He gave her a half smile. “Well, then, happy birthday.”
“Thanks.” She turned away, suddenly feeling close to tears again. Why couldn’t she be stronger?
“Are you going to be okay?”
“Okay?” she asked in a squeaky voice. “Sure. Why not?”
He put a hand on her shoulder. “I mean leaving Holly behind. I know it’s not easy, but are you going to be okay?”
Without looking at him, she shrugged. “Sure. I’ll be fine.”
“I know how you had hoped this would go differently, Rachel. I’ve seen you with Holly, and I can tell what you have with her is really special. I’m surprised you’re just leaving . . . like this. Are you really okay?”
She turned to look at him with tear-filled eyes. “Let’s just say I’ve had better birthdays, okay? And leave it at that.” She turned away and hurried out of the barn.
Rachel’s afternoon cry probably helped her with keeping up a brave front for her birthday party. By the time Holly led her downstairs to the dining room table, which Sarah and she had decorated with some paper flowers they’d painstakingly made and a few other things, Rachel felt stronger. She was slightly surprised that both Benjamin and his mother were there, but she tried to take everything in stride as they all pretended to be happy eating the lopsided cake that Sarah and Holly had baked last nig
ht. Finally, the simple party came to an end and Rachel thanked everyone and announced it was time for her to go. She could see the gratefulness in Lydia’s eyes, and she felt relieved too.
“I want to walk you out to the car,” Holly told her. “And I’ll give you my present out there. Okay?”
“Okay.” Rachel took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “That was a lovely party. Thanks.”
Once they were outside, Holly produced a small, roughly wrapped package. “Here you go.”
Rachel slowly opened it and was surprised and slightly hurt to find the silver locket she’d given Holly on her sixth birthday inside. “You don’t want this anymore?”
Holly’s eyes were filled with tears. “Sarah said we can’t wear jewelry here, Aunt Rachel. It’s not allowed. So I want you to have it.”
Rachel knelt down and gathered Holly in her arms. “I will keep it safe for you. Always.” She was fighting to hold back tears. “And I will love you always, Holly. If you ever need anything, you just call me. You understand?”
“But there’s no phone here, remember?”
“Uncle Benjamin has a phone. Out in the barn.”
“Oh.”
“And you know my cell phone number, don’t you?”
Holly recited the number and Rachel kissed her. Worried she wouldn’t be able to keep up this strong front for one more minute, she told Holly she had to go. She waved and blew kisses and slowly drove away, careful lest she drive off the road with her vision blurred by her tears.
12
Rachel only made it to the nearby town on the first leg of her journey, yet it felt like a world away—as if she’d traveled through time. She checked into the small hotel, marveling at the modern conveniences like light switches and a thermostat control, and then fell into bed and cried herself to sleep. The next morning she felt stronger and slightly better and even turned on the TV long enough to hear the local news, which was relatively uneventful. Then, after breakfast at Cathy’s Café, she was just getting ready to leave for Chicago when her cell phone rang. The number looked unfamiliar, but she answered it quickly.
A Simple Christmas Wish Page 10