“Rachel?”
“Yes? Who is this?”
“It’s Benjamin Schrock.”
“Oh. Hello, Benjamin. How are you?”
“I’m fine, but Holly isn’t doing too well.”
“Holly?” Panic rushed through her. “What’s wrong with Holly?”
“She fell apart after you left yesterday.”
“Oh no. Poor Holly.”
“I know. Lydia thought she would settle back down after a good night’s sleep, but Holly was still just as upset this morning. She refused to get dressed or go to school.”
“Oh dear.” Rachel’s heart twisted with guilt and grief. “This is all my fault.”
“Your fault? Why?”
“Oh, it’s a long story, but if I’d handled my life differently seven years ago, none of this would be happening now.”
“We all have regrets, Rachel.”
“I know, and that doesn’t help Holly. But why are you calling me? What can I do about this?”
“Holly is begging for you to come back.”
“Come back?” Rachel closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. As badly as she wanted to see Holly, she did not want to return to the Miller farm. It was just too hard.
“Yes. Holly begged Lydia to let you come back long enough to be here for her birthday and Christmas. I think that might help her to make this transition.”
“Maybe . . . but Lydia doesn’t want me there, Benjamin. She’s made it obvious.” Rachel looked across the street at the hotel. “Although, I could just stay here in town. Then I could come out and visit Holly after school, spend some time with her each day until Christmas. Do you think that would work? To help Holly adjust?”
“I think that sounds like a very good plan. And very generous on your part, Rachel.”
“Or selfish. I’ll bet your mother would call it selfish.” She instantly regretted this comment. “And maybe she’s right.”
Fortunately, he just laughed. “Ja. That sounds like Mamm.”
Suddenly she was curious about him again. How did he really fit in there? He looked Amish, but he never really sounded or acted particularly Amish. How was that okay with his family? Perhaps if she was going to be around a few more days, she would find out more about him.
“So what should I do now?” she asked. “Come back and spend the whole day with Holly? Or will that just aggravate Lydia?”
“I have an idea. How about if I go tell Holly that if she lets me take her to school, you will be at the house by the time she gets home? That way Lydia can’t hold it against you.”
“Thank you. That sounds perfect.”
“See you later, then?”
“Yes,” she told him. “I would like to see you later.”
“Really?” He sounded surprisingly hopeful.
“Yes. I have a feeling you can shed some light on the Amish thing, Benjamin. That is, if you’re willing to talk openly. There’s a whole lot that I don’t understand about your people.”
“You’re in good company.”
Again, he was being so cryptic and mysterious. Would she ever get him to open up? “There are questions I have about Miri too,” she continued. “Why she left and all that. Would you be willing to fill me in?”
“Happy to. Do you have any plans for lunch?”
“For lunch?”
“Ja. I thought I could come into town after I drop Holly at school. I have some errands to run anyway.”
So it was agreed they would meet for lunch at the same café where she’d just had breakfast. In the meantime, she had some of her own errands to run. If she was going to stick around until Christmas, she would need more than one pair of jeans to wear, and it wouldn’t hurt to have a sturdier pair of boots. On her way out of the café, she asked the waitress if there was a place to shop for clothes in town. “The only place is Anne Marie’s, just two blocks down,” she told her. “But don’t expect much.”
After shopping about an hour, Rachel thought the waitress’s warning was warranted, but she did manage to find a few pieces to extend her very minimalist wardrobe. She wasn’t sure if it was the Amish influence or the limited selection, but everything she picked out was relatively plain and simple. From the black sweater to the gray trousers. Even the dress, which she forced herself to buy out of respect for their culture, was a somber green color, but at least the cut was flattering. Then she went across the street and found a pair of lace-up boots that looked as if they’d stand up to some snow.
Then she returned to the hotel, checked herself back in, and proceeded to unload her car for the second time in less than twenty-four hours. She returned to Cathy’s Café to wait for Benjamin. For some reason she was surprised to see him arriving in the horse-drawn buggy, which he parked in front. It was as if she’d forgotten he was Amish.
She waved to him, and he came in and made himself comfortable in the booth, removing his dark broad-brimmed hat and setting it on the seat beside him. “Holly is happily in school,” he informed her. “Greatly relieved to know that you’re not really gone.”
“Thank you.” She smiled.
After they ordered, she jumped right in. “Excuse me for not beating around the bush, but why did Miri leave?”
“Do you want my opinion or would you like Lydia’s version?”
She considered this. “I’ll go with your opinion.”
“She didn’t belong there.”
“That’s it?”
He shrugged. “Miriam had always dreamed of bigger things. She had wanted to travel and see how the rest of the world lived. So did I.”
She blinked. “You wanted to leave too?”
He nodded.
“But you didn’t.”
“See, that’s where you’d be wrong.”
“You left?”
“Ja. I left shortly after Miriam did. I’d actually hoped to find her and make sure she was okay, but she didn’t leave much of a trail.”
“When I first met her she called herself Miri Smith,” Rachel told him.
“And I was looking for Miriam Schrock. Anyway, I figured she’d make it. She was always smart and motivated.”
“So you went back home then?”
“No. I didn’t go home until last spring when my father died. Oh, I stayed in touch with my family, because I knew how badly it had hurt them when Miriam left without ever looking back. So I would write them regularly and visit sometimes. Then, when my father died . . . well, I knew my mother was having a hard time. She’d lost Miriam and Daed and she’d sort of lost me. I felt like I owed her something.”
“So, tell me, are you Amish or not?”
“It depends on how you define it. I grew up Amish, but I never got baptized. To an outsider I’m Amish. To real Amish, I’m not.”
“Oh . . . and is that okay with you?”
“Sure. I know who I am, and as much as I love some of the Amish ways, I know that I don’t have it in me to live how they live.”
“Why not?”
“Would you be able to do it?”
She considered this as the waitress put a bowl of soup in front of her and a burger in front of Benjamin. Could she do it? Would she do it? “You know . . .” she began slowly after the waitress left, “I almost think I could do it . . . for Holly.”
“Really? You would change your religion and your entire culture and your way of life to be near Holly?”
She nodded. “Yes. I think I would.” Now she felt hopeful. “Would they let me?”
“You can’t be serious.”
“I am serious. I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before.”
“But, Rachel, you have no idea what you’re saying.”
“I like a lot of the things about the Amish,” she protested.
“Ja. So do I, but there are a lot of things you wouldn’t like. Trust me. I know what I’m talking about. Why do you think Miriam left?”
“You said it was because she wanted to travel.”
“That was only partly true.
She couldn’t stand the restrictions of the Ordnung.”
“What’s that?”
“A book of rules basically. It covers everything from the color you can paint your buggy, to what kind of suspenders you must wear, to demanding you have no wires running from your house to the outside world. Very restrictive.”
“Why?”
“I’ll give you the nutshell answer. The Amish believe that if they hold fast to the old ways, it will set them apart and keep them humble and help them to maintain their families, and most of all to please God. I could give you a much more complex answer, but that’s the gist of it.”
“And you really think I wouldn’t fit in there?”
He looked at her for a long moment. “I think you’ve got too much spirit. I wouldn’t want to see you change yourself to fit in.”
“Not even for Holly?”
Now he looked torn. “I guess I have no right to answer that for you.”
“Do you think there’s a chance they could ever accept me if I did become Amish? I mean even if it was for Holly’s sake?”
“They would expect you to convert to the faith and be baptized for God’s sake, not Holly’s. You’d have to convince them you were sincere. It’s not like a club where you say you want in and they hand you a membership card.”
“Can people marry in?”
He laughed. “No.”
“I didn’t mean you,” she clarified. “Besides, you admitted you weren’t really Amish.” However, if he were truly Amish and interested in her, she would most certainly consider it.
“Well, you could marry an Amishman, and I’m sure there would be some who might be interested, but you would still have to convert to the faith and convince them you were doing it sincerely.”
“Oh.”
“Come on, Rachel, you wouldn’t really do that.”
“No . . . I’m just desperate.”
They talked some more and she discovered that he’d traveled as much as she had, although he’d actually lived in some of the countries she’d only visited. She also learned that he’d owned several businesses but had sold the last one before coming home to help his mother.
“So what’s next for you?” she asked as they were finishing up. “Will you remain in Amish country indefinitely?”
“I have to admit that I’m enjoying the farm and seeing my family, but unless I get baptized, which I don’t plan on doing, Mamm will be handing the farm on to her grandsons. Probably Jacob or Noah, especially since they’ve both been baptized. And that’s fine by me. Amishmen have a hard time starting out. There’s only so much land.” He sighed. “My parents divided their property when I was eighteen. Their plan was for me to have the farm that Lydia and Daniel have now.”
“You didn’t want it?”
“Sure, I wanted it. I just didn’t want to be baptized. I didn’t want to be controlled by their beliefs.”
“So do you believe in God?”
He laughed. “Of course. I’m fine with God and the Bible. I just don’t believe in the Ordnung.”
“So what would you do if your mother gave the farm to your nephews?”
He scratched his head. “Maybe I’d go buy myself another farm—but not in an Amish settlement. Maybe somewhere around here. This is some pretty good farmland. I know of a couple properties that are for sale, but it’s a big decision.”
“At least you’d still have your family nearby.”
“Ja.” He slowly nodded.
Finally, Rachel thanked him for helping with Holly and for meeting her like this. “It’s really helped me to understand some things,” she said.
“I just hope it hasn’t put any crazy ideas into your head about becoming Amish.”
She sighed. “I know it’s probably impossible, but I guess I just don’t know what else to do.”
“Some English have tried it, but very few succeed. If you didn’t grow up Amish, it’s pretty hard to adapt.”
“Do you think Holly will adapt?”
He shrugged. “As I was taking her to school she was complaining about not having a Christmas tree.”
“Amish don’t believe in Christmas trees?”
“Nope.”
“Oh. But you do celebrate Christmas, don’t you? The children are putting on the nativity play.”
“Yes, but an Amish Christmas is very plain and simple. Family and food and a few gifts. Nothing like an English Christmas.”
“I’m not particularly fond of all that goes with Christmas anyway. It’s all pretty commercial and frantic and crazy. I think the English, as you call them, could use a little more ‘plain and simple’ in their Christmas traditions. Although I do think a Christmas tree is nice.”
He smiled. “Me too.” He looked at the clock above the counter. “I should get back. This is the slow time of year, but there’s still lots to be done.”
“What about your errands?”
He looked sheepish as he reached for the bill and his hat. “I think I took care of the most important errand.”
She thanked him, walking to the register, where he got in line behind another customer. “I guess I’ll be seeing you around,” she said.
“I sure hope so.” He tipped his hat, and as she left, she felt a warm rush. Was it possible he felt it too? she wondered.
Feeling inexplicably merry, she now decided to do some more shopping. If she was spending Christmas with the Millers, she would need to have some presents—some very simple presents—to give to all of them. Presents that would be from both her and Holly. She would buy them and Holly could wrap them. Where they would put them remained to be seen.
13
Rachel planned to arrive at the Millers’ about the same time the buggy would come home from school, but seeing she was early, she decided to just remain in the car. It seemed easier that way. However, she noticed Lydia peeking out the window at her.
Then when the buggy arrived, she got out and went to meet Holly, who had leaped from the barely stopped carriage. “Aunt Rachel! Aunt Rachel!” she cried as if she hadn’t seen her in weeks. They hugged and Holly went limp in her arms. “Please, don’t leave me again.”
Rachel explained the plan to remain at the hotel for a while. “I’ll sleep there, since Aunt Lydia’s house is a little crowded, but I’ll be here every day when you come home from school.”
“And you’ll stay until bedtime?” Holly asked as they went inside. “And read me a story and tuck me in and kiss me good night?”
“I will tonight,” she promised. After that, they would have to see. Holly didn’t need to know all the details.
Supper was a bit stiff and quiet, and Rachel knew it was because of her. She was sure the whole family would’ve been happier to have known she was in Chicago by now. As usual, she helped to clean up afterward, but Lydia seemed even more tight-lipped now. After they finished, Rachel felt somewhat encouraged to see that Holly was warming up to Daniel. She even sat on his lap and laughed when he tickled her. It was reassuring to see her having some good rapport with the man who would become her father figure.
Eventually it was bedtime and Rachel fulfilled her promise by helping Holly with her bedtime routine, but she sensed that Sarah didn’t appreciate the intrusion.
“You know, Sarah can read to you when I’m not here,” Rachel reminded Holly. “I heard her. She’s a good reader.”
“Ja,” Sarah agreed. “I like reading your bedtime storybook, Holly.”
“I know, but Aunt Rachel does it really good.” Holly tightened her grasp on Rachel’s hand, tugging her toward the bed. “And Aunt Rachel knows how to tuck me in just right.”
Finally, it was time for the last good-night kiss. Rachel knew that Holly had dragged out her bedtime rituals long enough that it was only a matter of minutes before Lydia would pop in and put a frosty end to the aunt-and-niece lovefest. “I’ll see you tomorrow after school.” Rachel picked up the lantern. “I hope you have a good day at school, Holly. Then the next day will be your birthday.”
>
Rachel was relieved to see that it was a clear night as she drove to town. She thought she’d heard something in the forecast about another storm coming, but she hadn’t really paid attention. She hoped the fair weather would hold until after Christmas.
Thursday went much as the previous day with Rachel meeting Holly after school, but instead of staying around until bedtime, Rachel excused herself earlier. “I have some things to do,” she whispered to Holly, “to get ready for a little event that is coming tomorrow.”
“You mean my birthday?” Holly’s eyes lit up.
Rachel gave her a mysterious smile. “Maybe.”
“Okay.” Holly nodded. “I guess you can go.”
Relieved to get away without tears or a scene, Rachel kissed Holly good night and promised to return with some surprises for tomorrow. Her plan was to spend the early part of Friday trying to get something special together for Holly’s birthday. However, she knew she couldn’t make it too special. Lydia would frown on that, and that wouldn’t help with Holly’s transition from English to Amish.
The next day as Rachel was making her rounds in the small town, she decided to splurge on a chocolate birthday cake. She knew she should’ve coordinated this with Lydia, but she also knew the Amish enjoyed their sweets. A chocolate cake would probably not go to waste. She also got colorful plates and napkins and balloons and crepe paper as well as some party games. She knew these bright things would look foreign in the stark Miller house, but they could be quickly disposed of afterward.
Finding an appropriate birthday present was more of a challenge. Finally she decided on an art set and tablet. Simple, yes, but hopefully it wouldn’t get taken away, and she knew her creative niece could put it to good use. Rachel decided to go a couple hours early in order to set up the birthday party, and to her relief, Lydia wasn’t in the house. Feeling a bit intrusive, but not really caring, she let herself in, and relieved that the midday meal was cleaned up, she began setting up the party, transforming the dining table into a bright, festive place.
“What are you doing?” Lydia demanded when she showed up a little before three.
A Simple Christmas Wish Page 11