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by Lisa Shelby

  Now, here I am up against this wall. My arm feeling like it’s about to break as Kevin struggles to pull my pants down. I know what’s about to happen as my pants are dragged down my legs and he presses his other arm against my neck to press me even closer to the wall.

  His forearm leaves my neck, and I think he may have changed his mind but it’s simply replaced by his hand around my neck. While he’s choking me with one hand he grabs my head and pulls it back and then slams into the wall. Just as he starts to kick my feet further apart—to grant himself easier access—I do what I do best. Stop feeling. I shut down all my emotions and disappear from my current reality. Sometimes, when I’m in bed with Kevin, I think back to my night with Mick all those years ago.

  Not today.

  Today, I just shut down and I don’t think about anything.

  I do my best to just disappear.

  Mick

  This is why I don’t care!

  This is why I never want more!

  What the fuck was I thinking coming over here?

  I’m back in my truck but for some reason I can’t seem to leave. When Kevin answered the door my entire reason for coming over here completely evaporated. I am honestly dumbfounded. I knew she was with him but seeing it thrust in my face like that isn’t sitting well.

  I don’t know why I’m still sitting here in front of her place. I know that I need to put myself out of my misery and leave but I can’t seem to start the damn truck. I have this sick feeling in my stomach and I don’t know if it’s from seeing him clearly in a state of undress and knowing he had been in bed with Alex, or if it’s my gut telling me that something here isn’t right.

  Maybe I’m just a glutton for punishment but I decide to go with my gut.

  I’ve seen him get a little too rough with her myself and something just doesn’t feel right. I need to see her face and have her tell me that everything’s okay, and then I’ll go.

  I’ve just jumped out of the truck and taken two steps in the direction of her door when I hear her scream and my heart nearly stopped. Without thinking I haul ass up to the front door and start pounding. I give it about three-seconds and when nobody answers the door I try the handle and can’t believe my luck when it turns and the door opens.

  My lucky feeling instantly drifts away as I take in the scene at the other end of the hallway. Kevin has Alex by the neck and her arm bent behind her back. Her face is pressed against the wall and there are tears streaming down her face. She’s looking right at me, but the fact that I’m here doesn’t seem to have registered. Her expression hasn’t changed. The next thing I notice is that he’s got her pants down and he’s positioned himself behind her. He’s about to force himself on her.

  Red…that is all I see.

  The rage that fills my body overcomes me. What happens next is as close to an out of body experience that I have ever had.

  I slam the door shut to get his attention and storm down the hallway. I can see the sneer on his face the moment he sees me. It’s almost like he’s glad that I caught him. Like he wants me to see him hurting her. Touching her. Ruining her.

  His pants weren’t quite down all the way when I walked in so it only takes a second for him to pull them back up, and as he does he lets go of Alex and she falls to the ground. My instinct is to go to her. I’ll deal with him but first I need to be sure she’s okay. I kneel down next to her and ask her just that. When her eyes finally connect to mine I can see the moment she comes back to reality and realizes that I’m here.

  Trembling she says, “You’re here?”

  “I am. I’m here, Alex. I need you to look at me and tell me if you’re okay? Are you hurt?” I need her to answer me before I leave her on her own and beat Kevin senseless. “Alex, please answer me!”

  “Yes, I’ll be fine. Thank you for being here.”

  Out of the corner of my eye I see the asshole putting his shoes on like he thinks he’s just going to saunter out of here like nothing happened.

  “She’s fine, Jacobs. Girls like her have to be kept in line. I’m done with her now. You can have her. She’s damaged goods anyway.”

  And with those words he has just signed his own death sentence.

  He’s sitting in a chair at the dining room table and is bending over to tie his shoes as I walk up to him and punch him in the side of his head. He falls off the chair and onto the ground, and I am instantly on top of him. He’s flailing about and trying to push me away with his hands, but I have no problem getting several more shots off to his face. He can fight all he wants. There is no way he can stand up to my fury. And that’s just what this is. The need I have to inflict my wrath upon this piece of shit is out of my control.

  Just as I start to raise my fist to take another swing I feel somebody grab my arm and pin it behind my back just like Alex’s just was. I struggle to pull away from whoever is on top of me, and manage to get my arm out from their grasp, but instantly feel another set of hands on me. Even though I continue to struggle, the hands pull me off of him and I feel cuffs trying to be placed on my wrists.

  “Mick, calm the fuck down man! I don’t want to cuff you if I don’t have to!” It’s then that I realize that the voice yelling at me to ‘calm the fuck down’ is a police officer. Not just a police officer, but one of my best friends.

  How the fuck did he get here?

  “Let go of me, Martinez! This fucker needs to die!” With my threatening words I feel Emmett’s hold tighten, and he starts to drag me away from the bloody mess that I was making of that fucker’s face.

  Emmett drags me across the floor and pushes me, not so gently, against the wall. With his hand on my chest to keep me in place he says, “We got this. He’s already in cuffs. You need to take care of Alex.” He can see the confusion on my face and knows that I don’t know how he got here. “She was smart enough to call 911 and leave the line open. Dispatch heard everything. We got this.”

  As I sit on my ass against the wall I realize that he placed me next to Alex. She’s managed to get her pants up, but she’s just sitting with her knees pulled into her chest and seems to be in shock. I shove Emmett’s hand off of my chest and scoot over to Alex and place myself in front of her. I put my legs on either side of hers so that I can get as close to her as possible.

  “Alex, baby…you okay?” she isn’t looking at me so I try to move so that my eyes are level with hers but she doesn’t reply. “Hey, sweet thing…I need you to talk to me. Tell me where you might be hurt. I’m here, baby. You don’t need to be scared. I’m here.”

  She finally lifts her eyes to mine and she simply says, “Mick?”

  “Yep, I’m here baby. You okay?” I can feel myself panicking. Bruises are already forming on her face and I need to know if there is more damage that I just can’t see.

  “You’re here?”

  “I’m here. So are the police, and they’ve got him, Alex.”

  Just then the paramedics walk through the front door and I signal for them to come to Alex first. That fucker can wait.

  “Alex, the paramedics are here and they want to check you out, okay? Just be sure to tell them anywhere that you might be hurt.” I turn to the familiar faces of our fire department and tell them we’ll meet them in the living room. “Baby, I’m gonna pick you up okay?” She replies with a small nod of her head.

  I scoop her up in my arms and walk her over to the couch and gently set her down. I start to move away so that the paramedics can look her over, but she grabs my hand and finally looks me in the eye. It’s clear she’s asking me to stay with her and there isn’t anything that could pull me away. Whatever she needs, I’m here.

  I sit down next to her, and as I settle I feel her slide her fingers between mine and she holds on to my hand with all she’s got. My bloodied hand that just moments ago was feeling the crush of that low life’s bones…that same hand now feels the trembling fragility of a woman who has once again been shattered and abused.

  “Ma’am, can you tell us where
you were hurt?” Johnson, a paramedic I’ve worked with for several years asks. I’m glad it’s him here and not some newbie fresh out of class.

  “It’s mostly just my head,” she says lifting her hand to the side of her head.

  “And what happened, ma’am? Do you remember what might have happened to cause your head to hurt?”

  “Um…Kevin…he um…” she looks up to me with pools of unshed tears in her eyes.

  I let go of her hand and put my arm around her to pull her into me. “It’s okay, Alex. You can tell them. I’m right here and Kevin is gone. I’ve got you, baby,” I whisper into her hair.

  She reaches for my free hand—that is also cut and bleeding from beating that prick’s face in—and intertwines our fingers again before moving her gaze to Johnson. “He slammed me against the wall and then pulled me back by the neck and slammed my head into the wall.” At this admission, the tears start to fall and her sobs come falling out. She brings her arm around my waist and buries her face in my chest. I squeeze her to me and hold on for dear life. God dammit! I wish I had been given just a couple more minutes alone with that asshole. I want to kill him or at least maim him. The picture that has been painted in my head of him smashing her head against the wall is one I’m not sure I will ever forget.

  “Ma’am, I know this is hard but we’re going to need to check your eyes and make sure that you don’t have a concussion.”

  “Her name’s Alex and let’s give her just a minute, Johnson.”

  He stands up and walks away giving us a couple feet of space. Whispering into her hair once again I ask, “How you doin’, sweet thing? You gonna be able to let them look at you in a minute?”

  She pulls her face from my now wet t-shirt and says, “I’m so embarrassed, Mick. How did I let this happen?”

  “This isn’t your fault, Alex. I don’t want to hear you say anything like that again. Do you hear me?” She doesn’t reply and just stares at me looking lost and defeated. “Let’s just get you checked out and then we’re going to have to talk to the officers as well. Nobody here is going to judge you. In fact, they’re all friends of mine. You’re in a safe place, with safe people. Don’t be embarrassed. Let’s just be glad it’s all over.”

  With a newfound determination, she sits up straight, wipes her eyes with the sleeves of her sweatshirt, takes in a big breath and exhales loudly. “I’m ready.”

  As Johnson approaches us, I go to scoot over and give him space to examine her, but she squeezes my hand and panicked eyes stare into mine. “Hey, I’m right here. I got you,” I say as I hold up our connected hands. “I just want to give him some space.”

  “Sorry, I’m being silly,” she says trying to release my hand.

  I don’t let go though. I kiss her forehead, give her a little wink and scoot over.

  I sit with her while Johnson shines his light in her eyes and has her follow his fingers. He also cleans the cut on her cheekbone but says she shouldn’t need any stitches. Her head is another story. He gives her two little steri-strips just above her right temple. If they don’t stay she’ll have to go to the hospital to get stiches. The worst part for her is when Emmett has to take pictures of her injuries.

  She does seem a little foggy from the concussion that Johnson has confirmed, but she keeps it together.

  Next, Emmett has to come take our statements. As he’s explaining that he’s going to need to separate us and take our statements individually Emily arrives. I can see Alex’s eyes go wide as she sees her enter the room. Her lifelong fear of her friends knowing her secret is about to come out, and it scares the shit out of her. I can see it all over her face.

  “It’s okay, Alex. She loves you and she’ll want to be here for you. She will not judge you.”

  In a rush Emily collapses on the floor in front of Alex and looks between the two of us. Alex, with her cuts and bruises and tears streaming down her face. Me, holding her hand and sporting bloodied knuckles.

  “What happened, Mick? Alex, are you okay? What’s going on? Emmett called me and told me to get here as soon as I could. Alex, are you okay? I saw Kevin in the back of one of the squad cars. Did he do this to you?”

  “Emmers, take a breath. Why don’t you sit here with Alex while she gives Emmett her statement?” I say pleading with my eyes for her to stop with all the questions. The last thing we want right now is for Alex to clam up because Emily’s here. “Alex, I’m going to go give my statement right over there, and Emily’s going to sit with you while you give yours. I’ll be as fast as I can be. Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “Hey, you are not weak. You are one of the toughest women I know. You don’t need to have any more secrets. You’ve got this. Tell them your truth. You’ve got me and Emily. We aren’t going anywhere.”

  Just like that, her tears stop falling and she sits up a little straighter again. Emily takes my place on the couch and takes Alex’s hand in hers. I head over to the county officer that they’ve brought in to take my statement. Its policy to have somebody not in my own department take my statement. You just never know.

  I know the drill so I state my name, age and how I know Alex. I explain the situation from the time I knocked on the door until Emmett pulled me off Kevin. My interview is over rather quickly. I know that there will be more of an investigation but it’s enough for now.

  It seems that it took Alex some time to start explaining what’s unfolded here in her own words and she’s just gotten started. As I listen to her describe what happened, and that her pictures with me were the reason for his visit, I feel sick. Not to mention imagining him dragging her by her hair, hitting her and slamming her head against the wall. I am relieved to hear that I stopped him from raping her. It’s not much, but at least I saved her from that. I still feel like I could throw up. The only thing that stops me from doing just that is the fact that I’m hanging on every word that she says to Emmett.

  After Alex finishes, Emmett asks her how long their relationship had been like this. Hearing her describe her relationship with this asshole takes me back to that night at the hospital. The night she told me her secret and I sat next to her shocked that none of us knew. Here we are again. How didn’t any of us know?

  She explains how he first came back to work and threatened her in the mailroom after he had already shown up here and raped her. He raped her and she didn’t reach out to me.

  He raped her.

  I’m nearly knocked on my ass by the wave of emotions that hits me. Somehow I feel like this is my fault and I should have known. I should have saved her. Why didn’t I save her? Seeing her sitting on the couch recounting these last weeks, she is clearly ashamed and embarrassed. I should have saved her. I can tell she feels weak, and in a way, so do I. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to take all of this in and know that I didn’t help her. I can’t believe all of this happened to her. How did none of us know? Right now, she is what is important and I have to keep my shit together. She needs me and this time I’m gonna be there. That she can count on.

  Hearing her tell her story connects all the dots for me. I wish she had told me but I do understand. I know that with the way she grew up watching her mom as an example of how to deal with a man like her dad, this is what she knows. Put that with the fact that this jackass was also management. Corporate HR Management to be exact. She had nobody at work to go to, and she was raised to keep her private life…private.

  After she finishes her story she looks over at me and I know that she knew that I was listening. She wanted me to know where she had been these past weeks and why she had ended our friendship. I give her a little nod so she knows that I heard her and I understand.

  Emily pulls Alex’s attention away from me and with tears cascading down her face says, “Alexandra Stotts! You are never to leave something like this to yourself again! You have too many people who love and care about you and are always here for you. I love you so much and I am so sorry that I’ve been so wrapped up in my own life that I missed
this. I should have seen that something was off, and I am so sorry for letting you down.”

  “Emily, you didn’t let me down. I didn’t want you to know. I was embarrassed. I don’t know how I let myself get in this position. I didn’t want you to know how weak I was,” she says to my sister with her eyes looking at the ground. She looks defeated.

  “Alex, you ended up here because a man with power used his position to threaten your job and do you harm. It’s not your fault. He’s a piece of shit. I hope he knows how lucky he is that he only got Mick’s wrath because Cami and I would know no limit to the pain we would inflict on this fucker if given the chance!”

  At the mention of Cami, I see fear cross her face again. She doesn’t want Cami to know but Emily sees it too and doesn’t let her say a word.

  “No! No more secrets! Cami deserves to know. She and I both need to be better friends. The three of us have always taken care of each other and it’s time Cami and I did a better job. When you’re ready, the three of us will get together and have a night to catch up. A night to catch up on all of us not just with you. It’s needed.”

  I love my sister. She is pretty freaking amazing and Alex is lucky to have her, but at the moment she looks like she’s overwhelming Alex.

  “Hey Emmers, thanks for sitting with her while she gave her statement. You can head home if you want. It was cool of Emmett to call you, but I got this.”

  “What do you mean you got this? Why are you even here?”

  “Alex and I are friends, Em, I came by to check on her because it seemed like something was wrong at Ireland’s party.” I pull this out of my ass and hope that it flies.

  Emily turns to look at Alex. “I am such a shitty friend. Mick noticed something was off and I didn’t. I am so sorry, Alex. It won’t happen again.”

  “Thanks, Em. You really don’t have to stick around. I’m just tired and want to get some rest. I’ll be fine and I promise no more secrets.”

  Emily pulls her into a hug and then looks between me and Alex like she’s still trying to figure out why I’m here. She walks by me and I can see the look in her eye that tells me she knows. She knows that there’s something more between us, but she’s leaving it alone…for now.