Starving Faithful

by Amy Lynn

  Brad and I eat in comfortable silence, only speaking when thoughts come to our minds. But the silence is different this time. The air isn't thick with built up tension and anger you could cut with a knife. We are content with the lull in conversation and take the opportunity to steal glances at one other and smile when our eyes meet. A couple of times I even catch Brad staring, setting off emotions I haven't felt for him in quite some time. I've waited so long for this moment, and while eventually I'd like to know the reason, right now, I couldn't be bothered to care.

  I had just finished clearing the table and emerged my hands in soapy water when Brad comes up behind me, kissing me lightly on the neck."It's been a long time since I tasted your skin, and today, after I kissed you in the elevator, it's all I can think about.”

  Those words. It’s all I ever wanted to hear from Brad, and I got that sinking feeling in my stomach, the one that happens on a roller coaster when you speed down those tall peaks. "I've missed you. I missed us."

  "Finish up with the dishes and meet me upstairs. I need to get some work done. And I've got something for you."

  Thirty minutes later, I find Brad in our bedroom. He is propped up with pillows against the headboard, wearing only a t-shirt and shorts with papers scattered all around him. He looks up the moment I enter the room."Finished already?" he asks as he begins to clear the bed of paperwork.

  I answer with a smile and sit down next to him on the opposite side of the bed, propping up the pillows as he has and rest against them. I close my eyes for a brief moment just soaking in how good it feels for Brad and me to be in this place with one another.

  "Everything okay?"

  "Perfect."

  Brad smiles, and I can tell he wants to say something by the distracted look in his eyes. "I know we haven't discussed this, but, I just want to make you happy, so…” From the pile of paperwork, he pushes an envelope towards me.

  "What's this?"

  “Open it.”

  I break the seal and unfold the papers inside.

  "It's a plane ticket to see your parents in Hawaii. I hope you're not mad."

  "Brad, I..." Words have escaped me. Giving him a hug, I squeeze him tight, whispering a thank you into his ear.

  "I'm sorry I can't come with you, but I have so many things going on at work and it's just not a good time for me."

  I hated I would be making the trip alone, but I really did miss my parents. Maybe a break between Brad and me would bring us closer together.

  Taking the papers from me, Brad begins going over the details of my flight. Thankfully, it is after the Reign shoot with Mia, which come to think of it, I should probably mention.

  “I can't tell you how much I appreciate you doing this for me, Brad. I'm really excited to see my parents."

  He places a quick kiss on the back of my hand. “I'm happy you’re happy."

  Taking a deep breath, I dive in headfirst. "Since we have a moment to talk, I have some exciting news to share." I take a quick glance at his face to see if I can judge his reaction and continue."Mia has invited me to California to assist her in a charity photo shoot she's been selected to do for Rue. It's in two weeks and only for a few days."

  He nodded."Is this something you really want to do?"

  "It is."

  “Then it's fine with me.”

  I hug Brad again even tighter than before. I really wish I knew what brought this change from Brad so I could express my sincere gratitude and send a fruit basket or two.

  With a buzz on the nightstand, my phone lights up with a text message, interrupting our moment.

  Caroline:

  Don't forget about the TOC meeting tonight. My house 8pm.

  Shit. I had forgotten all about that.

  “What’s up?” Brad asks.

  "It was Caroline reminding me of the Tourism of Chicago meeting tonight. I'm sorry. I completely forgot."

  "No problem. I'm sure it won't take long."

  I check my watch."Are you sure? I don’t mind to skip it."

  "Go. I'll be here when you get back."

  I give him a quick kiss and grab my shoes.

  “I won't be long.”

  Caroline’s house is lit beautifully as always, glowing brightly through the barren trees that have lost their leaves. Abe's car is parked out front as are a few others I don't recognize.

  Everyone was already gathered in the study. When I enter, Caroline greets me with a hug and kiss on the cheek. Abe is speaking with some members I had yet to be introduced to, and he simply nods a distant hello. It feels strange after spending time with him in his apartment, but I guess it’s because we are in mixed company that he isn’t coming over to speak with me. Still, something seems off.

  Giving the weird vibe I am getting from Abram Kent, I try to make eye contact with him several times. I know he can feel my stare, but he ignores me. The few times our eyes do meet, he just looks away.

  What the hell is his problem?

  When the meeting ends, Abe immediately says his goodbyes to a select few and runs quickly out the door. Luckily, I make it outside before he leaves but just barely.

  Abe has just shut his car door, the engine roaring to life when I tap lightly on the window. "You weren’t going to say goodbye?"

  "No. I'm in a hurry.”

  Thoughts of JEM began swirling in my mind. "Hot date or something?" I tease.

  "You could say that."

  I try to keep my face neutral with that information but judging from past experiences, who knows if I was successful.

  "I'll see you later then."

  "Later," Abe answers shortly, rolls up his window, and drives off.

  As I drive home, I go over the day’s events to figure out if something I may have done or said had upset Abe. I only come up with two things. Brad’s visit to the office and the mysterious JEM. I’m leaning more towards the latter. Maybe Abe really did like her. If the baby is his, he could be stressed out about becoming a father, or he could be struggling with the fact of the baby not being his but possibly considering a relationship with JEM regardless. Any of those scenarios seemed plausible in my opinion.

  When I arrive home after over thinking the entire day’s events, I go through the house turning off lights as I make my way to our bedroom. I climb the stairs, confused, a little stressed, and exhausted; all I can think of is falling into a sweet slumber and not having another thought.

  Brad is in bed as he was earlier, paperwork all around him, shirtless. He begins gathering up papers as he greets me with a hello.

  Quickly shedding my clothes, I climb into bed.

  "You look tired."

  “Beyond tired."

  Brad switches the lights off and opens his arms. “C’mere," he said as he pulls me close.

  I can't remember the last time Brad and I slept this way. It is so nice to feel his warmth, his comforting hands, and the sound of his heartbeat.

  I am asleep before I even realize it.

  The next morning while I prepare coffee, Brad enters the kitchen. I don’t turn around to face him, but say good morning over my shoulder as I continue to scoop coffee grounds into a filter. He comes up behind me, sweeps my hair to one side, and kisses me softly on the cheek.

  "Good morning."

  I start to turn around, but he stops me.

  “Stay right there.”

  Trailing from my arms to my stomach, his hands roam over my skin exploring my curves then disappear under the hem of my white silk robe. His fingertips skim along the top of my panties, and I close my eyes, allowing myself to get lost in my husband’s touch.

  “Say the word if you want me to stop.”

  Stop? Hell NO! I chanted the words please don’t stop over and over in my mind, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t find my voice to say them. Slowly, he slides my panties down my legs, his warm touch going right where I need him. I never wanted to scream something so much until right this very moment.

  “Last chance.”

  I giv
e the only response I can, shaking my head with a rapid no, and lean over the counter, resting my elbows against the countertop, the cool marble searing my heated skin.

  Brad’s hands leave me for a moment, the cool air from his boxers sending a wave of cool air across my legs as they fall to the floor behind me. My heart starts to race, and my skin instantly flushes. I can hardly believe what is happening right here in my kitchen. This is what I’ve been wanting from him all along. His hands break my thoughts as they settle on my hips, and he gently caresses my skin as he guides himself slowly inside me. I grab the countertop as I did in my fantasy on the day of our move from Ohio. I remember how much I wanted him then, and today is no different.

  My head falls back as his grip around me tightens, and his speed increases. If I had to guess, Brad is enjoying himself just as much as I am. I only hope this won’t be our last adventure outside the bedroom.

  “You feel so good. I can hardly control myself,” Brad says between ragged breaths.

  His words make me smile, and my cheeks flush bright red. “So do you.”

  And he did. I honestly don’t know how much longer I can hold on, and judging from Brad’s rapid breathing the end of this little escapade is near for him too.

  Brad hugs my waist bringing me as close to him as possible, thrusting deep inside me, and I feel my self-control start to slip away. Moving in sync to our own rhythm, I get lost in my sensations. Within seconds, an intoxicating pleasure ripples through me with Brad joining me moments later.

  We stay there, leaning over the counter, his breath gently stirring my hair while we attempt to tame our breathing. It may sound silly to some since that moment wasn’t what most would call romantic, but for me, it didn’t have to be. I’ve never felt more loved. It was spontaneous, and I felt completely desired by Brad.

  Brad slowly pulls out of me and turns me around. The moment I see his face, I know he regrets what we did.

  My tattered confidence can’t take another emotional hit. I am already too damaged.

  “Well, that is certainly the best way I’ve ever waited for coffee to brew,” I say smiling.

  Brad avoids my eyes and kneels to pull my panties back into place. “I better get dressed before I’m late.”

  Then he’s gone.

  I’ve never felt so used.

  Chapter 21

  Ava

  The two weeks that pass before my trip with Mia are lonely. Brad works late every night, and on the occasion he makes it home in time for dinner, he’s in the den submerged in paperwork. While I would like to think it’s nothing more than just bad timing, I can’t rule out the possibility he’s simply avoiding me. I’ve opened my mouth more times than I can count, each time simply losing the courage to ask.

  As I pack, I can’t help but be excited about the time away from Brad. Sure, I love him, but lately his mood swings have me on an emotional roller coaster that never stops. I need this break for clarity and my own sanity. I only hope a few days will be enough.

  As I zip the full suitcase, Brad enters the room and asks, “All packed?”

  “I’m ready.”

  Brad carries the large suitcase down the stairs while I take the small carry on with my handbag and place them by the front door.

  “Are you sure I can’t take you to the airport? I’m worried about you handling all of these bags by yourself.”

  Mia had arranged for a car, and despite my protests, she insisted. “I appreciate it, but I’ll be okay.”

  Since that day in the kitchen, Brad has reverted to his old distant ways. I wasn’t really sure what to make of it, but I had that old feeling back in the pit of my stomach that the other shoe was about to drop. Our kitchen adventure was exciting and something we had not done before, but now looking back, it almost seemed like a goodbye. Like something was about to happen that would change our relationship and he wanted our last time to be memorable and something we had never done before. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but what’s a girl to do when your partner distances himself? All I’m left to do is speculate.

  At 9:00, I am seated next to Mia on the plane headed to sunny California. When the wheels leave the tarmac, I decide to leave all my worries behind and focus on being my absolute best for Mia.

  “Ava, do you have any big holiday plans?” Mia asks.

  “I do actually. Brad surprised me with a trip to see my parents, so I’ll be going to Hawaii in a few weeks.”

  “Wow! How exciting!”

  “I haven’t seen them since I moved to Chicago so we are long overdue for a visit. Excited isn’t even the word.”

  “Well, that husband of yours is very sweet to give you such a thoughtful gift. You know, the holiday months are a slow time for my casework. If you wanted to take some extra time off to spend with your parents, I can handle things until you return,” Mia offers.

  “Really? I’d have to talk it over with Brad, but I’ll certainly consider it. Thank you so much,” I smile at her to reflect my gratitude.

  “Of course. However, I’m sure Abram Kent will be very disappointed in your absence. I think your smile brightens his day.”

  I laugh, “I don’t know about that. Besides, doesn’t Abe have a girlfriend?”

  “What makes you say that?”

  “He seemed to be pretty smitten with a girl I recently saw him with.”

  “Honey,” she says and starts to giggle. “He’s smitten with all of them.”

  I start giggling too because that is the damn truth. This one was different though as I picture JEM with her pregnant belly. Abe, even from a distance when I saw them together that day, seemed different somehow, and the protectiveness he seemed to have about her spoke volumes.

  “Do you ever picture Abe settling down and having children?” I ask without thinking.

  “I find it hard to believe that Abram could settle down with just one person. I suppose if the right woman came along...I don’t know.” Mia ponders and shakes her head. “He’s never said that he didn’t want a family, but he’s not shouting it from the rooftops either. I’d be very surprised if he traded in his bachelorhood for dirty diapers and an endless sea of Fisher Price.”

  Wanting to change the subject, I ask Mia about her little boy, and as I predicted, she chattered about him the remainder of the flight.

  Chapter 22

  Brad

  It’s nearing midnight on my first night without Ava since we moved to Ohio. Yeah, we’ve slept apart on the occasion when I’ve been a dick, but she’s always been under the same roof.

  I toss and turn unable to get comfortable, and my mind runs off in a thousand different directions. I wonder what she’s doing and if she is missing me just as much as I am missing her. I’m nearly going insane without her, and it’s not even been a full day. The thought of ever losing her absolutely brings me to my knees, and when I think about the secret I’m keeping from her, it very well may be a possibility. I think about our fucked up kitchen escapade a few weeks back and how guilty I feel for treating her like a hooker and bending her over right in front of the coffee maker. I know she said it was okay, but I royally screwed up.I don’t see her in that innocent way I used to.

  I thought back to how happy we were before our move when we were typical newlyweds, and I wonder if we can ever get back to that. I close my eyes and let Ava’s image form in the darkness, the day of our move...

  She thinks she’s got me fooled, but I can feel her eyes on me as I lift the packed boxes into the U-Haul. Purposefully, I bend over giving her a view of my ass. Picking up a box I know is lightweight so she doesn’t see me struggle with a heavy load, I place it in the back of the truck. Looking directly at the window where I know she’s watching, I smile. Yes, Wifey, I can see you.

  Her silhouette is barely noticeable as the bright sunlight reflects the surroundings back like a mirror. It doesn’t matter. I have every inch of her memorized. Her long silky dark hair, piercing green eyes, gentle cheekbones, soft lips…

  She wave
s. Satisfaction and pleasure rolls through me at the slightest flash of gold I placed on her finger. I wave back, my smile broadening, hardly believing the beautiful woman behind the glass belongs to me. She is my wife, and I am her husband, no matter how undeserving of her I may be.

  I wake with a start, tears in my eyes at the wonderful dream I just had. I was crying but only because I was so happy. A kind of happy you read about in novels, and I took every moment of it all for granted. Ava is a one of a kind woman. She’s loving and kind, absolutely gorgeous, supports me in everything I do, loyal, and she loves me unconditionally. How did I ever get this lucky? I won the fucking love lottery, and I’m just pissing it all away. It’s time to change all of that. I won’t lose her. I refuse to.