Starving Faithful

by Amy Lynn

  Since I wasn’t due back in Chicago for another two days, I opt to stay at Caroline’s to give myself time to sort through my thoughts and figure out how and when I’ll approach Brad rather than making a snap decision based on my heart alone.

  The first day at Caroline’s was rough. After thinking it over extensively and talking with both Caroline and Paul, I decide I don’t have enough evidence to confront Brad and make the decision to wait until after my trip to see my parents to confront him. I know that decision may seem bat shit crazy to some, but in my heart, I feel it’s the right move. I also wanted a little time to explain the situation to my parents. That was something I wanted to do in person, no matter the outcome between Brad and me.

  With my luggage loaded into the Jennings’ car, Mitchell drives me home. Every mile we get closer to home, the pit in my stomach gets bigger. I need to behave normally as if nothing is wrong, but how can I when I felt like my world has just fallen apart?

  To my surprise, Brad isn’t home when I arrive. Since it is nearing seven in the evening and I’m a bit worried, I send him a text:

  I’m home. Where are you?

  His reply comes four minutes later:

  On my way.

  It isn’t the reply I was expecting but come to think of it, he always seems to skirt questions when I ask them. Always giving an answer but never to the question I had asked.

  Brad walks in the door thirty minutes later. “Hey, where have you been?” I ask.

  His head snaps to me with a look in his eyes that I’ve never seen before. Has that always been there and I choose not to see it? His brows draw together, and he closes his eyes as he looks away from me. “Just a late night at the office. I wanted to finish things so I could free up the weekend to spend with you.”

  Crossing the room, he kisses me on the cheek. “I missed you.”

  I manage to give him a smile, but keeping what I know to myself is like holding the winning lottery numbers and never claiming the prize.

  Chapter 24

  Ava

  As the weekend passes, my relationship with Brad, much like the weather, turns cold and gloomy. Although Brad claims to work late on Friday to free up time to spend with me, we do nothing together and in fact, we never even leave the house. Not even once.

  I think about Mia’s offer to take extra time off, and when I arrive at work on Monday, I submit the vacation forms without even speaking to Brad about it.

  Nearing the end of the day, I knock on Abe’s open office door. “Got a minute?”

  “For you? Always.” He rises from his desk and perches himself on the edge at the front, gesturing to one of the chairs for me to take a seat.

  He narrows his eyes when I choose the chair that isn’t directly in front of him and sit down.

  “Abe, I have something to ask you and I want you to be honest with me no matter how much it may hurt me. Can you do that?”

  Abe gets up and quickly closes the door to his office. He takes my hand in his as he sits in the seat next to me. “Ava, what’s wrong?”

  “Promise me that you won’t lie.”

  “You’re really scaring the shit out of me.”

  “Then answer the question faster.”

  “You can trust me.”

  I was so ashamed; I can’t even look at him when I ask. “I found out something about Brad this week, and I was wondering if you knew anything about it?” I quickly glance at him and back at my folded hands in my lap. “Is it true?”

  He is silent for a moment before asking, “How did you find out? Who told you?”

  His response isn’t what has me concerned; it is his lack of surprise. “You knew?”

  His lips part to respond, but he doesn’t answer.

  “You asshole!” I shout as I bolt up out of the chair. “You were the one person I thought would never hurt me!”

  Abe steps in front of me as I reach for the door. “I’m so sorry, Ava. I never meant to hurt you.”

  “Well, it’s too late for that,” I say with tears in my eyes.

  “You could have told me so many times, and you choose not to. I thought we were friends, but now I know where your loyalty lies.” Stepping around him, I storm out of his office, thankful that everyone, including Mia, had left for the day.

  Gathering my things as quickly as I can from my bottom drawer, I toss everything into my bag anxious to be alone with my thoughts so I can cry or scream or whatever while Abe stands in the doorway of his office watching me. A part of me wants him to stop me, give me a hug, and tell me that everything is going to be okay because I need that right now, but I storm off angry never giving him the opportunity.

  Pushing open the lobby door, the cool air instantly soothing my heated face, I walk slowly to my car in no absolute hurry to go home. The church bells down the street begin to ring marking the top of the hour, and suddenly it’s right where I need to be in hopes of finding some clarity.

  Pulling open the big wooden door, I step inside ignoring the image of Abe that flashed in my mind the day he gave me his umbrella. Sitting down quietly in the last pew, I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and instantly feel some of my tension and anger release. Everyone says God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, and while I don’t believe one has to attend church on a regular basis to feel a spiritual connection, I’m certainly getting the vibe He doesn’t really know me at all. As I sit here looking at the crucifix above the altar, I think about the sacrifice He made for me, and how His courage and strength was selfless and unwavering. Like Him, He thinks I am strong where I only see weakness. Maybe that’s the lesson. To overcome myself and see I severely underestimated my strength as an individual. Maybe one day I can learn to forgive, but where does that leave my trust in the man I chose to be my husband? Brad went from an honest, trustworthy man I thought would never hurt me, to starving faithful and feeding every insecurity I’ve ever had. Coming here to this sacred place, I wanted to seek clarity, but now I’m left with more confusion now than ever.

  God, it’s me again. I know I’m on a long list of many who are suffering, but I’m having a hard time understanding how I’m going to get through this. Would it be too much to ask for a sign I’m on the right path? It can be something small like finding a penny, a red light turning green when I’m in a rush, or buying a package of starburst candies to find they’re mostly full of red and pink. Whatever you have time for, I’ll be watching.

  Later that night, I prepare dinner for Brad and go to bed without eating using the excuse I’m not feeling well, which ironically, isn’t too far from the truth. My stomach is in knots, and eating is the last thing on my mind.

  The next day at work isn’t easy either. I have a latte on my desk when I arrive, and I didn’t need a note to know who it came from. I saw Ross at the coffee maker preparing Abe’s coffee. If I were the kind of person who didn’t believe in Karma, I would have asked him if I could put a little dollop of saliva in his cup, but that just wasn’t me.

  “Is everything alright with you, Ava? You look a little pale,” Ross asked.

  I managed a small smile. “I’m fine. Just didn’t get much sleep last night.”

  The rest of the week isn’t any better, but thankfully, Brad works late almost every night so I only have to pretend to be sick when he is home. I question whether he is actually “working late,” but I have no way of really knowing otherwise.

  Wait. Why am I sitting here wondering if my husband is being faithful or not? Brad has no clue I’m aware of his infidelity, so why not pay him a surprise visit at his office and see what he was up to?

  Thirty minutes later, I arrive at his building and spot his BMW in the parking lot. I grab the small plate of food I prepared in the event he was alone, giving me a perfect excuse for stopping in unexpectedly.

  Having never been there, I didn’t know the way to his office, but I was certain he worked on the fourth floor. As I step off the elevator, half the lights have been dimmed above the cubicles that line the cente
r of the room. I look around and see that most of the larger offices have their doors open, all except two. Going to the first closed door, the gold plaque reads Bob something or another written in bold letters. Moving on to the next closed door that is on the opposite side of the room, I squint until the letters start to materialize with each step I take.

  Bradley Lauren.

  I stare at the nameplate for a moment wanting to make sure that I’m doing the right thing. After all, what I may or may not see in the next few seconds could forever change my life, but good or bad, I have to know.

  Twisting the knob, I carefully push open the door. Brad is shirtless, gripping a pair of spread legs as he thrusts into her naked body as it lay back against his desk. His face is twisted in pleasure as her breasts bounce in time with him, and her long brunette hair spills over the paperwork that litters his desk. With one hand, he grips the back of her neck, his other behind her knee as she locks her legs around his waist. He effortlessly lifts her up and kisses her with fervor of someone who just had his first taste from the fountain of youth. His fingertips sink into her ass cheeks as he kisses a path from her neck to her breasts. Flipping her hair over her shoulder, she leans back giving him better access, and he takes her nipple into his mouth.

  I can’t take another second. I raise the plate in my hands as high as I can and with all the force I have, I shatter it on the floor. Brad’s head snaps up in a panic and lands directly on me before moving to the food surrounding my feet.

  With that anger released, the tears take over, and I sprint from Brad’s office to the stairs.

  Brad calls out to me, only making me run faster as he yells my name over and over. I bolt through the door of the stairwell and down the stairs as quickly as I can, my name echoing off the walls above me as Brad explodes through the door. I’m gasping for breath when I burst out into the cold brisk air. Though I’ve never had a panic attack before, I am quite certain I was having one right now.

  “Ava! Stop!”

  I turn around and see Brad standing near the entrance of his building, his untucked shirt half buttoned, his slacks askew, and his feet bare. The man I see before me I no longer recognize as my husband. He was just some guy who cheated on his wife with a woman whose moral compass had lost its sense of direction. I wipe my tears, get in my car, and speed off.

  My mind is reeling and my emotions are a wreck, but there is one thing that could make all this a tiny bit better. I needed answers. And I was going to get them from the one person who seemed to know it all.

  When I knock on the door, unlike last time when Abe answered wearing only a lose towel, he is fully dressed. For a second I wonder if he is going to invite me in, but after a moment, he steps aside.

  I waste no time and retrieve the picture of Brad with the brunette on my phone and hand it to him. “Who is she?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Bullshit! I want to know who he’s fucking! Why won’t you tell me?”

  Abe blanches at my words. “Text me the photo and give me a few days to find out. Can you do that?”

  I nod.

  “I assume you’re not going home?”

  “No. I’m checking into a hotel for a few days.”

  “You’re welcome to stay here if you’d like.”

  “I appreciate the offer, but I wouldn’t be very good company.”

  “You’re right. You wouldn’t. I just hate the thought of you going through this all alone. If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

  “Who’s JEM?” I ask before I can stop myself.

  Abe looks away and won’t meet my eyes. “How do you know about her?”

  I shrug. “Knocked over a stack of files on your desk and made a huge fucking mess. Came across her pictures when I was attempting to clean it up…”

  Abe lets out a deep laugh. “I fucking love it when you swear.”

  “Don’t change the subject! Abe, you can trust me.”

  “Another time, Ava.”

  I can accept that. Either he isn’t ready to tell me that he is going to be a father or he doesn’t want to speak of his blessing in the wake of my heartache. I get it, and I appreciate that.

  I thank Abe for his help in finding out the identity of the brunette and make my way to the door.

  “Ava?” I stop and turn to face him.

  “For what it’s worth, I wanted to tell you about Brad a hundred times, and somehow I always found another hundred not to. I never meant to hurt you. I just…couldn’t ever seem to find the words. I didn’t want it to be me that broke your heart.”

  My bottom lip begins to quiver, and Abe folds me in his arms. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for not telling you about Brad, and I’m sorry that you’re going through this. You don’t deserve it.”

  I tighten my arms around him and nod in the crook of his neck. He let me cry, and when I pull away to dry my eyes, he hands me a handkerchief from his pocket.

  I’m reluctant to take it, but I don’t have the strength for an argument.

  As I drive to the nearest hotel, my cell phone rings constantly with calls from Brad. I’m not really sure what he wants to say to me, and right now, I don’t care. I just want to cry, scrub my eyeballs with bleach, collapse into bed, and let sweet dreams replace my memories.

  The next morning I feel like absolute death. After ordering room service and full kettle of coffee, I switch on my phone, ignoring the full voicemail box, scroll past the thirty-two text messages from Brad, and open the text from Abe.

  Meet me at the corner Bistro @ 11. I have the information you asked for.

  Well, that was fast.

  I arrive at the Bistro a few minutes early but spot Abe’s car across the parking lot and decide to go in. The little bell above the door rings as I enter and I have to admit, I’m not fully prepared for what waits inside.

  Abe sits at a table with four chairs, his arm casually tossed over the back with JEM and their newborn baby at her side.

  This is so not what I pictured. Just as I start to back out the door and forget I was even here, Abe sees me and comes to greet me halfway. “I don’t know about this, Abe,” I say the second he approaches. “No offense to your baby mama, but I really don’t want her to know my personal business.”

  “It's too late for that,” he says taking my arm and leading me to the table.

  “What the hell, Abe?” I whisper. “Do you really have to tell your girlfriend everything?”

  JEM rises from the table when we approach and sticks her hand out in introduction. “Hi, I’m Jessica.”

  “Ava,” I say attempting a smile as I shake her hand.

  Abe pulls out the vacant seat next to him. As I sit down, I try to get a glimpse of baby Kent, but he is quite snug, sleeping soundly in a sea of soft fleece.

  “I wanted to do this in a more private setting. Jessica asked to meet publicly, so here we are.”

  “I’m confused,” my brows furrow as I glance back and forth between the two of them. “Why publicly?”

  Abe looks at Jessica and gives her a nod.

  “I can’t,” she says.

  “Yes, you can,” he encourages. “Remember what we talked about?”

  After taking a deep breath, she slowly looks from Abe to me and says in a rush, “Abe’s not the father of my baby. Brad is.”

  I feel all the blood rush from my head to my toes, and I sway in my chair as my stomach drops. Abe is quick to steady me with a gentle hand on my shoulder, and I’m thankful as I would surely be face down on the floor by now. The waitress returns with my latte, and I quickly ask her where the bathroom is. Pointing to the far wall, I spring from my seat, barely making it in time before I lose my breakfast. After several minutes, I manage to compose myself enough to rejoin Abe and Jessica.

  “Jessica, I don’t want any details, okay? I just want to know if Brad told you he was married.”

  She shakes her head and looks at me sympathetically. “I had no idea. I never would have…been with him if I
knew.”