Fearless King

by Hughes, Maya

  “Class isn’t for another twenty minutes,” she said without looking up from the speakers she fiddled with. When she finally glanced over her shoulder, her polite smile fell, the kind of expression reserved for coming back to your car to find it had been rear-ended and there was no note in sight. “What are you doing here?” She tugged her long-sleeved shirt off, balled it up, and threw it onto her bag.

  “I needed to talk.”

  “I don’t have anything to say.”

  “There’s something I need to say to you.”

  She stood with her back to me. Her muscles were tight, like a rubber band pulled taut enough to snap. “Talk.”

  “Are you safe? Do you have a place to stay?”

  She tilted her head to the side. “I’m staying with friends. I’m not a kid. There’s no need for you to worry.”

  “It’s not possible for me not to worry, not when you won’t talk to me.”

  “You survived just fine without me speaking to you before Colm asked you to spy on me for him. Just pretend we’re back there. Pretend you’re still ignoring my existence and any feelings you might have for me. You’re good at that.”

  “I’m shit at that, Liv. Denying my feelings for you was slowly chewing me up inside.”

  “It didn’t sound like it from the stories of Ford’s great conquests. Hell, even Colm’s fiancée fell victim to it. I’m sure you can find someone to fill the space in your bed.” Her words came out rapid-fire, like bullets slicing through their target, and they had—me.

  “If there was a way for me to erase it all, just wipe away those years, I would, but there isn’t. Felicity…she was a mistake that will haunt me forever, but not because I slept with her.”

  Liv winced.

  “That’s bad enough, but I can’t take all that back. I wish I could, but I can’t. But I didn’t even know she and Colm were dating when she and I slept together. It was a one-night stand, and then I found out she was his girlfriend when he introduced us to each other after we’d already… It will haunt me because I didn’t tell Colm once I knew who she was. I believed her when she promised she’d never hurt him like that again. I wanted to protect him. I’ve seen what happens when someone cheats, how it can chew someone up from the inside out, but now I know that’s better than letting them think they can’t trust the people close to them. Keeping secrets is something I learned to do early.”

  38

  Liv

  I’d avoided him for this long. I knew what would happen the second I was within five feet of him. Once the anger burned away and the adrenaline wore off, I’d want to forgive him. I’d want his arms around me and to sink into that peaceful cocoon we fell into where things were always going to be all right.

  “You were supposed to be the one I could share anything with. You were supposed to be the person I never had to pretend with, the one who promised not to keep things from me.”

  “It’s a reflex, like catching a falling knife even though you know it’s going to slice you to the bone. I’ve been keeping secrets since I was little, and the one time I said enough, that’s when he left. I refused to lie for my dad anymore. Looking my mom in the eye knowing what he’d done killed me. That wasn’t the type of shit you heap on a kid, but my dad wasn’t winning any parent of the year awards.”

  I tilted my head. “What are you talking about?”

  He ran through the whole sordid story about his dad, how he’d told his mom about his dad’s affair, the way she fell apart, and the guilt he carried with him over that. That anyone could cheat on Sylvia was mind-boggling to me, and it made me want to track his dad down and unleash Marisa on him. He’d kept that bottled up inside and had never spoken about his dad much before, even Grant had been tight lipped, just saying he’d left.

  “But his cheating was keeping secrets, Ford. Just because someone isn’t sleeping around doesn’t mean hiding things can’t hurt someone—someone they love.” I stared into his eyes.

  “There are so many other ways I wish I could’ve told you.”

  “How about any other way?” I crossed my arms over my chest, grasping on tightly to my shirt. His crisp ironed shirt was stretched tightly across his biceps and chest. The same ones I’d fallen asleep encircled in. The same ones I’d longed to feel again. “And what happens the next time you try to play protector and keep me in the dark?”

  “I won’t. From now on, it’s one hundred percent open and honest. I have no more secrets. There’s nothing else about me you don’t know, and if you want to know something, ask and I’ll tell you. Anything. Everything.”

  “There’s too much I need to figure out right now.” Like how I’ll survive next year without any financial support. The financial aid office had already informed me that because the trust was technically mine, the money in it counted against me getting aid. The fact that my brother wouldn’t let me touch it didn’t matter.

  Maybe once Colm had cooled off, things would change, but the email I’d gotten from the lawyer’s office letting me know I wouldn’t be getting my next semester paid for had seemed pretty final. My brother’s words about it being me and him against the world were bullshit. It was me and him against the world as long as I followed along with his plan for my life to a T.

  I didn’t have a credit history, and private student loan interest rates were insane. There was a tiny voice in the back of my head that wanted to say screw it and go the easy way—ha! Had anyone in the history of mankind thought of medical school as easy? If I went along with his plan, he could then also pick out my husband, where we’d live, and when I’d have kids, dictating the rest of my life until I died.

  I needed this. I’d needed this for a long time, but fear had held me back. This was me standing on my own two feet and figuring my life out.

  “I can help. Let me know what you need.”

  I shook my head. “No, I’ve been relying on everyone else to make decisions for me for too long. It’s my fault. I let it happen. I let everyone else’s expectations decide what I did, and I can’t do it anymore. I won’t.”

  “So where does that leave us?” His gaze darted from the floor up to mine.

  My throat tightened at the longing and sadness in his eyes.

  I cleared my throat. “I don’t know, but I need you to let me figure it out.”

  “I can do that. I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”

  Staring back at him, I let him know this wasn’t his problem to fix. He didn’t flinch or shy away. He met my eyes, almost pleading with me to believe and trust him again. The words were there, the ones I’d thought a million times and had finally learned were real. This was beyond a crush, had blown straight past infatuation and become something I couldn’t live without. He was someone I couldn’t live without.

  His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down under his buttoned collar.

  I crouched down and took my things out of my bag for class. It was the only way to keep from reaching out to him. Now that I had the whole story about Felicity, I couldn’t blame him for sleeping with her, no more than he could blame me for anyone who came before him, and the lies—those were harder to swallow, but I understood why they were his misguided version of protection.

  “There are a lot of things I wish I could change, Liv, but being with you will never be one of them. Whatever you put your mind to, there will never be anything that can stand in your way. You think you’ve let other people drive your life, but you’re the most determined person I’ve ever met.

  “Colm will come to his senses, and you’re not alone, Liv. You’re never alone. Even if you don’t want to come to me for help, please don’t think Emmett, Heath, and Declan won’t be there for you in an instant. Mak, Kara, and Avery will rally together and get you anything you need.”

  “I know.” My voice sounded small and far away. I’d missed them. Turning on the speaker, my fingers shook as I played with the buttons. I’d wanted to call them, but dodging Ford hadn’t been my only reason for avoiding them. I’d busted up
the Kings, driven a wedge between Colm and Ford. How would they react? I was just the tagalong little sister. I was great to have around like a team mascot, but what happened when the mascot screwed things up?

  “I’ll do whatever I need to do to prove you can trust me again.” He backed away toward the doorway. “I’m sorry I lost your trust in the first place. If I need to stay away for you to do that, I’ll do it.” He sucked in a breath, and our gazes collided.

  And then he was gone. With him, all the air left the room. The door banged shut, and the pin-drop silence of the space surrounded me.

  I pressed my fists against my lips, staring after the spot where he’d stood. People milled around outside in the hallway. We’d already walked away from each other so many times. I’d already lost too many people. Could I do it again after I’d given him my whole heart?

  Someone opened the door, and my chest filled with hope that it was Ford coming back. One of the dancers came in and paused in the doorway, glancing backward.

  I wiped at my eyes, at tears I hadn’t even felt soaking my cheeks, and went back to the front of the class. Right, I was supposed to be teaching, trying to support myself and living the life I’d always said I wanted.

  * * *

  FORD

  I made it to the bottom of the stairs and yanked at my collar, but it wasn’t the claustrophobic fabric choking me; it was knowing I’d lost her. Dropping down, I sat on the steps. People came in through the front doors and up the steps, flowing around me. They stared, probably trying to figure out who the hell the guy sitting there about to lose his shit was, but I didn’t care.

  Being put on display came in a distant second to having my heart ripped out of my chest. I’d do whatever she needed. I’d make sure everyone else knew what was going on with her so she wouldn’t be alone. I never wanted her to think she’d lost out on being a part of our group, a part of our Kings family because of what had happened.

  I pushed off the steps, the cold stone driving the emptiness in my heart even deeper. Keep going, Ford. Show her how much she means by keeping your word. My hand wrapped around the door handle, and I stood, frozen. Someone came up to the door and tried to pull it open, but my grip kept it closed.

  They raised an eyebrow at me like I was a crazy person, and I was. My heart hammered against my ribs, and the thought of leaving this place without her made the floor shift beneath my feet.

  Spinning around, I raced for the steps. It couldn’t end like this. Our timing had always been shit, but guess what? I didn’t care. Bumping into someone, I skidded to a halt at the bottom of the steps when, halfway up, Liv came up onto her tiptoes, stopping as our gazes collided. Other people stood on the stairs, along the railing up above her and behind me.

  “You were coming back,” she said, the smile in her voice so bright it banished the dreariness in my heart.

  “I was. I am.”

  “I thought you said you were going to leave.”

  “I was, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t open the door.”

  A woman’s voice came from behind me. “He really couldn’t. Like, he was holding it closed. I thought he was a psycho or something trying to rob the place.”

  I let out a laugh that sounded more like a bark.

  “Why couldn’t you leave?” She came down a step, and I went up one.

  “There are a lot of promises I’ve made to myself over the past week, and one of them is that I’m not lying anymore, not just to other people, but to myself, and saying I could stay away from you was a lie—the biggest one I’ve ever told. There’s nothing in this world that I want more than to be there for you, to love you and show you how much you mean to me.”

  “What if I don’t want that?” She came down a step, and I went up another. The people around us stared. No one said a word. Every eye in the entire place was on us, and more people came in behind me. The voices died as other people whispered retellings of what they’d seen so far. Any other day, it would’ve sent me running for the door, but for her, I’d endure anything.

  “I’d do whatever I could to convince you that you don’t need to do this alone. You’re strong enough to, one hundred percent, but I can’t do this without you.”

  My slow ascent and her slow descent met halfway. She was one step up, her head level with mine.

  She swallowed. “What if I’m afraid of losing you again?”

  “I’m just as afraid that one day you’ll realize this is only a childhood crush and you’ll want nothing to do with me.”

  “We’re well beyond crush territory.” She moved to the edge of her step, her body even closer to mine.

  “What territory are we in?” I leaned in.

  Her hands settled on my chest. “Love.” With her eyes open, she pressed her lips against mine, the red tinge around her eyes melting away as she sank into the kiss.

  I tugged her against me, holding her tightly around her waist. The heat of her body pressed against mine, and I held on to her and what we’d almost lost. She closed her eyes and leaned into me even more.

  The tightness in my chest gave way to a blissed-out feeling that didn’t compare to even the biggest comeback win on the ice. She was in my arms. Her warmth pressed against my skin, and I wanted nothing more than to brand this kiss into her mind so that she’d never be able to go a day without my lips on hers again.

  Everyone around us erupted in loud cheers and clapping. Running my hand up her back, I cupped her neck and dipped her. If they wanted a show, we’d give them a show. She laughed, holding on to my shoulders.

  “I think we have an audience,” she whispered against my lips.

  “I don’t give a shit.” Kissing her again like she deserved to be kissed, my world centered on her. Every touch. Every taste. Every breath.

  The people around us didn’t matter to me one bit. I wanted them to see us. I wanted my love for her on display for the world, and I wanted her to know it would always be there.

  39

  Ford

  Liv stood in front of her class wrapping up another sweat-filled, nonstop session. I sat in my chair off to the side out of the way. Her students didn’t stare as much anymore. I’d become a classroom staple.

  If I wasn’t at the rink or conditioning training, I was there. She moved with even more confidence, passion, and grace than the last time I’d seen her. It wasn’t even that she danced for me; she danced for herself, and I couldn’t help but want to watch her every minute I could. I’d even swung a few private dances at home on some extra-special occasions.

  After people filed out, she ran over, a little out of breath. Sweat was shining on her skin, and strands of hair fell out of her ponytail and stuck to the sides of her face. Her eyes were soft and cast a spell over me, one I never wanted to be free from and that would forever be a part of my soul.

  With my arm wrapped around her shoulders, I led her out of the studio after she changed. Anyone who saw her dance could see that it breathed life into her. We went back to my apartment, and I showed her exactly how much I’d appreciated her performance. A couple of burgers ordered in from Fish’s was the cherry on top.

  Lying in bed, tangled in the sheets with her against my chest, I ran my finger up and down her arm.

  “I’m talking to Colm tomorrow.”

  She lifted her head and stared at me.

  “I need to smooth things over with him. He’s my best friend whether he wants to be or not. Maybe I can get him to stop being such an asshole when it comes to you.”

  “I doubt it. He’s probably more stubborn than you on most things and especially when it comes to anything to do with Mom and Dad. He’s always been so concerned about their legacy, about making them proud, but when I think back to whether or not they saw us as individuals or just as extensions of themselves, I honestly don’t know.

  “Dad played hockey when he was younger, before he settled on medicine. Colm was my dad’s clone, and then with me, medicine became my crutch. It was the only way to spend time with them, a
nd even then it was scraps.

  “Colm goes back and forth between hating how they were and putting them up on a pedestal. He sold the house without even asking me.” She dropped her head back down and ran her fingers along my chest. “Just showed up one day and said it had sold. It’s like he wants to leave their shadow behind, knows both of us need to be freed from the promises we made to them, but he can’t.”

  I kissed the tip of her nose. “We’ll figure it out, one way or another.”

  * * *

  I walked from the locker room on my skates. Walking like that was always so damned awkward. My ankles always felt like they might break at any moment while balancing on the plastic guards that protected the blade of my skates, but it felt good to have them back on again.

  With the season over, I hadn’t taken to practicing solo like I usually did in the off-season, not when Liv was waiting for me at home. I’d volunteered for a few charity events for the team over the past few weeks, visiting hospitals and attending dinners to raise money for local animal shelters. Having a more public profile wasn’t as horrible as I’d imagined it would be, especially not with Liv on my arm.

  She shined at those types of events, rubbing shoulders with people from her social circle, and it gave me a chance to spoil her and buy her some new dresses. She’d been adamant about me not paying her troubles away, and standing on her own two feet was what she needed to do. It had taken me almost a month to convince her to move in with me.

  At least she hadn’t been at the Brothel, as she and Marisa called it, for more than a couple of weeks. The second she let that name slip, I was ready to kick down the door to get her out of there. Every one of those fuckers was too good-looking for his own good, and they reminded me too much of the Kings and our college antics. I didn’t think I had a decent night’s sleep until she was out of there. I trusted her, but I wasn’t so sure about those guys, or the randoms crashing their parties.