Before You

by Lisa Cardiff

  “What do you mean?” he said, reaching over to break off a part of her muffin.

  Bre pushed her muffin toward the middle of the table. “I don’t want to sound like a whiny girlfriend. Cam is such a great boyfriend. I’m really lucky to have him and his family in my life, but I hardly see him more than a couple minutes in the morning and maybe an hour at night. He’s really busy with the band and his job, and other than going out to lunch a couple days ago, he doesn’t seem to have much time for me.” Bre paused, absently stroking the cover of her sketchbook. She didn’t want Jax to think she was unreasonable or that Cam was neglectful. “Now that I think about it, it was silly of me to think that we could explore LA like a bunch of high school kids without any responsibilities. He has a full-time job and the band takes all of his spare time.”

  Jax jaw tightened, but his silvery eyes were enigmatic. “So what’s on the top of your to-do list for LA?”

  “The beach. I haven’t been to the beach in a long time. I love the salty smell of the air and the feel of sand between my toes.” Bre pointed to the straw tote bag leaning against her chair. “I was going to spend the day there sketching. I have everything packed.”

  “I’ve got a better idea. I planned to spend the day on my sailboat. Why don’t you join me? You can sketch or do whatever you want. I won’t bother you.”

  “You have a sailboat?” she asked incredulously.

  “It’s nothing too impressive. I’ve always loved sailing. It’s my way to escape everything and think. So do you want to join me?”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want you to come. Besides, there’s no better way to see Southern California than from a boat.”

  “I don’t know…” Bre said, pouring sugar into her cappuccino and stirring it with a flat wooden stick.

  “Oh, come on, I can tell you want to say yes.”

  She leaned over and dug through her tote bag to avoid looking at his smoky gray eyes and knowing smile. She briefly questioned why she wanted to say yes to a sailing trip alone with Jax when Cam would be furious if he found out about it. Before she completed the question in her head she knew the answer: she was tired of being alone, she had never been sailing before, and spending time with Jax was tempting. He was witty, entertaining, and more than passably attractive.

  All of those thoughts collided, compelling her to say yes. She may regret the decision later, but right now, she decided to live in the moment, and she really wanted to go sailing. She pulled out her phone to check for any text messages from Cam. There was nothing as usual. They communicated more when she was still in Colorado than now. “Okay, I’ll go.”

  His grin was so open and inviting that Bre couldn’t help but smile back.

  “Great. Grab your stuff. We should go.”

  “I’m ready.”

  Chapter Five

  Bre couldn’t remember a day that she had more fun or felt more relaxed in her entire life. Three hours ago, they sailed out of Marina del Rey. At first, she had been nervous and unsure what to say to him, but Jax’s open, unassuming personality made her feel comfortable. Before she knew it, she had abandoned her sketchbook for an impromptu sailing lesson, which resulted in a lot of spontaneous laughter and an unexpected friendship. His boyish laughter at her ridiculous questions and his knowledge of the area made the day almost perfect.

  As his hands guided hers over the wooden wheel at the helm of the boat, she realized he commanded the sailboat just as easily as he did the stage—with effortless skill and complete proficiency. Hesitantly, she leaned the back of her head against his chest and her treacherous body became instantly warm and needy, and she struggled against the staggering temptation to press her entire body into his.

  No, she refused to be weak and succumb to the moment, so instead of pressing herself into him further, she ducked underneath his arms and laughed helplessly. “That’s enough sailing for me for the day.”

  “Do you want to drop anchor and sketch for a while?”

  “Sure. What are you going to do?” She sat down on the deck on her blue and white-striped towel.

  “Write,” he said, shrugging as though it were an obvious answer.

  “Write what?”

  “Music. That’s the other reason I like to sail. It’s my muse.”

  “I can see why. It’s beautiful out here,” Bre replied, tilting her head toward the sky, letting the sun warm her face.

  Opening her worn sketchbook, Bre stared at Jax as he furled the sails, enjoying the play of the sun on his skin, and without thinking, she started drawing him.

  A few minutes later, he opened his guitar case and started tuning it. Bre had watched Cam tune his guitar many times in his bedroom when they were growing up, but it had never fascinated her as much as watching Jax do it. She found herself admiring the way his sleekly muscled shoulders flexed as his fingers moved over the strings.

  An hour later, she had a notebook filled with sketches of Jax playing the guitar. Sailing may be Jax’s muse, but today he was her muse. She couldn’t remember the last time she was so motivated and inspired to draw. She couldn’t wait to set up her art supplies when she got back to Colorado to paint a sequence of Jax playing the guitar on his sailboat. As she tucked away her sketchbook, she pulled out her phone to snap a few pictures of Jax so she could remember all the colors.

  “What are you doing?” Jax questioned, looking up from his guitar.

  “I have some really great sketches in here, and I want to capture the colors with my camera so I can remember them when I paint some of the scenes at home.”

  After placing his guitar securely in its case, Jax walked over to her. “Let me see them.”

  “Absolutely not. My art is private. I don’t like people to see it.”

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it.”

  “Sure you have.”

  Bre exhaled loudly. “I guess for me, drawing and painting is like a visual diary. It’s personal and I don’t particularly like sharing my thoughts with strangers.”

  “After today, I’m still considered a stranger? I hope you don’t make the habit of spending your days on boats with random strangers or you’ll have me really concerned. I’ll have to talk to Cam about your behavior.”

  “No… I don’t normally do this,” she replied defensively, but when she looked at the expression on his face, she noticed his body shaking with laughter. She picked up her towel and threw it him. “Oh, I get it. You’re making fun of me for my comment about going into closets with strangers. You must think I’m really dense.”

  “No, but I couldn’t resist the opening you left me there.”

  Bre waved a hand, dismissing his comment. “I guess I made myself an easy target.”

  “So what do I have to do to earn a non-stranger status? I’d love to see your sketches from today.”

  “Hmm… I don’t know,” Bre said, tapping her fingers against her lips. “I’ll have to think of something sufficiently humbling so I can hold it against you if you laugh at my work.”

  “I would never even consider it,” he replied, pushing her hair behind her ear.

  “Okay, I’ll let you know when I figure it out.”

  “So, is sketching part of your dream to become an artist?”

  “What?” Bre said, looking dumbfounded. “How did you know about that?”

  Jax stared at her steadily and one side of his mouth lifted up. “You told me at the bar. Remember, you said you were looking for a job at a gallery, but you really wanted to be an artist.”

  “Oh right. Well, I need to pay the bills.” Bre lifted one shoulder in an unconcerned shrug.

  “You should try the artist thing first,” Jax said, sitting down next to her on the cushioned bench, letting one of his arms stretch out long behind her on the edge of the boat.

  Bre closed her eyes, relaxing her head into his arm. “Why?” she whispered, trying to remember what they were talk
ing about. The bottles of wine, lack of sleep, and sun were catching up with her.

  One of Jax’s hands reached out and stroked the side of her face, and she turned toward him.

  “Because this is the only time in your life that you’re free to chase your dreams,” Jax said softly.

  “Is that what you’re doing?” She paused, keeping her eyes closed and breathing in his clean scent. “With the band, I mean.”

  “Yeah. My dad wanted me to join his company, but I love music, so I turned down his offer.” Jax’s hands moved toward her scalp, his fingers lightly massaging her head.

  “Mmm…” she moaned. She felt so safe there was no way she could ask him to stop. She couldn’t think of many better ways to pass the time than rocking with the motion of the waves, smelling the salt air and getting a massage. “So was he mad? Cam mentioned that you don’t talk to your dad much.”

  “He pretty much disowned me, thinking that I would run back to him when the whole band dream fell apart.”

  Bre opened her eyes, tilting her chin up to look at him. “But you’re so good. I mean really good, and I’m not just saying that because you took me boating today or because Cam is in the band. Your dad must realize it, too.”

  Jax chuckled, and Bre liked the feel of his warm breath against her skin. “Thanks. I’m glad you think so.” Jax paused for a moment. “He’s never seen me sing. Well, not since I was a kid. He thinks I’m wasting my life.”

  “What an ass,” Bre said, staring into his stormy gray eyes.

  Jax leaned his forehead against hers. “I like it when you get all indignant on my behalf,” he whispered.

  “Everyone needs an advocate.” Bre shifted away from him, suddenly uncomfortable with their shared intimacy. She could imagine getting sucked so far into Jax Carmichael that she couldn’t breath without him, and she was pretty sure she wouldn’t be the first woman to feel that way.

  “So, Aubrey,” he said, drawing out her full name in a way that made her shiver. “Who defends you?”

  Bre looked away from his serious eyes. “Cam, mostly. My mom is a whirlwind of selfishness. Until we moved in with my grandmother when I was ten, I spent most of my time alone. She made it clear when I was little that her number one priority is her art, followed by the man of the hour. I think I ranked somewhere after getting her nails done.”

  Jax nodded, making a sympathetic sound. “So what about your grandmother?”

  “She loves me, but most of the time I felt like she would rather be doing other things than raising me, but she knew if she didn’t do it, my mom wouldn’t, either.”

  “So that left Cam,” Jax stated flatly, standing up.

  “Cam and his family. His parents always treated me like a part of the family even before Cam and I started dating. When my grandmother couldn’t pick me up or make some event, Cam’s mom did it. She was like my surrogate mom. With my mom perpetually unavailable and my grandmother being older, I called her when I needed advise. In that respect, I was lucky my mom decided to move back to Carbondale. God knows where I’d be if she continued to drag me from city to city until I was eighteen.”

  “Is that why you’re with Cam?” Jax asked, shoving his hand in his pockets. His voice was soft, but it had a hard edge. “Because you’re already a part of his family? It makes everything convenient, seamless even.”

  “No,” Bre said, shaking her head. “Moving from best friends to something more with Cam may have been the natural progression of our relationship, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love each other.”

  “Okay.” Jax looked at the horizon, where the sky was starting to turn shades of orange. “We should probably head back. We’re barely going to make it back to the marina before it gets dark. After he had unfurled the sail, he went back to the helm, and Bre busied herself looking for her clothes to throw over her white bikini.

  Bre felt his gaze on her as she pulled her dress over her head and she trembled, suddenly uncomfortable being the focus of his attention. Watching the waves crash against the side of the boat, she pulled her knees up next to her chest and then wrapped her arms around them.

  As she contemplated the day, the question of what she was going to tell Cam danced unnervingly through her mind. Nothing happened that outwardly looked inappropriate, but she didn’t want to share her day with him for two reasons. First, she wouldn’t like it if Cam spent an entire day alone on a sailboat, or anywhere else for that matter, with another woman. Secondly, she didn’t want to share her day with anyone. It seemed personal—kind of like her artwork.

  “What are you thinking about?” he asked, his tone so soft and cautious that she barely heard his words.

  “Nothing,” she replied, pushing her hopelessly tangled hair behind her ears.

  “From the look on your face, it seems like it’s a very big nothing. If I had to guess, I would say you were thinking about Cam.”

  Shooting him a startled look, Bre said, “You don’t miss much, do you?”

  “Not when you’re so easy to read. Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Not particularly.”

  “Come on. I think you’ll find that I’m an exceptionally gifted listener. You won’t find anyone better, so you might as well use me while you have the opportunity.”

  “Males and listening skills don’t exactly go hand in hand,” she teased.

  “That’s exactly why you should tell me what’s bothering you. I can offer you the elusive guy’s perspective.”

  “Fine. Like I told you at the coffee shop, Cam and I haven’t spent much time together, and I’ve tried to be understanding, but last night I sort of lost it and our fight spiraled out of control fast.” Bre looked away, so she didn’t have to see his expression. He probably thought she was the typical overbearing girlfriend trying to monopolize Cam’s time.

  “What happened last night to push you over the edge?”

  “I made Cam promise to be home by seven, and he didn’t show up until three hours later. I had spent the entire day planning and cooking a romantic dinner for us, and he couldn’t be bothered to call or text me to say he was running late. He tried to blame the whole miscommunication on me, and my alcohol-soaked brain kind of went crazy and threatened to leave.” Bre cringed at the recital of her words.

  When Jax didn’t respond, Bre said, “Did I lose your attention already?”

  “No. Did you ask him where he was?”

  “I don’t think I gave him the opportunity to explain anything. I went on attack mode the minute he walked through the door.”

  “You should ask,” Jax said, pulling his hat off his head and dropping it on the deck.

  “You’re probably right. I’m sure he has a reasonable explanation.” Bre pushed her sunglasses to the top of her head.

  “Is that all that’s bothering you?”

  “No.” She sighed. “I’m not sure what to tell Cam about today.”

  “What do you want to tell him?”

  It was the answer she wanted without even realizing it herself. “Nothing. Is that bad?”

  Almost as if he were deliberately delaying answering her question, Jax took a drink from his water bottle and wiped his mouth. “It depends on why you don’t want to tell him.”

  “What do you mean?” Bre asked, raising her eyebrows.

  “Do you think he’ll be mad?”

  “Maybe. Yes. I don’t know.” She shrugged, knowing without a doubt that Cam wouldn’t like the idea of her going on a sailboat with Jax alone, but she didn’t want to turn this day into something she needed to regret. She loved their afternoon together, and she didn’t want to spoil it by fighting with Cam about it.

  “I find that hard to believe,” Jax said, glancing at her sideways.

  “You’re probably right.” Bre sighed. “I don’t think he’d be very understanding.”

  Bre expected Jax to question her further, but he looked toward the horizon and said nothing. Baffled by his silence, she pulled out her phone and started scrolling throu
gh her texts and emails. She had received a few interview requests from art galleries for entry-level positions, and an email from her college roommate, Sara. Sara planned to move to Aspen to live with Bre, and she frequently sent rambling emails about where they should live once she got there.

  She had scanned through the fourth rental listing when she saw the marina lights in the distance. Concentrating on Sara’s rambling email was easier than figuring out why Jax had become noticeably quiet. It also stopped her from fixating on the potential confrontation with Cam in a few hours.

  When Jax turned the boat so she was facing the Marina del Rey, she gasped at the beauty of the sunset. The deep blue sky looked like a mirror reflection of the ocean, only interrupted by the orange glow from the setting sun and the lighted buildings that danced playfully across the water.

  “It’s stunning, isn’t it?” Jax murmured.

  Bre looked over at Jax, and her gaze slowly slid up his toned legs, past his narrowed waist, over his bare chest, and finally resting on his face. “Yes, it is,” she responded, not entirely sure if she meant the sunset, him, or both.

  “Bre, I’m not going to say anything to Cam. Today was about cheering you up, and I hope I succeeded. Just think of this as a much needed mental health diversion.”

  “Thanks, Jax.”

  ***

  When Jax dropped Bre off at Cam’s apartment because he refused to let her take a cab, it was nearly nine o’clock at night, and Cam was waiting for her.

  “Hi, Bre. Where have you been?”

  “I went to the beach,” Bre responded, her tone completely flat.

  “It’s pretty late to be at the beach.”

  “I stopped to get something to eat.” As the silence lengthened, Bre felt Cam’s eyes following her around the room. She should say something, or at the very least ask Cam where he was last night, but she wasn’t in the mood to revisit last night’s fight or leave an opening for Cam to question her whereabouts today.

  “Bre, I don’t want you to leave,” he said, his voice thick with regret.

  “Okay.”