Nothing Ventured

by Anne Douglas

  ‘It’s not dark yet.’

  ‘No, but we’re surrounded by trees and foliage – feels quite private, doesn’t it?’

  He took her hands and gently pulled her towards him.

  ‘You’ll let me kiss you?’ he asked, his face close to hers. ‘I couldn’t say goodnight to you without a kiss. I’ve been thinking about it for so long.’

  ‘How long?’ As though it mattered … She hadn’t allowed herself to think during the evening of their eventual parting, but, of course, it must have been at the back of her mind. Just getting out of the car back at the hydro and saying ‘thank you very much’ didn’t really seem likely.

  ‘Don’t ask,’ he answered and, taking her in his arms, kissed her long and gently, gradually increasing in strength as he sensed her pleasure, and not letting her go until they both had to take breath.

  ‘All right?’ he whispered. ‘You didn’t mind?’

  ‘Mind?’ She could hardly speak for the feelings the kiss had called up within her, the intense delight, the longing to return the passion she sensed in him, as all memory of those boys she had kissed long ago faded from her mind. ‘Oh, Grant, do you need to ask me that?’

  She’d thought he would be sure to kiss her again, but instead he said, reluctantly, that they’d better get back. Time was getting on – she wouldn’t want to be late.

  ‘I’m not even thinking about it.’

  ‘Well, we have to keep everybody happy, don’t we?’ he asked, as he turned the car round and drove slowly back to the main road. ‘I see no reason why you and I shouldn’t see each other away from Lorne’s, but there are those who think it’s bad for efficiency – you know – to have relationships. Maybe if we keep ours to ourselves, it would be best.’

  ‘And if I’m late back, you think I’ll have to explain where I was and that might not be a good idea?’

  Although she had not wanted anyone at the hydro to know she and Grant were meeting, it worried her that he didn’t want that either. So there must be secrets? Well, of course, there was no point in minding when she’d wanted secrecy herself.

  ‘It’s just that I don’t know Doctor Lorne’s views,’ Grant explained as they returned to the empty and now darkening road home. ‘As I say, it might be best not to make our meetings public.’

  ‘I’m afraid two people already know,’ Isla said slowly. ‘Sheana and Ellie made me tell them where I was going, but they’ve promised not to say anything. I’m sure they won’t.’

  ‘It’s not the end of the world if they do,’ Grant answered after a pause, ‘but remind them again when you see them.’

  ‘I’ll see them tonight. We share a room.’

  ‘Oh, yes, well – don’t worry about it.’ Grant’s smile was wide and unforced. ‘Just think about being with me.’

  He didn’t need to tell her that; since his kiss, she knew she would be thinking of him anyway. When they pulled up some way from the hydro, they sat without moving or speaking, gazing into each other’s faces, until Grant finally made a move and left the car to open Isla’s passenger door.

  ‘Goodnight, Isla,’ he said softly, his eyes glinting in the dusk, as she left her seat. ‘We’ll soon meet again.’

  ‘Goodnight, Grant – and thank you. It was a wonderful evening.’

  ‘Glad you enjoyed it.’

  For a moment or two they lingered, then Isla turned away and began to walk swiftly back to the hydro, looking back only once when Grant raised his hand to her. She smiled and walked on.

  It took only a few minutes for her to be back in her room, back to her old life, which could not be the same, and having to face Sheana and Ellie, both in their nightgowns, both with interested eyes trained on her.

  ‘Isla, how’d it go?’ cried Sheana.

  ‘You were cutting it fine, getting back,’ remarked Ellie.

  ‘It’s not half past yet,’ Isla told her, taking off her jacket and flopping on to her bed. ‘And it all went well. I enjoyed it.’

  ‘Anybody’d think it was a Sunday school treat,’ said Sheana shortly. ‘Where’d you go for dinner?’

  ‘Flair’s. It was very good. They have a roof terrace.’

  There was a silence as the two nurses watched Isla get up and take off her dress which she shook out and hung on a hanger on the back of the door. She appeared to be quite calm, quite in control, but their experienced eyes told them she was, in fact, so full of nerves she might have been strung on a wire. After a moment or two, she put on a cotton dressing gown and turned to face her watchers.

  ‘There’s something I’d like to say—’ she began, but Sheana cut her short.

  ‘It’s all right, Isla, we know what you want and we won’t say anything – isn’t that right, Ellie?’

  ‘Quite right,’ Ellie agreed. ‘In fact, we’re sorry now that we weren’t, you know, nicer, when you first told us about seeing Doctor Revie. I mean, it was none of our business.’

  Isla’s large grey eyes softened.

  ‘Thanks, girls. I’m really grateful. It’s not that we want secrets, but you can imagine what it’d be like, what everyone would say—’

  ‘Just don’t worry about it,’ Sheana said robustly. ‘You can count on us.’

  ‘A big relief.’ Isla turned to the door. ‘Well, I’ll just pop along to the bathroom. Goodnight, girls.’

  ‘Goodnight, Isla.’

  Alone in the bathroom, Isla relaxed, almost sagged, with the relief of strain, but now was her time to think again of Grant, to go over, as though she must study it, every aspect of their evening together. There was no doubt that it had been one of the most important evenings in her life, something she would always remember, the first time she realized she was in love.

  And she was in love – she definitely was – as she had certainly never expected to be with Grant Revie. Even if she hadn’t felt the sharp arrow of love when he’d praised her nose, there was no question over the acuteness of her feeling when he’d kissed her. That kiss had been the turning point in their new relationship, revealing to her what true passion might be, and what other people had known about while she had not.

  Next day, she decided, she would tell Boyd about her evening out with Grant, for even if she did not want anyone else at the hydro to know, she felt she had to tell him. Oh, not about her feelings, of course. No, just that Grant had so amazingly chosen her from everyone else, and that they’d had a lovely evening. Maybe she should have been telling Ma, not Boyd, but she still felt unwilling to face her mother’s interrogation and decided to leave it for the time being. Maybe if Grant asked her out again – she was sure he would – she’d tell Ma, but tomorrow she’d tell Boyd.

  When she finally returned to her room, it was to find Sheana and Ellie in bed and asleep, but as she climbed into her own bed, she really wasn’t expecting to sleep at all. Nor did she, for quite some time.

  Thirty-One

  At one o’clock the following day, Isla was ringing the bell at the door of the gym, which Boyd usually locked when he was having a sandwich at lunch time.

  ‘Only me,’ she called when he came to let her in. ‘Sorry to interrupt your lunch – just wanted a word.’

  ‘Come on through, I’m in the office. Want one of my ham rolls?’

  ‘No, thanks, I’ve had a sandwich.’

  Studying him in his little office, she thought he looked rather strained, though he hadn’t lost his appetite and was now finishing his ham rolls himself.

  ‘Are you OK?’ she asked, filling his kettle for tea. ‘You look a bit worried.’

  ‘Not really. It’s just been a bit of a shock, what’s happened, you see, and Trina’s upset, anyway.’

  ‘What has happened, then?’

  ‘Haven’t you heard?’ Boyd raised his eyebrows. ‘Damon’s gone.’

  ‘Gone? Gone where?’

  ‘I don’t know. Maybe Moffat – he comes from there. He’s left the hydro, anyway. Told Mr Paul yesterday, the day he started back at work again, that he wasn’t giving an
y notice and didn’t care what they said – he was on his way.’

  ‘That’s crazy!’ Isla cried. ‘What’s got into him? I’d heard he was better and going back to work, and now he’s away – doesn’t make sense.’

  Suddenly, however, the explanation came to her and she put her hand on her brother’s arm.

  ‘Oh, I think I see – Trina’s told him about choosing you over him, hasn’t she? I suppose he went wild.’

  ‘You can say that again,’ Boyd answered grimly. ‘The things he said to her don’t bear repeating – and she’d waited specially to tell him till he was better before she said anything. I just wish I’d been there when he threw his tantrum. I’d have known what to do!’

  ‘Boyd, you wouldn’t have hit him again! That would have been wrong; he’s been ill!’

  ‘Yes, but you don’t know what names he called her – harlot was one, and streetwalker – said she was no better than girls like that and he wanted nothing more to do with her, never wanted to see her again – I tell you, she was in a state.’

  ‘Oh, Boyd, I’m sorry.’ As the kettle began to whistle, Isla turned aside to make the tea and took a couple of mugs from Boyd’s cupboard. ‘But it was pretty well expected that he’d be like that, wasn’t it? You were worried about what he might do.’

  ‘I never thought he’d speak to Trina in that way. She said it was awful. At one point, she really thought he might hit her, but in the end he didn’t. Probably afraid of what would happen to him when I found out.’

  ‘Oh, how I hate all this talk of violence!’ Isla sighed, as she poured the tea and passed Boyd a mug. ‘I think it’s a relief he’s gone. You’ll be able to relax, be happy with Trina, and that’s all you want, isn’t it?’

  A quick, radiant smile answered her, and he nodded.

  ‘If we’ve really seen the last of him, yes, I’ll be happy. Won’t be able to believe my luck, in fact. The good thing is that now Trina’s found out what he’s really like, she says she never wants to see him again.’

  ‘You’re the one she wants to see, Boyd. I’m very pleased for you.’ Isla set down her mug. ‘But I should be getting back and I haven’t told you my news yet.’

  ‘What news?’

  ‘Well …’ She hesitated, blushing a little. ‘It’s not earth-shattering, just nice. The thing is Doctor Revie took me out for a meal last evening. To Flair’s – that’s a restaurant near Bruntsfield Links – it’s lovely.’

  She had lowered her eyes, but when she raised them, she saw that Boyd’s smile had vanished and his face was stony.

  ‘You went out with Doctor Revie?’ he asked tightly. ‘What did you think you were playing at? I never dreamed you’d be like all the rest, fawning around him, sighing over his blue eyes and I don’t know what. I’m surprised at you, Isla, I’m very, very surprised!’

  For a moment, she was too stunned to speak. To hear her brother speak to her in that way? How could he?

  ‘How can you talk to me like that?’ she cried, her face turning a deeper scarlet. ‘What right have you to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do?’

  ‘You’re quick enough to tell me what to do, Isla. And I’ve every right to question what you’re doing now – going out with a guy like Doctor Revie, who’ll be wining and dining you and throwing money about. And then what? I’ve met men like him in the army – all charm and soft soap, and never to be trusted. I’d like to know what Ma thinks about it. Have you told her?’

  ‘No! We’ve only been out once – if we go out again, I’ll tell her then. Not that it’s any of your business! Probably we will go out again and why shouldn’t we? You can’t stop us. And why do you want to, anyway? Don’t you remember how kind Doctor Revie was when he treated Damon? He’s not like those men you were talking about – he’s a good doctor, he works for others … he’s genuine.’

  ‘He may be a good doctor, but don’t tell me Doctor Lorne and Matron will be happy about you going out with him. Do they know, in fact?’

  ‘As I say, we’ve only been out once, Boyd. We haven’t gone around telling everybody in the hydro!’

  ‘I bet you haven’t. Your Doctor Revie’ll be keeping it dark, and if going out with you damages his career, he’ll drop you like a hot potato. I don’t want to be unkind, Isla, but he’s the sort who’ll only want somebody who’ll be a help to him – and what can you offer? Break this off now, please, for your own sake!’

  ‘How can you be so cruel?’ she whispered, her eyes filling with tears. ‘I never thought you could be so hurtful, to me, your own sister!’

  ‘I’m not cruel, Isla. I’m not trying to hurt you! I just don’t want you to be hurt by him, that’s all – can’t you see that?’

  Boyd tried to catch at Isla’s hand, but she wrenched it away and ran to the door, which Boyd had again locked.

  ‘Please unlock this. I have to go, I have a patient waiting—’

  ‘Isla, wait! Don’t go like that – hating me when I swear I never meant to hurt you.’

  ‘Just unlock the door, please.’

  As soon as he’d turned the key, she left him without a backward glance, and with two patients coming into view, there was nothing he could do but let her go.

  Thirty-Two

  Isla’s patient was Mark Kinnaird, who was resting in his room after a slight setback. He’d picked up what was described as a summer cold, but it had been bad enough to bring back some of his symptoms that had been waning, and Dr Revie had decided to suspend treatment until it was over. Still necessary, however, was Isla’s general check, though the last thing she wanted as she approached Mark’s room was to see him or anyone, when she felt so vanquished by the scene with Boyd.

  ‘Nurse Scott, how nice to see you!’ Mark cried, after she’d tapped on his door and entered, and she thought for a moment that he seemed better than when she’d seen him the day before. But then he coughed, and it was the same racking cough of old, accompanied by the same rustling of mucous in his chest, and her spirits that were low enough sank even further. Always did when a patient who had been doing well had a relapse.

  ‘Your cold’s improving,’ she said as cheerfully as possible, ‘but you’ve a bit of the old trouble back again. Don’t worry, it will pass, as soon as we get you back to treatment.’

  Mark wiped his lips, not looking at her. ‘Shows the cure isn’t permanent though, doesn’t it?’

  ‘You mustn’t think on those lines. You were doing well – really well – it’s just a wee setback because of the cold.’

  He shrugged, let his eyes at last rest on her, and his look changed.

  ‘But how are you? Are you all right? You seem – I don’t know – not sickening for my cold, I hope?’

  ‘Oh, no!’ she answered, intending to laugh, but the words came out with a totally unexpected sob and, to her horror, she was soon crying in earnest, while her patient appeared stricken.

  ‘What is it?’ he asked. ‘What’s wrong? Please, tell me, let me help—’

  ‘Thank you, it’s kind of you, but I’m all right – I mean, I will be …’ She found a handkerchief in her uniform pocket and blew her nose. ‘It’s just that … it’s just that I … I’ve fallen out with my brother.’

  ‘With Boyd? Oh, but why? You two get on so well – much better than brothers and sisters usually get on, I’m sure.’

  Mark Kinnaird’s gaze was so full of sympathy that it made her want to cry again, but she mastered her tears and, looking at him with drenched eyes, said, ‘You see, it’s so unfair. What he said, it’s unfair, and not true.’

  ‘I’m sure he didn’t mean to upset you, whatever he said—’

  ‘Oh, no, he didn’t – that only made it worse. It was supposed to be for my own good, because he didn’t want me to get hurt.’ Giving a final wipe to her eyes, she sat up straight and gazed seriously into her patient’s face.

  ‘As though Doctor Revie would hurt me, Mr Kinnaird! I’ve only been out with him once, but I know he’s kind and genuine, and he wouldn’t
do that. Boyd had no right to say I shouldn’t see him again, had he? You see that, don’t you?’

  ‘You’ve been out with Doctor Revie?’ he asked quietly. ‘I didn’t know.’

  ‘Well, we didn’t really want to tell anybody, you know; we thought it’d be easier …’

  Suddenly, Isla’s eyes grew large and she put her hand to her lips in consternation.

  ‘Oh, Lord, and now I’ve told you, haven’t I? Mr Kinnaird, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. It’s absolutely wrong; I shouldn’t have dragged you in—’

  ‘You have no need to worry,’ he said gently. ‘I wouldn’t dream of discussing your private life with anyone, believe me.’

  ‘Of course you wouldn’t. Please forgive me. I’ve been very remiss – very unprofessional – I’m sorry, I really am. Oh, look, can we start again? Let me take your pulse and temperature, which is what I came for. Please forget all my nonsense.’

  ‘Nurse Scott – Isla – will you let me call you Isla, just for now? You haven’t been talking nonsense; you’ve been genuinely upset, and I hope you’ll be able to sort things out with your brother as soon as you can. He’s probably tackled it badly, but he has your interests at heart. It is your right to go out with anyone you please, and I’m sure he’ll see that. Try him, eh? As soon as you can?’

  At his smile, she almost broke down again, but when she’d completed her checks and rose to go, she knew he’d made her feel a little better.

  ‘And even if you can only use it in my room, my name, by the way, is Mark,’ he told her as he walked with her to his door. ‘Please tell me how you get on – promise?’

  ‘I will … Mark,’ she answered, and managed a smile. ‘I’ll see you again later, and we’ll soon have you back to where you were, I promise you.’

  ‘Hope so. I was thinking of going home soon.’

  Going home.

  Returning to the treatment rooms, Isla thought how pleasant the words sounded. Another satisfied client, Dr Lorne would no doubt think. So why should she feel so sad?

  It was evening and supper time before she saw Boyd again, but as soon as they met, she knew it was going to be all right. Words were hanging on their lips, words they couldn’t really get out, until Boyd finally managed to say, ‘Isla, I’m sorry. I was like a bull in a china shop, stamping all over your feelings. Can you forgive me?’