Pregnant By My Mother's Rapist

by Niki Jilvontae

  I was so tickled by her antics that I almost peed on myself so I suddenly jumped up, grabbed the blunt out of Rah’s hand, and ran into the bathroom. I could still hear that hoe laughing and calling Anthony old as I pee’d, washed my hands, and then walked back into the room with her blunt in my mouth.

  “Bitch you look like you belong with grumpy old man with that blunt hanging out of your mouth like that. Skank give me my shit before you get some damn Polident on it.” Rah said as she got up and grabbed the blunt out of my mouth.

  “Fuck you ole colorful clown looking bitch. Now help me get fine as fuck for this breakfast.” I said to Rah as we continued to laugh and she grabbed me by the hand and began to walk hunched over like an old lady.

  I pushed that bitch so hard after that, she flew into her part of the suite and on to the bed.

  “Damn, they said old people are strong. I guess Paw Paw’s strength has rubbed off on you.” Rah joked and I jumped at her like I was going to hop on her ass again.

  That was enough to get her to give up and she raised her hands in defeat.

  “Okay, okay, okay. I’m done. That shit was funny though. Anyway, let’s get you fine.” Rah said as she got up and opened the bag she brought with some of the boosted outfits she still had in it.

  Rah and I went through about four different outfits before we settled on a long blue and gold maxi dress with slits on the side and some gold sandals. Once we had the outfit, Rah pulled out a cute little gold necklace and earring set for me to wear with my dress.

  “You fina be fine as fuck. Now hurry up bitch or you’ll be late for your first date.” Rah said as I told her Anthony hadn’t even called me with the location yet.

  As soon as I said that Anthony’s phone rang and I ran over to answer it. It was crazy how he could almost feel me talking about him, but I was loving the connection we had begun to develop.

  “Hello.” I said all low and sultry voice, trying to seduce that nigga over the phone.

  I guess it caught him off guard too because I could hear him gasp a little on the other end before he spoke.

  “Damn, good morning to you too beautiful, sounding all sexy and shit. How are you feeling this morning after the crazy ass night we had?” Anthony asked as I giggled and told him I had slept well up until about 3 am.

  Rah rolled her eyes at me for trying to sound sexy as I waved her off and continued into the bathroom.

  “I don’t know but I guess all the bullshit from last night was messing with my mind but a nightmare woke me up right before I got your text. You put me right back to sleep though.” I said in a coy voice as I giggled and Anthony grunted and laughed.

  “I wish I could have put that ass to sleep for real.” He said in a low tone but I caught that shit and made sure that he knew.

  “Oh really now Mr. Anthony. We need to get to know each other a lot better before we can move to all of that. Slow down now little red corvette.” I said laughing as he laughed too then apologized for being forward.

  “I mean no disrespect Kaniyah, you’re just so beautiful it slipped out. Please forgive me. I called to ask you to meet me at the little bistro on front street in about an hour.” Anthony said and I told him I would.

  After that he apologized again before we hung up. I felt like Janet Jackson’s character in Poetic Justice must have felt when she began to fall in love with Tupac, all warm and fuzzy and shit. I floated into the shower and quickly washed my body while Anthony’s voice echoed in my mind. He was the distraction I needed to help me forget the hell my life had become.

  Anthony was a beautiful distraction, because with him on my mind I breezed through getting dressed and floated back out of the bathroom the same way I had gone in. Rah was laying on my bed when I came out and the smirk on her face told me she was with the shit before she even spoke.

  “Bitch you looking bad as fuck, glowing and shinning and shit. Yo eyes twinkling and shit Na Na. I ain’t never seen you like this. You were feeling Jug and all but I think that was more of a lust, first fuck kind of thing. This.” She said as she got up off the bed and walked over to me to touch my face. “This shit right here is love. I think you falling for this old, smooth Billy Dee ass nigga already. Or maybe simply the idea of being in love. Whatever the fuck it is looks good on you soon to be member of the AARP looking ass lil girl.” Rah said as she bust out laughing like Kevin Hart was in the room and I gave her a funky look.

  “Okay, okay. I’m just playing. But for real Na Na, you deserve happiness for a change.” Rah said all mushy and shit as I told her she was a puss.

  I poked her in her stomach and sides and blew kisses at her as she laughed and quickly backed away.

  “Gone on hoe. Fuck you, I was having a sentimental moment witcho ass like them white bitches in the movies, but you just fucked that up. Damn! Ghetto bitches, you can’t try shit new with em.” Rah said as I lightly throat punched her ass and she doubled over laughing.

  “Okay ole violent ass hoe, I’m just playing. Come on and let me slay your hair and beat yo face so you can get the fuck out of here and I can go back to sleep.” Rah said and I helped her up to get started.

  When Rah finished, I had to kiss her ugly ass because I was beat and slayed to the Gods. She had my bundles wand curled and my eyebrows were on fleek. I didn’t want to get out of the mirror as I stood there besides Rah and stared at how beautiful I really could be. All that shit Spicy had planted in my head instantly dissolved as I finally saw what the world could see. I saw that I was beautiful and I deserved love. I just hoped it was the love Anthony could give as I ran over to grab his phone, popped it in my purse, then returned to the mirror.

  “Damn bitch you fine, I told you that already. Leave yo fucking hair and makeup alone.” Rah said as she took the brush I had picked up out of my hand and I grabbed the mascara and she took that too.

  Frustrated with my bullshit, Rah grabbed up the duffle bag she had brought, opened it and then sat it on the floor before she began to throw her shit in it. As soon as she finished pushing all of the makeup and hair products on the table into her open bag on the floor, I grabbed my friend and hugged her mean ass for always sticking by me.

  “Uhhh, let me go bitch. Stop procrastinating with yo nervous ass and go get yo baby daddy.” Rah said laughing as she pushed me off of her and I left the room feeling like fucking Cinderlla on her way to the ball.

  I was in that state of bliss the entire ride from east Memphis to downtown, however; when I got off on the Union exit my heart began to beat in my throat. Suddenly I got nervous as hell when I realized I had never been on a real date before. No day at the beach, concert, breakfast or nothing else. The most me and Jug had done was go get pizza at Papa Johns and eat and Buffalo Wild Wings. I didn’t call that shit a date though because every time we went either someone else was with us or he was on his phone the entire time. I didn’t know the proper way to greet a real date and I was really unsure of what our conversation would be like knowing that he was much older than me.

  Those thoughts and worries continued to run through my mind and make me jittery as I parked on the street next to the restaurant and walked. The slightly cold early autumn breeze from the Mississippi River whipped through my hair and dress as I walked along the sidewalk in front of the restaurant and spotted Anthony sitting alone by the window. Our eyes met the second he looked up and saw me and I felt our chemistry through the glass window. I guess he could feel it too as he kept his eyes on me the entire time I walked to the door and was still looking in the direction I would come from when I walked in. As soon as I approached the table he jumped up with a bouquet of beautiful white orchids and my heart skipped a beat.

  “A beautiful flower for a beautiful flower.” Anthony said as he handed them to me and grabbed my right hand at the same time so that he could kiss it.

  The feel of his soft, subtle lips on my hand sent tingles up my spine and made my pussy get wet once again. There was a raw sexual attraction and chemistry between us that
was undeniable and it made me nervous. I couldn’t help but to giggle as he kept his eyes on mine while he led me to my seat by the hand and sat me down. He continued to stare at me, damn near through me as he went to his chair and sat down.

  The waitress broke our intense stare match as she came over to take our drink orders. I quickly picked up the menu and looked to see that the selection was a bunch of wines I didn’t recognize and soft drinks. I didn’t want to seem like the eighteen-year-old I was and order a pink lemonade or some kiddie shit, so I looked at Anthony for help instead. He was quick on his shit too as he cleared his throat and called off the most expensive wine on the menu. The waitress seemed pleased with that choice, probably because she was anticipating a huge tip, so much so she didn’t even ask us for ID. I smiled at Anthony as she hurried away and he reached over to grab my hand.

  “I caught on to that little shake move Kaniyah so I think now is the time for us to get to know each other. Let me start by asking how old are you?” Anthony said as my heart began to race and my throat seem to slam shut.

  I felt flustered like suddenly someone had turned on the heat as I began to sweat and squirm in my seat while I tried to figure out what to say. Something told me to lie and say that I was 23, however; I was done with deception and all that ghetto fuck shit so I told him the truth instead.

  “I’m 18, I’ll be 19 next May. “I said as I felt Anthony suddenly grip my hand a little tighter but he didn’t let go. “Is that a problem? I imagine it might be since you’re such a cultured, sophisticated man. How old are you Anthony?” I asked as he laughed nervously just as the waitress came over.

  Anthony and I let go of each other’s hands as the waitress set the bottle of wine and two glasses in front of us. After we both ordered steak and eggs for breakfast she left and I looked at Anthony for his answer.

  “I knew you hadn’t forgotten.” He said laughing as I laughed too but still stared him down.

  I didn’t care what humor he had at that moment I still wanted to hear what he would say.

  “I’m 29 Kaniyah. Is that too old for you?” Anthony asked as I sipped my wine and damn near spit it in his face.

  I had never dated anyone over 22, so hearing him say his age threw me off. Not much though because the electricity between us reminded me that age didn’t matter.

  “No, that’s not a problem for me. You’re way more mature and calm than I’m used to, but I can deal with this way better than a guy my age.” I told him as he smiled then reached over to grab my hand and kiss it.

  After that it was like we had known each other forever as we jumped into deep conversation after conversation. We talked about life, love, and politics as the waitress brought our meals and we didn’t stop chatting until Anthony had cleaned his plate. By then I had found out he was an only child from Indiana who had moved to Memphis when he was 25 to start his construction company. Antony told me he had never been married or even had a serious girlfriend since he left home. He even opened up to me about the horrible period he had after his mother died in his arms.

  “I was broken Kaniyah. Broken. I never wanted to love again because I always felt no one would offer me as much love as my mama had done. After that I had a few girlfriends but no one I ever really wanted to get close to. At 23, I gave love a try again and fell for a young flight attendant from Dallas. She and I were together for almost two years before I came home from work early one day and found her making love to my best friend.” Anthony said as I saw sadness flicker in his eyes, a sadness I knew all too well.

  Anthony avoided my gaze as he gulped his wine then looked back up at me. I wanted to tell him there was nothing to be ashamed of because my mother had fucked my nigga, but I kept that information to myself. Despite the strong attraction, I still didn’t feel inclined to tell Anthony all of the sordid details of my life. Hell, I didn’t want to scare him off or give him the wrong idea, so I gave him a clean and condensed version of my life every time he asked. I did give him my full undivided attention though and offered him comfort that came from a common pain as he continued to tell me about his ex.

  “Yeah that broke me and I swore off women to focus on my career after that. I been going hard ever since then, but now I’m ready. Now I’m ready for love. Now, a beautiful young woman has come along and awakened a part of my heart I thought died long ago.” Anthony said as he leaned over and kissed my hand again and I fell head over heels for him.

  I sat there the rest of our date, just staring into his face and hanging on his every word. I watched the way a tiny dimple appeared in his chin every time he laughed and admired how his happiness shone through in his eyes. By the time, we stood up and were ready to leave, I felt like Anthony was that forever love I could get used to.

  “So can I have my phone beautiful or you want to keep it longer so I’ll have an excuse to see you?” Anthony asked as I laughed nervously and reached into my purse.

  I had really forgotten all about his phone the moment I saw his face and it still was my least concern as he held the door open for me and I walked out. Once outside on the side walk I finally found his phone in the bottom of my huge Louis Vuitton bag and handed it to him as he pushed it back.

  “Why don’t you put your number in it first because I refuse to let this be the last time I see or talk to you..” Anthony said as I laughed and told him I had already programmed it in. “My kind of woman, on that take-charge shit. I knew it was more than brains and beauty that attracted me to you.” Anthony said as we both laughed then he suddenly stopped and walked right up on me.

  We were nose to chin as we both panted and the electricity between us grew stronger. I felt like my knees would buckle as he wrapped his arms around me then looked down into my face.

  “I can’t wait to see you again Kaniyah. Maybe tomorrow we can hang out. I got tickets to the fair and the Yo Gotti concert, maybe you and Rah would like to go?” Anthony asked as I got excited inside.

  Damn right I wanted to go. I didn’t let him know how excited I was though because I didn’t want to sound like a little thot ass groupie. I just played it off and told him I would let him know before he laid those juicy as lips on me. The feeling I got when his lips touched mine both excited and scared the fuck out of me. His lips were so soft and warm, but filled with so much passion my heart felt like it was on fire. His love had me hypnotized from the start and when he let me go I still felt like we were still touching.

  “See you later beautiful.” Anthony said as soon as I opened my eyes and he slowly backed away smiling.

  I smiled back as I stood there and watched him walk away then I turned to walk to my car with a new switch in my hips and some extra pep in my step. I felt so good when I got in the car, cranked up, opened the windows, and cut on my music that I could do nothing but call Rah to tell her how good shit had gone.

  “BITTTCCCHHHHH, that’s my baby daddy. I’m marrying that nigga.” I said as soon as Rah answered and she bust out laughing.

  I filled her in on our date as I pulled away from the curb and she told me how happy she was for me.

  “Yayyy, he baby daddy.” Rah said in a sarcastic, flat tone and then laughed as I sighed in her ear.

  I knew her cutting me off like that meant something; either she had some tea or wanted something. That’s why I yelled for her to spit the shit out as I made my way through mid-day, downtown traffic.

  “Okay now that our happiness is fading, can we focus on something more important? I’m hungry as hell up in here while you over there full as a tick with dick on yo brain and shit. Can a sister get some wings or a fat as burger from In & Out? You not far from Chelsea ole in love bitch, gone stop by there. I know you want some fries hoe.” Rah said laughing as she played on my emotions.

  That bitch knew I was a fry freak and that In & Out was a cheap, hood place with good ass food that I couldn’t resist.

  “Aite ole ugly hoe. Be there in a minute.” I said before Rah said that she loved me and I told her so before I laughed a
nd hung up.

  After that I drove towards North Memphis feeling good as fuck and bumping Jill Scott. I floated in the store after parking at the curb and ordered me and Rah a 30-piece honey gold wing combo, two burgers, and a family fry for the rest of the day. I sat down at one of the tables and checked my phone as I waited on the order to be ready. As I sat there my Facebook notifications began to go off and I went to the app to see what it was.

  When I clicked my notifications, and saw that it was for a couple of posts I was tagged in, I had to click them. The first one was from Jug’s sister talking about how she was whooping my ass on sight. I laughed at that bullshit before I untagged myself and made my page private. I wasn’t even in the mood to go back and forth on social media with her fat, hairy back, hard breathing, gorilla looking ass. I was still so filled with Anthony’s love I felt like nothing could bring me down. I was wrong though because when I clicked the second tagged post I saw that it was from a status a bitch who called herself Jug’s Wifey had wrote.

  In the post, she talked about how I was a stupid young thot who stalked her nigga and got him jumped when he didn’t wonna fuck. Just like his sister she said it was on sight and dared me to say something back. I couldn’t even let that shit slide as that ganagsta Na Na in me woke the fuck up. I commented on the hoe’s post letting her know I was ready whenever and not hard to find before I put my phone down and laughed.

  “Stupid ass hoes wonna bring me off the porch. A bitch would rather play in Lamar traffic than do some stupid shit like that. Whheewww…these bitches just don’t know.” I said to myself as the lady told me my order was ready and I got up to get it.

  I got my food, checked the bags, and then left the store still happy but a bit on edge. I got in my car and sped out of North Memphis still mad over that little girl shit them hoes had pulled.

  “Stupid hoes got me fucked up. Let me call Rah.” I said out loud as I dialed my best friend’s number and she answered on the first ring.

  As soon as Rah said hello I told her I had her food before she asked then filled her in on the bitches.