Pregnant By My Mother's Rapist

by Niki Jilvontae

  That was enough to set KJ off as he suddenly took off down the hall towards them. I never saw two lil niggas move as fast as my brothers did at that moment. Before KJ could even get a foot from me Ky and Kam were out the door and yelling that he was slow. I laughed my way into my room as I heard KJ tell their smart asses that they weren’t getting back in before he locked the door.

  “Stay y’all lil black asses outside. Me and Na gotta catch up.” I heard KJ yell from my room as I looked around and saw everything was in place.

  Someone had cleaned up my room and there was a new comforter on the bed and tv on the stand. I was still standing there looking at everything by the time KJ made it to my room.

  “Shit look different huh sis?” KJ said as he came in behind me and I turned around to smile at him.

  I wanted to tell him its looked and felt so different it felt like I didn’t belong but I held it all in instead. I didn’t want to ruin my visit with my brothers so I decided to just focus on the good times. I did want to make Kj understand how sorry I was though so I focused on that too.

  “KJ, you know I’m sorry right? You know I never meant to hurt you, don’t you?” I asked my brother as I plopped down on my bed and he sat beside me.

  The look in KJ’s eyes told me that he did before he could even say it from his lips.

  “Yeah, I know sis. I know you did what you had to do. What matters now is that you home, for however long you stay. Soooo, let’s just turn up and get fucked up. Everything else can wait.” KJ said as he smiled with those big, beautiful white teeth then kissed me on the cheek.

  I felt warmth and love envelop me at that moment and I never wanted that to end.

  “Now get yo ass up and put some of this shit away while I go get dressed and make Peaches get her ass up too. We about to get lit in this muthafucka because not only is it Christmas but my ridah home too. Yeahhhh, it’s on!” KJ said excitedly as he jumped up and ran from my room.

  I laughed until happy tears were running down my face then I wiped them away and got up. I put all of my clothes away and then took the bag with the gifts in it with me back to the living room. I looked around once more and admired the new living room décor before I pulled out the gifts and waited for my brothers. I only waited about five minutes as I watched Jerry Springer and then my brothers began beating on the door. I let Ky and Kam in as I laughed and they complained about KJ being evil. They stopped that shit when they got into the living room and saw all the gifts I had left out.

  “Awww shit. I know this lil junt in this sexy box for me. I’m fina open this shit now.” Ky said as he grabbed up the watch box that was addressed to KJ.

  I laughed all the way over to him then suddenly stopped laughing and snatched the box out of his hands.

  “This for KJ pickle head. Read the tags Ky.” I said as Kam laughed and told me that he couldn’t read and I knew that shit.

  Ky didn’t even say anything back as he reached over and punched Kam in the stomach. They tussled for a second as Ky said Kam’s breath stunk then they remembered the gifts.

  “Let me go old gay ass nigga. I’m trying to open my shit.” Kam said as he wiggled out of the chokehold Ky had him in then sat down on the floor in front of the gifts.

  I stood there and laughed as I watched them find the gifts with their names on it while they continued to check and argue. I guess KJ heard them too because he and Peaches suddenly walked in.

  “You heard what she said little ass nigga. That’s for KING KJ.” My brother said as he smiled brightly and walked over to pluck the box from my fingers before he went to the pile to see what else he had.

  They all argued, pushed, and checked each other, trying to keep the others from getting anything. Peaches and I sat on the couch and watched them and laughed as they opened their gifts and modeled them. I had gotten them each five outfits and five pairs of shoes to match. In addition to that Kam got an Iphone 7 plus, Ky got a virtual reality headset, and KJ an Apple watch. It felt good to be able to buy my brothers what they wanted and see those huge smiles on their faces. I felt like the old Na Na again as I watched them and laughed with Peaches.

  “Yeaahhhh we starting this shit off right. Now its yo turn Na. We each have surprises for you then I got one major surprise.” Kj said before he motioned for Ky and Kam to follow him.

  I watched their sneaky asses leave the room before I turned to Peaches and asked what was going on. She shrugged her shoulders and then turned her head to laugh and I knew she was in on it too. I pushed her ass up side her big head and told her she was a sell out as I got up to creep. I didn’t get a chance to though because before I could get down the hall my brothers were coming back. I had to run to sit back down on the couch before they saw me.

  “Oh I saw yo sneaky ass Na Na. Quit trying to peek and shit.” Ky said as he laughed and brought me in a big blue box.

  I smiled at my little brother as he put the box in my hand then I opened the lid to look inside. When I did I almost shitted on myself when the little white Pomeranian inside popped its head out.

  “A puppy Ky? You bought me a puppy? Oh thank you little brother.” I said as I threw the box to the side and hopped up to hug Ky with the puppy in hand.

  My brother stood there with a proud face like he had saved the fucking world as I showered him with kisses and praises for my gift.

  “Okay that’s enough of thanking him cause we went in on that gift together. Here the other half though that I bought BY MYSELF without Ky’s help.” Kam said as he eyed Ky then pushed him out the way.

  Kam handed me his big pink box and I ran back over to the couch to sit down and opened it. Inside the box I found a beautiful collar, clothes, food, a traveling case, and everything else my puppy would need. I squealed in delight after I put the box down and jumped up to give Kam love too. He let me love on him as he taunted Ky behind my back and then I let him go.

  “Damn, y’all really know how to make a girl feel missed, loved, and appreciated. Thank you little brothers.” I said with tears in my eyes as I went back over to sit by Peaches.

  She and I played with the dog as I named her Berry, then KJ came back into the room.

  “Okay now that you have those sucky ass gifts let me give you what I have. Start with this.” KJ said as he handed me a big box.

  I opened the box as my hands shook and took out the brand new Mac Book Pro. I almost started crying I was so happy but my brother yelled he wasn’t finished.

  “Wait before you start crying and saying I’m the best brother in the world because I’m not done yet. That computer was for your education and your future. This is for your creativity and to give you motivation when you writing.” KJ said as he handed me a small green box.

  I grabbed the box out of his hand and when I did the scent of loud ass weed filled my nose. I knew what it was before KJ could even say it but I opened the box anyway. Inside my brother had put an ounce of loud still bagged up and about 40 blunts pre-rolled. I looked at him and smiled before I got up topunch then hug his silly ass.

  “Ohh thank you brother. Only you would give me a computer and weed. So what is the other gift you said you had for me.” I said after I got on my tiptoes and kissed KJ’s cheek and he smiled.

  I saw him look over at Ky who jumped up and ran towards the door. I wondered what all that was about but I didn’t get a chance to ask before KJ started barking orders.

  “Na, sit yo ass down and spark up one of those blunts. Give Kam ugly ass one too so he can spark. Peaches get yo thick ass up and go to order us some food. This turn up is about to get real.” KJ said as we all did what he said and he smiled before he slapped Peaches ass on her way out the room.

  I laughed and damn near choked off smoke as she turned around and chopped him in the throat. I watched them wrestle at the door before Ky suddenly reappeared in the room. He nodded to KJ then turned and walked back out.

  “What the fuck going on KJ?” I asked as he let Peaches go then smiled as he walked back over to m
e.

  “This the other part of your gift sis, the most important part because ain’t shit worth more than friends and family.” KJ said as I agreed and he turned towards the door.

  “So it is with great pleasure I introduce our guest star, Ms Rahquel Donaldson.” KJ yelled and my heart skipped a beat as I jumped up to my feet.

  For a second I thought he was playing an evil joke on me when I didn’t see Rah come through the door but after about three minutes and she came strolling inside I couldn’t even contain my excitement.

  “RAHHHHH!” I yelled as she ran in excited while she screamed out my name.

  “NA, I’m so sorry sis. Let’s get pass all of the bs.” Rah said as I hugged her then held her out at arms length and told her I was sorry too.

  We had a whole sappy, tear filled moment right there as we hugged and my brothers laughed all around us. After a few minutes KJ got tired of us crying so he stepped up to take control.

  “Okay, okay enough of that shit. Is this a funeral or a fucking party? Let’s dry them tears ladies, unless you crying from this good dope.” KJ said as he handed us both a blunt and we started our turn up.

  The rest of that day and night I got high and lit with my folks. We smoked so much it was just a permanent cloud in the apartment. I smiled so much my cheeks hurt and was so wrapped up in the family love I didn’t answer a single call from Anthony.

  Early that evening my uncle Bear came through with a few of my cousins and we partied even harder. By the time midnight rolled around everybody in the house was high and passed out. I had locked myself and Rah in my room because I didn’t want to have to see Spicy. I didn’t have to either because by the time she got home we were all asleep.

  I woke up the next morning with a slight hangover but happy as hell. As soon as I opened my eyes and heard Spicy’s voice in the living room though, I knew my happiness wouldn’t last long. I could hear her yelling at KJ about me as I sat up in bed and shook Rah.

  “She back at it again. Damn, and just when I was considering staying. If this what she on I won’t be here long because I can’t deal with the drama.” I said to Rah after she woke up and looked at me.

  Rah stretched and sat up in the bed beside me as we both sat still and listened to Spicy.

  “Hell yeah I’m concerned. I don’t give a fuck how I used to act. I’m concerned for my daughter because I know she green as fuck. Hell, you green too KJ because yo dumb ass let it slip out to me that the nigga she with 29. You telling me I ain’t supposed to be mad about that or have anything to say? Have you lost yo mutha fucking mind? I would think you would be mad too. Hell, all of y’all should be. That’s y’all sister and you just gonna sit back as her dumb ass let a nigga use her?” I heard Spicy ask my brothers as they all sucked their teeth or said no.

  “How you know the nigga using her ma? He could really like her. Na is a pretty and very smart girl, its plenty men who would want her.” KJ said in my defense and I couldn’t help but to smile.

  I looked over at Rah as she shook her head then wrapped her arm around me while we continued to listen.

  “I know because I been there and done that. Yeah, they want you but for a limited time. She ain’t fina find no forever shit in that old ass nigga, so its best she let go now. Y’all need to be some fucking men and make that nigga bow out. Your sister just turned 18 last July so he was probably fucking her as a minor. That’s what y’all want huh? Y’all want a nigga taking advantage of your sister?” Spicy yelled as my brothers said no and she told them to do what had to be done then.

  “Make her tell you who he is and where he live. We gotta check this nigga out and if shit like I think it is y’all gonna have to handle him too.” I heard Spicy say before my brothers agreed then the front door opened and closed.

  I sat there and listened for a few more minutes as my brothers discussed how Spicy was right and I knew she was the one who had left.

  “Damn she just don’t give up. That lady just don’t want me to be happy. She just don’t wonna let me be great.” I said to Rah as I fell back in bed and she fell back with me.

  I laid there for a second and stared at the ceiling as tears welled up in my eyes. It hurt me to think that my mama’s main goal in life was to make sure I never had one, but that’s how it seemed.

  “It’s gonna be alright Na. I think maybe this time she really is concerned. I mean on the real sis, how much do you really know about Anthony? After just two days you were at his house and you been there ever since. For four months, we didn’t even see you but he did every day. I’m sure that’s got everybody in their feelings so please try to be a bit more understanding. Just like you want them to give him a chance you gotta give them something too. At least let them meet the nigga’s old, sexy ass then maybe they won’t be so fucking rude.” Rah said as I shook my head knowing that she was right.

  It was true, I didn’t know a whole lot about Anthony but what I did know was enough to make me love him. I told Rah that and how he treated me over the past months along with all I knew about him as she sat there and listened.

  “See everybody don’t know that shit Na Na. That’s the shit you need to tell them so they will understand.” Rah said as I shook my head yes.

  I agreed that maybe I should be a bit more open so that my family wouldn’t be so hard on my relationship. I decided I would answer more questions about Anthony if asked to help relieve some of the tension in my family or at least make my brothers feel better.

  “You right Rah. I know I gotta do my part too. I’m gonna stop being so defensive and open up a little more. I might even have Anthony come over for Christmas dinner. Then after Spicy see how fine he is and how much he really loves ME, maybe she will get some act right.” I said as I held on to hope that maybe it would come true.

  I hoped that it would but something in my heart told me it wouldn’t be that easy.

  “Yeah, maybe her crazy ass will get some act right. Or maybe she’ll try to fuck yo man at Christmas dinner as everyone watches, I don’t know. I guess we gotta wait and see.” Rah said as she laughed and got out of the bed.

  I laughed too but not from my heart because what Rah said had a lot of truth in it. We both knew Spicy was capable of doing exactly what she said I just hoped that she wouldn’t try it. I closed my eyes and erased my thoughts before I got out of the bed and went over to my closet with Rah. I argued with her roggish ass for fifteen minutes over the BeBe jogging suit of mine she wanted to wear before I finally gave in.

  “Aite skank you can wear it one day but don’t get coochie juices in my pants.” I said to my best friend as we both laughed and she flipped me the bird and left out pf my room to take her shower.

  As soon as Rah was out of the room I went to the door and locked it before I got back in bed and turned my phone on. When I did cut it on I got all of the notifications from Anthony’s calls the day before. He had called me all day and texted several times to tell me that he missed me. I smiled as I read the first five, loving texts he sent but by text six I could tell he was irritated. He simply sent turn on your phone and text me back in all capital letters. As I read that I don’t know why, but I got a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. I thought it was from me not wanting to disappoint Anthony and mess up what we had. However, when I scrolled to the next text which was nothing but angry emoji’s I figured it was a bit of fear.

  “I know I’m not scared of this nigga.” I said to myself as I texted back to him that I was okay.

  I told him I turned my phone off to spend time with my brothers but it was back on. After I texted that I went over to my closet and pulled out my Pink Jogging suit then sat back on my bed. I picked up my phone to see a text from Anthony that said, “Okay that’s all good just hurry up and bring yo ass home!”.

  I didn’t know how to take that text as I sat there and read it several times. I didn’t know whether I should have been honored that my man actually missed me or scared because he was getting possessive. I decided just to i
gnore that shit and sat my phone back down on the bed. By that time Rah was coming out the shower looking all cute in my shit.

  “Ummm ole skank heifa. You fly in my shit huh?” I said to Rah as I hunched up my nose and rolled my eyes at her when she passed me in the doorway.

  She laughed that goofy Rah laugh as she flipped her hair at me then stopped to do a stout junt pose. I laughed at her frail ass looking like she was going to break a hip trying to stick her ass out.

  “Girl please, you ain’t thick Rah. Hoe you barely slim thick with yo pencil looking ass.” I said to my friend as I laughed and walked to my door and she ran up behind me.

  I dodged the kick to my ass she tried to deliver just in time then turned around and grabbed her leg.

  “Bitch let me go. There you go being violent again. I wasn’t even fina kick you I was just fina tell you Spicy out there.” Rah said as I suddenly went from giggling to serious as I put her leg down.

  Rah nodded her head at me and mouthed the words as I opened my door and walked out. In the hall I walked right into Spicy as she lurked around my door being nosey. She knew her ass was caught but she didn’t give a fuck as she stopped, grunted and waited on me to walk past her. I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths before I got the strength to walk on without saying something. I held my breath and mu words until I was in the bathroom and the door was closed. Once inside I sighed a breath of relief and said a quick prayer before I hopped in the shower. I prayed that Spicy and I could make it through the holiday without getting into it too. To my surprise too we made it most of the day because by the time I came out of the bathroom dressed, she was in the kitchen cooking. I couldn’t believe how good everything smelled as I walked in the living room and sat down with my brothers. We smoked and talked as Spicy cooked and when she said it was time to eat we all walked into the kitchen together.

  I felt uneasy and out of place as I sat at the table with my brothers, Peaches, my mother, and best friend because it seemed like all eyes were on me. I rolled my eyes at everyone who made eye contact with me then turned my attention to Spicy. I noticed how she was really distracted with her phone so much so she barely touched her food. When she got up and stormed away from the table as she mumbled I looked at KJ and asked what was wrong.