by Iris Deorre
‘But I’m not pushing.’
‘Are you really listening to what she’s saying? Because if you are, this wouldn’t be happening.’
‘So this is my fault?’
‘Yes it is. One thing I’ve learnt about falling for the woman of your dreams is that most of the times, you’re wrong and she’s right.’
He laughed. ‘That’s ridiculous!’
‘Do you want to marry her or not, because if you don’t, then keep doing what you’re doing.’
‘So you’re saying I must just agree with her.’
‘Yes and no. By agreeing doesn’t mean you’re letting her get away with anything. You’re just letting her know that it’s okay for her to have her opinion.’
‘What about my opinion?’
‘Do you want to be right or happy?’
‘Happy, I guess.’
‘Then do as I’m telling you. If you really took time to listen to Sahara, you’ll realise that she doesn’t really care about all the money. And I honestly think that she feels a little overwhelmed by it all. I guess she doesn’t want to loose herself.’
‘Have you both been seeing the same therapist?’ he teased.
It sounded like exactly what Sahara would say.
‘No, I’m married to Sahara’s best-friend, and when Sahara is stressed out, my lovely wife is the shoulder she leans on.’
‘So you get to hear about it?’
‘Not always, but here’s the thing, Sahara loves you. If she didn’t, you wouldn’t even be here. Just step back and give her time.’
He took a sip of his beer and sat back. The crowd was louder than ever, but it was still a great place to get a drink.
‘Okay, I’ll do my best.’
‘Great! I’m surprised you stuck out this long.’
‘You really thought I was going to play her, didn’t you.’
‘Honestly, yes, but you put me to shame.’
Eugene laughed. They talked about different things and the day went better than expected.
When Eugene arrived back at Sahara’s house, she was sat in front of the television, just gazing at the silent flicks. She turned to him and smiled gently. There was so much she wanted to say, but couldn’t. Even though she’d spent most of the day trying to figure out what she really wanted, she didn’t want to loose him.
‘Hey,’ he said.
‘Hey.’
‘You okay?’
She nodded.
‘Look.’ He walked towards her and knelt beside her. ‘I don’t want to fight with you.’ He took her hand.
‘Me neither. I’m sorry I asked to postpone the wedding.’
‘It’s okay. I get it. You need time to be you. I’ll give you as much time as you need. I’m not going anywhere, okay.’
‘Okay.’ She nodded. ‘Thanks for understanding.’
‘I’ll never push you to do something you don’t want to do.’
‘I know, I know.’
He squeezed her hand. There was a release in the pit of her stomach, although it wasn’t a complete release. There was still something bugging her, and she had to deal with it as soon as possible.
He leaned into her and kissed her. He took her breath away, each time his lips touched hers, she felt herself gasping for air. He touched the sides of her face gently and brought her closer to him.
‘You make me happy. You make me want to do better each time,’ he said.
‘You make me happy too.’ She whispered into him.
They held onto each other for a long while. Sahara felt comfort in his arms.
‘Have you eaten?’ he asked.
‘No, I don’t have much of an appetite, but you can go ahead and eat.’
‘Are you feeling okay?’ He was concerned.
‘I’m fine, it’s just one of those things.’
He watched her a moment, he was about to ask if she was absolutely certain, but remembered Myles’s words. He had to trust her and not push all the time.
‘Okay, I’ll go and eat. Want anything while I’m in the kitchen? A tea perhaps?’
‘Nope, I’m fine. I’ll just relax out here and wait until you’re back.’
‘Okay.’ He kissed her forehead gently, and then set off to the kitchen to for something to eat.
Chapter Four
The days turned into weeks, and Sahara and Eugene tried to go about their lives as normal as possible. Elizabeth hadn’t been pleased about the news, and was worried that Sahara was self sabotaging the chance to be happy, but she had to let it go. There was no point trying to force her into marriage.
Eugene had to go out of the country for a couple of weeks, which gave Sahara some time and space to herself. As strange as it sounded, she enjoyed the little time she had to herself. It gave her time to think without him looking over her shoulder. Being in a relationship had been a new experience and she was taking it one day at a time. Each day and each moment had its challenges, but somehow they always got through them.
But one morning as she went down to breakfast, she felt a sudden dizziness. It had been happening off and on, and the doctor had recommended a multivitamin, but it still hadn’t worn off. She held onto the side rail of the staircase and waited for it to subside. The smell of the cooked breakfast wasn’t helping either, and she wondered if she should ring her oncologist.
She sat at the base of the stairs terrified. The way her body felt made her scared, she thought she might be ill again.
‘Oh please don’t let it be,’ she whispered a moment and took a few more deep breaths.
After a while, the dizzy spell disappeared and she was able to get back up as if nothing had happened.
‘Morning Lawrence.’ She smiled.
‘Morning, Sahara. Are you well this morning?’
‘I am thank you.’ Even though she didn’t feel as well as she made out to be.
‘Can I get you a green tea?’
‘I’ll have a normal tea today, thanks.’
He nodded and stepped away to make the tea. She helped herself to some blueberries and yogurt. In a way she was grateful for Lawrence’s company and she’d gotten used to just getting home and having food ready.
‘Do you have a busy day ahead?’ he asked.
‘I think so.’ She smiled. ‘Please, join me.’
He nodded. He too had gotten used to their morning conversations.
‘Any plans for today?’ she asked him.
‘I plan to go to the market, the butcher and the supermarket. I have a few things I have in mind for the next few meals.’
She watched him a moment, she could tell he loved his job.
‘That sounds great. I think I have a few big orders today. I love working with my hands. I’m sure you can appreciate that.’
‘Yes I can. It takes you away from what’s going on around you.’
‘Yes it does, doesn’t it?’ She loved that he got it. ‘Anyway, I’m going to have to disappoint you. I don’t think I can handle a cook breakfast today.’
He did look a little disappointed, but it was short lived.
‘I really do appreciate what you do for us.’ She pushed back the chair. ‘I better get going.’
With that she picked up her belongings in the passage and headed off to work.
But while she worked, the dizzy spell returned and she had to take a break just to rebalance herself.
‘Are you sure you’re alright?’ asked Alice as she handed her a glass of water.
‘I’m, fine, don’t worry.’
‘Just as long as you feel well within yourself, then I won’t worry.’
‘I’m okay, don’t worry.’
Alice nodded and left her to it.
Sahara fiddled for her mobile phone the moment Alice stepped out of the back room to the shop. She waited nervously as the phone at the other end rang.
‘Press one for enquires and appointments, press two for test results.’
She swallowed back hard as she pressed one.
‘Your call
is in a queue, and we’ll respond as soon as possible.’ The automated voice said.
She took a deep breath, tapping her foot impatiently, until the receptionist’s voice came on.
‘Urm…yes I’d like to make an appointment to see Doctor Cross. I know I saw him a few weeks ago, but my symptoms haven’t improved.’
‘Yes, of course could I have your name please?’
‘Sahara Young.’
The woman tapped on the computer, and asked for her address and date of birth next.
‘Are you able to get in tomorrow at ten thirty?’
‘Yes, that’s fine.’
‘Okay, ten thirty with Doctor Cross all booked in.’
‘Thank you.’ She hung up and shut her eyes, and hadn’t noticed that Alice had walked back in.
‘Sorry to barge in on you like that, I had a question and I overheard you making an appointment.’
‘Yes, I didn’t want anyone to worry until there is something to actually worry about.’
‘I understand. It’s a moment by moment thing. Anyway, I just wanted to know if you wanted me to go ahead with the order for the sweet sixteen party.’ Alice understood when not to push for information.
‘Yes, that would be great. I think I’ll call it a day, if you don’t mind. I’m feeling a little tired.’
‘That’s fine; everything seems to be under control.’
‘I’ll be in after twelve tomorrow, if not I’ll ask my mother to cover.’
Alice nodded and turned to leave.
‘Alice,’ she called. ‘Thanks for not pushing.’
‘You’re welcome.’
****
That evening she was grateful for Eugene’s call. It had started to get lonely, and the looming doctor’s appointment had made her that more afraid. She didn’t want to startle him, but just hearing his voice was enough to soothe her somewhat.
‘So tell me, what it’s like where you are?’ she asked.
‘Hot!’ he laughed.
‘Lucky you.’ She tried to imagine it. ‘It’s another grey day in Yorkshire, with a chance of rain later this evening.’ She tried to sound like the weather lady on Look North.
‘I’m sorry to hear that, I could try and bring some sunshine with me.’
‘That would be great…I miss you.’
‘I miss you too. I don’t get to see a lot, I’m working all the time, but when I get up into my fancy room, all I think about is you. Holding you and kissing you, making love to you.’
She felt her body fizzle.
‘I want to feel your skin up against mine, kiss your body, cover you in chocolate syrup and lick it all up very, very slowly.’ His voice had lowered.
‘Go on,’ she said excitedly.
‘My tongue will explore every part of you. It will venture down to the very wet parts of you.’
She felt her middle twinge as he said that.
‘I will tease your little flap with my tongue until you come.’
He heard her moan, and he continued to seduce her gently. His low voice turned on switches in her body she didn’t know existed. He teased and tickled her with just the sound of his voice.
The fear of the appointment had melted away and she was carried away into a fantasy land for a while. She made the right sounds that made his member rock hard. He lay back into the luxurious bed and played with his erection. The more she moaned for him, the more he wanted to touch her.
‘I’d jump on a plane right now and be with you,’ he breathed.
She laughed lightly, the build up getting more and more intense. He asked her to describe what she wore and what she was doing to herself. She panted, letting her hands glide between her slit, bringing herself to a climax that she’d only ever experienced with him.
‘I love the sound of your voice,’ she whispered.
‘I love the sound of your enjoyment.’ He whispered back.
Together they explored parts of their body only they had explored on each other. It was like they were in the same room, and yet they were miles apart. Even though their bodies were apart, their minds and souls were together. It wasn’t long before they both found their peak, whispering sweet words of ecstasy to each other.
‘Oh my god! I feel so good after that,’ she said finally lying into the pillow.
‘Good! I do to honey.’ He still wished he was by her side. ‘Besides missing me, is everything okay?’
‘In this moment, everything is okay.’
And it was, the moment was all she had and it reminded her of what was important and to let go of tomorrow because it didn’t exist, at least not yet.
****
‘Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you to the hospital?’ asked Emily.
‘Yes, I’m sure. I’m a big girl, I’ve done this before.’
‘But you don’t have to do it alone.’
‘I know that, but I want to. If I need you I’ll give you a ring.’
‘Okay,’ she said a little reluctant. ‘Don’t worry about anything, I’m sure everything’s okay.’
‘I don’t know, Emily, I have this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that it’s not.’
‘Since when have you been negative?’
‘Since I feel this way, I really can’t help it.’
‘Just see what the doc says, and take it from there.’
‘Yes you’re right.’ She glanced at her watch. ‘I better get going.’
‘Good luck hon.’
‘Thanks, I’ll ring you if anything’s wrong.’
Sahara hung up. She’d decided to ask Eugene’s driver to take her to the hospital. That way, if she couldn’t drive for whatever reason, possible shock, then she’d be able to just sit at the back and try and think about her next move.
The car hooted ten minutes later.
‘Okay, let’s do this.’ She told herself. ‘It has to be faced whether I like it or not.’ She knew that ignoring the symptoms wasn’t an option.
She picked up her belongings and headed for the Jaguar. The driver stepped out, but she only told him to get back in and that she’d open the door herself. He nodded and waited for her to get settled in the back before heading for the hospital.
They arrived at St James thirty minutes later. She took a couple of minutes to build her courage. She could face it, it wasn’t going to be bad news, she was hopeful that it wasn’t.
‘I think I’ll be half an hour to forty five minutes,’ she told the driver.
‘Yes, Miss Young. I’ll just wait here.’
‘Please call me Sahara.’ She corrected him.
‘Yes, of course.’
She nodded, opened the door and headed for the hospital.
The moment she stepped in, old memories returned. Fear grasped at the pit of her stomach and she felt as though she was going to fall down. A part of her didn’t want to step in, but not stepping in wouldn’t solve the problems she had. She just wasn’t sure she’d be able to go through the whole cancer again.
She logged in her arrival and was informed that there were two people before her appointment. That didn’t help calm her nerves, it just heightened them further. She found a seat next to a lady who seemed no calmer. The atmosphere was filled with fear and it tightened her stomach. There were moments when she wished Eugene was with her, but she didn’t want to worry him, not until there was something to actually worry about.
The hospital was busy like it always was, life went on regardless of what went on in other peoples lives. It made her realise just how important living in the now was, and decided to focus on something else. Her eyes drifted to the flowers that sat on the receptionist’s desk. Even though they hadn’t spoken because the automated system had done its job, she could tell that those beautiful yellow sunflowers brightened up the woman’s day. Sahara smiled slightly as she remembered what joy flowers gave her. Their beautiful colours made her relax somewhat and took her attention from the pending dread.
Sahara walked into Doctor Cross’s office
twenty minutes later. She smiled at him nervously.
‘It’s good to see you again Sahara.’ He was kind and gentle and had the ability to make her feel at ease, even when her nerves were running rampage in her body.
‘What can I do for you? Looking at your chart you aren’t due for a check up for a couple of months.’
‘Yes, but I’m having some dizzy spells as I mentioned the last time. I’ve taken the multivitamin, but things are still the same. I feel as though it’s getting worse.’
‘Your panic can also contribute to this,’ he said.
‘Yes, maybe, but I’m just so nervous, you know with everything.’
‘I understand, and to be honest, since your last clear, cancer wouldn’t show up that quickly again.’
‘Are you certain about that?’
He wasn’t, but he wasn’t going to tell her that. Doctor Cross was confident that it was something else, other than what she felt. But he could tell by the look on her face that she wouldn’t settle until he took a closer look at things.
‘Okay, I tell you what. I’m going to send you for some tests. We’ll start with some blood tests. If anything’s wrong we’ll definitely find out.’
She nodded.
‘We’ll take it from there.’ He started to write on a piece of paper. ‘Give this to the receptionist and she’ll direct you where to go for tests. It shouldn’t be long. You’ll probably get your results within the next twenty four hours.’
She nodded.
‘Don’t worry yet. I’m almost certain that it isn’t anything serious. It still might be your body is deficient. Keep taking the multivitamin.’
‘Thanks Doctor Cross.’ She stood up.
‘You’re welcome.’
Sahara left the room and headed straight for the reception desk. There were a few things that needed filling out, but she was soon on her way to the Phlebotomist. It was a quick procedure; the woman took blood so quickly it was over before Sahara could even blink.
‘Wow that was fast.’ Sahara patted the plaster on her arm.
‘It’s my job love, do this every minute of the day, you’ll become an expert.’ She smiled.
Sahara laughed lightly. Thanked the woman and made her way out to the waiting car.
‘Could you take me to work, please?’ She told the driver.
‘Certainly.’
By the time Sahara got to the shop, all her nerves had calmed down. The thought of Eugene coming home in a couple of days made it even more so.