by Iris Deorre
‘Yes, well, she’s asleep. I guess the true test will come when she wakes up.’ He lifted the iPad for Lawrence to see the baby.
‘Awww, she’s adorable. Looks just like her mother.’
‘I agree.’ He laughed.
‘I’m sure you’ll be just fine.’
He laughed nervously. If he was honest, there was some regret that he hadn’t invited Elizabeth over. He felt so afraid, now that it was a reality. But there was no turning back now, he had to cope with all the information he’d been given.
‘I hope so.’ He walked towards the fridge and pulled out a carton of apple juice. ‘Could you please just put the food in the fridge, I’m not hungry. It will be eaten, but not just yet.’
He nodded.
‘Please take some for yourself.’
He nodded.
‘I am going to sit in the living-room and spend time with my daughter.’ He felt pride as he said that.
****
The baby slept and slept to the point it started to worry him. He didn’t know whether that was normal. But soon enough she woke up, and his new fathering skills had begun. He picked up the little bundle into his hands, like he had been doing at the hospital, and kept her snug against him.
‘Hello, its okay.’ He rocked her a little as he walked towards the kitchen. ‘I’m going to get you something to eat.’ He knew that every so often he had to feed her. It was as if he’d crammed everything for an exam.
He placed one of the ready made bottles into the microwave and waited. The baby shrilled in his ear.
‘You have a healthy set of lungs there,’ he said as he tried to rock her. ‘I know where you got them from.’
The microwave pinged and he picked up the bottle and walked back into the living-room. It took him a while to get into the right sitting position. It also took him a moment to make sure the milk was the right temperature. He had doubted a few times, but after testing several times, he was certain the milk was the correct temperature.
The baby latched on immediately and all was quiet. A smile appeared across his face as he watched his child feed. It was an odd feeling, he never thought he had it in him, until he held his own child in his arms.
After a while the baby stopped suckling and he took it as a sign that she was full. She had looked a little drowsy, but he wanted to wind her before he put her down again. He stood up and placed her against his shoulder and gently began to pat her back, just like he’d been shown at the hospital. It wasn’t long before the baby let out a loud burp, but with it a bit of spit up soiled his shirt.
He felt the dampness run down his back, he laughed lightly.
‘That was a big burp.’ He so wanted to give his child a name, but he wasn’t going to do it without Sahara. He had to believe that she would wake up and see her beautiful daughter.
Eugene thought all was well. Baby was fed, she’d been burped, all he needed to do was help her settle back to sleep. But that didn’t happen so simply. A few minutes after the burp, the baby began to cry.
‘Oh, what’s the matter?’ he asked as if she would be able to respond. ‘Come, let’s go and see if we can find you something of your mothers.’
He walked upstairs with the screaming baby. In the bedroom, he found Sahara’s white cardigan. He put it onto the other side of his shoulder and then moved the baby to that side.
‘That belongs to your mummy.’ He tried to soothe her. ‘That’s how your mummy smells.’ He moved from side to side, rubbing the baby’s back, but she still wouldn’t settle.
The baby pulled her legs up to her tummy and screamed and screamed, he was at wits end what to do. He was about to buckle and give Elizabeth a ring when an idea hit him. He remembered once, when he was barely listening, to a woman go on about her colic baby. She’d mentioned that the only thing that soothed the baby was a drive around the block a few times. Who would’ve thought that that information would’ve become useful to him in the future?
‘Okay honey, we’re going to go for a drive.’ He walked back downstairs and put her back into the car seat gently. She screamed so loud he was certain she would die. ‘It’s okay, please don’t cry.’ He begged.
He fumbled around the passage and finally picked up Sahara’s car keys. Soon they walked out into the car and he drove his baby around the block a few times. At first nothing happened. Her screams cut into him almost piercing his eardrums. He wondered how someone so small could make such a loud noise.
‘You are certainly your mother’s daughter,’ he said as he did another drive around the block.
After what seemed like forever, the baby settled down and finally gave into sleep. He parked outside of the house, shattered. He leaned back into the seat and let it all in. In all his years he’d never been that tired. He thought he could handle anything until it came to a baby.
‘You certainly have taught me a lot about myself. I’m not really the bad ass I claim to be. You certainly have shown me that.’ He laughed lightly. ‘Come on, let’s get you inside.’
****
‘You look like you haven’t slept a wink,’ said Elizabeth after he let her in.
‘You have no idea. Not only did she cry a lot, I just couldn’t settle. I was afraid something would happen to her if I shut my eyes.’
She took him into a hug.
‘Why don’t you go and get some rest and I’ll take it from here.’
He nodded. ‘Just let me know when the health visitor comes, I need to speak to her about something.
But when the woman arrived, Eugene was fast asleep and both women decided it was best to let him sleep. He was going to need it with that little bundle of joy in his life.
Chapter Nine
The days turned into weeks and there was still no change from Sahara. There was now the pressure to give the baby a name, but he was so determined to wait for Sahara. He knew that he still had a couple more weeks before he had to register her birth. It was finally agreed upon that he would give the baby the name Sahara as her second name, and when Sahara woke up, they’d decide on a first name. He was hopeful that it would be before the baby needed to be registered.
Strangely that name was put into place the way he’d asked, so that everyone would stop calling her the baby. They referred to her as baby S, for the mean time.
Emily and Myles had visited often and had helped out when Eugene needed a break. He’d finally got into a routine and things had become a lot easier, especially with the help from everyone. He also made sure he visited Sahara everyday, and would tell her how their baby was doing, how she was growing and sometimes he’d play sounds of their baby making sounds or sometimes even her cries.
One afternoon after he’d left Emily with full instructions on how to care for baby S, even though she knew very well – being a new mum herself- he got ready to leave the house. Myles had taken on their baby, while she baby sat for Eugene.
‘Say hi to Sahara for me,’ she’d said before he left.
‘I will.’ He smiled.
Even though it felt like everyone else had accepted that just maybe Sahara might not wake up, he was certain that she would. The drive to the hospital was the usual, but for some reason it felt different to him. He felt a sense of relief, as if after all this time of holding onto fear and dread, he had finally let it go. He felt a relief and somewhere deep inside of him, he hoped that it was going to change everything.
When he arrived at her ward, he halted a moment. The bed was empty! His throat restricted and his heart picked up pace. He hadn’t received a call. What had happened? Where was she? As he was about to head back towards the front of the ward to speak to someone, Sahara was wheeled back into her ward in a wheel chair. He stood frozen as if he’d just seen a ghost! His mouth dropped open! He suddenly took slow steps towards her, dropped to his knees, laid his head on her lap and burst into tears.
The nurse took this as her cue to leave them. Sahara placed her hand gently on the top of his head, and waited for everything to sink in.
After a moment, he lifted his head and gazed deeply into her eyes.
‘Is it really you?’ he asked.
‘Yes, it’s really me.’ A wide smile spread across her face as the tears drizzled down her cheeks.
He took her into a big hug and kept her close to him for as long as he could. He had to feel her body close, he had to feel her breathe, he wanted to hear her heartbeat.
He withdrew and smiled up at her.
‘I’m so happy right now,’ he said.
‘I am too. I hear we have a baby girl.’ She felt her body glow the moment she said that.
‘Yes, yes we do.’ His eyes began to water again. It was rare for him to shed a tear, but this couldn’t be helped.
‘I want to see her.’
‘And I want you to see her too, I can’t bring her into the hospital.’
‘That’s okay.’ She beamed and took his chin into her hand and looked him straight in the eye. ‘I’m here and I want to go home, but the doctor’s advice is that it’s still too soon. I’ve just woken up from a coma.’ She laughed lightly, it felt surreal. ‘So, you get me the best medical staff money can buy to look after me at home, because I want to be with our baby, I want to be with you, you are my family!’ She winked.
‘You bet yah!’ He laughed. Sahara was back, just the way he knew her. ‘I will do whatever it takes to get you home.’
‘I love you.’ She kissed him.
‘I love you more.’
After they hugged again, Eugene helped her back into the bed. It would take a while for her to recover, but she was determined to get well for her daughter. Her kidneys were on the mend, her body was starting to heal and this time she wasn’t going to leave the hospital without planned contraception. The doctors didn’t want that risk to happen again.
He stayed with her for hours, he showed her photos from his mobile phone of their daughter.
‘She looks just like you,’ he said.
‘Oh my gosh, she’s gorgeous.’ She melted, she wanted nothing more than to hold her angel.
‘I held off giving her a name, I wanted to wait for you, but we had to call her something so I said that her second name would be Sahara.’
Sahara was touched and she smiled. ‘I like that.’
‘Do you have any names in mind?’
‘I want to hold her in my arms first, it will come to me. You’ve done a great job honey.’
‘I couldn’t do it without you. You may’ve been asleep, but your voice, was always there with me.’
She took him into a hug. They continued to talk about everything, about things she’d missed, the latest news. He’d made all the necessary phone calls and it wasn’t long before Emily arrived, but had to wait in the car for him to take the baby.
‘I’ll see you tomorrow, it won’t be long honey,’ he said.
‘I know,’ she said.
He kissed her briefly and then left. The moment he stepped out of the hospital he was on the phone to Casey. He told her the good news, to which she was delighted to hear, and then he gave her the huge task of finding medical staff that would assist in Sahara’s recovery.
‘Anything for you,’ she said. She felt quite fond of him now and the way he’d handled situations and the baby, proved to her that any man could change, when he found the right woman. ‘I’ll start with some top agencies and see what they have to offer.’
‘It doesn’t matter what it costs, I want the best.’
‘You got it boss.’
He slid into the car with the baby floating on cloud nine. He couldn’t wait to get home to spend it with his daughter. And even though he knew she wouldn’t really understand what he said, he was certainly going to share the news with her. He smiled at the thought!
‘Oh my god, it’s so good to see you!’ Emily took Sahara into a long big hug. ‘Oh it’s sooo, good to feel you.’ She was in tears. ‘It’s all the hormones.’ she sniffed back.
‘It’s so good to see you too!’ Sahara was so excited to see her friend. ‘So tell me all about your little one. Boy or girl?’
‘I had a little boy, Ben, he’s adorable.’
‘I bet he is.’ She squealed.
Emily fiddled for her mobile and showed her pictures of her son.
‘He looks like his making a mess in his nappy in that one,’ Sahara joked.
‘Yep, that would be right. That boy knows how to make a big one.’ She laughed.
He had Emily’s green eyes, and he looked a lot like Myles, without his curly hair.
‘He looks shell shocked!’ Sahara laughed.
‘It’s all the flashing in his face. The poor lad must wonder what all the fuss is all about.’
They continued to chat and then Sahara shared something with Emily that had come to her the moment she’d woken up. Emily listened with delight to every detail.
‘Oh, this sounds so exciting.’
‘You can’t tell him, or let it slip.’
‘I promise. I’ll have to get Felicity on board. She said she’d be here after work.’
‘Great, you guys are the best. Thanks for doing this, I want it to be special for him, he deserves it.’
‘And so do you!’
‘Aww, thank you.’
They talked a while longer, but Sahara had begun to feel a little tired. Emily left her to sleep and later that day, Elizabeth and Felicity came to see her. She felt so alive, surrounded by the people she loved. Would she do it all again? Would she risk her life to have her daughter? Sahara knew she would, she knew that it had been worth the risk!
****
Eugene wheeled her into her home. He still wanted her to be comfortable in her own space, and suggested that they move when she was ready. Sahara was grateful, she had craved her little home and she knew that at some point they’d have to move, but she didn’t want to think about it in that moment.
‘Where is she?’ She couldn’t wait to see her baby.
Eugene had wanted to bring her in the car, but Sahara had insisted she wanted to see her at home.
‘She’s right here, honey.’ Elizabeth stepped out of the living-room with the bundle in her hands.
Sahara’s body filled with warmth and her eyes glazed over as the baby was placed in her arms. She shut her eyes for a moment and just felt her up close. This baby was certainly a miracle.
‘Hey,’ she whispered to the little baby. ‘Hello you!’ Tears ran down her cheeks. ‘You’re so beautiful, you’re so precious, you’ve just reminded me what joy really feels like.’ And in that moment the name came to her. ‘Hello Joy.’ She looked up at Eugene. ‘Joy, Sahara, Gallagher-Young! A mouthful I know, but that’s who you are.’
‘I love it honey.’ He knelt beside them. ‘Joy,’ he said, it felt right.
‘That is a perfect picture, hold it right there.’ Elizabeth rushed for her phone and then captured the moment. ‘Beautiful.’ She was overwhelmed by emotion. ‘This is so amazing. I can’t believe I’m a grandmother.’
‘Believe it mum, she’s going to make you run around and make you young again.’ She teased.
‘I believe that. The way you were at two, gosh, I needed all the strength I could get.’
He wheeled her into the living-room where she spent time getting to know and bond with Joy.
‘She knows you’re her mother. Look at how relaxed she is,’ said Eugene.
Sahara smiled, not taking her eyes off the baby. She still couldn’t believe the baby was with her. The doctors had told her no, but she’d said yes. Her life had been a chain of yes’s, not from outside herself, but from herself. She understood that if she were to survive anything, the only yes she needed was the one from herself, and that was what she was going to teach her daughter. She would teach her to always follow her heart, and never be afraid to dream.
‘She’s going to be just like you,’ said Eugene as if reading her thoughts.
‘She’s going to be amazing. She’s got us!’
They spent that day, just enjoying family momen
ts. There was a nurse who came at certain times to check on Sahara, and later that evening they all enjoyed pot roast beef with caramelised onions, young carrots, potatoes and gravy.
‘These are what future Sundays are going to be like.’ Sahara smiled. ‘Perhaps some more little feet.’ She joked.
Eugene didn’t like the sound of that, he wasn’t about to risk loosing her again.
‘Don’t worry honey, we’re perfect just the way we are.’
Elizabeth looked around the table and was truly grateful for all that she had. She asked if she could say a prayer, because she felt the need just to say thank you. They nodded and Elizabeth gave thanks for her family and the beautiful baby that had joined their family. All was well!
****
‘Oh look at you; you’re going to make me cry!’ Emily started up.
‘Oh don’t you start, you know how I feel about crying.’ She smiled at her through the reflection of the mirror.
It felt like yesterday that she was doing the same thing with Emily.
‘So everything’s in place?’ she asked.
Sahara still wasn’t a hundred percent out of the woods yet, and still had to use the wheelchair from time to time, but physiotherapy was getting her back to being a hundred percent self sufficient.
‘Everything’s in place, they’re on their way now, they’ll be here in ten minutes.’
‘Perfect.’ She gazed at her simple white dress and the crown of flowers she’d created, around her head.
‘You look like an angel.’
‘I feel like an angel.’ She giggled. ‘I’m so excited.’ She looked over at Joy who was fast a sleep in her Moses basket. The little baby had also been dressed in white.
‘Okay, let’s do this.’
She took her time to walk downstairs while Emily followed her, with Joy in the basket. A priest, Elizabeth, Felicity, Logan, Nolan, Casey and a few more friends and relatives stood at the base of the stairs.
‘Oh look at you!’ Elizabeth buzzed.
It was like it was happening all over again, but this time it was her turn to say yes. The stairs had been decorated with white ribbons, and white flower petals were scattered down the steps. For a small house it looked lovely and pretty.