Crabbypants

by Colleen Charles

  “That sucks.” Christine frowns. “But why did Guy take them in the first place?”

  “It’s a long story,” I explain.

  “But at least the story has an ending now,” Landon says. “I found out where they are.”

  “That’s great,” I say, unable to keep the excitement out of my voice. “Let me grab my jacket, and I’ll come with you to get them. Are they here in Prior Lake?”

  “Yeah, at Guy’s house.”

  My hand flies to my mouth. “What?”

  “You heard me. I went to the shelter this morning after deciding that if I did something nice, Guy might be willing to pull some strings to help me find the dogs. Turns out, he wasn’t even there. But I ended up writing out a donation check anyway.”

  “That was really sweet of you, Landon.”

  He smiles a little. “I can be sweet. So, I give the lady the check, and I’m thinking, she’s probably the volunteer who didn’t fill out the paperwork for my Chihuahuas, maybe she can tell me something. Anything.”

  “And?”

  “Well, first she thanks me and then she says that Guy isn’t there because he’s busy taking care of four Chihuahuas that he just adopted.”

  “No!” I shake my head, unable to believe that my friend of ten years has done something like this. And lied about it.

  “This is the same man who looked me in the eyes and told me that he didn’t know where my dogs were,” Landon says. “All the while, he had them the entire time.”

  Christine plants her hands on her hips. “What a douche.”

  “I’m so sorry,” I say. “I know where he lives. Let’s go there right now.” I turn to Christine. “Do you think you can handle things while I’m gone?”

  “Of course. Go ahead, this is important,” she says.

  I grab my jacket. Landon and I head for the door. After he opens the passenger door for me, I slip inside. “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome,” he says. “I really appreciate you doing this. You might be saving a life today.”

  “Whose life?”

  “You might be saving a life because you’re the only thing stopping me from ringing Guy’s neck.”

  He gets into the driver’s seat and starts the ignition.

  I point up ahead. “Turn left at the next light.”

  His thumbs drum on the steering wheel. “Okay.”

  Once Landon pulls onto Main Street, he slams on his brakes. Out in the lane of traffic, a woman bends over retrieving a square-shaped, white object from the pavement. “Jesus, is she drunk?”

  Another woman stands on the curb waiting for her. I squint, recognizing her right away. “That’s Carol Madson, my realtor! She got me the great deal on the Bark Buddies location.” I hit the button for the automatic window. “Carol, why is that lady in the street? Did you just come from the VFW?”

  Carol puts her hands on her hips and points at her friend. “Sandra Dee, get the hell out of the street. You can’t eat crackers that have been run over multiple times. Come inside and have a Bloody Murder.” After her friend hightails it back to the stairs of Extra Innings, Carol gives us a wave and yells, “You bastards!”

  I can’t stop to figure out what she means because my phone chimes with a new text message. I see Christine’s name light up the screen. I’m instantly worried. Has something gone wrong at the training center already? Landon and I have barely made it a mile down the street.

  I open the message.

  Christine: Is that the infamous Chihuahua guy?

  I smile and reply: Yes.

  Christine: He doesn’t seem mean at all

  Me: He’s actually pretty nice.”

  Christine: I can tell, and he’s pretty hot too.

  I giggle and text back a winking smiley emoji.

  “What’s so funny?” Landon turns to me at the stop light.

  “Nothing.”

  “I still can’t believe this happened.”

  “I know. I’ve known Guy a long time. I’m shocked.”

  A few minutes later, Landon pulls up in front of Guy’s ranch style home. He parks on the street and takes a deep breath. “I just want my dogs back. That’s all I want. This asshole better not get in my way. I’m just warning you in advance, Brooke, he better fucking comply, or I’m going to lawyer up.”

  “Let me do the talking,” I insist.

  The muscle jumps in his jaw. “Okay.”

  We get out of the car and walk up to Guy’s door. I ring the doorbell. Within seconds, I hear the familiar sounds of the Chihuahuas barking. Then, Guy opens the door.

  “Hey, Brooke!” He grins wide, but the smile fades when Landon steps beside me.

  “I know you have my dogs inside that house.” Landon glares at him, trembling with barely concealed rage. “Hand them over right now.”

  “You’ve got a lot of nerve coming here to my house after what you did, you animal abuser!” Guy matches Landon’s stare, and they loom over each other in a battle of wills I’m not sure either one will walk away from. All they need is pitchforks and flaming torches.

  “Calm down, both of you,” I say. “This has all been a big misunderstanding. Guy, come on. We know you have Landon’s Chihuahuas. He made a mistake at the agility trial when he spanked Chili, but that’s no reason for you to take his dogs away. You’re overreacting.”

  “Brooke, can I please talk to you...alone,” Guy says, pointing at Landon as if he’s hard of hearing.

  “No way, just give me back my dogs,” Landon snaps, ignoring him.

  I turn to Landon. “It’ll just be a minute. Please wait for me in the car.” When Landon hesitates, I put my hand on his arm. “It’s alright.”

  A long moment passes before he nods. “Okay.” He turns on his heel and slowly walks back to his car.

  “What an asshole,” Guy mumbles under his breath.

  “Guy!” I glare at him.

  “Please, come in, Brooke.”

  I step inside. “You’re wrong about Landon. He’s a good guy.”

  “We both saw what he did to Chili.”

  “Yes, but–”

  “I only took the dogs because it breaks my heart to see animals being abused. If he does that in public, what do you think he does in the privacy of his own home. Did you know that every single time I bend down, those dogs wince as if they’ve been hit? Repeatedly.”

  “Landon isn’t a–”

  “I’m shocked that you could even associate yourself with a guy like that after what he did. Why in the world are you helping him? I’ve known you for years, Brooke. I’ve never known you to condone such behavior.”

  “Listen, Guy–”

  “Brooke, the dogs are happy here because I love them. They have consistency, exercise, and affection. In that order.”

  “That’s really sweet, but you don’t understand everything that he’s been through and what those dogs mean to him.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “Just hear me out for a second–”

  “You need to hear me out. Brooke, I…” He takes a step closer to me, and the atmosphere of the room changes, and not in a good way. “I don’t know how else to tell you this but...I’m in love with you.”

  I stare at him in a state of shock, struck mute by something I never saw coming.

  “I’ve felt this way for a while now and was just waiting for the right time to let you know. After you broke up with that high-priced lawyer, I figured it was a sign.”

  “A sign?”

  He smiles. “You and I are meant to be together. We both love animals, and I’m in love with you. If you give me a chance, I’m sure that the feeling will be mutual. I would love to spoil you like a princess. We could be so happy together. Me, you, the dogs. We could even meld our successful business together and create a conglomerate.”

  “Guy, I don’t know what to say.” I take a deep breath and step away from him. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I’ve never had romantic feelings toward him. I have to come up with a way to let
him down easy. Landon already holds the key to my heart, and hell, even if I was single, Guy isn’t my type. “I’m kind of seeing somebody right now.”

  “Did you get back together with that lawyer? I heard he was seeing Doreen Hansen. I’d hate to see you settle for a cheater.”

  “It’s not Chad.”

  “Then who is he?”

  I know if I tell him the truth, Landon will never see his dogs again. I have to be strategic. “You don’t know him.” It isn’t a complete lie. Guy doesn’t know the real Landon. He only knows the man who had one bad moment when he spanked Chili in the middle of the arena. He has no clue about the kind and tender man Landon is on the inside. What he’s been through.

  “I can’t believe my luck,” he says, looking down at his shoes. “That’s one lucky guy, whoever he is. Lucky as a winning Powerball ticket.”

  “Thanks, Guy.” I pause. “On another note, it would mean the world to Landon if you would give his dogs back. They belonged to his grandmother.”

  “He should’ve thought about that before he got abusive.” Guy shook his head. “No can do.”

  “But–”

  “I’m sorry, Brooke. But my conscience won’t allow it.”

  “Guy, please.”

  “I don’t even know why you’re trying to help a vicious creature like him.”

  “He’s not a–”

  “I’m not changing my mind about this.”

  “But–”

  “No way.” He shakes his head.

  I take a deep breath. “Well, alright…I’d better get back to work.”

  “I’ll see you around.” He smiles, taking a step in my direction. “If that other fella slips up, you know I’ll be right here, waiting.”

  I nod and walk out the door. When I get back into Landon’s car, he turns to me with a bewildered expression. I lay my hand on his arm. “I’m sorry, but he said no.”

  “I ought to bust through that door and kick his ass.”

  “Please, Landon. We both know that won’t do any good. I think it’s time you pursue legal action.”

  His nostrils flare as he considers his choices. “Legal action won’t feel as good as my fist in his gut, but legal action it is. Damn, this has been a shitty day.”

  Relief slithers through me, and I lean forward to steal a tender kiss.

  He smiles a little. “It just got slightly better.”

  “Only slightly?” I grin and kiss him again.

  “Slightly better than slightly.”

  I chuckle as he drives down the street. A few minutes later, he drops me off at work. “Landon, I know this is hard. I guess our only hope is that Guy has a change of heart before the lawyers get involved.”

  “I appreciate everything you did to help, Brooke. I really do.”

  Chapter 22

  Landon

  Brooke and I walk into the building together, her bulldog leading the way. Mixed emotions eat away at my insides. Today is the National Agility Trials, and I want to be there to support her and Merle since they’re competing in the small dog division. But on the other hand, the thought of seeing hundreds of other small dogs rips at my gut.

  I miss Chili, Burrito, Fajita, and Taco. Part of me hopes to run into that asshole Guy Foster so I can tell him again exactly what I think of him. I’m desperate to bring my Chihuahuas home, and I won’t hesitate to confront him with my words or my fists. Even though Brooke says I need to be peaceful and patient, that shit hasn’t worked so far. If the opportunity presents itself, I’m ready to take it to the next level. I fantasize about breaking his perfect nose.

  “It’s really packed today,” Brooke says as we squeeze through the crowd.

  “Who knew these things were so damn popular,” I say. “Before I met you, I’d never even heard of agility.”

  “We dog lovers seem to be drawn to any opportunity to show off the talents of our four-legged friends.”

  “How about me? I’m a dog lover now, I just don’t have my…” I can’t finish the sentence.

  “Landon, are you up to this? I know it must be hard for you to be here. If you want to leave, I can get an Uber back home.”

  “You mean like the last time we were here, and you screamed at me and said…” I mimic her voice, “‘Don’t worry about giving me a ride! I’ll catch an Uber!’”

  The corners of her mouth tug upward at my teasing. “I don’t talk like that at all.”

  “Sure you do.” I laugh. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily today. I’m not leaving your side.”

  “Good.” Brooke plants a kiss on my lips. My heart races but she pulls away leaving me wanting more. And more. “You hungry?”

  “Some more of those nachos would hit the spot, but this time, it’s my treat.”

  “You know, I can scrape together enough pennies to afford some nachos and two Cokes.” She winks.

  “And you know I want to treat you. It’s the least I can do. We still haven’t even gone out to a nice restaurant yet.”

  “There will be plenty of time for that.”

  “So that means you want to keep going out with me?”

  She chuckles. “Landon Cole, you can be so clueless sometimes.”

  Is this her way of saying that she’s officially my girlfriend? I’m dancing on a cloud at the mere thought of it. I must have completely zoned out because I almost walk right into a giant pillar. Brooke pulls me out of the way just in time.

  “You’re always saving my ass,” I say.

  She smiles. “What else is new?”

  We get into the long line at the concession stand. I point like a child and say, “Oh! The pretzels look good too! With processed cheese food.”

  “Brooke!” Guy calls out. I would recognize that fucker’s voice anywhere. Brooke and I turn around while Merle growls deep in his throat.

  Good dog.

  He meanders through the crowd, dodging strollers and holding a large crate. My heart squeezes when I see Chili, Fajita, Burrito, and Taco locked inside. I’m sure that Chili has been biting his nails non-stop since he suffers from crate anxiety. What I wouldn’t give to rescue them from Guy’s clutches. I fight to keep my anger from bubbling up to overflowing.

  “Why are my dogs in that crate?” I can hardly speak the words past the knot in my throat. It’s like someone bought a pretzel and shoved it down there.

  “Not going to happen.” He looks around at the people standing nearby and points to me. “That’s right folks, this guy had to have his dogs taken away from him.”

  I shake my head. “I’m not–”

  “Don’t try to deny it. You know you frightened Chili half to death when you hit him at the last agility trial.”

  “I didn’t–”

  “If I open this crate right now, everybody will see how scared they are. How they tremble and quake at the mere sight of you.”

  “Go ahead, do it,” Brooke demands, bending to hold Merle in place.

  Guy’s smirk falls away, and he takes a step backward. “No way. I’m not–”

  Brooke’s face grows harder and she points to the ground. “Do it.”

  He looks around and see all the eyes watching us. The muscle in his jaw pops when he places the crate on the ground and reaches for the latch.

  My heart begins to pound. What if he’s right? What if they are afraid of me? I know I should’ve treated them better, petted them more, loved them harder.

  “Here goes!” Guy shakes his head. Now, a small crowd has gathered around us. I think I recognize the redhead with the tampon in her purse.

  Guy opens the crate, and the dogs start barking. I hold my breath as I wait for their judgment. Then something happens that I never, ever expected, but it causes my entire body to sing with joy. They run straight toward me and leap into my arms.

  “I missed you, little dogs!” As they lick my face and hair, I try to pet all of them at once, but we just end up in a tangled mass of fur and paws.

  As they bark louder, Guy’s gritty grunt r
ises above the fray. “That doesn’t mean anything. They’re still traumatized and confused. And you’re still an abuser. They’re still going home with me.”

  “You know what…” I look up at Guy, angry enough to punch him in his face. But I know that’s a horrible idea in front of all these people. Instead, I decide to do the exact opposite of what my instincts tell me.

  The dogs are excited and worked up. I start using Brooke’s training techniques to calm them down. They immediately stop jumping. Her eyes light up, and she says, “You were paying attention.”

  All of the sudden, Burrito takes off running past a girl eating a hot dog. This little guy puts my patience to the test. I know I can’t have the same reaction that I did with Chili, but I’m scared of Burrito getting stepped on or getting into God knows what.

  “Burrito!” I stand up.

  “I knew it was an act.” Guy stares at me. “He couldn’t wait to get away from the likes of you.”

  I still have an urge to cold-cock that bitch, but making sure Burrito is okay is more important. “Burrito! Come!” I clap my hands and whistle the way Brooke taught me.

  A few seconds later, he turns around and runs back toward me in a perfect recall. I smile wide as he trots toward me in a straight line and executes a perfect sit right at my toes. I look at him, overjoyed and my chest puffing out with pride. “You need a treat, buddy.”

  He lets out one excited bark, and I pet him and the other Chihuahuas. Everyone around us applauds except for Guy. He stares me down.

  Brooke turns to him. “What were you saying about the dogs being unhappy?”

  “I-I…” Guy hesitates, and I see an opportunity to press my case.

  “It’s obvious that they belong with Landon,” she says.

  Tampon lady glares at Guy and points her finger. “Give the guy his dogs back, or else!”

  He glares at her and then at me. “Okay, but I’ll be watching you.”

  “Whatever, I just want my dogs back.” I keep petting the Chihuahuas and all four snuggle into my lap. I take the leashes Brooke pulls from the crate and hook each of them up.

  Guy turns and walks away. Brooke smiles wide. “I’m proud of you, Landon.”

  “What can I say, I learned from the best.” I grin.